How to Quickly Read and Understand Others

Have you ever wondered how you could quickly read somebody and understand their personality style? It's one of the questions I'm asked more than any other questions. Hi, I'm Dr. Robert Roman. Today I'm going to help you see a way, a methodology, a system, how to quickly read people to understand their personality style, to understand their needs and wants to to understand how to connect with them better.

Welcome to becoming wiser with Dr. Robert A. Rohm, author and world renowned public speaker, as he shares stories involving his experiences and lessons learned in a good, spirited, positive and fun way. Here's Dr. Robert A. Rohm.

It's amazing to me that I have been teaching the model of human behavior for over 30 years and sometimes I do this in a day, sometimes I'll do this in two days or three days. I have multiple different methodologies and training programs that we've used over the years. And the thing that amuses me the most, and I almost say it with a laughter in my voice and a smile on my face, is after I have poured my heart for maybe eight hours of training or two days, 16 hours of training about how to read people, how to understand other people, how to someone will come up to me and say, hey, Dr. Ohm, could I ask you a question? And I'll say, sure, absolutely. And they'll say, do you have any special secret methodology that you use in trying to read people and understand them better? And I always smile and am very gracious. But I want to say, have you been listening to me for the last several hours while I've been talking? I am a high I type personality. I'm an inspiring type. I don't keep secrets. I tell you everything I know. So today I want to share with you my methodology that I've been using for over 30 years. I am going to be 100% transparent with you. I'm going to tell you everything I know, but I'm going to share it with you in a manner that is simple, in a way you can understand it, in a way you can use it again. Well, how do you read people? How do you understand them? I've never given them a personality profile assessment. How am I supposed to know what their personality is? How am I supposed how to know how to connect with them correctly? That's what today's podcast is about. The first question in the model of human behavior, regardless of which continent you're on, regardless of where, I've done this on six different continents. To be 100% honest, I'm not sure if this works. On the continent of Antarctica. But other than that, I've been on six different continents. In this works, I have worked with people groups, individual teams, businesses, churches, schools. And this is the methodology to learn. You can learn it. It starts with observation. Observation. Observation means you open your eyes and you look at something. I have a friend who's a pathologist. I asked him, he let me do an autopsy with him one day. You haven't lived until you do an autopsy. And I was watching him do an autopsy. It was incredible. I mean, wow. And so his name's Randy. I said, Randy. I mean he was, he's brilliant. He was taking this cadaver apart to see. It was in the state of Texas. In the state of Texas, if you die in the doctor's office, by law you're required to do an autopsy to see why the person died. He was a 31 year old white male and he had had an infarction. I said, what is that, Randy? He said, infarction means his brain exploded. And I said, well, what happened? He said, well, he was on high blood pressure medication and he decided he wanted to quit taking it. And you can't just stop taking high blood pressure medication. You can get weaned off of it if your diet and every health gets better, but you can't suddenly stop. And so he said he suddenly stopped and he was at a bad headache. He went to the doctor and he died in his office. So Randy's doing the autopsy. And it was, you know, I'm not trying to be gross in any way. It's just the human body is an incredible machine. In Randy, when he removed the man's skull, he showed me where his brain had exploded and he had an infarction and he died. And so I asked Randy, I said, wow. I said this, I bet it was hard learning how to do all this. He smiled and he said, yeah, it's pretty hard. Learn everything there is to know about the human body. And I said, what was really the hardest part of med school? And he had this little, I don't know, sheepish grin on his face, like the, the, you know, cat that ate the mouse kind of look. I said, what? He said, well, when you asked me that, I just thought about the first day of medical school. He said, the professor walked into class and he had, I thought he had a glass of orange juice in his hand. He walked in, he looked at all us, he's all of us students. He said, we were sitting there kind of nervous. We were looking around. At med school, everybody looks at Each other, knowing we all graduated at the top of our class with majors in physics or biology or chemistry. And so the professor walks in, he holds this glass of. I thought it was orange juice. He held it up, and he said, ladies and gentlemen, this is a glass of urine. And then he reached down and he stuck his fingers in the urine, and then he put them on his lips and he licked his finger. And he looked at all of. Randy said, he looked at all of us and said, if you don't do what I just did, I will fail you, and your medical career will end today. Randy said, I thought. I sat there and I thought to myself, is this legal? Can he make us do that? But he said, I wasn't about to challenge him. You know, he's a professor, and I'm in medical school. So he said, one by one, we all stuck our fingers down in the urine and we tasted it. He said, I thought to myself, I don't even know whose urine this is. He said, all I remember was it was warm and salty. See, when he finished, he came back to the front of the room, and then he held the glass of urine up, and he said, ladies and gentlemen, I want to ask y' all a question. Did any of you know. Did any of you happen to notice I stuck my third finger down in the glass of urine, but I put my index finger on my tongue.

Randy said, we all just sat there like, oh, no. That's why he said, if you don't do what I do, I'll fail you. He had not touched the urine with his index finger. He touched it with his middle finger. And then he licked his index finger, his first finger on his tongue, and said, you have to do what I do. And Randy said, every one of us had tasted the urine, and then he looked at us and he said, I didn't taste the urine. All I did was say, I want you to do what I just did, or I will fail you. And then he looked at us in med school and said, you just learned the most important lesson you will ever learn about being a good physician. Pay attention to what you're doing.

Randy said, it was the most important lesson I learned in all of medical school. Pay attention. If you don't pay attention to your patient, you may misdiagnose them. You may give them the wrong medication. You may get their blood type wrong. There's a thousand and one things that can go wrong. Be present. Pay attention. Be focused. The reason I tell you that story is, Randy said, it taught me to observe my patients Observe means I'm looking at my patient and I'm thinking about what's going on here. Okay? That's the first step in reading people. Observe them. Are they more outgoing or are they more reserved? This is where it all begins. Are they more outgoing or are they more reserved? That's the first step. That's the first stop. That's what you try to read. I think most of you can listen to me and pretty much tell I'm more outgoing. I don't have to fake this. I don't have to try to do this. I have to constantly say to myself, slow down, you're going too fast.

Ease up a little bit. You're pushing too hard. I am more of an outgoing person. That doesn't mean I'm right or wrong or good or bad. It means that's my motor.

That's the way I'm wired. Outgoing people, their motor is a little faster. Those who are reserved, their motor is a little slower.

If they get excited, mmm.

They take things easy. They are slower paced. This is your motor. If you are slower paced, you have to work it, getting a little bit faster at times. And if you're outgoing, you have to work it, slowing down the pace. So again, outgoing, faster, pace reserved, slower paced. Now listen carefully. This is where the payoff comes. If you want to connect with people, read that, observe that. And if they're more outgoing, talk a little louder and talk a little faster and you will connect with them better. If they're more reserved, talk a little softer and talk a little slower. That will resonate with them. Someone once rightly said, you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression. Well, if you watch somebody and you can tell how they are wired by their motor, are they more outgoing or are they more reserved? Mirror that and do what they're doing, and it connects and resonates with them. Again, outgoing people, talk a little louder, talk a little faster. Reserve types, talk a little softer, talk a little slower. So that's what you learn to read. You're looking for that. Have you ever noticed that when you're looking for your car keys, you find them? How does that work? Well, I was looking for them. That's called observation. That's what Randy learned in medical school. Pay attention. Open your eyes. See their pace. Number two. And there are only two of these. Isn't that great? You're going to learn two things today that you can use the rest of your life. The second one, the second idea when it comes to reading people, has to do with their priority. Is their priority to be more task oriented or more people oriented? A task oriented individual thinks in terms of things. Check it off, make a list, be efficient. What time is it? How long does it last? What time does it start? Do you have reservation numbers? Do you have a confirmation number? Did you make sure, did you go over this again to make sure it's correct? That's the task side of life and it's very important. The right side of life we call that is the people side. And this is a left side and a right side. The left side is the thinking side. That's the task side. The right side of life is the feeling side. It's the people side. It's relationships, caring and sharing, interacting, loving, being kind, being patient, smiling, saying, how are you feeling today? It's so good to see you. So you start looking for those and here's how you can look for those. We call these our priority because a people oriented person likes to talk in terms of and in attitudes towards building relationships, caring, interacting, listening, having a heart. The left side, the task side of life has more to do with details, data, information. It's more of the thinking side of life. They are very, very different. So now if you have a circle, if you have a piece of paper or even in your mind, all you have to do is put these two circles together. The first circle, you draw a, a circle and a line across the middle, horizontally across the middle. The top half's outgoing, the bottom half's reserved. But then the second part that we're on now, draw a line straight down the middle of the page. The left side is the task side and the right side is the people side. Now we have four quadrants but when we are on the left side or the right side, regardless of which side you're on, we call this our compass or what does the compass do? It points you or helps you to go in the right direction. I enjoyed listening to you say the word almost with me. Direction. You, you have everybody has a direction finder and the direction finder means this is what I'm really interested in now. Me personally, I'm really interested in making sure that people are loved and cared for and helped. But I also am interested in that people do things correctly and follow the rules and the regulations and procedures to get good results and to have a good life and to deal with things financially in a way that makes a lot of sense. I am more right sided people oriented than left sided. However, I have learned painfully left side is very, very important because the left side has to do with getting the job done. I have come up with the definition of life in this life. If you want to know how do I live life successfully, I'll tell you. Be good to people and get things done. Did you notice what I just did? I included the right side. Be good to people and the left side and get things done. We call that your priority. We call that your compass. Your compass. Be good to people and get things done. Now, in those four quadrants, we also add four letters. I'm not going to go into that in a great deal, but just to remind you, the upper left, you can put the letter D that stands for dominant. They are outgoing and task oriented. In the upper right, you can put the letter I. They're outgoing and people oriented. In the lower right, in clockwise order. In the lower right, they're reserved and people oriented. And. And in the lower left, they're reserved and task oriented. You can put the letter C there. Upper left is dominant. Upper right is inspiring. Lower right is supportive. Lower left is cautious. The four letters D, I, S and C, and that's the model. So then you ask yourself, well, what's my personality style? What's my blend? If you want to put four lines on a piece of paper and just mark 1, 2, 3, 4, and ask yourself, am I more. I'll do me and you can do you. I'm more outgoing. That would put me in the top half of the circle. I'm more people oriented. That would put me in the eye area. So by number one, I'd put the letter I. Then I asked myself, well, what do I think I am? Second, where do I. Where's my second trait that I usually use a lot? For me, it's the letter D. So I'd write the letter D by number two, then skip number three for now and go to number four and ask yourself, where do I struggle the most? Do I struggle the most with being firm and dominant? Do I struggle the most with most with being outgoing and energetic and enthusiastic? Do I struggle the most with being kind and patient and loving and gentle with people? Or for me, do I struggle the most with details, data, facts, information, making sure things are correct? So I'd put that by number four. For me, it would be the letter C. And then the only one that's left, the letter S. And so my blend would be I, D, S, C. Everybody has a unique blend. Now, we want you to understand your personality, and here's why. You'll have a better life if you understand how you are wired. Are you ready for this? You'll have a even better life if you understand how other people are wired. The reason I like the DISC model is it helps you to understand yourself, but it also helps you to understand others. There are a lot of other good methodologies out there. There are a lot of other good personality profile assessments. I'm often asked about the Myers Briggs type Indicator, the mbti and I know people who are professionally trained and they would be the first to tell you Myers Briggs is not designed by its construct to teach you to read other people. It's designed to help you to understand yourself but not read people. The reason I, and I've studied all of these, the reason I like disc, I'm simple minded and I like something I can use that's quickly understood, duplicatable and transferable. It helps me to understand how I'm wired and in just a few minutes it can help me to understand how you're wired. Now one other bonus and then we're finished for today. If you can't read anybody and you don't know how to do this, are you ready? I'm going to give you the secret to life. Ask them.

That's right, Ask them, say, do you think you're more outgoing or more reserved? They might say, oh, I don't know, I have some of both of those traits. Look at them and say, that's true, we all do. Which way do you think you lean most of the time? And let them tell you and then say, do you think you're more task oriented or people oriented? And they'll say oh, I have some of both of those two. So do I. And matter matter of fact, here's one of the methodologies that I've used. Ask somebody after dinner, you know, well, how'd you like dinner? What'd you think about it? How'd you feel about it? And listen to see what they say. If they go to a movie with them and after the movie's over say what'd you feel about it? How'd you would you think about it? And you say it very quickly giving them the feeling words from the right side and the thinking words from the left side and listen to what they say. Usually a task oriented person will start with well, you know what I thought or a people oriented person, well, you know, I felt. I've had people tell me One little tip like that has changed my whole sales technique because it helps me to understand which way the person is coming from. Right sided, feeling oriented person. Need to feel good about what they're doing. Left sided task oriented individuals need to think accurately. This methodology is simple enough to understand and practical enough to apply. Now, here's your homework assignment. Start practicing this. You say, well, I don't know how to do this. There was a time you didn't know how to ride a bicycle, roller skate or water ski. But. But you know now. You know why? Because you practiced, you fell down, you made a mistake and you learned how to do it. That's the way I've done it. That's the way I've taught it for over 30 years. We have millions of people all over the world who have learned how to use this to have a better marriage, a better life, better family relations, better business. All because they start with two simple methodologies. Outgoing Reserve task and people. Practice it. Try it and you'll see the difference it makes in your everyday life. I'm Dr. Robert Rome. I've enjoyed our time together. I hope this has been helpful and I look forward try next time together. Thank you so much.

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