The Pacman Theory (Trauma)

When I got this, when I finally understood where my thinking patterns came and my belief patterns came, it revolutionized my understanding of why I do what I do. Why do I, why do I, why do I act the way I act? Because of what I believe. And I call this The Pac-Man theory. And if you remember the Pac-Man, if you remember the Pac-Man game, right? Anybody over 30 should know what the Pac-Man game is. I actually like Mrs. Pac-Man, was my favorite. Um, but if you remember the Pac-Man game, the Pac-Man games, the Pac-Man, his job was to eat the dots, right? So that was his job. His job was to— That's a good-looking Pac-Man, actually. So in this game, his, his job was to eat the, eat the dots. Now, if you remember the game, there was, there was a Pac-Man and then there was a ghost. I think that's the way they look. I'm not sure if they had noses or not. Um, but then there was the, the ghosts. The ghosts would go and try to get the Pac-Man and on all that stuff, right? Well, in this, in this particular game, the ghosts in this particular game are what I call the abuser. Or abusers, actually. They are the abusers. Now, abuse is one of those things that I— one of those things. So there is verbal abuse, there is emotional abuse, there is sexual Abuse. There is physical abuse. There is peer abuse, friendships. There is work abuse. There is financial abuse. There is multiple, multiple, multiple different abusers, right? And so these life experiences, these abusers in our life, what they do or what they have done, they drop these dots. They drop the vertical— I mean, the verbal abuse. They drop the emotional abuse. In some instances, they drop the sexual abuse. They drop the physical abuse. They drop the peer abuse. They drop the financial abuse. They drop the— what is it— work abuse. So they drop these dots, right? They drop these little dots in our life. These are life experiences. They drop these life experiences in our life. These abusers drop these life experiences in our life. And when they do that, what's the Pac-Man's job? The Pac-Man's job is to eat these dots, and what this creates in our life is this creates belief. Now, what's interesting is these abusers in our life drop these life experiences in our life, and the dots. our life. And what we do is we eat up these thoughts, right? We eat them up. And what they do over time is they've created our beliefs. They create these things in our life. They created these beliefs in our life. Now, interesting enough, most of this, most of our beliefs are— they're formulated and they're solidified between ages of 6 And 13. So a lot of times these experiences in our life— now granted, does that mean that it doesn't happen, these life experiences and these abusers, doesn't happen prior to being 6 or after being 13? No, they definitely do, right? However, most of our belief systems, most of the things that we believe, come from These formable years in our life, and what happened to me between these formable years is I was told you're fat. Life experience: I wasn't. I was kind of a heavy kid, and so I was. I wasn't. I wasn't obese. I was just heavy. I was a big kid. I was heavy, but I was called fat. I was called stupid. Interesting enough, a little tidbit about me, I actually graduated from special education. So they put me in special education in the 7th grade, and I, I all through middle school or junior high school, all the way through high school, I stay— I was in special ed. So I graduated from special ed. I rode the small bus. And because of that, my peers, my family, my, my, my teachers, students— I was, I was stupid, right? I was, I was, I was known as a stupid kid because I, because I had problems reading and I had problems with math and I had problems with all of my subjects. And so a lot of times, so when I, when, when— Because I had issues with that, they put me in special ed. And because I was acting out, what they didn't know Right? Back in those days, special ed was like for the kids that were bad. And what my school— my— what my teachers didn't know is they didn't know what was going on at home. They didn't understand this was going on at home, right? So they just threw me in special ed. Okay, whatever, throw me in special ed. I was known as the stupid one. Um, I was known— my mother got remarried to a man, um, who was kind of a— this was— I grew up in New York in the '80s. He was kind of a manly man. He was like a manly man. Um, and He would call me an old-school derogatory term, would call me faggot. I was a mama's boy. I was not a fighter. I was more of a lover. And I was a mama's boy and loved my mom and still love my mom. And still, I'm a mama's boy. But he looked at me and he was— I was a faggot, right? And back in those days, that was not a nice term. No. at all. Still not a nice term, but that was a life experience in me, right? I'm stupid, I'm fat, I'm, I'm feminine, right? I'm, I'm a mama's boy. Um, or why, why can't you be like your brother? Because he's smart, he's, he's, he's, he's a sports guy. He— you'd be like him. You need to be like him. Or am I my real dad? Um, you're just like your mother. Interesting enough, in his eyes, she's a slut. So I'm just like my mom. I'm a piece of— like my mother. And so again, these life experiences through these abusers in our life, right, were dropped. And what they've done is they've created belief systems in us long after, long after they were put there, right? Between 6 and 13. I'm almost 50 years old. I'm, I'm, I'll be 50 in December, and I'm dealing with stuff that happened 40 years ago. How, how do I deal with stuff 40 years ago? Our emotions don't have ages, like I've talked about. And these formable years created these belief systems. Interesting enough, when someone comes to me and says, I've been like this my whole My whole life I've been like this. What they tell me, what that tells me, is when they've been this way their whole life, it's between 13— it's between 6 and 13. It's between those formative years. And so this gives you a better understanding of your belief systems cause you to behave a certain way, right? And that's why you constantly get yourself into these types of situations with toxic relationships or friendships or, or whatever you get yourself into, because you have a belief system Listen, you behave a certain way, you believe a certain way. You behave a certain way, you believe a certain way. You believe a certain way, you behave a certain way. I think I said that right. And what you do to get yourself out from under this is you clear up, you clear up one little life experience, one little belief. You change that one little belief. And then when you change that one little belief, it becomes, it becomes like a domino effect. And it, it starts to erase all of these negative beliefs. And as you start to really do the work, you start to not only get rid of these negative beliefs, you start to actually change what you believe. Right, you start to, you start to change your belief system. And as you start to change your belief systems, these things don't bother you as much. Now, does that mean that you, that you've, that you forget them? No. Does that mean it justifies what was done to you? No. Does it mean that, that you have to be involved in these people's lives that has caused this trauma? No, but what it does do is it releases you to create new life experiences, better life experiences, healing life experiences, loving life experiences, accepting life experiences. Friendships that are deep, friendships that are really, really deep, relationships that are deep. No longer do you have to live with this because you've changed your belief, and now you create new life experiences. And you do that by clearing up little, little beliefs, because just because you were told you're not enough doesn't mean you're not enough. Just because you feel not enough doesn't mean you are not enough. And so you start to change those belief systems, and when you start to change those belief systems, your life experiences will change. Why? Because the people in your life will change. Very, very critical you get this, you get this concept. Very— it's so critical that you get this Pac-Man theory because really it I always tell people we have a feeling problem associated to a belief problem. And when you— and when you sit with those feelings, you start to change those beliefs.