Are Your Stories Serving You? Or Is It Time To Write New Ones?

You need to unpick the stories, figure out what serves you without judgment, and let the rest go. You're listening to the Circle C Project. Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life lit. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big law dropper, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodie melodies, hip hop and big hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey. Hey. Welcome to episode 78 of the Triple C Project and the last episode before I go off on my two week holiday, which I'm very excited about. I had toyed with the idea of pre recording episodes to release while I'm away for the next two weeks, but I decided that I didn't want to do that. It just didn't feel what I like, what I wanted to do. And there's nothing wrong. I mean, batching episodes, as I've talked about before, makes a whole lot of sense and yeah, particularly the way that I work, it would save me a lot of time, but I don't know, there's just something about the way that my brain works and when it comes up to the things that I want to share that I don't really know what I want to share until it's time for the episode to be recorded and come out. And I just feel that that's just the way that I work right now. And it, it works for me, mostly, mostly works for me, but I like it that way. So I'm gonna be away for two weeks, so there'll be no episodes for the next two weeks. Sure. I'm sure you, you won't forget about me, right. I'll be back in full force when I come back from a well deserved break with the fam. And also I think it's, I think often there are a lot of people in this space, a lot of coaches, a lot of people out there who, who are doing good work, who sort of are very good at talking about self care and looking after your well being and that kind of thing, but aren't that good at doing it themselves because they are always on the go, always on the hamster wheel. And I feel that it's kind of important to to walk the talk, really, to kind of model what you're talking about. So, for example, I have kind of sort of stepped down a little bit from my social media activity of the last sort of couple of weeks into. As I sort of ease into this coming break. And taking a break from the podcast is another way of doing that as well. So hopefully that allows you to give yourself some permission to take a break from whatever it is that you're doing and that you feel you literally can't stop doing and you can't get off the hamster wheel of. And my holiday is coming at a time when hopefully it looks like the weather is coming back. We had a beautiful day of sunshine yesterday. I was actually down in London catching up with some friends and it was a glorious day. London in the sun, when you can just roam around without a particular place to go, just catching up with friends. It's a. It's a beautiful place to be. So that was fantastic. And I'm sharing with that with you, not just to talk about my great day in London, but because it has a connection to what I'm going to talk about today. And the question I'd like to ask you is, what are the stories that you're telling yourself about yourself and are those stories serving you or are they holding you back? So I met up with two friends yesterday. And one, the friend I had dinner with, is again an old friend of mine. We trained together at the firm I was at. He'd moved on, but we'd always been in touch. When he was in Dubai, I'd been to see him. He's now a partner at a different firm, not Big Law, but a different firm. And it's really good to sort of catch up, as it always is. And as we were talking about various things and he was interested in kind of what I'm doing now a bit more and that kind of thing. And I was talking, I think I was talking about wanting to do more speaking, more public speaking and. But what I, what I had said was that, yeah, but I'm very much more sort of freewheeling. Like I'm not strategic. Like strategy isn't really my thing. And that's a story that I've been telling myself as I've been on this personal development quest. In fact, probably even when I was back in Big Law, like, Strategies isn't me. And I think as. As I've left Big Law and as I've gone down this path and as I've kind of re found the creative flow inside of Me that's kind of taken over and that's become more my identity that this creator, this person with these big ideas who wants to just go ahead and execute and isn't really that interested in the details or is in kind of putting together a strategic plan. But what he said kind of made me think, oh, I see what I'm doing here. I've been telling myself this story. And he said to me, he said, but when you talk there is always a logic to what you're saying. You can always see that there is some thought process. You're not literally just vomiting up a word salad. And I thought about it like, actually you're right. I've been telling myself that I'm not strategic, that I don't do this sort of logical way of putting ideas together, that I'm very much this kind of like sort of airy fairy creative if you want, for want of a better term. But actually there is some strategy within my creativity. I'd just been telling myself this story and that's then that story had kind of been this self fulfilling prophecy. And it showed me that even with all the work that I've done and all that, I know I can still fall into that trap of telling myself stories that aren't necessarily serving me. Because it doesn't mean, I mean if it's true, if I just wasn't strategic at all and it was a, it was true, there's nothing wrong with telling yourself that story. It shows, in fact, and then it shows self awareness and it shows that you know where your strengths lie and where they don't. But I've been telling myself this particular story for so long that I had believed that I didn't really have any strategic impetus, any sort of strategic ideas, when in fact, as he pointed out just in those few words that he said, I do. And so this then got me back to talking about, thinking about other ways, other clients that I've worked with or friends that I've spoken to, or just things that I've done where I've been telling myself stories or people have been telling themselves stories that aren't actually serving them and that actually holding them back. Another story that came to mind was I remember when I had left music and I'd gone to start my law degree, my law undergrad, and I think, I think I was in my first year at the time and I was probably my late twenties then. So I figured out when I got my degree I'd be in my early 30s. And I was like, am I going to be too old for law firms or I'm actually going to get a job in a firm. And this, it sounds crazy now, but this was a real concern of mine in my mind. I mean, I was doing this degree, I wanted to do this degree, but I also obviously wanted to get a job at the end of it. And when I. When firms had the pick of all the graduates who'd gone straight through and coming through in their early 20s, were they going to want to hire somebody who dropped out of uni, already had worked in the music business, but. But not being, quote, unquote, terribly successful and was sort of almost 10 years older than the. Than the average graduate? Yeah, very, very silly. Looking back and I remember saying this to a tutor that I had on the course at the time, and she kind of at me, she's just like, no, not at all. She didn't quite laugh in my face. I think she was too polite for that. But she kind of made the point that, no, not at all. Like, he has nothing to do with it. You're nowhere near any. Any sense of being too old. But I had been kind of telling myself this story for a period of time that that was the case. And so I then believed it to be true. And as I've said before, there was actually no evidence to support that story. So I'm going to read an extract from the Triple C method because I felt that as I was thinking about this, this kind of really speaks to this point about we have these stories that we have been telling ourselves for so long without really questioning whether they are true and whether those stories serve us. And if you're doing that, then here's kind of what you need to do. As I say in the book, and this comes from chapter three, entitled Don't Think About It, Be About It. And it's. If you've got the paperback, it's on page 51. I'm just going to read this short extract. You need to unpick the stories, figure out what serves you without judgment, and let the rest go. It's akin to shedding layers of yourself that have been built up to protect you until you get to the absolute essence of who you are without the armor you've been carrying around to keep you safe and comfortable. And I chose that section because I think this is what we need to do. As you find yourself telling yourself these stories, as these stories are playing around in your brain that you can't do this or you can't do that, or you're too cold for this, or you're not good enough at that, or you're rubbish at this. It's getting curious and starting to unpick those stories. Where is the truth in those stories? Where are those stories coming from? Are they stories that you've created yourself? Unlikely. Are they stories that have come from your parents, from your friends, from your teachers, from your colleagues? Where have those stories come from? And how long have you been telling yourself those stories? And is there any truth in them? And do they serve you? Because if the story is true, then fine, acknowledge that it's true. Let it go. It's not serving you to keep telling yourself negative stories about yourself. And if the story isn't true, then tell yourself that, declare that, and get to the essence of what the truth actually is so that the story that you then tell that, the narrative that you reframe, can then begin to serve you in what it is that you want to do, in where it is that you want to go. And it is this. This. I'm picking. It is basically like shedding layers, as I talked about a couple of weeks ago and I talked about in a substack article that I posted. You have to shed the layers. You have to kind of keep going down to kind of get to the essence of what's really going on. What's the truth? What's the heart of the story? And what do you want your story to be? Because if the whole of the story is a story that you don't really like, then you can change it. You are the author of your own story. You can rewrite that narrative. You can rewrite that story. There is a. There's an exercise I used to get my coaching clients to do. I haven't done that for a while, but in the very early days of my coaching, it was an exercise that I used to. And parents quite liked it. And I can't remember where I came across it. I didn't invent this, but it was something which I thought, that's really good. And I kind of adapted it and made it my own. And so if you've ever been to an airport or even just to a bookstore where you have the big magazine stands and you know that magazine, they always have different headlines, sometimes different pictures on the COVID that to kind of like, entice you in, to kind of open up and look inside or go ahead and buy it. And so what I would say to my clients is, imagine you're walking through an airport, rushing to catch your flight, and you stop off at that newsagent to pick up something to read on the plane. And you see that wall of magazines, and on that wall of magazines, there's a magazine about you. What would be on the COVID of that magazine? So what five things would be on that magazine that would really represent who you are or really how you want people to see you, who it is that you want to be? And so there are different answers. Sometimes people wanted to be. Were quite sporty, and they wanted to be seen on there doing a particular sport or exercise that they liked. They wanted to be seen on there as a. As a parent and doing something with it with their child. They maybe had another hobby or a skill that they wanted to be represented there. But it's also about, how did you want to look? Were they going to be smiling? Were they going to be happy? Were they going to be, you know, yeah, what. What were you going to look like? And what I liked about the exercise is it started to help clients see themselves how they wanted to be seen. Because we are very much who we are. We kind of get up and we just go about doing the things that we've always done in the way that we've always done them. And it's rare that we take that time to kind of step back and think about, but actually, who do I really want to be? Or how do I want to show up for others? How do I want others to see me? And so this exercise was like this thought process in that. And when you look at the COVID and you think about how you want to be seen, one of the stories, what are the narratives that go along with the images that you pick, with the pictures that you choose, and that's the story. They're the stories that you want to be telling yourself, because they're the stories that are empowering. They're the stories that represent who you are, who you want to be, what. How you want to be seen. So those are the stories that are going to serve you, not the story that's saying, you can't do this thing. You're not going to get yourself on the COVID of that magazine looking downtrodden, looking miserable, looking unhappy, because that's probably not how you want to be, how you want to come across. We all feel like that sometimes. And this is. So this isn't dismissing that, but the idea is that this is the ideal view of you, of how you want to be, how you wanted to be seen, what's important to you, what makes up you in your life, in your story. So I invite you to try that episode that exercise, if you've never done that before, just take some time, sit in meditation position if you like, sit on the chair, sit somewhere in silence and eyes closed or eyes open. Just if your eyes are open, just kind of fix them and just, just let your mind wander and just get to a visualization of you walking through an airport, going on an amazing holiday, or maybe you're going on a really exciting business trip. So it's somewhere where you're excited to go and you're all set, ready to go and just stopping off to pick up something to read on the flight. And you see a magazine that represents you, what's on the COVID and what's the story. What are the stories inside that represent what's on the COVID and are they serving you? So I hope this episode has been helpful. I hope it's got you thinking about things that you say to yourself, the conversation that you have with yourself and where they work, where they're not working, and how you can rewrite them. In fact, I hope it could just even gives you, even if you walk away from this just believing that you can rewrite them. Because often we feel that the story is what the story is. The story is where we're from, the background that we had, the school we went to, the parents that we had, and that all influences who we are and where we got to now. But we can rewrite that if we choose to, if we want to, if we want things to be different, we just need to take the time to do it. And that's what I'm hoping that this episode does for you. So go ahead and have a go at the episode and think about what comes up for you on the COVID and I'd love to hear what comes up in your mind, what it is that you want to see yourself represented as on that magazine cover. Send me an email hey@iamrianspence.com or find me on LinkedIn or over on Instagram at I am underscore Ryan Spence and tell me, tell me what's on there and tell me why and tell me how it made you feel when that came up. Did it make you feel excited? Did it make you feel powerful? Did it make you feel motivated? Because these the things are going to help you push forward towards that life that's led. So I'd love to hear from you. It really makes the whole, this whole process a conversation. I love conversation, community, connection. So, yeah, hit me up. Tell me what's on the COVID Tell me what the story you were telling yourself is and tell me what story you're going to tell yourself now and how that's going to serve you in moving forward from where you are to where it is that you want to be. Thanks for being here. I will see you again in about two weeks time. Back from my holiday with some more tales to tell, no doubt. Until then, go ahead, do the exercise. If you haven't already, check out the book the Triple C Method. You can now get that direct from my website iamryspence.com book, audiobook, ebook and if you're in the UK you can also get a signed paperback too. If you're not in the UK and you would like a signed paperback, just drop me a message and we'll work something out on the shipping front. Okay, I'm out of here. It's getting late. Thank you for being here. Always a pleasure and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about your own stories and what's coming up for you from this episode. Share it with a friend. Until next time. Until I'm back from my lovely break. Stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life. Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C project. In the spirit of the Triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show. Head to ratethispodcast.com Triple C or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how this show can help them. Second thing you can do? Share. Share this episode. Share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here show. And number three, head to iamrinespence.com get on the mailing list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to. My new book. Start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here. And until next week, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life lit.