Do you want it more than you fear the pain?

We can build up how difficult something is going to be, how much pain something is going to cause us in our mind. But until we've actually been through the experience, we don't know if any of that is actually true. You're listening to the Circle C Project. Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life list. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, Big lord dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. What's up, people? Welcome to episode 51 of the Triple C Project. I got a new tattoo last week, a couple of weeks ago. Depends on when you're listening to this really, doesn't it? But anyway, got a new tattoo. Actually, I got two these. Mark tattoo number six and number seven. If you follow me on Instagram or on LinkedIn, you'll have seen them. So I'm not going to describe them here because describing tattoos is boring. You just got to see them to get the. The full effect. And what's interesting about that is that I first wanted to get a tattoo when I was 18, many, many years ago. I actually wanted to get a tattoo of a black panther on my left bicep. Yeah, it was kind of like that sort of R and B, male singer, singer phase that I was going through, and I kind of wanted to emulate the people I was following, but I didn't get one because I have an irrational fear of needles. I was the person who, at school, when it came to vaccinations, would work myself up into such a frenzy about how much this. This vaccination was going to hurt, the needle was going to hurt, that I, in some cases, almost pass out. And, you know, the. The pain of the needle was probably not as. Not as intense, not as disruptive as my anticipation of what that pain would be. And so that meant that I didn't get a tattoo at the time. And I was thinking of it, and as the years went by, I kind of just lost the desire to get one. Lots of people I thought I saw were getting them. You go to a beach, particularly when I was living in Asia, and you go to beaches and all These people have all these different tattoos, some good ones, some not so good ones. And I'd be like, actually not having any tattoos is the real flex. So, yeah, I'm cool. I'm good. And that's kind of how it stayed. But when I left big law in 2020 and I was going through this whole sort of transformation, transition, the desire to get a tattoo came back because I wanted to mark the fact that things were changing, that I was entering a whole new phase of my life. And a tattoo seemed a really good way to mark that. But I still had this fear of needles that had never really gone away. Even when I was having, like, health checks and stuff in Singapore, and you go for the blood test, I would, like, stick my headphones in and look away and really brace myself, because, yeah, I just had this. This. This fear, you know? And I say it's an irrational fear because at the end of the day, the reality doesn't really hurt that much, but in my mind, it does. And your mind will do that. Your mind will tell you that things are going to be a certain way to the point that you really, really believe them, even if they're not true, even if there's no evidence to support the fact that it's true. But anyway, this desire to have a tattoo was. Was still there. My wife had recently got a couple and had found a really good artist in Singapore, so I decided that's where I wanted to go. So I booked in, I told her what I wanted. I wanted a lotus. I wanted the lotus to represent rebirth. And the thing was, if I was going to get a tattoo, I wanted my tattoos to have meaning to me. Not everybody wants that when that's fine. Some people just want to have great art, and I respect that. And there were some great designs, but for me, this was such a big step, and I was getting it for a specific reason, so I wanted the tattoo to have meaning. So I did all the research, and lotus seemed the most appropriate. Also tying in with. With my yoga background as well. Lotus represents rebirth. You know, I mean, growing up, back, sort of dying and growing back through the mud. So it seemed really good, really good way to mark the season of my life that I was in. So I remember. I remember turning up to the tattoo studio and standing sort of at the front reception, and to the side, there was a big screen. So obviously you can't see people being tattooed if you've ever been to a tattoo studio, you know what I mean? And the first thing that I heard as I walked in Was just this guy, like, screaming in agony. He was having a tattoo, which, when I already had this phobia of needles, yeah, it was not great. Did not put me. Put me at ease at all. And when I walked back, I could see he was having, like, this big tattoo on his leg and quite a painful part of his leg as well. So he spent his whole session kind of like, suffering through and sort of screaming in pain. Anyway, I sat down to have mine, and the usual sort of fears of needles kind of were coming back, and I was kind of thinking, is this a good idea? But I'd already committed, I'd already paid. I was already sat in the chair. The tattoo artist was kind of having this nice conversation with me to kind of put me at ease. And she knew it was my first time as well. And then it came down to start, and so turn the needle on, and you can kind of hear the buzzing, and it's coming closer and closer to my arm, and I'm just, like, bracing myself. And she starts. She starts doing the design. And initially it was a bit of a recoil on my surprise, like. But then actually, as she started going on, it was really strange because it wasn't the intense pain that I was expecting that I had been anticipating. It was. It was just a really weird feeling. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily say that there wasn't any pain at all, but it was just one of those really, really, just. I don't really know how to describe it, but if you've had a tattoo, you know what I mean, the needle's going across your skin, and it's kind of like almost meditative, almost soothing in a sense, the way that it goes. And I finished, and I was like, oh, my God, I want another one. And I'd heard this before. People have tattoos, and they say that once you have one, it becomes addictive. I never kind of understood that, but literally, I left the chair knowing that I was going to have another tattoo. And sure enough, two weeks later, I did. I added to the one I already had. I added a sun and the moon to represent the light and the darkness in all of us. And that started my journey. And so from having that irrational fear of needles and dismissing the fact that we'll ever get a tattoo, I then left Singapore with two. And since leaving Singapore, moving back to the uk, I've added to that. So now I'm at number seven. And I have no doubt that they. There will be more. And each. Every one of the seven, I stuck true to what I. What I said at the start, every one of those tattoos has a meaning to me, and I can explain those meanings to people, and any subsequent ones that I have again will also have. Have a meaning as well. And so you might be thinking, yeah, that's a really nice story about tattoos, but why are you talking about this on the Triple C project? Why are you talking about this on a podcast about sort of helping people move forward, helping you to live life, Live? And I'm telling you this because I think it shows an interesting, interesting idea. A couple of them, really. We can build up how difficult something is going to be, how much pain something is going to cause us in our mind. But until we've actually been through the experience, we don't know if any of that is actually true. We don't know if it's going to be something that's really going to hurt us to the point where we can't go on, where we can't move forward. But we keep telling ourselves this story, this narrative, through things that we've heard, through conditioning that we've had, and we can allow that to say, I'm not doing that. So, like me saying, I'm not going to have a tattoo, because in my head, it was just going to be too painful to bear, but I turned out not to be true. You know, I got seven of them now, but at the time, I had built it up to this point that it was just something which I could never do, and actually it was. And the second point I want to make is the fact that the reason why it was something that I could do was because my desire to have a tattoo at that moment, to represent this transition, to represent this new season, was far stronger than the idea of the pain I would have to endure to receive that tattoo. And so even if you're sat there thinking you want to do something, and in your mind, you're telling yourself these stories about how challenging, how painful, how difficult it's going to be. Where you need to get to, to move forward is to ask yourself, is my desire to get to that place, to have that thing greater than what I imagine the pain, the challenge, the obstacle to be? Because if it is, then go and do it anyway. Because the pain is temporary. You know, it's not. The pain is not going to last forever. And once you've got through the pain one time, you can get through it again because you know that you're capable, you're resourceful, you're powerful enough to figure a way out. Same with me. This tattoo, once I'd had one. I knew that actually this isn't as bad as I had imagined it to be. And my desire to continue adding tattoos to represent different phases of my life, ideas, concept, things that I truly believe in, I want to be reminded about. And also that I think that I think look good. It's far stronger than this so called pain that I was building up to be this huge, grand thing that I couldn't overcome. So that's why I'm now here with seven tattoos. And I know that there'll be more before the end of 2023. So I wanted to leave you with those two concepts. If you're holding yourself back because you're building up the pain and the challenge and the obstacles in your mind, take a step back and take a breath and ask yourself, is what I want is where I want to be greater than what I imagine this pain to be? If it's not, maybe the goal isn't really a goal that you want to go for. Maybe it's a nice to have. Maybe it's not something you're feeling deep down within your core. But if it is, if it is something where you're like thinking about this goal, having that thing get into that place just really, really takes over my body, really lights me up, really excites me, then cool, get over yourself and get moving. You know, because you don't know how, how difficult that obstacle is going to be, that challenge is going to be. You don't know how, you don't know how painful what you built up in your mind is going to be. So just go for it, go for it. Because on the other side of that pain, of that challenge, of that obstacle is what you want. And the second point again that I made is ask yourself, is this desire stronger than that pain? And if it is, then what are you waiting for? Because the pain is, the pain is unlikely to be at the level that you think it is. You just don't know because you haven't been there before. And that's the whole fucking point. You haven't been there before. There will be obstacles, there will be challenges, and there will be some pain. But you can overcome all of that if you want it badly enough. Because you're a powerful, resourceful human. You know, you look how far you've got come look how far you've come to get from where you were to where you are now. You only do that if you're resourceful. You only do that if you know how to figure things out. You only do that if you're powerful, you're empowered to do these hard things. So don't stop here. If here isn't where you want to be, keep going, get after where it is that you want. Ignore the stories in your mind because they are not the truth. Because they're not the truth until you actually experience the thing and you know and you have something to correlate, to, relate to. So that's it for me this week. Go ahead, check out Instagram, LinkedIn if you want to see. See what the tattoos look like. I'm really fucking pleased with them. And let me know, what is it that you're holding yourself back from? I mean, or what. What pain is it that you're thinking is waiting for you if you try to move forward and get after what you want? I'd love to hear and I'd love to kind of see if we can kick around some ways to help you move through that. One more thing before I go. What is helpful for you? I'd love to hear from you, what you'd like to hear on the show. What. What are you going through? What obstacles are you coming up against? What things are you sort of kicking around in your head? What is it that you're trying to achieve in 2023 that you could use some support with? Send me an email hey am ryan spence.com or hit me up on LinkedIn or Instagram in the DMS and let me know and I can knock up a show about that. I want to make this as helpful for you as possible because I want to help you get from living that life of lethargy towards living life lit. Thanks for tuning in. But before you go, the weight of limiting beliefs is heavy. It literally weighs you down and keeps you stuck in that life of lethargy. I know. It's why I stayed in Big Law for so long, and it's why so many of my clients don't believe they can do the things that they want to do. But what causes those limiting beliefs? It's a lack of confidence. Lack of confidence in the belief that you can do the things that you want to do. And I got something for that. It's my confidence journal. It's six journal prompts that I created that I've used to help me get from where I am to where I want to be. To help to give me the belief to do the things that seem outside of my control, outside of what I can do. If this sounds like you, you need to get your hands on the journal. Best thing about it, it's free. All you have to do is head to iamryanspence.com hit the button confidence Journal and get your copy today. It's gonna help you start to reframe your thoughts and get you thinking about what you can do instead of focusing on what you can't do and shed that load of limiting beliefs that you don't need to be carrying. See you again next week. And until that time, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit.