Episode 12 - Get Inspired with Ryan Spence

Foreign hello everyone. You're listening to the Clarita Scalantes show. This is Clarita, your host and I am a certified transformational nutrition health coach. In today's episode, I have the pleasure to introduce to you Ryan Spencer. Ryan is a certified high performance coach and a yoga instructor. His purpose is to help you gain clarity, confidence and courage so you can live the life that you want. Welcome Ryan. It's a pleasure to have you here.

Thank you. Welcome. Thank you for inviting me. It's great to be here.

Yeah, I got the pleasure to be in one of, one of the programs that I decided to use as a self growth this year and that was with Jam and that was mainly utilizing our voice, giving you know, power to our voice. And when we were at that class, every time I listened to you, it was just so inspiring, so motivational your story. And I said I have to bring Ryan to my podcast.

Thank you. That's so kind of you to say so.

Thank you. So Ryan, let's start with, for those that don't know you and want to know a little bit about you, let's start with an introduction and then let's move into your journey on how you went from being a lawyer to now being a certified high performance coach.

Sure, no problem. So yeah, as you said, my name is Ryan Spence. I'm a life coach, high performance coach and yoga teacher. I'm from the uk as you can probably tell from the accent. And I help lawyers and corporate professionals figure out and gain control clarity as to what they want, the confidence to believe that they can get it and the courage to get after it. For me, I think it's a, it's a three step process to start to live the life that you want. And I think it starts with clarity. But each of those three Cs are important to journey with certain offshoots of them. And yeah, as you said, I used to be a lawyer, a what they call big law lawyer, which just basically means I worked in one of the big international firms starting off in London. And yeah, I, I went into it, it wasn't a passion but I think I'd spent some years working in the music business and just got tired of being broke. And I saw that lawyers and accountants always got paid first and I was like, yeah, I'm no good with numbers but I can do law. So yeah, I went into it for, for that reason really and all I'd go back to music and ended up in the world of finance. And it's getting gave me some amazing opportunities Suddenly I went from being perennially broke to actually having money, being able to get to go on holiday, all those sorts of things, and being able to live overseas. So I moved to Singapore and lived there for seven years. And I think it was while I was in Singapore that this little voice inside me started to sort of say, but is this really what you want? And like many people, I ignored it. Yes. One, I was on a pretty good trajectory. I was doing well. Clients like me, promotional prospects were looking good, but this voice just wouldn't go away. And it got louder when my first son was born and I still sort of kept trying to ignore it. My second son was born. I then had to work during my paternity leave. You know, I mean, all these frustrations were happening, but I kind of was like, what else am I going to do? And I think the final trigger point for me was Christmas of December 2018. And it was a, it was a build up over this time. And we were going to Bali for Christmas, family and I had some friends there, we had an amazing villa booked and I stepped out of the cab on the way to the airport and I got an email from a client to say that a deal that had been quiet was now going to kick off again and it had to be done by Christmas. So suddenly it was this amazing relaxing holiday, was going to be a holiday where I was spending time in the spare room with the villa, on calls, reviewing documents and when I wasn't doing that, just kind of thinking about the deal in my head. So the recuperation side of the vacation, what you go on vacation for, it just wasn't that. And I remember sitting on the plane on the way back to Singapore and saying to myself, this has to change, I can't do this anymore. And that was really, I guess the kickstart of the journey that I'm on now. I kind of like a lot of people knew a little bit about personal development and read a book here, or maybe half read a book here and sort of watched a YouTube video there, but never kind of really committed to anything. But I just knew that I had to figure out what I was going to do with my life because I knew that this wasn't it. And the life that I saw for myself, even with the promotions and where I could end up, it wasn't the life that I wanted. So that's, I guess what took me to the point of knowing I had to make a shift. And then it was a whole process of self discovery. Yoga was a big part of that. Getting on the mat and looking inwards. And then I hired a coach. And that was what really accelerated my vision, my mission to know that I wanted to help people like me who were stuck in those situations get out of them and accept and realize that they had a choice. So that's a quick sort of run through as to where I got to where I am now.

Thank you so much for, for sharing that with us. And I want to bring guests to my podcast that people really resonate and say, well, if they can do it, I can do it as well. And obviously my podcast, it's in reference to wellness, nutrition and health. But I think we sometimes spend so much time thinking about or talking about nutrition and we don't talk about the behind the scenes. Like for example, when I, when I was diagnosed with cancer after a year of sitting has a victim mode, I just decided to do something about it. I was just so tired of being in that stage of feeling that I just had no future moving forward. And I decided to do something about it. And it started with nutrition. I said, I'm just going to go to school, I'm going to learn this and never hear this word cancer again. And little did I know that it was just the beginning, that nutrition was just the step number one towards my journey. Because I think a lot of us want to make all these changes and have all these goals, but we don't structure our life or make the space for that change to happen. And that's when I realized, well, I don't have any habits, I don't have any boundaries. And all my limited beliefs come creeping on me. And it's good to have motivation and inspiration. And I think you have to have that at the beginning in order to kick start that journey, whatever journey it is, losing weight or creating a exercise, a routine or anything like that. But I think it's so important to have motivation and inspiration. But without action, there really there's no change.

I think that's so true. I talk about the loop, I haven't actually given it a name. I probably should do, but there's a, there's a three step loop that I have definitely fallen into and I see other people do the same. We're fortunate that we're in a time where information is freely available and you can find information about anything anywhere. You know, I've spent many hours down YouTube rabbit holes. As I said, there's many half read books, there's the sea of Google searches, but you can mess information, whatever it is that you want. So a Lot of people do that. And then a lot of people are inspired by what they find. So whether it's, it's somebody's story, someone's journey or particular event, they get really excited and inspired by it. What a lot of people don't do is take the next step, which is action. And inspiration without action is pointless because all it does is get you really excited and then you get deflated because a year later you're still in the same place. So action is one of the big things for me, one of the big values that I have. And I realized that even with staying in law longer than I probably wanted to, and even with sort of only recently going on this personal growth journey, actually something that's always been there, I've always been someone where once I decide to do something, I'm all in, I'm committed, and I just kind of push forward. And I think what's happened for me over the sort of the last sort of year, year and a half is that now I'm very much take action and figure it out as you go along. As a lawyer, it's. It's all about preparation. It's all about perfection. It's all about knowing exactly what you're going to do and how you're going to do it. But life isn't like that. And if you want to do something, you can spend all the time you want reading about it, you can watch all the motivational talks about it, but you have to do it. And you have to be prepared to make mistakes, to learn from them and to keep going. Because if you do that, you're going to look back on yourself in a year's time or two years time or however, and be like, wow, look how far I've come. Or if you don't, you're going to be in the same position, still complaining about where you are, not wanting to be there. But nothing would have changed.

Oh my God. What you just stated is just so important for people to listen and really just think about it and really dissect because action has been a very challenged thing for me when I was going through my journey. And even now my limited beliefs creep on me and I'm like, oh my God, I'm. You know, all this limited beliefs that we have, and then we acquire limited beliefs from others as well, you know, in, in a way, and it's just practice. What I notice is that it never goes away. And that's a good thing because that's what's called life. If you're not growing you're just not doing anything. In everything that I have done, I have done it so scared, with so much fear. And I, I don't know if you have read the book from James Clear, Atomic Habits. Oh my God, that was such an. It was the beginning of what it actually made me realize that to stop and take a breeze and really look at my life and just take one action. I wanted to change my nutrition, I wanted to change my exercise, I wanted to journal. I wanted to do all these things. And it was so overwhelmed. Like you mentioned, there's so much information, in a way so good and in another way is just so, so overwhelmed. And when I read that book, I resonated so much because I said, you know what? I'm trying to do everything when I have never done anything before in this area. So one of the things that stuck with me was doing 1% better every single day. And then when you look at the end of the year, you look at all these improvements and also if we don't, if we don't start practicing and we don't stop doing, then we're never going to get there to that point that we want to. That goal.

Oh, exactly. I think you're right. And there's a couple of things you said there. I think taking the first point about limiting beliefs, we all have them. And the thing that I, if anyone out there is sort of beating themselves up about having these limiting beliefs is just to say to them, it's not your fault. I mean, we are a product of the society that we're in, of the people around us. We're conditioned to think a certain way, to think we have to be a. A certain thing. So it's no wonder that if you're trying to break out of that mold that your brain is going to be saying, what are you doing? We haven't been here before, so that's perfectly normal. But what I also want them to know is that it doesn't have to be like that. You can change it. And to go on to atomic habits. I know in the books a while since I've read it, but James Clear talks about, as you said, getting 1% better. I think he refers to it as habit stacking. And I'm a big fan of stacking, but not just in relation to habits. So for habits, I have a strong morning routine. That's been my anchor and it has been now for probably two years. It's kind of varied a little bit, but for me that sort of decides the trajectory of my day. And if I don't do it. I notice it throughout the day. So for me, that, that was a process. I didn't just suddenly wake up at 5am one day. It was a process of consistently trying to kind of get better and get up earlier. But in terms of stacking and going back to limiting beliefs, for me, confidence and courage are what help you with those beliefs. So confidence is probably the first step because you have to be confident and believe to believe that you can do the thing that you're thinking of doing. So whether it's you're going for a new job, whether it's you're going for a promotion, whether you're going to run a marathon, whatever it is, you have to have confidence in your ability to do that. Now, confidence isn't something that you're born with, it's something that you develop. And like any muscle, when you go to the gym or whatever, you just have to practice. And so I refer to it as stacking. Because if you just each day do something that's a little bit out of your comfort zone, then the next time you go to do something, your brain is that little bit more conditioned to doing hard things or doing unconventional things. And it can be something as simple as, I don't know, saying hello to someone. I mean, I'm an introvert, so for me, just sort of like, acknowledging people in the street isn't really my thing. But it could be as simple as, okay, there's this person who I walk past every day on the way to the bus stop. This day I'm going to stop and say hello. I mean, or when I go and get my. My coffee, I'm going to have a little conversation with the person making my coffee, you know, whatever it is. And each day you're, you're pushing a little bit further. And over the case of days, of months, of years, like, what was hard then, you won't even think about it, won't even register. So it means that when you're wanting to do those sort of bigger things, you've already laid the foundation and had the practice of doing hard things. So. And it's the same with courage, because I think the confidence is getting the belief, and then the courage is then actually doing it. So back to the action that we talked about. So then it's like taking those small steps of action. And so when you've got this huge goal, it goes back to what you said. It's overwhelming. But if you say, okay, right, I don't know. I want to start a podcast. So if you think, I want to start a podcast and I want to be a number one podcast in my. In my category, that's huge. And you'll set your stew and you're over. You'll be in overwhelm, and you probably won't start. But if you think I want to start a podcast, okay, want to start a podcast, the first thing you might do is you might think of a name or you might think of a topic, or, I mean, you might just write down the things that you'd like to talk about, or just write down the podcast that you like. And then each day you'll just do it a little bit more, A little bit more, a little bit more. And it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get there, just get there and get there in a way that is comfortable to you, that feels good to you, that you enjoy. Because if you don't enjoy the journey and trust and enjoy the process, then you're not going to enjoy it when you get to the destination. Because actually the destination and they don't tell you this isn't actually the real goal. The real goal is the process and what you learn going through that process.

Oh, my God, that is just so important. And we overlook that so much. And I'm saying it from my personal experience that the journey, that's actually where. Where the lesson is. That's actually where the change is. Because we always are picturing this goal, this, this finish line, and we just kind of like this in a way minimize that journey. And the journey is actually the part that shape us, the part that give us the lessons. And it's just without that journey, there's just no lessons for us to learn. And I love when you said about getting the confidence, getting confidence through. I call it habit stacking. And it's kind of like the same analogy. I had a customer or a client, I'm sorry, that. That have never exercised before, and she said, I want to start exercising. So I told her, what is one routine that you do every morning that you just. It comes automatic. You don't even have to think. And she said, I actually drink coffee. That's my first thing I do. Okay. I said, so what you're going to do, you're going to put your tennis shoes next to the coffee machine, and every morning you're going to put those tennis shoes on? And she's like, okay, she's writing it down. And then she's like, what's next? I'm like, no, for a month you're going to do that. And she's like, that's it. And I said, yeah. My purpose for that was getting her confidence. Hey, I'm putting my tennis shoes. Yeah, you know, I'm doing this. And then from there, taking her to, you know, walking five minutes, not going to the gym, not taking, you know, a crossfit exercise or anything like that, but building that conference to that throughout that journey and then building from it. Because I think you're right. When we want to start something and wanna. When we look at the goal is just so overwhelming and there's just no, no confidence. There's no lessons through that journey. There's nothing, actually.

Yeah. And I think taking a step back to what I was saying before, so the three Cs, the first step is clarity. Because I think you're right. You have to know what it is that you want. You have to know who you are, what is you want. And then once you know what is that you want, you have to know why it is that you want it. And a lot of people get hung up. And I used to, oh, I'm not. I'm just not a disciplined person. And again, that's not it. It's not a lack of discipline. It's a lack of something bigger than the place where you are now. It's a lack of something pulling you away. So if you've got something that's pulling you, whatever that is. So let's go with fitness and say you want to gain weight or you want to lose weight and you want to do that, or actually, let's take a different approach. I want to be fitter and healthier so that I can play with my kids for the foreseeable future. That's your. Why you really love your kids. You want to play with them. That's going to keep you in motion, stronger than anything else. So that's what's going to get you up. And then as you said, it's about taking those small steps to get there, because you're not going to be lifting whatever weight at this point or running however fast straight away. And if you try to do that, you just can get demoralized and sort of go back to where you were. But as you said, there's little things and then you can celebrate those little wins each day. And then what you realize is that slowly it's not about. I mean, a lot of people talk about, oh, yeah, you fake it till you make it all the rest of it, but it isn't. It's about becoming the type of person who just does it. So it's no longer like, oh, I've got to get up and go to the gym this morning. It's just that I am the person that goes to the gym. Like, that's just who I am. It's innate within me. It's not a decision. So just like going back to your client, you're the type of person who gets up in the morning and the first thing you do is drink coffee. You will also be the person who gets up in the morning and drinks coffee and then puts on their shoes and then goes for that run. It's just who you are. So it's no longer a decision that you're making when your alarm goes off in the morning. It's just what you do. And I found that super helpful. For me, it was like, who do I want to become? Okay, be that person. How do I be that person? By doing the things that that person do. And that person, when the alarm goes off in the morning, wouldn't hit snooze and go back to sleep for half an hour. An hour. That person will be up and doing their morning routine, whatever that may be, and doing the things necessary to move the needle forward to where it is that they want to go.

Yeah, and that is just so important because for different reasons, like when someone approached me, I getting to that core, the. The true why is that you want to make that change? If they said, I just want to lose 20 pounds, okay, but why? I usually have to ask like three whys in order to get to that core. Reason why is that they want to make that change. And once I get to that core, then we can work from there. Because we're going to all have life happens and we're going to have those days that are bus that are challenging. And if we really are attached to that core, why, they're easier for us to overcome those challenges. And by adding those habits that we really don't even have to put any effort into it that automatically are coming to us, that is just going to reinforce us to really be able to achieve, you know, the life that we want, the person that we want, or the goal that we want to accomplish. So it is super important. I'm a super fan of micro action.

Yes, you might look at them as insignificant. So look, some days you'll get up and all you can do is take one step, you know, I mean, some days the biggest win might be for somebody getting out of bed or having a shower. I mean, for somebody else, I mean, that win might just Be reading that one page of that book or making that one phone call. But as we've said throughout the course conversation, these all add up. So a day when you take no action, and that's fine, you will have some. But if you have consistent days of taking no action, then there is, there is no forward movement, there is no momentum. If you take one, then you've moved, you know, I mean, imagine running a race. If you just take one step. Doesn't matter how, how quickly you take that step, you still move closer to the finish line. But if you were just, just stand still and says, yeah, I can't do this anymore, and I mean, I don't want to do it, then you're not going to get to where you need to get to. And it's celebrating those wins. One of the things I've started doing this year is keeping a win journal. So at the end of each month, I probably could sort of do it weekly, but I've been doing it monthly at the moment is just to sit down for 5, 10 minutes and think about the month and think, okay, what did I achieve this month? What were my wins? And it's amazing how much stuff you get done over the course of a month that you just dismiss and don't really celebrate and reflect on. And I, and I, I was like, wow, I started writing as I haven't done anything. It's like, okay, one thing, then two. And then before I knew, I had 15 things on the list. And so for me, it's been a real eye opener and a real reminder that once you have the things there in front of you and really reflect, you can look back and think, wow, I did that. I've come that far. And then that will fuel you and propel you for the next month and the next month and the next month. And over the course of a year, that action really, really built up. And yeah, you can do big things. You just got to focus on them.

Yeah. To be honest with you, that is one of the things that are my favorite. I never journal before prior to trying to make a change after my cancer diagnosed. So journaling has been such a resistance at the beginning, and now it's just such a joy. And I can see the difference not only in myself, but the way I interact with others. And one of the things that I have been doing probably for the past six months is really acknowledging my wins every week. So on Sunday, I dedicate like 15, 20 minutes to my journal and just structuring the rest of the week. And then I Celebrate my wins for that week. I literally make myself see something good. And it doesn't have to be that you have to buy something, but even giving yourself grace for being able to do something like that, giving the space, okay, I'm going to give myself 15 minutes by myself or go for a walk or any type of self care, it doesn't have to be money in itself, but it just being able to celebrate and being able to keep encouraging yourself to move forward has been such a, an amazing thing that I incorporated in my journey. Like I mentioned before, when I first started my journey, I thought nutrition and exercise were going to be the only thing that was going to take me to the other side and never hear the word cancer in. My journey has been challenging. I'm still working through it. I'm still, you know, having challenged through that. But thanks to this journey, I have realized that nutrition and exercise were not the only thing that if you're not in peace with yourself, if you don't have that mindfulness, if you don't have that just being present and really tipping into yourself inward, you really don't have health either. And I just thought it was just the most amazing thing at least that I have seen in a change that I have seen in myself.

Well, everything's, everything's connected. It's funny because when clients come to me and when we have the initial discovery call and I mean, I'll kind of say, okay, so what's going on with you and where do you think you might need help? And typically they'll talk about one, maybe two areas of their life. It might be their career, it might be their relationship, it might be to do with finances. But they'll choose one or two things and then I'll typically ask, okay, what about the other areas of your life? How do you feel there? Do you think there's things you need help with that? And usually they'll say, no, this kind of, this is the real focus. And what I say to them and then what subsequently proves to be true is that once you pull the thread, you see everything unravels because everything's connected. How you do one thing is how you do everything. So how you show up at work is how you show up in your relationships, which is how you show up in relation to your finances, how you show up in relation to your relationships with your friends, with your spouse, with your kids. And I've seen that in myself that you need to develop the habits. And in my training, so I trained at the High Performance Institute and which is I'm a certified high performance coach. And it's all about habits. And it's about habits that you can carry with you through all areas of your life. I think a lot of times when you, when you talk about performance or when people talk about success, the vision is of hustle. The vision is of working hard, playing hard, not having much sleep. And it's all about getting to that goal. And if things fall by the wayside, it's unfortunate, but that's sacrifice you have to make in order to be successful. The thing about top high performance coaching is that no, you're not let off the hook. The idea is that you're performing at a high level, but in that performance it's consistent, but it's also sustainable. And that you find out what your values are and what's important to you and you protect and nurture those in the context of your wider being. So you don't just take one isolated thing and say, I'm going to be really successful in my career and go ahead and do that. And if my relationships with my kids or my spouse or whatever sort of doesn't work out, it's unfortunate, but I've really got to focus on this now. You focus on it all and you're trying to bring everything in. And I still struggle with this because I think that balance is, it's something to be strived for, but I don't think it's a destination that we ever truly get to because everything isn't always in perfect balance. There are times when, I mean, your, your, your career is, or your business is flying high. Maybe your relationships at home aren't that great. There's a time when your relationship with your spouse is amazing. Maybe with your kids it's not so good. Or there's a time when, I mean, your money situation isn't kind of where you want it to be. But you know, I mean, your kids love you and you do all these amazing things with them, but you're always, as long as you're always aware and trying to find the balance, you'll be okay because you go through the ebbs and flows. But I think if we are trying to get our life in perfect balance, which is fine to try, but I think if we beat ourselves up for it not being there, then we can't progress because it's an illusion. I mean, show me somebody where every aspect of their life is in balance. Even the person who, who has the luxury of doing, I don't know, an hour meditation a day and two hours of Yoga or whatever it is. I'm sure that there are areas where they feel that they're lacking or that they don't have balance. Right.

So, yeah, and I call it kind of like seasons because I think we go through seasons in life. To me, balance is just too much because you're, you know, you're stretching yourself so much and there's only one of you. There's only so much energy in you, and it's just to put that gold is just too stressful for at least in my opinion. I call it kind of like seasons in certain seasons require more of you in certain parts of your life, like in your relationship or in your. You're building a business or something like that. And like you mentioned, not that you ignore the other ones, but the fact that you have tools like meditation or journaling or mindfulness or yoga, something that will make you or that you are aware that those situations are happening and how to tweak it a little bit.

Yeah, I think awareness all comes to awareness. I think many of us are, in a sense, sleepwalking through life or walking through in the fog. And I speak for myself here. I look back on my 11 years as a lawyer and the last parts of that, particularly towards the end, I definitely wasn't clear on what I wanted. I was chasing a dream. It wasn't even a dream. I was just following a path that I felt I had to follow because that's what everybody else did. And yes, I might be unhappy, I might not be fulfilled, I might be disillusioned, but so were many other people around me, and they sucked it up and they kind of carried on with it. So what made me so different? What made me so special? And it was only through building that awareness of self and. And I think also for me, having children and wanting to be in a position where I could say to them, you can do and be anything that you want, follow your heart, follow your dreams, and actually mean it, and not have them look at me and say, but you hate what you do. You're really miserable and you're still doing it. So how can you say that? You know, I think for me that that was. And that still is one of the driving factors for me is one of my biggest whys. Because you've got to go for what you've got to be aware of what works for you. And what works for me may not work for you. I have friends still in law who love it. I mean, so I've been recently promoted. They've got to where they want to get to. And they kind of really enjoy what they do, and I'm really happy for them. But it wasn't the path for me. I've taken a different one. And if I hadn't had that awareness and that clarity, I probably would have still been there now, because I could have gone to other firms. I could have done the same thing somewhere else. But I just knew that for me, it didn't fit with who I actually was. When I actually drilled down to find out who I was, it didn't fit with the values that I held.

That's amazing, because most of us, like you mentioned, just go through life, and that was exactly me. And I'm in my late 40s, and I. When I had my cancer diagnosed, I thought at that point it was the worst thing that I have ever happened to me. It was just so devastating that, like I mentioned, I was sitting there for almost a year after my diagnosis and after, you know, my treatment and all of that. And then I realized through my journey and all these changes that I have made, that was actually the best thing that happened to me, because without that event, I would have never had the courage to be able to do what I'm doing now, to be able to help others and have that empathy to help others and really understand them, where they're coming from, and guide them with my knowledge. So I just would have never had it. And at one point I was like, it's too late for me. And I'm like, no, well, I'm living. I have to be growing. And something really important you mentioned, like, you can tell your kids, if you have children, be the best. You can be any in anything you want, but if they actually see you doing it and actually taking action, that's just. That is actually more than anything, than any words, than anything that you can give to them.

Yeah, exactly. Because they model what they see. Right. And I really sort of resonate with what you said there in terms of without your cancer scare, without what happened to you, you probably wouldn't have taken the action that you've taken. There's a common sort of saying. There's. There's different quotes sort of saying the same thing, but it's. It's the concept of without darkness, there is no light, and that you can't recognize the good and the great things that happen to you if everything is good and great all the time. And it doesn't mean that you wish for bad things to happen. It's just that there are situations in life that are outside of Your control. And so one of the things that I do and the concepts that I, that I followed and this comes from my yoga practice, is it's the three A's. I'm big on threes and on letters it seems three A's, and that's acknowledge, accept, adapt. And so when a situation happens that maybe isn't the way that you want it to be, it's acknowledging that it happened. So there's a lot out there in terms of good vibes only and be positive all the time and all the rest of it, but that's not real. And you see there's a lot of people who haven't dealt with issues that have happened to them and then they come out at a later date in a way that they maybe would have preferred that they didn't. So you have to acknowledge what's happened to you, acknowledge that it's bad, acknowledge your anger, your frustration, your stress, whatever it is. But then don't stay there too long. Move to the next stage and accept, accept that it's happened and release yourself from the situation. In yoga we talk about sort of non attachment and it's about the situation to situation. You are, you, you don't have to be attached to that, you know, I mean that is happening and you can pull away from that and that's that stage. And then the final stage is adapt. So things haven't gone the way you want that you wanted them to do. You've acknowledged that, you've accepted that. Okay, how are you going to adapt now? How are you going to still go where you're going, but around the obstacle or over the obstacle or under the obstacle? And that's, that's what makes you stronger, is doing that is adapting. And the good thing about going through that process is that once you do adapt and you keep it moving again, you're not carrying the baggage of the thing that happened because you've gone through those first two stages.

Oh yeah.

Well, I mean it's like, yeah, you can still move forward, but you're still hopping back on that time that that person did that thing that you really didn't like. You got to let it go. You have to. As hard, as painful as it may be, and depending on the sort of the event itself or the situation, you mean it might take you 10 minutes, it might take you 10 days, but you can't stay there because it doesn't serve you. You have to let it go in order to be able to move forward and towards the vision that you're trying to build for yourself.

And that is something, Ryan, that I'm actually working so hard and it's easier said than done. And in anything that I'm saying and anything, we're having a conversation here. It might sound easy, but we're coming from a place where we have done the work and we totally understand. And not too long ago, I was talking to another guest that every time I go to the doctor and get myself checked every three months and for my cancer, so there's some abnormalities and I have to go. So I was telling this guest, every time I'm sitting there with this pink shirt waiting for the results, all of my beliefs, and I call them limited beliefs, and all of my fears and come creeping on me. And it takes me right back to that place from three years ago. And I was just like thinking a few months back that I'm like, oh my God, I have done all this work. I mean, why do they come back? And what I realized is that it probably never going to go away. It's always going to be there. But now I realize having that, being present and being mindful. And what I said to myself at that point was like, okay, Clarita, you have all these tools that you have acquired through this journey and let the emotions feel. So I get there, I recognize them, I welcome them, and then I utilize my tools to say, okay, they're no longer serving me and I'm okay. It's just, I don't want people to think that, you know, you learn and then you move on and you're, you're fine. They come creeping, at least to me, they come creeping on me. The fears come, but now I have the tools to be able to stay in that stage a little bit less.

And you made a good point at the beginning there, because it is about doing the inner work. Like, people don't wake up in a perfectly formed state. And growth, growth never stops. We're human, and humans make mistakes. You fall into habits you're trying to counteract years of conditioning, years of living and being a certain way on your way to becoming a different person. So people, people look at me and say, I'm really inspired by your journey. I wish I could do that. Etc, Etc. And what I say to them is that, but this didn't happen overnight. This is years in the making. Like, I didn't just wake up one day and be here. Like, this is years in the making. And even so, I left my job in February 2020 and kind of like with nothing but a vision as to what I wanted to do, but no idea how I would do it. And even in that just over a year now, like the growth has been exponential. And I'm not the same person who walked out of that building at the end of February as I am now. I've done a hell of a lot of work to get here. I've had, I mean, I've had coaches, I have a coach now. I have two coaches now. Do you know, I mean, I practice yoga, I practice meditation, I do the personal development work. And I know that there are definitely areas where I could be better. But it goes back to what we said before. Awareness. When you're aware that there are areas that you would like to improve, that you would like to be better, where you would like to grow, then at least you can start to put things in place to do that work, to get there. If you don't have the awareness, then you'll never do the work. And I think the work. And the thing is, the work is hard, as you said, it's not easy. The work is hard. When you have to sit and confront yourself, look within yourself and deal with all of your fears, all of your limiting beliefs, all of the, all of the things that you grew up with, all of the conditioning that you've got and unpack, all of that, that's hard. And that's why people stop and they don't do it. And that's why you can do this work alone. And I started doing this work alone, but that's why I did have a lot of half read personal development books. I did go down a lot of YouTube rabbit holes. There was a lot of distraction because you get to a bit that's a little bit of a block and you don't want to push, so you kind of go another way. And what I love, maybe not always in the moment, but about my coach and coaching, is that they'll push that point and they'll leave you to sit in that and you have to really put it out. And I came out of a session so yesterday, the day before we're recording this and I said, I said this is probably one of the most difficult sessions for me just because of the depths that we went to. And I'm going to have to go away and really journal on some of the things that you asked me because they're not things that I thought of before. So that's just a little sort of sneak peek at the process. Right? You have to do the work. So for all that you and I are talking here, having this Conversation. And we've done a lot of that. We still have to keep doing that to prevent ourselves falling back into the old way of thinking and our old way of doing things.

Oh, yeah. Because it's so easy to go back. And there's some days where I'm just like, I don't want to do it. And then the good thing that I'm at a place where I'm like, okay, that happened yesterday. And then today I have the tools to be able to come back and get back to my goals and in the structured life that I have created. But it's just a work in progress. So whoever is listening to us and they're feeling they're off the wagon and on the wagon. There's no wagon. There's just think of a way that it's just moving forward to that journey. You know, you're way ahead than where you were a few days ago, a few weeks ago, or a few months ago. Is just keep moving forward and doing that 1% better every day.

Exactly.

Yeah. Oh, my God, Ryan, it was such a pleasure to have you on this podcast. I would love to have you again. So you're welcome. I. Every time I hear you, you just encourage me to just keep going. And you're just so wise. If someone would like to connect with you, let them know how they can connect with you. And then I have after that one more question to ask.

Sure. So I'm big on Instagram, so you can find me on Instagram at I amrynespence. And yeah, I do. I mean I post almost daily and have a couple of lives a week and various other things. So you can find out all about me there also on LinkedIn. But for those of you who are More in the LinkedIn world, just search for Ryan Spence. You will find me certified high performance coach. And my new website is. Is now live, I guess you could say. So that's I am Ryan Spence.com and just to go back to the talks about relation to confidence, if you go up there and sign up, you get a free confidence journal and that contains six sort of journal prompts that I ask myself when I'm coming up against something that's I really want to do. But my. My brain is telling me that I can't do it. So yeah, I find it really helpful. So that's there and you can download that. I think journaling can sometimes be very daunting to people. They're like, where do I start? So by having these prompts you write, okay, I'm Asking myself this question. And then you can just sort of write the answer. And the good thing about it is you can use them for multiple things and you can go back and look, just as I said before, how far you've come. So, yeah, I am Ryan Spence dot com. Go ahead there and, and check out the free journal.

Yeah, And I'm going to put all of Ryan's information underneath the show notes. So in case you guys are driving and want to get back to this episode, all of his information is there. I'm also going to attach the free confidence journal prompts that he has so you guys can take advantage of that as well. And Ryan, I have one more question for you. And I asked every single guest of mine, if you had a magic wand, what impact were you making the world?

This is one of those questions where it's just like, whoa, because you think of the magnitude of things that you could do. So I think, I mean, I think that a micro level, and I use the term micro loosely, and I think when I actually give my answer, people will see why the micro level. There are obviously a whole host of issues going on around the world. Conflict, discrimination, disease. They've still got this pandemic going around and all of those things, things which you want to fix. But I think on a, On a macro level, looking at sort of the, probably the biggest threat that we have at the moment, it would be. Be the climate emergency. So reversing, reversing the effects of that on the planet, I think would be the thing that I would do because we wouldn't necessarily solve everything else, but there's a lot of things that that would fix. So things like the global displacement of people, people losing their homes, dying on trips to places where they're trying to get to as refugees because they were, I mean, the failure of crops, where they are, or floods or whatever effects on climate. And also just for the future that our kids will inherit if there is no planet, what does that mean for them? So I think that's what I do in my wand, is reverse the effects and then try to get the people who have the sort of the power and the influence to actually take it seriously and really prevent those effects reappearing.

Yeah. And we can do our part. I mean, there's so much we can do ourselves in so many ways. So thank you so much. You just left me speechless with that answer. Amazing. Thank you so much. Ryan, thank you so much for your time. I appreciate you and I appreciate the work that you do, and I hope it's not the last time. Thank you so much and have a wonderful day.

Thank you. K. Really good to be here. And yeah, I look forward to speaking again sometime soon.

Bye.