How not to let the highs get you too high or the lows get you too low

Then these things will phase you, but not phase you too much. They won't derail you from where it is that you're going. And I guess if I was to tie it all down, that's really what it is. It's not allowing these things that will happen along the way to derail you, to distract you from what it is that you are trying to do. You're listening to the Shickle C Project. Foreign welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live lifeless. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big lore dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that lives. Hey. Hey. Welcome to episode 63 of the Triple C Project. And if I'm sounding a little bit different this week, it's because Covid has kicked my ass. For the last few days, I've basically been laid up in bed. Second time I've had this, and second time around is a. If I'm honest with you, and it was touching. Go. Whether or not this week's episode was going to come out. But today I'm out of bed, although I have been on the sofa. But it's, you know, it's a change, it's a move. And I'm still not 100%. But I really wanted to share today's episode with you. Because of today's episode. I want to talk about the way that we look at things. The way that you look at things. There's been obviously a lot of layoffs lately, so we'll start there. I remember the first time I was laid off. To me, it was really devastating. It was like a really bad thing. I didn't really know what to expect. Then the second time I got laid off in Big Law, I was quite cool with it. I was chilled with it. And I remember when I the first time I was up for a promotion as a junior lawyer to be promoted from associate to senior associate, and I didn't get it the year that I got it, and I took that really hard. And then the year that I did get it, I was really excited. But then I didn't get the promotion to council. You may be able to relate to this in your own world, whether you're in big law or somewhere else. The promotion you didn't get, the pay rise you didn't get, the project you didn't get staffed on, the project that you did get staffed on, you know, I mean, the award that you won. There are these moments of highs and of lows, and we can designate them as being good things that happened or bad things that have happened, and there's nothing wrong with that. But sometimes in looking at them in that black and white view, taking that vision, we have these really, really high highs, and correspondingly, these really, really low lows. And knowing that about ourselves, knowing that about yourself, you can sometimes subconsciously make the choice to not go for anything because you don't want to get really high, because you are convinced that that's going to be met with some huge, massive low, some huge, massive disappointment at some stage. So you just stay in that zone of comfort which is neither good nor bad, which isn't feeling great for you, and. And you hope that you can just bob along even though you know that this isn't for you. And I've been reminded of this recently by a old Chinese proverb, a Taoist parable, which I've heard a number of times in the past, but weirdly, it's. I've heard it about three or four times over the last couple of months. And so it's something that I really wanted to share with you on this podcast because I feel it might help you when you are in these situations where things have gone great or things have not gone great, to place some perspective as to where you are and how that particular situation sits in the grand expanse of your life. So I'm going to read you the parable, and then I will riff on what I think it means or what it means to me at the end of this. And I'd be interested to hear what it means to you, how you take it, how it will make you do things differently. So this is how it goes. Once upon a time, there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. Such bad luck, they said sympathetically. Maybe, the farmer replied. The next morning, the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. How wonderful. The neighbors exclaimed. Maybe, replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses and he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. Maybe Answered the farmer. The day after military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. Maybe, said the farmer, now you could carry this through, you know, after the drafting, they could have come back and drafted the other son. There could have been other things that have happened, you know, who knows what would have happened to that son who didn't get drafted. Well, who would have happened if he hadn't broken his leg and he had got drafted? Would he have led the army? Would be he become king? There are lots of permutations to this and where you can take this. But what I love about the parable is it reminds you to look at every situation as it is and take it as it is. And it doesn't mean that you don't get angry, you don't get upset, but it means that you look at it as a snapshot, as a particular part of your life at that moment. And you look at it not knowing actually what that event means. You don't know what's going to come out of that misfortune. You don't know what's going to come out of that thing that you see as being good. So it doesn't mean that you shouldn't enjoy the good, and it doesn't mean that you shouldn't despair about the bad if you want to label them that way. I think for me, what it means is that again, you look at the situation and you accept it. So I go Back to my 3A framework I've shared in earlier episodes. Acknowledge, accept, adapt. You've got to acknowledge the situation. Of course, you can't gloss over it and say, yeah, everything's fine. I'm really well balanced. I'm on an evening kill. You've got to acknowledge it. You've got to accept that it's happened. You can't change it if it's something that you can't change if it's something that's external. And then you've got to adapt. And I think here again, coming back to the parable, it's is what's happened is it good or is it bad? Well, maybe we don't know. You can say what it feels like to you in the moment, but again, when you're looking at the vast expanse of your life, who is to say where that sits and where that stands? Who's to say what is going to flow from that particular situation, that particular event? What Opportunities are going to arise. What opportunities may not arise, may be missed, you don't know. And so in the not knowing, there's actually can be found some comfort because you then just focus on what it is that you can control. So instead of trying to second guess, well, if I do this, then that or this has happened. So therefore, then that if you know what it is that you're trying to work towards, you simply continue working towards what you're trying to work towards, because you know that you can't second guess what will happen and you don't know what the outcome of this particular event will be on the bigger picture, on the bigger scheme of your life, of the vision of the mission that you are pursuing. So when I think back to this parable, it kind of just sometimes helped me when. No, maybe you didn't. I didn't sign that client. Maybe I didn't get invited to speak at that event. Maybe I wasn't a guest on that particular podcast. It's just a moment. It's a blip. It's okay. It's not good. It's not bad, you know, or is it good or is it bad? Maybe. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe by not being accepted for that thing, I'd be accepted for something else and that might not happen. Maybe that won't be the case. Maybe I just didn't get accepted for that and nothing else will come along to fill it, but I won't know. So I just look at it as, this is where we are, this is how it is, and let's just keep working towards where it is that I'm trying to go. I think this is all helped by having clarity on the vision of the life that I'm trying to create, which is why I always talk about vision. It's always the first thing. It's always the most important thing. Because I think having clarity, being clear on where it is that you're going, helps you to look at these little moments of time as what they are, moments of time in the grand scheme of the journey that you're on, of the quest that you are pursuing. Because if you're going on a journey, you're going on a long drive, for example, wherever it is that you live. You may drive along and, you know, you may get a flat tire and you may think that's really bad, but then that flat tire may delay you for 30 minutes, which may mean that you miss the accident that happened and would have happened had you been there. You may have been involved in that and by missing that, it may mean that you then arrive at the restaurant you wanted to eat along the way for dinner. That restaurant may not have in your favorite meal. There were all of these things that could happen that you could stress about. But actually if you are focused on your overall destination, your overall mission, on just enjoying that journey, that process, then these things will phase you, but not phase you too much. They won't derail you from where it is that you're going. And I guess if I was to tie it all down, that's really what it is. It's not allowing these things that will happen along the way to derail you, to distract you from what it is that you are trying to do. Because the things which you force, which you perceive as bad, can distract you and they can leave you demoralized and make you feel, I just don't want to do this anymore. But the things that are good can also distract you because you can think, I'll do more of that thing that's really cool, when really it isn't something that's tied into where it is that you want to go. You're just doing it because you like the dopamine hit, how it made you feel when that thing happens. So you keep trying to recreate that. So that's where I'm going to leave the episode today because my voice is really starting to be a little bit sore and I can feel that cough coming on, this persistent cough that's been part of this annoying virus that I've had. But I hope that this is helping you to look at things that happen with, I don't know, a little bit more clarity really, and to treat them as blips along the way as opposed to seeing them as catastrophic life changing events. This isn't in any way to minimize things that can and are catastrophic lifestyle events. But what I'm saying is that a lot of the things which we look at as being really sort of huge and awful and detrimental to our life, the failures along the way, the promotion we didn't get, the salary rise, we didn't get those sorts of things actually, they're not in the grand scheme of what it is you're trying to do, they are not. So it's putting those things into perspective. Taking the attitude of the farmer, when someone says, it's really amazing, or someone says, man, that's really awful, you can just respond, maybe we'll see, we'll see what happens next. We'll see where this takes me. We'll see what opportunities arise from this. Because things will never always be good and things will never always be bad in life. And actually, sometimes depending upon what the thing is, how we look at it can determine whether it's a good or a bad thing. How we respond and react to it can determine if it's a good or a bad thing. So I want to leave you with that this week. I'm glad I managed to get this episode recorded for you. I really hope that it helps you in the coming weeks, months, years, really, to really get into perspective the challenges, the joys, the ups, the downs that occur along your path towards living a life that's lit. Don't be derailed. Don't be distracted. Keep clear on your vision, clarity, confidence, courage. That's it for me this week. I'll see you hopefully in a healthier state next week. Until then, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life lit. Thanks for tuning in. But before you go, the weight of limiting beliefs is heavy. It literally weighs you down and keeps you stuck in that life of lethargy. I know. It's why I stayed in Big Law for so long, and it's why so many of my clients don't believe they can do the things that they want to do. But what causes those limiting beliefs? It's a lack of confidence. Lack of confidence in the belief that you can do the things that you want to do. And I got something for that. It's my confidence journal. It's six journal prompts that I created that I've used to help me get from where I am to where I want to be, to help to give me the belief to do the things that seem outside of my control, outside of what I can do. If this sounds like you, you need to get your hands on the journal. Best thing about it, it's free. All you have to do is head to iamryspence.com hit the button for Confidence Journal and get your copy today. It's going to help you start to reframe your thoughts and get you thinking about what you can do instead of focusing on what you can't do and shed that load of limiting beliefs that you don't need to be carrying. See you again next week. And until that time, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit.