https://www.listennotes.com/e/ebb7d72e511549ffb5a7abb7433ae069

And so how do you live? Live let like, is it indulgent, is it selfish to want to grow, to focus on your own well being, on your own self development in such a situation. You're listening to the Circle C Project.

Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can life mix. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big law dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big hairy audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you.

Really want to be.

So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit.

Hey, welcome to episode 119 of the Triple C Project. My voice is sounding a little bit different today. There's two reasons for that. One is I've had a bit of a cold and so I've been coughing and I came back from holiday last week and had a good holiday and promptly came back with a cold, which I think is a sign is a symptom of having not been on a plane for more than two years and being cooped up with all those germs and with no mask. And the other reason is, is that the world's kind of on fire right now, right? I mean, it has been for a long time. But as I record this on the 7th of November 2024, obviously a couple of days post the, the latest US election and the, the results, which is one that a lot of people are surprised about, are fearful of, are exasperated, annoyed, angry, livid about for various reasons and rightly so. I'm not going to talk about that specifically in this episode because what I'm going to talk about is kind of broader than one particular event. I mean, as I, as I say the world, there's always something going on in the world, whether it's international news, national news, local news, or just something that's in your own community that nobody outside of that community hears about. Things happen that are a bit shit, that are awful, that are bad, that are unexplainable, inexplicable. And I want to kind of address a disturbing, worrying, unhelpful trend that can sometimes resurface. Well, I think it's always there really, but it just kind of becomes a bit more visible in those moments from trolls on social media, but kind of also from people who you probably thought would do things differently, who you maybe had some respect for, looked up to, followed. So this is making any sense to you now? Hopefully it will do us expand. This, this, this is kind of not the episode I thought I'd be recording, and so I have no notes for it at all. But I, I have an idea of where I want to go with it. So I, I invite you to, to bear with me, particularly if you, you are feeling the effects of the election result and all other things that are happening in the world. I mean, there's, there's definitely enough of them and I'm not going to start to list some of them here because inevitably I won't be able to list them all. And then you get the inevitable questions. You didn't say this, you didn't say that. So sometimes it's better to just acknowledge the world. Shit, the world is on fire. Well, no, let me take a step back. There are some shit things happening in the world. The world itself is not shit. So it's best to just acknowledge that. And then as a listener, you can envisage or relate it to whichever things are affecting you. But I use the election because I think it's one that wherever you are in the world, the US has such a big impact on the world that it does affect everyone. People, obviously, within the U.S. i mean, LGBTQ community, the black community, the immigrant community, just the average person trying to get by to the wider world. Climate change being one of the biggest standout things and the rollback that potentially would occur there. Anyway, taking a step back, because I'm not going to dive into that as I'm still processing myself. But anyway, this is kind of inspired. Inspired by that, but also by something that I saw in relation to that. So there is a. Well, let me take a step back. I am a personal development geek, if you didn't already know that. Right. I have been for a long time, way before I had any thought or idea of becoming a coach. Personal development and wellness, really, I have a real interest in how you, how we grow as people, individuals, how we develop, how our thinking develops and changes as we, as we take in new information and have new experiences and as we look back on what's. On what's occurred before and think about how things can be better in the future, not just for ourselves, but for the world around us. And I also am about wellness. It's wellness as well, physical wellness. So yoga obviously is a key one. But again, yoga is not just physical wellness. It's also connected to spiritual wellness also. So it's suffice to say that I've read a ton of books, listened to a ton of podcasts, read a hell of a lot of blog articles, followed a lot of people on social media in the wellbeing and personal development space way before I had any inkling, any thoughts, any desire to become a coach and actually help people through their own transitions, transformations, periods of feeling lost at sea. But a worrying thing that I see, or I started to see when I first, first because started to dive deeper into this world back in 2020 was a. I want to say, I don't know if it was an expectation, but was the idea that what is going on around you is almost not necessarily irrelevant, but it shouldn't be a point of focus. You know, you should come back to looking at yourself as the individual and optimizing your own growth. That should be the focus and not to let all this other sort of stuff get you down. So I became sort of aware of this because in 2020 there was this juxtaposition of the horrible murder of George Floyd and my kind of diving deeper down the rabbit hole of personal development and wellness, being on Instagram, discovering more podcasts and that kind of thing, and starting to sort of join online communities when I discovered about online business and be in. In those communities about how you develop your business and create your course and, you know, I mean, find your clients and build your audience, all that kind of stu stuff. So that's kind of the. The backdrop where I first started to kind of see these, I guess, kind of disturbing things happening. And what would happen is.

People whose.

Business, whose life, whose whole image, personal brand, whatever you want to call it, was built on helping people. Supporting people to quote unquote, be their best selves, were often not addressing the fact that people these people were hurting were affected by events that were happening in the world around them. They were either completely silent and said nothing, or they would just shut it down or give some vague generic, both sides platitude to whatever was going on. And I didn't know as much then as I do now, but even then it didn't sit right with me. And there were certain people who I pretty swiftly stopped following. There was even a couple of people whose courses I bought, so I spent money with them who I unsubscribe from all their emails and never looked at their course again because I. I didn't want to be learning from working with people who didn't align with my values. So going back a few Days ago, actually, no. Going back to when the result of the current election came about. And there's a community that I'm a part of, I've been a part of for a few years now, but I haven't been active in there for probably 18 months, couple of years when a whole lot of not great stuff came out about the person that runs the community. It doesn't matter what the community is. I'm not going to tell you. I mean, this is, this is, this is across the board. I could be talking about anybody, but I'm still in there because occasionally there's some useful information and it is a good community of fellow coaches, people in the same space. So occasionally I will sort of dip a toe in, see what's going on. And in this particular community, this person had written a post saying that, ok, first of all, they had acknowledged that people might be feeling a particular way right now, which I guess is an improvement. But then they had kind of gone on to say that this isn't really, this isn't the space for you to talk about this. The kind of sentiment was to kind of summarize it and nail it down is you kind of need to take this elsewhere because this isn't the place to talk about this. And there's some people in the comments who saying, oh, it's really good that you're talking about this and thanks for kind of holding this space. But I sat and I sat with that for a moment and I thought, okay, I kind of understand where you're going with this. I understand that you kind of want to keep this a space to talk about the things that you created this space for. I get that. But for me, it always comes back to we human first. And if we start from the position of being human first, then we cannot compartmentalize things in the way that this message was instructing us to. We just can't. And I think if we try to pretend that there is this stuff happening, but it kind of doesn't matter. We can't, we can't control it, so it doesn't matter. And we can just shut it out and be in our own narrow lane, our own narrow way of thinking, then I think that does a disservice not only to ourselves and our own growth, but it does a disservice to the world around us, to our community. And that's not the way that I want to live. It's not the way I want to run my business. And I don't feel that I'm helping my clients by closing myself off in that way. And this isn't the only person. As I say, there's a whole host of people who I've been disappointed by for not taking a stand, not saying anything. And look, you don't expect people to talk and comment about every situation that goes on. But I like to get a sense as to where people are leaning so I can get a sense as to whether we're aligned on anything. We don't have to agree on everything, but whether we're aligned just on general human ways of being, on being a decent human being. And if I can't get a sense of that, then it's a little bit of a struggle. And that sense doesn't necessarily come from plastering your social media or shouting out with a megaphone about every injustice that goes on. But I mean, you know, you can. You generally get a sense as to how you feel people, how you think that people feel about particular situations, maybe which side they are, they kind of fall on, not even politically, but just humanly. I mean, do they, do they care about the rights of everybody or only a select few? Do they buy into this idea that we all need to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and that anyone who's not doing that is simply too lazy or too stupid to do so? You know, for me, those are very clear red lines. And if you're on one side of the line, then we're probably not going to get along, you know, unless you're open minded enough to have a conversation about why you have those beliefs and we can explore them in a way that is open and sensible. You know, looking at the historic events that have led certain people to be in the position that they are in, which may not be of their own making? Yeah, this is, this is, this is kind of going slightly different way than I thought it would be. But if you're still here and you're still listening, then I'm guessing that you, you understand what I'm talking about. And so thanks for sort of sticking around and hearing me walk through this. So this kind of comes back to this idea of how do you. So I talk about obviously living life lit. So how do you live life lit when things in the world around you are shit? You know, should your focus not be at all times on trying to fix the shit things that are happening around you, on fighting every injustice, on fighting back against anyone who's trying to bring people down again, should it be focused on protecting the oppressed? And you know, we can talk about this in the, in the macro, in the sort of the big. Of the global stage or just on the, just on the micro, just in your everyday life, you know, I mean however you want to look at it. We all have these situations in our lives. And so how do you live, live lit. Like is it indulgent, is it selfish to want to grow, to focus on your own well being on your own self development in such a situation? And my answer to that is yes, yes, you should still focus on those things. And let me share with you a little bit about why I think that's the case. So going back to 2020 and the killing of George Floyd, I like, you know, I mean like nobody, no right minded person could fail to be outraged by it. As a black man, it wasn't a surprise. This has been going on for so long that these things never really surprise you anymore. The only surprising thing is that it was caught on camera. That camera was viral. It was played on news stations across the world and it galvanized people in a way that they hadn't been galvanized about this issue for a long time. This had always been something that would galvanize. I mean the black communities were, you know, in particularly in the spaces where, where this happened, in the cities and the countries where this happened. But this was on a global scale, partly unlike, unlike, unlike something that had been seen before. And I was in the sort of the start of being on Instagram in any sort of way as I was, as I was kind of walking away from big law, I mean on my way to train to become a yoga teacher, starting to kind of think about what I wanted to do business wise in that space. And I was literally going doom. Scrolling on Instagram, on YouTube, watching any and everything about this, writing about my feelings about the situation and the injustices. I mean I was, I was, I was asked to, to record a couple of videos for the platforms. So I was like de deep deep in this and I was angry, I was frustrated, I was all the, all the feels, all the emotions that you could imagine. But it got to the point where I was just exhausted. I was feeling burnt out. I couldn't really sleep because I was thinking about this and what could I do and why is this still happening and all that. I mean looking back on other historic events that I wanted to know more about and it all got too much and I realized that it just wasn't healthy for me. And so I stopped and I actually just stopped watching or reading or listening to the news for quite a long Period of time because I realized that it wasn't healthy for me because all that was happening is that now we have this 24 hour news cycles, they have to fill that time. So I would be watching a particular news segment and then in the next hour that new segment would be on again, I'd be watching it again or listening to it again and it'd be keeping me hooked. And it wasn't helpful because I already knew the information. It was just taking me deeper and deeper into this doom spiral, making me feel more and more helpless to what was going on. And in that state of exhaustion and helplessness, I wasn't doing anything that was helpful to anybody, helpful to me, helpful to my family, helpful to the cause, nothing. And that's kind of where I come at things from today. I am not going to allow myself to fall into the same trap that I fell into. That. And I urge you not to either. Whether in relation to recent events or any other things that are going on around you. You have to be, I think, aware of what's going on. You have to see where I mean, what. Well, basically you have to know what it is that you believe in. This comes back to values. What do you believe in? And then when you see things happen that go against your values, how do you show up for that? Do you acknowledge what's going on there? And do you make it known what's going on there? Do you make it known that this goes against your values? But I don't think that you that it's helpful to what it is that you believe in or to yourself or to the people around you, to go without sleep, to not eat well, to not drink enough water, to spend hours and hours doom scrolling on social media or watching YouTube video after YouTube video on the same issue. Because although it can feel like you are doing something by doing that.

If.

It'S to the detriment of your health and well being, then ultimately it is not helpful. And to me, living let if you listen to particularly earlier episodes or read the book, you'll know that it's personal to you. It's living life on your terms. It's finding those moments of joy in each day and trying to make them the norm rather than the exception. But it isn't pretending that everything is fine. It isn't staying in your bubble and ignoring the suffering that's occurring outside of that bubble. So there's a balance. There's doing what you feel needs to be done, what you can do. But it's doing it in a way that is sustainable, so that you can keep doing the thing that you feel is necessary and the things that you can do, because there's no point going full steam ahead and burning out. Like I've said in relation to other things, consistency beats intensity, right? So whatever your thing is, whether your thing is writing articles about the injustice, whether it's sharing posts on social media, whether it's recorded a podcast like this, you're going to want to be in a position to be able to keep doing that for as long as you feel it's necessary to do that. And if you are throwing yourself in at the beginning, to the detriment of your health, of your own growth and development, you're not going to be able to do that, because you're going to get to the point where you're just so worn out, so burnt out, so exhausted, that you literally cannot give anymore. And that's kind of what I wanted to leave you with today. It's to reject the toxic positivity, as I've talked about before, that everything's fine, everything's positive, and suppressing your real feelings about what's going on. But it's also to be mindful of your energy, where you are focusing it, how you are using it, and whether your focus and your use is to the betterment of the situation that you are fighting for, the issue that you really care about. Because we're going to have to keep going. There are always going to be things in the world that are shit, that are awful, that are absolutely abhorrent, that always has been. So if these are things that you feel that you want to stand up for, because, look, we can't stand up and fight every single thing that goes on in the world. We just don't have the capacity to do that. But if you're going to stand up and fight for the ones that you feel that you can make a difference in, the ones that are closest to you, then you're going to need to keep yourself in a position to be able to do that. So to answer the question that is the title to this podcast episode, how do you live lit when your world is on fire? You live lit by always coming back to what your values are and checking in. Am I in alignment with them? Am I pretending everything is fine when it's not? Am I taking care of myself? Am I taking care of the people around me? Am I continuing to question and reframe and grow within myself so that I can be better informed, so, like, they can present better arguments? Am I exerting my influence and persuading people to come around to my way of thinking, to come with me on this mission to fight against these things that shouldn't be happening, to fight for what I believe in, and I believe as a human, everyone should believe in, because those are the things that matter. And if there are people who you support, who you look up to, who aren't giving you a sense as to where they stand on the matter, then ask them or make a decision as to whether they are still people you want to be influenced by. It doesn't mean you have to cut them off, but it may mean that you are more circumspect about taking what is helpful from them, but not buying into the whole quote unquote cult of them, of that person, as so often can be the case. There's a really good meme you've probably seen on social media of a dog sat on a chair in a room that's on fire saying, this is fine. And I often think that that's how the world of well being and personal development can seem sometimes with a lot of the sort of bigger names in that world that they are saying to the people that support them to kind of take on that approach, to be that dog in the room, to just be like, yeah, there's fire going on around, but all is well. I mean, love and light, be positive, stay focused. And that's just, that's no way to live. And that's no way to be a human. So thank you, if you're still here for indulging me in this episode of no Notes. That kind of went on a little bit of a tangent, but I feel that it's still cogent, I feel that it was all still relevant. And I hope that you understand the point that I'm trying to make here and how you can relate this to your own life, whatever mission you are on, whatever injustice you are fighting against. Because I want you to be well, I want you to live lit. I want you to be able to get up each day and keep striving towards your mission, your purpose. But you can do that without pretending everything is fine. You can do that without burning yourself out. And that's what I want to leave you with today. Thanks very much for listening. As always. I expect normal service to be resumed on the podcast next week, which will be the final podcast before the release of my new book, the Triple C Project, which is released on the 17th of November, which means I need to frantically finish the workbook. So it's available for the day of release. Really excited for you to have this book in your hands. If you head to my website ironrispecs.com you can fill in your email address and get access to the opening chapter completely free. So if you haven't read my first book and you you're not sure whether this this book is for you, that will give you a flavor of what the book's about and hopefully give you an indication to go ahead and get it. Particularly get it during the first few days of release when the E book will be at a special promo price. Amazing. And as always, hit me up. Im ricepence.com coaching to find out how to work with me and how to start to make steps towards your lit life. So tools and strategies that can help you to do that. Until next time, thank you again as always for for being here. And until next week, stop living a life of lethargy and start living.

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