I won't make you quit your job

Actually, when I first, first became a coach, first decided to coach, that is actually kind of what I wanted to do. My idea was to.

I'd got out of Big Law and.

I wanted to go back and help everybody else escape, take everybody else with me. But that was kind of earlier. And as I grew more, as I coached more people, as I sort of saw more of the issues that people have, that isn't actually what I do. And if I was to sort of put in a sort of simple sentence what it is I actually do, what I do is I guide you back to yourself.

You're listening to the Circle CE Project. Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live lifeless. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big law dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life.

You think you should want and ready.

To start living the life you want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now we're friends. I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey.

Hey. Welcome to episode 28 of the Triple C Project with me, Ryan Spence, life coach and author of the Triple C Method. Gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage so you can live life lit. The book that's a toolkit to help you get from where you are to where you want to be. The book that's part memoir and part blueprint of how I got from the big law lawyer to the big law dropout.

Go ahead and grab hold of the.

Book wherever you get your books from, available as paperback, ebook or audiobook. Just get all three. That's what I've done before. I'm a bit of a geek like that, but I find it great to be listening to the audio while reading along at the same time. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, this week I want to talk about a conversation I had with a friend of mine, an ex colleague. I'm not going to name them, but if they're listening, they'll be able to identify themselves straight away, I'm sure. So. Hey there. This is. This is for you. Thanks for inspiring this episode, but I thought it was a very good thing to talk about. Let's talk about. Really? Okay. What is it that I do?

And I'm going to talk about this.

In the context we're having a conversation and talking about what I'VE been doing in terms of coaching and also talking about the content. And I was also saying that I'm sort of doing more stuff, speaking and talking to more people. And they said to me, I wouldn't want you speaking in my organization. And I laughed. And I think they met it in a. In the nicest possible way. And it was a little bit tongue in cheek, but the general gist was that by speaking to their organization, everybody would want to leave. And this sort of idea that what I do is basically inspire people to quit their jobs. And I found it funny. It's funny because actually when I first. First became a coach, first decided to coach, that is actually kind of what I wanted to do. My idea was to.

I'd got out of big law and.

I wanted to go back and help everybody else escape, take everybody else with me. But that was kind of earlier. And as I grew more. As I coached more people, as I sort of saw more of the issues that people have, that isn't actually what I do. And if I was to sort of put in a sort of simple sentence what it is I actually do, what I do is I guide you back to yourself. What do I mean by that? Well, I think it's probably helpful to sort of talk about what I don't mean. So what I don't do is I don't help people to quit their jobs. I don't help people change jobs. I'm not a career coach. I don't help you with your resume. I don't tell you the best thing to do. I don't give you the answers at all. I just don't tell you what to do. That's not my job as a coach. And you may be thinking, well, what's the point then? And the point is this. You know what you want out of life. You know when something isn't working for you. You know what your deepest dreams and your biggest goals are. You know all of that, it's all within you already. Deep down, you know exactly what it is that you want to do. I mean, you may not know this specific thing, but I mean, you know that the life that you want to live and you're just afraid to say it. I mean, there's no other way for me to say that. You're just afraid that saying out loud that you'll. You'll sound silly, that it sounds unrealistic, you're afraid of what people are going to say about that. I know because I've been there. I've been through all of that. I didn't feel that I could fully express how I wanted my life to be, the way I wanted my ideal day to be, how I wanted it to look, where I wanted it to live, the money that I wanted to earn, the type of house I wanted to live in, the type type of car I wanted to drive, the places I wanted to travel, the work I wanted to do, the people I wanted to work with. All of these things are things which were already within me. And the coach didn't tell me, quit my job, quit your job and become a yoga teacher and then go ahead and become a coach and then coach people because nobody can tell you what to do. Because if I was to tell you to quit your job and to go and take this other job and you were to not do any of the work, the inner work that is necessary to figure out what's important to you, what you want and why you want it, you're going to go from a miserable environment to another miserable environment. And the common denominator is going to be you. Because look, the issues around big law or some of the big corporates are well documented. The toxic environment, the office politics, the burnout inducing way of working, that's that, that's all external and that's well documented. And there are issues there. Of course there are, but you can't change those on your own. But what you can change is yourself and how you deal with it or if you decide to deal with it. And you need to do that inner work before you can start to see improvements in your own life. Because changing the external alone is not going to change your life in the way that you want it to. You have to also work on the internal. And that's what I do as a coach. And that's what I mean by guiding yourself back to yourself. I, instead of looking outward as you are, want to do as we all want to do. I get you looking inwards and that's an uncomfortable place to be. And if you don't believe me, I want you to try this. Try, try sitting still somewhere for a couple of minutes. No phone, not reading a book, not listening to music, just sit, eyes closed, still breathing. And you'll probably feel restless, you'll start to feel uncomfortable, you'll start to feel antsy, you want to sort of do something and that's the discomfort, that's the discomfort of going inward because being left alone with your own thoughts is uncomfortable. And so we don't do it as often as we probably need to. We distract ourselves with our phones with alcohol, with work, with tv, with Netflix, with anything else. To avoid dealing with what's inside of ourselves. And that can be for reasons such as past history and trauma for which you'd be advised to go and talk to a therapist about. It can be because we have all of this excitement and creativity inside of us, but we don't feel that we have an outlet for it. We don't feel that it's something which we can truly explore because we've been conditioned to believe that we need to subscribe to a certain idea of success. And that idea of success is getting on and climbing up that corporate ladder and surviving in that corporate world. If you're thriving, that's fantastic. But surviving, that's to be expected. You're supposed to do that. You're supposed to just suck it up. But what I do as a coach, what I do in the sessions is I, first of all hold this space. Imagine walking into a room and within that room everything is focused upon you. It's focused upon making you win. It's the most comforting space in the sense that you have everything that you need. And it's a space where you can say anything that is within side of you. You can let it all out in a way, the knowing that you're not going to be judged for it, you're not going to be made to feel silly. No one's going to tell you that it's unrealistic and you need to come back to the real world. You're literally able to release your deepest inner thoughts, hopes, wishes, desires. And not only that, but you're going to have somebody who listens to your every word and not listens, waiting for you to finish. So they can jump in and say what they want to see say, so they can push their agenda. But who is listening actively and intently, looking for those little moments of incongruence, those moments where what you say doesn't necessarily match how you feel or how your face looks. Who's watching when you say that thing that really lights you up, but you gloss over it because you feel that it's something that isn't possible for you. Like when I talked in previous episode about when you have a desire to do something and you instantly dismiss it and self sabotage yourself by saying you won't make money. You having someone who will look out for those moments and then challenge you on them and then sort of drill down to kind of see where these thoughts are coming from, why you're not exploring that, what, what you could be doing that's that's what I do. That's the job as your coach. And look, going through that process, it may lend you to deciding that actually I really do need to quit this job. It's really not serving me. But that's not on me, that's on your employer. That's on them for creating a culture that doesn't allow you to thrive, that doesn't allow you to be who you want to be, that doesn't allow you to fully self actualize. So I don't make you, I don't make clients, I don't make anybody do anything. I can't make anyone do anything. You're your own person and you are the best, you're the best word I'm looking for. You're the best judge of you. You're the person who knows you the best. You're the person, only person who knows your deepest inner thoughts, wants, wishes, hopes and desires. So what I'm doing is guiding you there. Somebody, and I can't remember who used the analogy of coaching one time of you beat the client being in the driving seat and the coach sitting alongside you helping you to navigate the way. I guess it's a bit like those rally drivers where you have one person who's shouting out the coordinates and the other person is kind of maneuvering them themselves along the journey towards the destination. That's what I mean when I say I guide you back to yourself. So if you've never how to coach, that's, that's the process, really. That's the process sitting, talking about you. It's all about you. I mean, who wouldn't want a situation where it's all about them for a change? Everyone around us can give us the benefit of their experience and give us, give us their advice, but a lot of the times they, they have their own agendas, they, they have their own ideas of security, of safety, their own ideas of what you should be doing and how, what you're doing that will benefit them or even how, by doing what they want you to be doing will keep you safe. But that isn't always in alignment with what it is that you want and what it is that you believe. And that's why having someone completely independent whose only desire is to see you win, his only desire is to see you live the life that you want. Whose only desire is to see you live life lit. It's a beautiful thing. So if this sounds like something that you think, actually that sounds intriguing to me, you're quite curious about, you'd like to Find out more about that. I like to invite you to book a call, let's have a chat. We'll sit down for an hour, we'll kick around what's going on with you, where you want to be, the things that really impacting you right now that you'd like to make a change on areas of your life that you'd like to shift. And through the course of that conversation we'll just get a sense to whether whether we're a good fit, whether we get on whether we like each other, whether you think that I can help you and whether I think and I want to help you. And if that's the case, we can talk about what working together would look like to do that. If you head to iamryanspence.com coaching or and check out the page there which tells you a little bit more about what it's like to work with me and also how you can book a call or just send me an email to hey@iamrinespence.com or DM me on Instagram or LinkedIn and just put in the subject line or in the body of the email curious about coaching or whatever you want to do. Just say hi. I mean that's all good too and we'll connect. I'm here to help as many people.

As possible stop living the life they.

Don'T want and start living the life that they do want. Because you have a choice. It doesn't always seem that way, but you really do have a choice. But in order to exercise that choice in the best possible way for you, you need to get clear on what it is that you want, why you want it, and also on who you are. And that way you can start to make choices that serve you rather than hurt you. That's all for me this week. It's been great sharing this with you. As I say, I can speak to your organization, I can speak to you, but I'm not going to make you quit. I'm never going to try and make you do something you don't want to do. I'm only going to make you do or guide you towards doing what it is that you already know you want to do. You just feel that you never had permission to say and do that. As always. See you next week. Stop living a life of lethargy and please go forth. Do your best. Do what's necessary to start living a life that's lit.

Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C project. Before you go, I want to share something with you when I was in Big Law, I struggled with limiting beliefs. I didn't have the confidence to believe that I could change my life, that I could leave Big Law and do something differently, that I could move from a life of lethargy and create a life that's lit. That's why I created the Confidence Journal for people like you, who are in the same position that I was, who are struggling with that confidence and need the boot to allow you to believe that you can do the things that you want to do. Confidence journalist 6 journal prompts that I've used and I still use to help me get from the guy who's too scared to post on Instagram to the guy who is now committed to giving a TED Talk, to the guy who wrote a book, to the guy who launched a podcast. You can do any of this too. All you need to do is stop boosting your confidence. So to do that, head to iamrinespence.com.

And download the Confidence Journal. It's free, it works, and it's going to change your life.

Thanks for tuning in. See you next week. And remember, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life.