It's Not Just You

If you are carrying these feelings right now, if you're thinking this way, I really just wanted to share four words with you. If you're thinking to yourself, maybe it is just me and you're holding all of this in and it's really weighing you down and giving you this angst and this anxiety and you just don't know what to do with all of that. Here's what I want to say to you. It's not just you. You're listening to the Circle C Project. Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live lifeless. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big Lord, dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big hairy, audacious goals. If you're t and living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. Sit now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit hey hey. Welcome to episode 65 of the Triple C Project. I'm glad to say that I'm almost back to 100 after my bout of COVID which seemed to linger, give me this annoying cough. Even recording last week's episode, I had to keep pausing because I kept falling into coughing fit. So I'm hoping that's not going to happen this week. I'm feeling, feeling good, feeling almost back on my game. And before I talk about this week's episode, I saw a post on LinkedIn today actually, and it was a poll and it was asking whether I can't remember the exact wording, but basically English people, Brits, have a problem with shouting about their achievements. And clearly the answer is yes. I mean, as Brits, we're not like our American cousins. We tend to play down our achievements. It's seen as un British to shout about all the great things you've done and how good you are and things that you've achieved. And it's something which I've actively been trying to push back against over the last few years. I've been trying to get more comfortable with celebrating my wins and getting my clients to do the same as well. But I know that there's still a lot more that I could do. There's a lot more that I could talk about. And someone once said to me that we when you think you've spoken about something too much, you need to speak about it some more because people need to hear things a whole host of times. Used to be seven times people used to say. Now people say in the digital era it's 21, it could be even more. But they need to hear about things a whole host of times before they actually take action. And I know that for myself I'm a bit like that. You might be the same where you might see an ad or read a post or hear something and think that sounds really cool. I want to check that out. And then you get distracted by one of your kids or a friend or some meme that comes up and you'll forget about it and then you'll see it again and you'll see it again and eventually you'll actually get around to doing the damn thing. Maybe it is just me. Anyway, in that vein I'm going to remind you that if you haven't yet got your copy of the Triple C Method, I invite you to go ahead and pick that up right now. And not just so I could sell a few books and it'll make me feel good, but because I really, truly believe in this book. It's the book that I wish that I had had when I was struggling back in Big Law. This isn't an inspirational book. It's not a self help book. It's not a motivational book. It's a transformational toolkit. It's a book that's going to teach you what I learned the hard way in terms of getting out of a situation you don't want to be in and creating vision for the life you want and then getting after that vision. I say some of the things you're going to learn from the book are the simple reason that you're settling for less and what you can do about that. How you can tap into an endless store of motivation to kind of get you going, get you moving towards where you want to be. The reason that some people have limitless confidence and how you can activate yours. And spoiler alert, you've got limitless confidence to just got to activate. Also teach you how to use courage, stacking my principle of building up and breaking through the fear and how to use that to build sustainable discipline. And it will teach you the secret to tapping into your capacity for fearless growth. And there's a whole host of other things in there as well. There's some great stories and you, I'm sure, will see yourself in at least one, if not more of the stories that I share. The experiences that I have been through in Big Law and Beyond of kind of fighting this inner creative within me and suppressing it in 11 years in big law, and then all of a sudden seeing it unleashed and coming out to play. So if you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love the book. And not only can you read the paperback and the Kindle version, but, but there's an audio book too. So however you like to consume your books, there's a medium available for you because I'm cool and generous like that. So go ahead and check it out. Amazon is where everyone gets their books and you can go there and get the whole suite, but go to your local independent bookshop if you've got one nearby, one that you love, and order it in there. Support your independence. Waterstones, Barnes and Nobody also are the places you can grab hold of a copy of, of the Triple C Method, helping you gain clarity, boost confidence, and build courage so you can live life lit, just like this podcast does. And speaking of the podcasts, this week I'm going to talk about something that you may have been through or be going through right now. So you ever been in this situation and you're, you're not quite sure about it, you're not feeling that comfortable, but you say to yourself, maybe it's just me, because you, you look around and there are other people in the exact same situation that you're in, and they kind of seem to be okay. They seem to be just cruising along, just getting on with it and not really sweating the stuff that, that you're sweating, not feeling the way that you're feeling. This was definitely me when I was in big law. Now, in big Law, obviously people will always bitch and moan about things here and there. I mean, that's the nature of any job, really. And sometimes it's a good way of just getting through the day of, you know, I mean, consoling your, your colleague or speaking to your colleague about shit that's, that's going on for you that annoys you. And that's kind of part of the course. That's. I think that's just normal, right? But when inside you're feeling like deep and happiness, when you're feeling trapped, when you're feeling burnt out, not many people really speak to the essence of that. And it can lead you to think that other people aren't feeling what you're feeling, that it's just you. And when you feel that it's just you, you then start to make yourself feel that it's a problem and that it's you that has the problem. Because look, other people might be complaining about shit over here and over there, but they, they're just getting on with it, you know. Yeah, they're bitching and moaning, but they're, they're not exhibiting the same feelings that you have. They don't appear to feel the same pain that you do. They don't appear to feel the same guilt, the same shame, the same despair that you're feeling. That's what I felt anyway. And so people who knew me in that big law world never really got a full understanding of what was going on for me because I wouldn't share it. And I wouldn't share it because I thought I was the only one. I thought that it was just me. And when you think that it's just you, you're going to be scared. You're going to want to keep that to yourself. You're not going to want to share it with anybody else for fear of embarrassment, fear of ridicule, fear of people saying you're not grateful when they're looking at you as being this successful big shot big law lawyer, when actually deep inside you are miserable. And some of the feelings that I felt I'm going to share with you and see if these resonate with you. So I know that I was feeling guilt. Guilt about dreaming of walking away from this job that many of the people were seemingly kill for and going ahead to sort of chase my dreams. People around you are being laid off. People around you are trying to get training contracts, get into law firms. People around you are trying to get into the firm that you're in, trying to work on the deals that you're working on. So who are you to say you don't want to do that? So there was definitely guilt around those feelings, feelings that I couldn't control. There were also feelings of shame, the shaming, admitting that beneath this outward appearance of a successful, ambitious, high flying, big law lawyer, there was actually misery. There's actually real misery, real unhappiness, real feeling of feeling unfulfilled and a real sort of questioning of is this what my life is destined to be? Looking ahead at what would happen if I stayed where I was staying and thinking, but I don't want that. I actually want to be around for my kids. I actually want to have a life outside of the office. I want to do things that excite me. I want to create, I want to practice yoga, I want to go on holiday without having to check my emails and respond to stuff on the beach. But there was shame in admitting that. So I didn't. And I also felt despair, this despair at feeling trapped in this situation, knowing I didn't want to be there anymore, but not knowing how to escape it, and not even believing that it was possible to escape. I mean, no one walks away from a career like that, right? No one walks away from salary, from the status, from the career track that you're on. Like you just don't do that, particularly when other people out there around you are struggling. So they were just some of the feelings that I had. Guilt, shame, despair. And I need to take a moment and think about whether you feel any of those things, because I know when I was in that moment, I probably, in fact, I know I wouldn't have necessarily used these words to refer to how I was feeling. It's really with hindsight that I look back and identify that yes, I was feeling guilt, I was feeling shame, I was feeling despair. So the language that I use now is different and probably more precise than the language I would have used then because I didn't have the language, I didn't have the self awareness, but back then to use the words that I'm using now. So I wanted to share that with you to see if that resonates with you so that you can identify if these are feelings that you're having too. And also to then let you know that if you are carrying these feelings right now, if you're thinking this way, I really just wanted to share four words with you. If you're thinking to yourself, then maybe it is just me and you're holding all of this in and it's really weighing you down and giving you this angst and this anxiety and you just don't know what to do with all of that. Here's what I want to say to you. It's not just you, and this is a revelation to me. And it was really a revelation that I didn't really have until I'd already left. So it was kind of almost too late. Although it still gave me some comfort. And it's one of the reasons that I started to do what I now do. I started to coach people in the situation that I was in because I realized that it wasn't just me. There were so many other people who felt the same way. And because they felt the same way, they also felt that same reticence to share what they were feeling. So therefore they were suffering in silence, just like I suffering in silence. And it was amazing to find that there was this whole world of people who were in the same situation. Or had been in the same situation. And you could then share war stories, share your wisdom, share experience, and share what you did to extricate yourself from a situation that wasn't working for you. And I hope that that gives you some comfort if you're carrying these feelings as well, to know that there are other people out there just like you, who are feeling what you are feeling and who have also scared to share that with people around them, which is why you may not have heard of them. I know this because I've spoken to these people, I've listened to these people and I've coached many of these people as well. I've had these conversations. And so I know that there are many other people out there who they feel misunderstood about the decisions that they make. They feel judged about wanting to step out, step away and change direction and carve their own path. And they feel helpless because they just don't know how to do that, how to start doing that. So they're having these conversations with themselves, saying things like, I can't keep doing this. And they're dreaming of another life. They have these dreams and these ideals of what they would do. Sometimes those dreams revolve around winning the lotteries. They don't have to work anymore, but often their dreams of just doing something that they, that they love, that they enjoy, that kind of is in alignment with how they want to live. Usually it's connecting with something that they did previously and they've left behind to pursue this, this corporate way of living. And I know this because I've experienced those feelings of isolation, as I said, and that those feelings of being misunderstood and have been judged for decisions that fall outside of other people's expectations. I still feel a little about it now, but now I'm, I'll talk about it, I don't care. And I also have people around me, a good community of people around me who are sharing similar things. And it's good to feel like you're in that bubble of support of people who truly understand what it is that you are going through and aren't going to gaslight. You aren't going to dismiss your feelings, but are really going to listen and support you and cheer you on and pick you up when you fall and all of those things. So knowing all of that, one of the things that's been on my mind over the last few months is how to create a community of like minded people. How to create a community where I can bring people together with others like them so that they can all see that what they're feeling isn't just them. They're not living out a fantasy, they're not in this isolated bubble. There are other people who feel the same way that that you do, who have the same fears, who have the same dreams, the same aspirations and knowing that you have other people like that, who you can converse with whenever you feel like it, who are going to listen, who are going to support, who are going to cheer. I know for me has been immensely valuable and important and so I still don't have it all figured out. But I have an experiment that I'm going to be running in June and I'd like to invite you along. So it's a 21 day private community and it's going to be just for what I talked about. It's going to be for connecting people. Some will be existing or former one to one clients of mine and some won't be. But they'll all be people who are like minded, who are in this situation where they're at this crossroads and they know they want some sort of change. They don't want to stay the way things to stay the way they are, but they're not quite sure how to go about it. And they're feeling quite isolated. They can't speak to their friends or their family because they see them as this successful, ambitious high flyer. And they won't understand them wanting to walk away from that life or shake things up a little. So if this appeals to you, I'd like to invite you to join. It's 21 days, there is zero costs because I'm running this as an experiment for something which I'm looking to do later this year, but I'm limiting it to 10 people only. And I'm doing that because I want this to be a nice intimate space where people can get to know each other, can really connect, really build relationships, and really get to know and support each other on their individual journeys. So if you're feeling overwhelmed by life and you don't know what to do or where to start to change it, if you want to stop reacting to life's demands and start creating a life where your well being isn't playing second fiddle to your job and where you are using your time intentionally, and if you want a space where your wildest dreams are going to be supported and not judged, we've all kind of maybe shared a dream here or there with friends or family and they may have laughed at us and said, yeah, but that's not for you. That's not really going to happen. This isn't going to happen in this community. This is a community where people are going to support you in that. Not blow smoke up your ass, but support you. See you witness the fact that you have this vision, but then help you to achieve it, hold you accountable, challenge you and get you to kind of see, well, why are you doing this? Is it for the right reasons? So if all of that sounds great to you, sounds like something you could need right now, this is, this community is for the you. And I'll be showing up in there, I'll be giving some coaching and sharing some of my knowledge, wisdom, maybe going deeper on some of the things you'll have listened to in this podcast or read about in the book. And my plan is to really create this really warm, supportive community and I want people to feel like they do make real friends, real connections, real relationships in there that continue beyond the 28 days that the community will run for. So if this is of interest to you and look, why wouldn't it be? We kick off on the 1st of June, and if you want in, then there's two things you can do. If you head to the Show Notes, there'll be a link to the application form and you can go ahead, fill that in, or you can send me a email to hey am Ryan Spence.com in the subject line, just say it's not just you and just say you want in and I will send you the link to the application form. Or if you're connected to me on LinkedIn or on Instagram, then send me a DM same thing and I'll send you the form. As I say, there's only going to be 10 spots this time around. If you don't make it in this time, you'll be on the wait list for whatever will come next from this. But it's really going to be amazing because I'm going to make it amazing. As I say, I really understand what it's like to feel stuck, to feel unhappy, to feel miserable, to feel unfulfilled, but also to feel isolated, not feel you can share that with anybody and not feel you can get the support you need, not even know what support you're actually looking for. So being in a community with other people, sharing, I think you're really going to find some of that support, find some of the direction that you need and you're going to leave with an expanded mind of what's possible for you and with increased clarity and hopefully increased confidence and courage, too. So again, send me an email hey am ryan spence.com shoot me a DM on LinkedIn or on Instagram or head straight to the show notes now and click the link and fill in the application. I look forward to welcoming you into the community, which is actually going to be called it's not just YouTube community, you know, Nice and easy, nice and simple. As a reminder, that's it for me this week. Thank you as always for being here. Love speaking to you, love sharing this with you, love giving you the support and love helping you move from a life of lethargy towards living a life that's lit. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of the Triple C project. If this episode spoke to you, you you got valuable insights. If there's something which really hit home for you, then let me know. Send me an email. Hey am Ryan Spence.com and share the episode with a friend. The more that we can share our experiences, our insights, words of wisdom, things that really change our thoughts, reframe the way that we see things. We can create that ripple effect that helps everybody else around us and hopefully have more people moving toward the path of living life lit. If you'd like to support the show, please, please leave a review. It really helps to get the show out to other people in this world of algorithms and all of that jazz. And it really helps me to see what resonates with you, who's listening and kind of so I can give you more of what you want from me or what you want to hear. So you can head to Apple Podcasts or head to ratethispodcast.com cccc and you can leave your review there and it will get to wherever it needs to get to. And to support your growth, your move from a life of lethargy towards a life that's lit. And to supplement what you hear on this podcast, go ahead and I invite you to grab a copy of my book, the Triple C Method. Gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life. It available now, anywhere you get your books. Or head to iamrinespence.com book and grab your copy there. Thanks for being here. Always a pleasure to be with you. Until next week, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life lit.