The Perfect Life

So where am I going with this? What's my point? Well, my point is this. There is no perfect life. So stop chasing it. Anyone who claims that there is is just trying to get you to conform to their way of the world, to conform to the way that they see you fitting into that world. I mean, look, life. Life is messy. Life is complicated. There is no blueprint. There's no rule book or manual that tells you how to do this thing called life. You're listening to the Circle C Project. Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live lifeless. I'm your host, Ryan Spence. The big lord, dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey. Hey. Welcome to episode 66 on of the Triple C Project. Before we get into it, last week I told you about the experiment that I'm running, the new 21 day virtual private community I'm hosting. It's not just you community for people like you who have these feelings, these doubts and feel that it's just you. And I want to bring you all together with people who are thinking the same so you can see it's not just you. And we can build this community where we collaborate, support, champion each other and also get some coaching from me. There were 10 spots. As I said last week, there are now only six spots left. As I say, zero cost this round, but if I run it again, it won't be. So if you want to experience it and play a part in crafting what this looks like for future attendees, you need to get in there now. I also now have a specific landing page for it so you can head to Subscribepage IO it's not just you. And find out more and apply to join the community. Link will be in the show notes. I look forward to seeing you in there. It's going to be lit. Now to this week's episode. So were you enticed by the title of this week's episode, the Perfect Life? And did you tune in, thinking, hoping, wishing that I was going to tell you the secret formula for living a perfect life? If you did, I'm really sorry to disappoint you, because I'm not. This is going to be a little bit of a rant based on just some things that I see out there, not just in the coaching space, but. But more widely as well. But I want to start the episode with a warning, a few words of advice for you. If anyone tries to sell you a perfect life, run. Run as fast as you can. Don't give them any money. Don't sit and have a conversation with them because they're lying to you. And I try not to get too spicy about things like this. I don't like to call people out, and I'm not going to call anyone specific out. It's not really my style. I don't really think it's helpful unless there is quite blatant harm out there, because I believe everyone kind of has to make their own decisions. But I kind of want to just make more of a generic or a general point about perfection, because, particularly coming from a law background as I do, perfection is one of those things that's drilled into you. Things have to be perfect. Clients are paying you to be perfect. And this perfection trait spills over into other aspects of your life, and it causes a lot of angst, it causes a lot of stress, a lot of worry, and I don't think that it's helpful. And I especially don't think it's helpful to think about perfection in terms of life. And here's why. So if you've read my book or you've listened to earlier episodes, you know, I like to look at definitions of words. And when I looked at the definition of perfect, the thing that stood out for me was this, that it means being entirely without flaw or defect. Okay, makes sense, right? Flawless. So when you think about a diamond, for example, you know, and I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty fucking boring to me if I'm honest. I mean, not in all aspects. I mean, look, I love my trainers or sneakers. If you are listening in North America and, you know, a perfect pair of trainers, hell yeah, count me in. Perfect glass of champagne nicely chilled to perfection. Yeah, I can agree that. And I love a perfect glass of champagne. Or the perfect flawless diamond, if you're into diamonds. I'm not really, but, you know, some people like that. And it's like, yeah, I mean, perfectly clear. You can see through it. It's perfect. It's flawless, as they say. I'm fine with all of those things being perfect. I'm fine with all of those things being entirely without flaw or Defect. And if they're not, I probably get a little bit annoyed anyway. So why is that? Because for those things, there's a process to creating them. Okay, maybe not a diamond, I don't know about diamonds, but you know, stick with me here. And if you follow the process, you should ideally get the same result every time. So you make the perfect pair of trainers, you get the perfect grapes, the perfect bottle of champagne, and you serve it in the perfect manner. But generally speaking, when you think about life, there is no process. There's no blueprint for being human, for living life. I mean, sure, there are protocols for keeping yourself alive. You know, eat well, move your body, exercise your mind. I know, I know, I know that might sound quite simplistic, but I mean, I'm a coach, I'm not a doctor. Don't come to me for medical advice. But you get what I'm saying, right? There's no blueprint for success. And in fact, there isn't even an agreed barometer of success. What does success mean? You can think about it in a number of ways. Make lots of money. Okay, so how much is a lot of money to be successful? Get a good job. Fine, but what constitutes a good job? Buy a house, get a car, get two cars, two kids, maybe a dog or a cat, a holiday home, blah, blah, blah. Is that success? Is that perfection? Is that the perfect life? I mean, leaving aside the fact that we're all unique and we want and we value different things, let's just, let's just play devil's advocate for a minute here. So imagine everyone agrees that success is the same. Success equals, for the sake of argument, a salary of £200,000 a year, spouse, two kids, a dog, a four bed family, home with a garden, two new cars in the drive, two foreign holidays a year. Okay, work. Work with me here. Okay? Work with me. Now imagine that to get that quote, unquote perfect life, all you had to do was follow the perfect blueprint. So the right school, get the right grades, apply to the right company or law firm, follow every rule and expectation, even if they wound you, even if they suck your very soul out of your body. But do it so you can climb the ladder to be a partner in a law firm, a director, a CEO, a big fucking dog, big deal that success. Now, I don't know about you, but I have some thoughts. My first thought is how fucking dull it would be to be just like everyone else. To have the same life as everyone else. To follow the same path everyone else has followed without applying your own unique skills without applying your own creativity. And my second thought is how soul destroying it would be to have to constantly maintain this facade, this life that isn't really yours, isn't really what you want. There's no room in that life for individuality. There's no room for exploration, no room for adventure, no room for mistakes in case you get shunned by the many or excommunicated from the tribe of automatons because you disrupt their perfect existence with your individuality, with your difference, with your uniqueness. Many people will try to sell you the illusion of the perfect life, as I said. And some will do this from a good place because they want you to be happy. And they. They think this is the way to do that. And I'm talking about maybe your parents or your friends or that teacher that always looked out for you at school. But there are some who have more nefarious reasons, some who will do it from a place of self interest, which is basically the entire capitalist system that needs you to be a worker bee, to be a resource to the system so the system can keep making more cash for the fat cats that sit at the top of this whole stinking pyramid. Look, political there, but life's political, so I make no apologies. So where am I going with this? What's my point? Well, my point is this. There is no perfect life, so stop chasing it. Anyone who claims that there is is just trying to get you to conform to their way of the world, to conform to the way that they see you fitting into that world. I mean, look, life. Life is messy. Life is complicated. There is no blueprint. There's no rule book or manual that tells you how to do this thing called life, that ensures that you always make the right decisions, that you always follow the right path. I mean, what's the right decision? What's the right path? My right decision. And my right path may be different to yours. So who's to say who's right or who's wrong? I mean, life. Life is scary, you know? I mean, fuck yeah, it's scary. But life's beautiful too. It's that uncertainty, that scariness that makes it beautiful. That unpredictability that makes it exciting and wonderful. And in this exciting, this wonderful, this beautiful, scary world, you are unique. You're one of 8 billion people on this planet. And you're not the same as the others. You have unique gifts. You have unique abilities and skills that help, or could help if you allowed yourself to step into them, to harness them, to exhibit them. It would help to make this world an even better place. And it doesn't have to be grand. I mean, yes, it could be by doing something like inventing the iPhone, if you believe the iPhones makes the world a better place, which I do, I do. Fight me on that. Or it could be something as simple as creating a piece of art that makes somebody smile, that brightens somebody's day, that gives somebody hope or inspiration. So my message to you this week is don't strive to be perfect. Perfection isn't a destination. Perfection isn't all it's crept up to be. Instead, strive to be the beautiful, unique being you were designed to be. Strive to hold on to and get after your dreams. Strive to connect with your inner wisdom, your deepest desires, and explore how you can make them a reality in a way that aligns with the way that you want to live in a way that makes you feel joy, in a way that makes you feel lit. That's what I to do. That's the way that life should be lived. Because the world needs you to be you. Not me, not somebody else but you. It doesn't need you to be what others think that you should be. Little bit of a rant there, but I felt really passionate about this topic. And I feel that sometimes this idea of perfection really holds people back, really stops you from fully expressing yourself for fear of getting it wrong, of fucking up the program of not following the blueprint that somebody told you you should follow. And so I really wanted to get this off my chest to implore you to not do that. Please don't do that. Okay, so as I step down or before I step down from my soapbox, I just want to remind you of my invitation to you to join me in the it's not just you community playground. Really. It's a playground. It's going to be a lot of fun. Head to subscribepage IO it's not just you. And complete the application. We start on the 5th of June, and I love to see you in there for the messy, imperfect creation of your little life. And we're going to do this. We're going to explore all the things that make you unique. We're going to explore and find out what are the things that bring you joy, how you can get more of that in your life, make it more of the norm, of the exception, be more intentional about how you do things, the habits that you cultivate, how you go about your day. We're going to work with you to get that clarity by getting you to spend some time in stillness, giving you guided meditations, hypnosis, hypnotic states, whatever is needed or necessary in that moment to kind of help you just take that time to look within to find the answers that you are looking for. This is going to be a beautiful experiment. It's going to be a bit of a lab, it's going to be a bit of a test case. And when you're in there, you're going to get all of that and you're going to be able to help shape what this becomes in the future when I do this again. So, yes, as a few people have said to me on social media this week, it's really generous of you to offer this and offer your time. And on the one hand it is. But also I'm getting a lot back from this. I'm getting the. I'm getting the chance to just bring beautiful humans together who I know have big dreams, have great ambitions and just connect them and just to coach them and just to help them to find what it is that they're looking for and to get after it, to develop that clarity, that confidence, that courage. So come, come join me. Come join me in the community. The link is in the show notes and I can't wait to see you there. So until next week, thank you for being here as always and stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit. Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C project. If you love the show, if this resonated with you, you've got some valuable insights, let me know. You can find me on Instagram, am_spencer or search for Ryan Spence over on LinkedIn. To find out more about the show me or how to work with me as your Coach, head to iamryanspence.com and get on my mailing list. Grab hold of my free confidence journal to help you start to build the belief you can do the things that you want to do. Thanks for being here as always. Until next week, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit.