The Root Of The Problem Isn't Always Where The Pain Is

And it got me thinking about something that I've said before and about when clients come to me and they tell me what the key issue is that they want help with. And the thought that came to mind is that often the root of the problem isn't always where the pain is. You're listening to the Triple C Project. Welcome to the Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage, so you can live life lit. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big lore dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, allow me to guide you towards living a life that lives. Hey. Hey. Welcome to episode 73 of the Triple C Project. This is gonna be a short episode this week because it just is as I record this. So this is Thursday the 6th of July, and if you are on social media at all or if you've been following the news, you'll know that there's the new app threads from meta, Facebook, Instagram people, which is kind of being billed as a. As a friendlier rival to Twitter. Now, I never got Twitter. I have a Twitter account, but I just, I just didn't get it, so basically just stopped using it. And I hadn't really had any intention of joining on threads either, but I just thought, fuck it, why not just check it out? And so I've been on there today and I gotta be honest with you, I probably spent a little bit more time than I should have done, as I think everybody else who's on there has at the moment. And what's exciting about it is that it's. It's just a new space. It's kind of like. It's kind of like when you go to a party and you see a load of people. Nobody really knows how everybody got there. Nobody really knows the host or who the host is, but everyone's just kind of like looking around and just randomly chatting to people to kind of get to figure everybody out. And because nobody knows anybody, everybody is kind of just being themselves, you know, I mean, they're not really bothered about being judged. They're just showing up and being themselves. This is seems a little bit like what threat is gonna be like. It seems to. People seem to be using it as a Conversation place, but a conversation without any of the pretension, without any of the masking. Not everybody. Some people will be using it the same way they've used everything else. But at the moment it feels quite an interesting place to be. But it is still very early days. I don't know why I've spoken so long about threads. That was not, not the intention, but I guess it was just to kind of say that, yeah, I, I kind of got a bit way late. And so here I am recording my podcast late at night again. But I have to show up for you. I just. It's the one thing that I make myself do every week because I want to do it. And it's good. It keeps me, keeps me accountable. So thanks for listening because that's why I do this. What else has been happening? I started writing the new book this week, so you may have heard a week or a couple of weeks ago. Can't remember when I said I was now ready to start writing book number two to follow on from the triple C method. So that started this week and I just want to give you some encouragement if you are starting or thinking of embarking on a big project, something new, something that you really wanted to do, and you're having a little bit of a slow start, don't worry about it. This is what's happening to me. So it was all geared up to start writing on Monday. So Monday I wrote no words. Tuesday I wrote a little over 700 words, which is, which is good for a day in about half an hour, 25 minutes, actually, so that's pretty good. Wednesday I wrote probably around a thousand words. So again, pretty good in around half an hour. And then today, Thursday, no words. So I'm going to pick it up again on Friday. But the. I think sometimes what we can do is when we're really excited about starting something and things knock us off course, you know, sometimes life just gets in the way. Sometimes we can start to beat ourselves up and to a point where we just have this heavy, negative feeling. And when you're in that negative, negative, heavy feeling, you just don't want to do anything and. And so things just kind of fizzle out. I know this has happened to me before, many times, way back when. But this time with the book, and I've talked about this before, I've got evidence that I can do this. I've written one book and I got it out. And I went through similar things with the first book. You know, there are days when you sit down and you can't think of anything. And there were days when you just can't stop writing. There are days when life just takes over and you just don't get to sit despite it being scheduled in your calendar. But I know this. I know that these things can happen and I know that it's not terminal. I know that the why that I have for writing this is strong enough that I'll just make up for it the next time, you know, and it will get done. So I don't want to share that. Just to kind of give you that encouragement to keep going. If there's something which you really want and you've really connected to that, why don't let a day or two off kind of knock you off course and make you give up. Just keep going. Be persistent. It will stand you in good stead and you will get there. So I'll give you periodic updates as to how the book's coming along. But yeah, at the moment I'm excited about it, but I don't really have a full idea as to the direction it will going. I know where I think it's going to go, but when these things start, they take on the life of their own. So who knows? We will see. But really excited to share more with you as the project progresses and the final update for this week. So I talked about the community I hosted. It's not just you Community, which was a community that I was running for 21 days in June to bring people together, clients of mine, past and former people who had never worked with me, but who I was connected to. And the thing that they would all have in common is they all have something they're striving for. They're all trying to carve out their mission, trying to build this clarity, confidence, encourage, trying to kind of find their path in the world and get after what it is that they want. Because often people who come to me, who I work with, have issues which they feel are unique to them. And often, as I say to them, other people share them too. And so bringing people together to see that for themselves, for me, was really important. And I love the community. It was an experiment, but it worked well. The feedback forms are starting to come in and I'm really kind of pleased with what people are saying. And I was thinking to myself, well, what, what do I. What do I want to do next? How do I want to keep this going? Because I like the vibe and I like. I like what people are liking about it. I like the value that they're getting. So I have decided to keep it open. So if you're sat on the fence last time and you missed out and you like to get into the next round, get into the group and see what's going on, head to subscribe. Say that again. Subscribepage IO its not just you and you can get yourself on the waiting list and get an application in and I will let you know when the next window opens up. Really, really good to see you in there. Started to build a great community and I love that. Really, really pleased about that. Okay, so that's three things. That's a longer intro than I planned. I'm. What I'm going to talk about this week is really. Well, let me tell you a story first. So when I was in London for the writers conference a couple of weeks ago, one of the things I did when I was down there is I went for a body mot. Partly because I just had this really stiff neck, this sort of tension in my neck and in my shoulders for a long time. And my hips, even with all the yoga and the sitting meditation that I do, just weren't really opening up as much as I. As I would have liked. So I found this guy a long time ago. He's always booked up way in advance. So I tied him with this trip to London and when I went to see him, he was, he was excellent, by the way, really good. And I left just feeling a lot lighter with a lot less tension. But as I was explaining to him, okay, let me. When I sit my hips, I've been sitting in meditation like this for way over a year and there's some movement, but it's not really opening up. And I explained to him about sort of the tension in my neck as well. He said, it's your lower back, it's the tension in your lower back. If you release your lower back, that will kind of help to open up the hips a little bit more and also help to relieve the tension in the neck. And I was like, whoa. You know, with the hips I could kind of see. But the fact that it was also connected to what was going on in my neck was kind of like mind blowing. And it got me thinking about something that I've said before and about when clients come to me and they tell me what the key issue is that they want help with. And the thought that came to mind is that often the root of the problem isn't always where the pain is. Let me say that again. The root of the problem isn't always where the pain is. So what do I mean by that, well, taking my body mot thing, the pain or the tension was in the neck. No, but it actually wasn't the neck itself that was the root of the problem. So even though I was doing neck stretches and the things that I do in yoga to release the neck, things that I teach, it was having some effect, but it still wasn't fully alleviating the problem because that wasn't the root of the problem. The root of the problem was my lower back. And so when clients come to see me, often they come to see me because they're in a job which is burning them out. They feel stuck, they feel they don't want to be there. They feel they've done all the right things to get to this point, and they're looking ahead and thinking, I don't want the life ahead of me. And so they want to either quit their job, get a new job, they want to. They just want to do something different. And they feel that changing their job, changing their work life will solve everything. And I kind of quietly smile to myself and be like, okay, explore a little bit. Then when we get started, it becomes apparent. And I know this, but they don't know this. And it's a revelation that actually you can't just look at your job at that one thing in isolation. Because the way that you do one thing is the way that you do everything. So, for example, if you're in a job and you just feel that you're working all the time, you can never get out to do things. You're always having to cancel meetings, you're always having to cancel holidays. You're never really getting to do things. Just for you, the indication there is boundaries. Right. So you might think it's the fault of your job. And look, there is. This is not a gaslighty thing. Of course there are toxic environments and your job is doing that. But what I'm saying is that if you simply exit that environment and move to a new job, for example, in a place which you think is better, the same things are going to occur. Because actually the pain is you in this environment where you feel you have no time for yourself, where you feel that your boundaries are respected. But actually the root of the issue is likely that you don't feel that you can implement those boundaries or you do not maintain those boundaries. And there will be reasons why that is. And it doesn't mean that you're wrong for not doing that. But what it means is that if we don't develop the habit of setting and maintaining these Boundaries of understanding why these boundaries are important to you and why you want to set them, then you're just going to carry that same mentality, that same issue, that same idea, wherever you go. When I was doing the Yoga Den podcast, podcast, I would say often that when you're in the corporate world, and sometimes you can look out and see Instagram images of people teaching yoga on beautiful beaches in Bali or Thailand or whatever, I'm not doing that, by the way. And you may love yoga yourself and you may think that, what if I could just quit the rat race, get off of this corporate hamster wheel and go and teach yoga, that would make me happy, everything would be great. But again, that's not really the root of the issue. You have to do the inner work to get to what's really going on with you and work through that. Because otherwise you're going to leave that corporate world and feel that you're leaving all of that burnt out but burned out behind. But actually you're going to carry it with you and become a burnt out yoga teacher. And so the thing which you thought you wanted to do, which is going to give you more space, which is going to make you happier, is actually making you just as miserable as the thing that you left. Because the thing that you left wasn't the root of the problem. It was a problem, but it wasn't the root of the problem. And so we always want to get to the root because it's. And the thing about the root is that these issues are rarely about one thing. And that's the thing. If people come to me about their job or about their health, they want to get fitter, they want to gain weight, they want to lose weight, or they feel they just want to be more confident. These things are all interconnected. And so the way that you're doing things in your work life is like the way that you're doing things in your personal life. And these things are all going to just weave through each other. So we have to get to the root of the issue. Just like I had to with the pain in my neck. Knowing now that the root of the issue is in my lower back, I can start to focus more on doing things to release that tension. I already knew there was tension there, but I was working on that part of my body in isolation. And by that what I mean is that I was working to release my lower back just because my lower back felt tight. Whereas now I'm working to release my lower back because I know that it's the root of the other issues with my hips and with my neck. And so I'm starting to kind of see how that's all interconnected and I'm starting to see greater results because I'm not just focusing on each thing in isolation. I'm looking at them all together as a holistic system. So this is how you've got to look at life. And this is why, this is why I call myself an integrative life coach. Because I like to integrate the different modalities, yoga, meditation, breath work, as well as the more traditional coaching methodologies to help to get to the root of the issue and then to help you build habits and develop tools and strategies to really work, work on the root of the issue so that that can then rip her out around the rest of your life, the rest of what's going on for you. So I wanted to share this with you. If you're feeling that there's a particular thing that you're in and if you just fix that thing, everything else will be great. I like to start to think a little bit deeper. Let's like to change your thinking around that a little bit and start to think, where else is this issue showing up for me? If people are always, you feel, taking advantage of you, you're always being pulled into meetings, you're always the person that people call. People aren't respecting your time. Think where else is this showing up for you? If it's showing up for you at work, is it showing up for you in your relationships at home, your relationships with your friends? If in your relationship with your parents in other ways, Try and see if there's a pattern there and then try and kind of get a sense as well. What is the root of this? Why am I acting this way? Is it because I feel guilty if I don't jump when people ask me to do things? Is it because I get my self worth from pleasing people? Because once you know the roots of it, then you can start to address that. And then in addressing that, everything else can start to fall into place. If you feel that you just never stick with anything, so go back to me with my book, for example. If you're. You start something and you just feel that you do a day or two and then it wanes off, you just can't make it stick. You just can't really get the drive to continue with it. Okay, it's happened on this project, but is it showing up anywhere else? Is it showing up in you trying to maintain your health, in trying to get to your regular Workouts move your body every day. Is it showing up in you trying to eat in a way that is better suited to your body, to give you sustainable energy, but you can't keep that up again, look at the different ways that these things are showing up. And then see when you have all of that mapped out, what's the commonality here? And how can that point me to the root of the issue? And then when you get to the root of the issue, you can really start to work on that to again, allow it to ripple through the rest of what's going on. A lot of things that I do now that I feel I can do now, I couldn't do before. And the only reason that I can do them now, the only reason that I can put myself out there, whereas before I just felt really scared and fearful about doing that, that I can just decide I'm going to do this and see it through? I mean, those sorts of things are only because I've done the inner work to get to the roots of whatever the issues were that were holding me back from doing that. And then by getting to the root, I can figure out, okay, this is all the places that's showing up now. This is the root of it now what do I need to do to treat that so that it can grow in a different way and allow me to perform and show up in a different way? And you're always going back. It's like having a plan. You've always got to go back and tend to it, nurture it, water it, get to the roots and kind of let it grow in the way that you need it to grow. But yeah, that's what you got to do. So don't always think about the issues that come up for you in isolation. Think about where else they show up. And remember, the root of the problem isn't always where the pain is. I hope this has been helpful for you, giving you some insight, giving you a different way of looking at some of the things that are going on in your life. And I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear what you took away from this episode, how it's made you think differently, or even if in listening to this you realize, aha, yes, this is the root of the issue that I'm having. Shoot me an email ryan am ryan spence.com or hit me up on Instagram at I am Underscore Ryan Spence also on Threads now too, or over on LinkedIn and tell me what's going on. Tell me what's happening. With you. And if you really got some deep insights from this episode, if it really spoke to you, if it really resonated with you, then why not share it with a friend, somebody else who you feel could hear this and get something from it and start to figure out the root of their issue of where their pain is coming from. I'm all about sharing. As I say, community is a big thing for me. So I'm all about sharing what we learn, sharing the value that we get, sharing the experiences that we have. Because in sharing we create this ripple effect of people who start to kind of figure themselves out and ultimately get back to who they are. That's what I'm here to do. That's the work that I feel I'm here to do. That's my mission. And I'm glad that you're here to be a part of that. Thank you for listening. As always, I will catch you next week here on the Triple C Project. And until until then, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life. Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C Project. In the spirit of the Triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show. Head to ratethispodcast.com Triple C or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how this show can help them. Second thing you can do Share Share this episode Share previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here show. And number three, head to iamrinespence.com get on the main list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to, my new book. Start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here. And until next week, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life lit.