Wanna Take Back Control? Find Your Anchor(s)

The thing is finding an anchor. One thing that grounds you, one thing that you're in control of, one thing that you make time for. No matter what else is going on around you, it's going to make you feel like you have an element of control over your life. You're destiny. To the Circle C Project. Welcome to the Triple Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage, so you can live life lit. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big lore dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop, and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, to take a seat. Allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey. Hey. Welcome to episode 83 of the Triple C Project. As I listened to last week's episode, well, not the whole thing, I rarely listened to my entire self, but just to kind of, you know, check, it sounded okay. I realized that my. My voice was stranger than usual. So I get allergies. And my allergies were particularly high last week. I could hear it in the recording. And it's probably going to sound similar today. And the reason for that, you've probably heard me about my house being renovated. And we're in that stage where there is literally so much dust. Like, I never knew you could have so much stuff so that dust could get into places where you never expected dust to get. And we've been living through that. And in the end of the weekend, we just bit the bullet and started to move out for a couple of weeks. And thankfully my parents live nearby, so we've got the space. So we've gone to stay with them while the. The main work is done inside because there is so much dust. And that's really what's heightening my. My allergies and making me talk like this. So if you ever meet me in person when all this is done, you realize that this isn't really what my voice sounds like. But I wanted to just share that because even I was listening to it thinking, dude, your voice sounds really, really weird. Anyway, again, it's fortunate that I have that option, and I'm grateful that we have somewhere nice for us all to stay. So this week's episode, I'm going to talk a little bit about control. More importantly, taking back control. So one of the things that I lamented when I was in Big Law is feeling like I had a lack of control. And this is something that clients come to me with all the time, feeling that everything is out of their hands, that everybody else is taking from them, that they are responding to everybody else's demands, but they never really feel in control. It's been compared to being on a runaway train or being on a hamster wheel, which you're running on and can't get off. You keep moving without any intention and you don't really feel you have any control about where you're moving to or what it is that you're deciding to do. And this, this is hard, this is frustrating, and this is what can lead you to burnout, lead to you feeling miserable, feeling unhappy the way that I did. But actually there are ways which you can find some control in your day. And what I advise clients to do is to start with finding your anchor. So what do I mean about that? Well, let me first talk about what it's like when you don't have an anchor. So I would frequently have days in Big Law where my day would start like this. I'd literally wake up bleary eyed, look straight to my phone to check emails to see what had happened overnight. And instantly that would raise my anxiety and my stress levels before I'd even got out of bed. And I would already be in my mind thinking about what I needed to do and who I need to respond to and how to deal with a particular situation. So I didn't even have any time to myself in the morning. I literally was on the go before I'd even step foot out of my bed. I was instantly thrown into other people's agendas and consistently felt like I was playing catch up throughout the day because I didn't have an agenda, I didn't have an anchor. I literally just felt I had to get up and do whatever was expected of me. And it was only as I came towards the end of my time that I started to intentionally plan things into my day that brought me joy, that made me happy, things that were just for me. So when clients come to me and complain that they don't have control, that they want control, and they feel like their life, their day, their week, just isn't their own, they often are wishing for this distant future, this vision in the future of a life where they'll have complete control of everything. But wishing your life away is not the way to solve it. There's actually an easier and more effective way. I Find the question to ask yourself is how can you get that control now? Now we all have external pressures that things that are outside of our control with. This isn't to dismiss any of that. And we should recognize when there are things that are out of our control and just figure out how we want to deal with those, how we choose to accept those. You know, my triple A framework, acknowledge, accept, adapt. But there are certain things that with all within our control, we know we can control how we react to certain things, we can control how we respond to certain things, we can control what boundaries we implement and what boundaries we maintain. So it's finding what, how you can get that control now that's the way to start to reclaim some of your life back, some of your day back, some of your week back, and to almost slow yourself down so you don't feel like you're always on this constant treadmill, this continuous hamster eel with no intention, without really knowing where you're going, just basically doing whatever external pressures, external demands require you to do. Because in this fast paced hustle of the corporate world, it's normal to think that you don't have control. You just have to do what you're told to do at any given time. As soon as that email comes in, you respond to it. As soon as that phone rings, you pick it up. As soon as your partner walks into your office, you drop everything you're doing to listen to what they have to say. That's kind of the expectation, that's the conditioning. But what if you could have some control? What if you could find at least one thing where you could have and feel like you had an element of control? Now the most common way to say to do this is B2. Set boundaries, implement strong boundaries. And look, I eulogize about that too. Boundaries are important. They, it's important to be able to say no, to protect your own well being, to protect yourself, to protect your space. But for someone like I was, who is in it, who's in the midst of it, who has always felt like they are on this treadmill, like they are on this runaway train, cannot see a way out, is literally just going and going and going, and is basically succumbed to this condition that they've had for all if not the majority of their life, telling them to set boundaries, telling you to set boundaries, to stop people pleasing, to stop jumping to the beat of your boss's jump, or when your boss says jump, to stop asking how high, to simply just take on everything that's thrown at you and never Say no. The idea of starting with setting boundaries, it's terrifying and quite frankly, it just seems like an impossibility, seems like a madness to tell somebody who is used to waking up, looking at their phone, going to the office, being there all day into the dead of night, maybe making your home to sleep before getting up and doing it all again and never feeling like they have any time for themselves to say, yeah, you know what you should do? You should set boundaries. That's not going to fly, that isn't going to work for them. So what can you do instead? If the idea of setting boundaries is too big for you, is too large for you, and seems impossible and terrifying, what can you do instead to start to take control? So I like to take a leaf, a step from my code stacking concept that I talk about in my book, the Triple C Method. And when you're feeling like you have no control, when you're feeling like you're on that hamster wheel, continuously running and unable to get off, here's what you can do. Ask yourself this question. What's the smallest step you can take to begin to gain control? We're not talking about a big boundary. We're not talking about telling your boss no when they come in to give you more work. We're not telling you to simply log off at 6 o' clock and walk out the door. All of those things are going to feel too big, too heavy for you right now. So what's the smallest thing you can do? What's the smallest step you can take? And I had this with a client recently and again they were feeling like they didn't have control. They were always at the beck and call of other people. And thing that I asked them was, what's your anchor? What's your anchor? How do you anchor your day? What's the foundation? See, the thing is finding an anchor. One thing that grounds you, one thing that you're in control of, one thing that you make time for, no matter what else is going on around you, it's going to make you feel like you have an element of control over your life, over your day, over your week, over what is happening to you. I'm not talking about getting a morning routine and doing the whole 5am club and all of that nonsense. I mean that's, that's too involved and that's been done to death. And that doesn't work for everybody. Not everybody wants to get up at 5am I mean, some people don't even get into 5am if you're in Some of these, some of these careers or on some of these deals at times. So that's not what I'm talking about. This isn't a one size fits all. What I'm talking about is one thing, one practice that's yours that you choose intentionally and that makes you feel if no matter what else is happening throughout the day, I have control of this one thing, this particular moment in time, it doesn't have to be a big thing. Again, the question is, what is the smallest step? What's the smallest thing that you can do? And so some of the practices could be as simple as this. When you go to get your coffee in the morning, if you still commute to the office or whenever you get your coffee or whatever it is that you drink in the morning, instead of rushing in, paying for it, grabbing it to go, and getting out the door to take it back to your desk, what if you took the time to just sit in that coffee shop and enjoy your coffee? Not reading a book, not listening to a podcast, not looking around, not scrolling Instagram, but just sat. Maybe you look out the window, find a nice spot, and just enjoy your coffee for 10 minutes. Notice the smell, notice the temperature as it hits the cup, hits your lip. Notice the taste as the black nectar just rolls along your taste buds and savor that moment and make that your anchor for the day. No matter what else happens, that's what you're going to do each day. That will ground you, that will give you that space. That will be your anchor. Meditate. Meditation can be your anchor. Maybe. Rather than reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, as soon as you wake up, you take some time to meditate. Maybe you lay on your back, maybe you just sit up in your bed and you close your eyes and you just notice your breathing. Just focus on your breath. Could be for 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes. But notice that shift as you take a moment for yourself in your day, as you carve out that time to just be and not do. Maybe you just say 10 minutes, but you split it throughout the day and you take a minute throughout the day and you set a reminder so that when that reminder goes off, that's your cue to take 60 seconds to just stop what you're doing and focus on your breath. And if you're going to get interrupted in your office, maybe your alarm goes off and that gives you a cue to kind of go and sit in the loo or sit in a empty conference room or go for a walk and do a walking meditation, whatever it Takes to give you that sense of control, to give you that anchor. Read for pleasure is another one. You could just say, I'm going to read two pages a day, I'm going to read for five minutes a day, 10 minutes a day, whether that's on your commute, whether that's on your lunch break, just again, shadowing, carving out that time. So that's your little bit of control. And as this becomes a habit, the more that you do this, the more that you notice how you feel. When you take this time to come back to your anchor each day, you start to feel, wow, this is different. There's a shift in how I am. The rest of the day might be frantic and stressful, but when I do this, I feel calm, I feel relaxed, I feel light, I feel joyous, I feel lit, whatever it is. And as you notice that feeling, and as this becomes just not something you do, but just becomes who you are, then maybe you start to add another anchor somewhere else in your day. So maybe your anchor started with the morning meditation. And then maybe once that becomes a regular set piece of your day, maybe you add on to sitting in and enjoying your coffee. And then maybe when that becomes a regular thing, you add on the reading for pleasure. And all of these things don't have to take much time. Imagine if you gave yourself 10 minutes to meditate, 10 minutes to sit and enjoy a coffee, and 10 minutes to read for pleasure. That's only 20 minutes a day split into 10 minute chunks. And if that feels too big, break it down to five minutes. It doesn't really matter. By the way, I've just realized my maths is wrong. I was never very good at maths because obviously 10 minutes times three is 30 minutes. But you get what I'm saying, right? It doesn't have to be a huge amount of time. What feels easy to you and what practice is just yours. Because the important thing about this anchor is it's not about other people, it's about you. It's about you intentionally carving out time for yourself to do the thing or things that light you up, that bring you joy, that calm you down, that allow you that space to just be, to think, to see, to allow ideas to come and opportunities to flow. And I'd love you to tell me when you've done this, maybe for a month, maybe six weeks, maybe two months, what shifts for you? How do you feel? Because here's what shifts for me, my anchor is, I have many now, but meditation is my anchor. And look, there are days when sometimes Your anchor won't happen. There have been days for me, particularly at the moment with the upheaval and, you know, my meditation gets shifted from first thing in the morning to later in the day. Maybe it's a shorter meditation action. Sometimes it's just meditation with my kids, which is also cool. But the days that you miss it, you notice that you've missed it, and you'll notice how different you feel. And that will inspire you to get back on the horse the following day. Because my anchor, when I found my anchor, it not only gave me that feeling of control, but it gave me, just gave me this moment to really check in with myself, to see how am I feeling really? What's really going on for me? Is my head racing with crazy ideas? Is it racing with good ideas? Is it feeling nice and still and calm? How does my body feel? Is my heart racing? Do I feel stress or anxiety? Where is that coming from? Are my shoulders tight and hunched up or are they nice and relaxed and sat back? It gives me that moment to just really find out who I am at that moment. And it really gives me that feeling of control. So the world can be crazy around you, everything can be burning down, there can be chaos in every corner. And that's all external. And often you won't be able to change that. But if you can find your anchor or anchors as you go on and ensure that they become an integral part of your day, of your life, not something that you do, but just become who you are, you're going to start to notice what it feels like to have control. Notice that you can have control even amidst all that's going on around you. And also notice what control feels like. And so that you can build as you progress, you can build upon this until you get to the stage where, yeah, I'm ready to set boundaries now. I'm ready to say no. I'm ready to have those difficult situations. But you have to start small. So I'd love you to send me a message. Send me an email. Hey, at I am Ryan Spence.com Instagram @IM Ryan Spence or over on LinkedIn Ryan Spence. And tell me, what's your anchor? If you had one before, or if not, if this episode has inspired you to find one for yourself. What is your anchor? What will you do? How long will you do it for? And how long are you going to commit to this? And how do you feel when you do it? And even if you don't tell me those answers, tell yourself. Make time to journal on those questions. How do you feel each day, just at the end of each day, did you, did you, did you connect with your anchor? If you did, how did it feel? What shifted for you? And really get to know what's going on and really get to feel what it's like to be controlled. Find that control amidst all of the chaos, noise and nonsense that's going on around you. Okay, that's it for me this week. I actually started to feel a little bit clearer towards the end of that. So hopefully this is a bit. My voice is a bit better this week than it was in the last week's episode. Thanks for listening, as always. Tell me what comes up for you in this episode, what insights you take away, what anchor or anchors you set for yourself and share this episode with someone, someone who feels like they are literally just running ragged or on the verge of burnout, who just feels like they're getting up, going to work, coming home. They have no time for themselves. They have nothing which they feel they can control in their lives. Because thing is, when we learn, or now I find this when I learn, when you learn things, when you start to grow, when you start to develop yourself, sometimes just by sharing one thing with somebody close to you and then picking that up and then sharing that thing with somebody else, you're going to create this ripple effect of people who are just doing something that's a little bit better for themselves. Not necessarily getting better by external standards, but just getting and feeling better within themselves. And that's what it's all about, right? It's about helping ourselves and helping those around us so we can all live better, feel better, be better, whatever that means for us. Thanks as always for being here. Until next week, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life. Thanks for tuning in to the Triple Triple C project. In the spirit of the Triple C, there's three things that you can do to support the show. Head to ratethispodcast.com Triple C or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how this show can help them. Second thing you can do share Share this episode Share a previous episode with a friend. Someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here show. And number three, head to iamrinespence.com get on the main list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to, my new book start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know you need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here. And until next week, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life Net.