What do you need to drop?

Through my sort of half closed eyes, squinted at my Apple watch on the side to kind of see the time. It was 9:20am and the conference started at 9:15am so first thing that came out of my mouth obviously was fuck. You're listening to the Circle C Project. Welcome to the Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live lifeless. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big Lord dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey. Hey. Welcome to episode 70 of the Tripleseat Project. I hope you're having as good a time as I am at the moment. I've just come back from two energizing and inspiring days down in London. I was at the Self Publishing show, which is the second biggest conference for writers in the world and I'd never been before. I watched some of it online last year. I got a digital ticket and watched some of the virtual and I just thought, you know, I'm going to go. I'm an introvert. And I could quite happily sit in my office here at the end of my garden and just work away in my own little world, connecting with people online from time to time, but not really venturing out. And it's not because I don't like people. I mean, sometimes I don't, but generally I do. But it's that I'm not. I'm an introvert. I'm not very good in big crowds of people, particularly big crowds of people who, I don't know. It kind of leaves me feeling exhausted. I can sit down. I now went for a coffee with a coach a few weeks ago who I'd never met before. We met at one of them and we thought we'd catch up for coffee and that one hour turned into three hours. And that's kind of more my thing where you kind of have that one on one or that small group of people having a conversation and time just flies because you're, you're getting down deep. You're not dealing with the sort of surface level small talk. You're really kind of getting to know each other. That's, that's really my kind of thing, and these big events aren't really the place for that. But I made myself go, and I'm so glad that I did, because there's something about being in a room full of people like you who are doing the things that you want to do that's inspiring and that's energizing. So, yeah, there was a great couple of days. That's not really what the episode is about, but I kind of want that to sort of set the scene for some of the things that happened as part of this trip, but take a step back. So, as you know, if you've been listening to the show for at least the last few episodes, I've been running a small community of clients, former clients, and people who I haven't worked with before to kind of bring people together who have similar interests, who have similar aspirations, and who have similar struggles, but who are all believing or fighting with these struggles amongst themselves, thinking that they're the only ones that have them. And my community was called it's not just you for that reason. Because to show each of these people that it's not just you. There are people like you who are having the same struggles, who can support you, who you can learn from, and who they can learn from you. And it's been great running this community. It's been a real experiment on my part, but I've loved doing it. And I might talk a bit more about it in future episodes once it's at a complete end. But I'm telling you that because one of the things that I do in the group is I like to drop in little videos, little videos which are inspirational, which I feel will speak to some of the issues that people are having or just to help reframe people's thoughts. And they've been really well received, which I'm pleased about, because I want this group to help people. So I actually want the stuff that I'm doing in the group to help. And it's really. It's been really great for me to see that people are taking from these little messages what it is that I want them to take. So one of the messages that I shared this week was actually when I was down in London at this conference. See, I brought it all back. And I was walking along the south bank, beautiful sunshine. And I was thinking about the events of the night before my way down to the conference and then the morning of the conference as well. And it brought me back to one of my favorite quotes. So I love quotes. I'm a real sucker for quotes. And not just the sort of typical ones that you usually see thrown around on brightly colored backgrounds on Instagram, but like deep quotes, obscure quotes, quotes that people won't necessarily speak of when they're asked what their favorite quotes is. And as you know, as well as being a life coach, I'm also a yoga teacher and a meditation guy. And anyone who's practiced yoga for any length of time or has trained to be a teacher has probably heard of the Sufi poet Rumi. Rumi is. Is everywhere. And although he's. He's not a yogi, so to speak, anyone who's in yoga who's doing that deep in the work would have come across his work, his poems, and they're really deep and insightful. And I've got a whole book here, there's that I haven't even gone through yet because I really want to just study more and get deeper into his work. But one of the quotes that he has is become one of my favorite quotes and one that I always come back to. And it inspires me so much, and it just kind of sets the tone and reminds me of so much that I actually had a tattoo to remind me of it. So every time I look down at my left forearm, a forearm, I see a tattoo that reminds me of this quote. And that's relevant because I'm going to tell you just in real time, practically how this helps because we can talk about these things in the abstract about, oh, this quote is gray and, oh, I have this tattoo. But. But actually, what does that really mean? In practice, people can say anything. So I'm going to share basically what happened. So the quote is this. Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop. And that's kind of really what I want to invite you to do in this episode is to think about what you are holding on to or who you're holding on to that is holding you back, that you should really think about just letting go of so that you can move forward. And this can be people, it can be things, it can be situations, it can be feelings and emotions. And for me, this week, it really hit home for when I went to this conference. So I went on the Monday, I was going to get the train down, had my train booked, got my cab to the train station, was there in plenty of time, and the train I was going to get was canceled. Okay. And I planned to get there in enough time so I get to my hotel so I could have a really good night's sleep because I'm exhausted, you know, and particularly the last two weeks I've been deep in the midst of marking assessments in my role as a part time lecturer at a university here in London. And it's the first time I've done it. I had 60 plus scripts to mark and I was trying to figure all this out for the first time. And yeah, it was just exhausting, really rewarding and I'll talk about that a bit more another time, but really exhausting. So I was looking forward to getting on the train, getting to my hotel and getting a really good night's sleep, but that didn't happen. First train cancelled, second train cancelled. So it wasn't until almost 90 minutes later that I actually got on a train to take me to London. So that was annoying. And then that train actually ended up being delayed, so it got to London what, about 20 minutes later than it should have done, which effectively meant that I got to London over two hours later than I should have. So instead of getting to the hotel at like 8:30, 9 o', clock, having a bit of time to sort of chill out, get ready, have a really good night's sleep, I didn't get to my hotel until gone midnight actually. And by the time I sort of checked in and sort of got unpacked and sort of got ready and the rest of it, I didn't get to bed until one and I was exhausted and I fell straight asleep but I didn't set an alarm. So when I kind of woke up and was in that doze and eventually I decided to sort of take my eye mask off because yes, I sleep with an eye mask. I like to be completely black and through my sort of half closed eyes squinted at my apple, watch on the side to kind of see the time. It was 9:20am and the conference started at 9:15am so first thing that came out of my mouth obviously was fuck. Followed by a few more F bombs as well because I was already five minutes late for the conference. I hadn't had shower, I hadn't got dressed, hadn't had breakfast that I'd already paid for. So yeah, this is the whole reason for me to be here and I was already starting off on the wrong foot. So mad dash out of bed, F bombing, jumped in the shower. And as I jump in the shower and the water's hitting me and I'm slowly starting to wake up properly and I calm down, I look down at my left forearm and I see, see the tattoo and the quote obviously comes to mind. Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop. And in that moment I just took a, took a breath and I was like, okay, this has happened. It's fucking annoying, it's a bit shit. But do I need to be holding on to this feeling of anger, frustration, of annoyance at myself for the events that have led to this? And I decided, no, I don't. It isn't going to serve me in any way. I'm in the shower now, I'll get dressed, I'll have breakfast, I'll get to the conference and I'll see what I see. Everything's recorded anyway, so at some point, if I really want to see something, I can watch the virtual replay at a later date. So I'm going to miss being there in person. But I'm here, right, and I have two days and I can be around. So holding on to all of this isn't going to serve me. So just let it go. So I did. I took my time, got ready, down, had a nice breakfast, had a nice walk. London was beautiful, beautiful weather. So I had a nice walk over to the venue to Buy the River and got there and had some good chats with people and saw a few sessions and had a really, really good day. And this came to mind because if I had held on to that anger, to that emotion, to those feelings, if I continue to beat myself up, that would have stopped me really getting the most out of the day or to stop me enjoying what was going on, it would have stopped me seeing all that was around me and taking it all in and absorbing that energy and that inspiration. And this can happen in all sorts of situations. Think about when your boss at work does or says something that really fucking annoys you. Either when they micromanage you or when they ball you out for something that wasn't even your fault. At that point you're going to be pissed, and quite rightly so. But then the question you have to ask yourself at some point is, is it serving me to hold on to this, to this feeling, to this emotion? And that's a question that only you can answer. Because look, this is not about toxic positivity. There are times when I really want to hold on to that anger because it makes me feel good, it makes me feel self righteous. And I really want to hold on to that anger and that frustration. And I really want to hold on to being mad at that person. But there's a point where it's counterproductive because if I want to get somewhere, it's going to be a lot harder for me to get there from carrying this weight that I don't need to be carrying. That isn't really helping me. Sometimes anger can fuel you. It can really push you forward, it can really spur you on, but only to a certain point, because at some point it's just going to burn you out because you're carrying something that doesn't need to be carried and you're using that additional energy to carry it. So eventually you're going to burn out. Right? This can be things, it can be situations, it can be any sorts of relationships that you're in. You have to keep asking yourself the question, do I need to be carrying it or should I let it go? Should I let it drop? And that's why I love this quote and I always come back to it. And I have this tattoo as a reminder because it brings us back to nature, and nature is our best teacher. Despite our best efforts to destroy it for our own good, it is our best teacher. We just look at how things work. In the fall, in the autumn, as we call it in the uk, the trees shed their leaves. They're not needed. And that's exactly what this quote is saying. Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop. The dead situation, the dead relationship, the dead emotion, the dead feeling. All of these dead things that are holding you down, holding you back from where it is that you want to go, that are blinding your vision, preventing you from gaining the clarity that you need to know where you're heading and to find your way there. Let all of that go. Let it go. When it works for you. If you need to hold on, hold on. But don't hold on to it too long, let it go. I am always one for dropping the F bomb. When I get annoyed and I get frustrated, and I think it's healthy because it's healthy to let that emotion out, to let out what you're feeling. I remember when I first started teaching yoga and people say, oh, you're a yoga teacher, you must be really chilled and stuff all the time. Like, no, it just means that I'm more aware of myself and I'm aware that when I'm feeling something, I need to feel those feelings and let them out. But at some point, I need to let them go if they're no longer serving me. And so this is a dance that you'll have to do. Only you can decide when a feeling is serving you, when it's annoying, when people say to you, oh, just get over it, just suck it up, because you might not want to, you may not be ready. And that's okay, but you, the only one who knows when what is going on is becoming a hindrance. It's no longer serving any purpose for you. It's not serving you the purpose of feeling your feelings. It's not serving you the purpose of just letting your emotions out, just letting off steam. It's becoming a hindrance and keeping you stuck where you don't want to be. So I invite you at the end of this episode and over the next few days to think about who are you holding on to? What relationships are you holding on to that are not serving you? Do you need to let them go or do you need to tend to them a bit, nurture them back to good health? What situations are you holding on to that you should probably let go of? What feelings or emotions are you holding on to? Who's wronged you in the past and you're still holding on to that anger, to that hurt, to that pain when that's no longer serving you and it's a question for yourself only you can answer. If it's serving you, fantastic. But if it's dead, let it go. That's it for me this week. Thank you as always for being here Next week Next week's my birthday. I'm very excited. I have no idea what I'm going to do for next week's episode. I have a ton of ideas. But yeah, it's my birthday. So if you're listening to this and you and you, you feel called send me a birthday message. You send it to hey am Ryan Spence.com or you find me on Instagram at I am Underscore Ryan Spence or hit me on LinkedIn Ryan Spence, you'll find me. I'm the guy that was a lawyer for 11 plus years you can see in my history and I look forward to hearing from you. And if you like, I can also give you a shout out for Send me birthday wishes next Thursday 29th June birthday. Don't forget. Okay, thanks for being here. Always a pleasure to share these episodes with you. And until next week, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life lit thanks for tuning in to the Triple C project. In the spirit of the Triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show. Head to ratethispodcast.com Triple C or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review. Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how this show can help them. Second thing you can do Share Share this episode Share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here show. And number three, head to iamrinespence.com get on the mailing list. I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to. My new book start writing soon. So to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list. Really appreciate you being here. And until next week, stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life lit.