You Down With O.P.T.?

The thing about people pleasing for me is when it becomes a problem, and it becomes a problem when by pleasing others, you're not pleasing yourself. And not even that, you're just not pleasing yourself. You're literally making yourself miserable. So if you're staying in that big law career purely because it's what other people think that you should do and you want to make them happy, then, yes, you're pleasing that. But you're the one that has to get up day in, day out and do the thing that's literally sucking your soul away. You're listening to the Circle C Project.

Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live lifeless. I'm your host, Ryan Spence. Speak Lord Rock, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big, hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life.

You think you should want and ready.

To start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you.

Really want to be.

Sit now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit. Hey. Hey.

Welcome to episode 61 of the Triple C Project. And this week I want to open up the episode with a question for you. Are you being held back from living your lit life? Are you being held back by opt. Now, for those who around my age who are fans of hip hop, you're going to notice that this is a pun on a classic hip hop song. And why not? Here we go. If you send me an email and tell me the name of the song and the artist, the first five that I get, I'm going to send you a link to get a free copy of the audiobook of the Triple C Method, because I can do that. This is what I love about having my own business. I can do what the I want. It's amazing. Anyway, I digress. Opt. So in this context of this episode, opt is other people's thoughts. Are you being held back by other people's thoughts? Thoughts. Because when you start to do something different to what you've already done before, or when you start to decide you want to follow a different path, people are going to have thoughts. Because people don't like change. People are used to seeing you a particular way, doing a particular thing. They have a vision of you, they have hopes for you, desires for you, dreams for you. And when you start to deviate from them, they're going to have some thoughts. What are you doing? Why would you do that? Are you crazy? You've got everything that anybody could ever want. Why would you want to throw it all away? Why would you walk away from the status and a six figure salary and all that that entails? People are going to have these thoughts and a lot of those people are going to tell you those thoughts in just that way. Yes, some of those will be haters laughing behind your back and trying to see you fall. But some of these thoughts, some of these comments, these questions can come from the people closest to you. And that's because they want to protect you. They don't want to see you fail, they don't want to see you fall. They want you to be comfortable and they want you to be happy. And they believe that staying where you are and being in that zone and doing the thing they always saw you doing, following that traditional path is what will make you happy, that is success. And they want you to maintain that. And when they get a whiff of you even considering deviating from that, of stepping away and doing something which they perceive as risky as not what people like you do, they're going to be vocal in their thoughts. And that's fine, they are their thoughts. But what you do with their thoughts, that's your choice. That's up to you. Now I could stand here and tell you, don't give a fuck about their thoughts. Do your own thing, do it all for yourself. That's all that matters. And there's an element of truth in that. I, I kind of believe that to an extent. But here's the thing. I'm a bit of a people pleaser, if I'm honest. If I confess to you, and what I mean by that is that I like to please people. I like people to be happy, I like to be liked. And there's a lot of noise out there that will kind of make you feel bad for that. I'm not one of those people. I'm not part of that noise. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to please people, with wanting to avoid conflict. I definitely don't like conflict. I really don't like conflict. There's nothing wrong with that. And I think as humans we are meant to be around people. We're meant to have community. We're meant to make each other happy and support each other. And that's why I'm such a proponent of this ripple effect of each person doing and showing others what's possible so that it creates this ripple effect and creates these Communities of people who are doing things that light them up. Because if people are doing what lights them up, it lights other people up. That's what I believe. But the thing about people pleasing for me, is when it becomes a problem. And it becomes a problem when by pleasing others, you're not pleasing yourself. And not even that, you're just not pleasing yourself. You're literally making yourself miserable. So if you're staying in that big law career purely because it's what other people think that you should do and you want to make them happy, then yes, you're pleasing that. But you're the one that has to get up day in, day out and do the thing that's literally sucking your soul away. So in that context, people pleasing is a bad thing. It just doesn't serve you. And it actually doesn't serve the people you're trying to please because it breeds resentment against them within you, because you start to look at the fact that they are the ones that are contributing to you being miserable, when actually it's you that's doing it. You're the one that made the choice. So people policing is a fine balance. I don't believe that necessarily. The answer is to say fuck everybody and just completely go for self, because there's a risk that then you just become this arrogant dickhead. And, you know, nobody wants that. We all know people like that, right? So I think you've got to find a balance. And where I have landed on the balance is, is this. There has to be something bigger. There has to be a bigger reason for why I want to make the switch, why I want to do something different. And the reason for that is this. I am going to care. I mean, look, I am going to care what people think. Sometimes some people's opinions don't matter. And there are some people's where, you know, I don't particularly want to upset them. And in my previous life and without the work that I've done, I probably would have taken that path of least resistance. And I did. I mean, look, I was in big law for 11 years and at least five or six of those years I wasn't happy. But this was one of the things in my mind is that I'm. Outwardly, people look at you and think, you've done great, you've made it, you're doing the thing that you were always supposed to be doing, even if inside it was making me miserable. So it isn't now that I don't care, now that I'm going on this path which I know, a lot of people around me don't fully understand it isn't that I don't care what they think, isn't that I don't care about them. That isn't it at all. But it's just that I won't let opt. I won't let other people's thoughts. In fact, it's not even that I won't let. I refuse to let other people's thoughts stop me from where it is I'm trying to get to. And this is why it's important to kind of have this bigger vision for yourself. I don't mean some grand luxury vision. I mean a vision for the life that you want to live and what that looks like for you. Because that then allows you to keep coming back to what you are working for, why you are making the decisions that you're making, why you're making the choices that you're making. Because here's the thing. Your life, your choices. It doesn't have to be a conference call. It doesn't have to be a committee meeting. You can decide, this isn't for me. I want that. And you can make the choice to go for that. Everybody else doesn't have to understand that. But you can be respectful in disagreeing with what they're saying. But you can do that with a warm heart and with love. But when you know why you're doing it, when you're doing it for something bigger than yourself, when you're not just doing it to be a dick, you're not just doing it for selfish reasons, but you're doing it because you see a bigger vision for yourself and the ripple effect that fulfilling that vision, completing that mission, can have on the people around you.

Hey, I'm interrupting myself to give you this short message. Now, if you're listening to this part, you're likely looking to change your life.

Here's the thing.

Transformation doesn't happen by doing what you've always done. It happens when you change your thoughts about what's possible for you. My book, the Triple C Method, helps you do that by giving you the tools and strategies to stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit. Described as a transformational toolkit and the book I wish I'd had when I decided to leave Court Corporate. The Triple C method will change how you see yourself and how you live your life. Available now as paperback, ebook and audiobook read by yours truly. Head to iamrinespence.com book or over to your favorite bookseller to grab your copy Today so you can stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit.

So I just wanted to share this because I know from conversations that I've had with clients and with other people around me that one of the things that holds people back, that was probably holding you back is what will other people say? What will other people think if I veer off this path? And so what I'd like you to do from this episode, what I'd like to leave you with, is just to come back to, why do you want to do it? What is it that you're trying to achieve? And how can you stay anchored to that? How is that thing you're trying to achieve, you're trying to create bigger and more important to you than the thoughts of the people who are questioning the decisions that you're making, the decisions to step off that train and go in a different direction. It has to be bigger than you. And for me personally, I believe it has to be bigger than just money. There has to be a deep rooted reason within you why you want to do the thing you want to do. Fulfilling that creative itch, being around for your family, being more present with your kids, having more control over your your time, being able to create wealth so you can help the people and the support the situations you want to support, you want to help. There can be a whole range of things and this is where it goes back to values. First, getting clear on what those core values are and then looking at creating a life that allows you to live in alignment with those values, to espouse those values on a daily basis in a way that feels good to you, because that's going to then help you to stop being held back by opt other people's thoughts. That's all I have for you this week. I'd love to hear from you. Do you feel that you're being held back by other people's thoughts? Is that what's holding you back from making that switch, from taken that pivot, from doing something that's outside the norm, something that people wouldn't expect from you? Let me know and let me know if you took any insights from this episode that might help you with that. I know that other people's thoughts have been something that have held me back in the past. Whether it's parents, whether it's friends, family, colleagues, bosses. And now I feel good. I feel comfortable within myself that that's no longer the case. I still listen to other people, I still hear other people. I still love those closest to me. But I'M so clear on where I'm going that I refuse to let those thoughts stop me from getting there. So the next time somebody says something, has a thought and verbalizes it to you, questioning the direction you're going, asking should you really be doing that? Should you really be going in that direction? Should you be giving up everything that you've worked for? What I'd like to do is acknowledge the feeling that comes up for you. Maybe it's a feeling of self doubt, of second guessing yourself, a feeling of anxiety. Allow recognize and have that feeling. And then when you had time to sit with that, ask yourself the question, but if I don't do this, what am I giving up? And if I do do this, what do I stand to gain to create? What is it that I want to make this change for? And if you can tap in to what it will feel like when that change is made and you have that thing, that career, that life, that vision that you're working towards, nothing's going to stop you. Nothing. No opt, nothing that people say. None of it. Because you're going to know exactly where you're going. You have clarity on exactly where you're heading and that is going to carry you all the way. Thanks for tuning in as always. Let me know what landed for you on this episode. What what helped you to change your thoughts to get you to stop stop thinking about opt other people's thoughts? Send me an email hey@iamrinespence.com or you know you can find me on Instagram LinkedIn. Hit me up over there. And a favor to ask if you been enjoying the show, if you've been sharing the show, if there's insights that have made you think I never thought of it that way. And we're starting new to start taking the steps towards living your lit Life. Head to ratethispodcast.com Triple C and leave a review. Let people know what you love about the show. Let me know what you love about the show so I can give you more of that good stuff. Links to rate the Podcast to get Triple C one on one get book Triple C method get the free confidence journal. Anything that you want all in the show notes. Just go ahead there and until next time, stop living a life of lethargy.

Start living life. Thanks for tuning in. But before you go, the weight of limiting beliefs is heavy. It literally weighs you down and keeps you stuck in that life of lethargy. I know. It's why I stayed in Big Law for so long and it's why so many of my clients don't believe they can do the things that. That they want to do. But what causes those limiting beliefs? It's a lack of confidence. Lack of confidence in the belief that you can do the things that you want to do. And I've got something for that. It's my confidence journal. It's six journal prompts that I created that I've used to help me get from where I am to where I want to be. To help to give me the belief to do the things that seem outside of my control and outside of what I can do. If this sounds like you, you need to get your hands on the journal.

Best thing about it, it's free.

All you have to do is head to Iamry Spence.com hit the button for confidence journal and get your copy today. It's going to help you start to reframe your thoughts and get you thinking about what you can do instead of focusing on on what you can't do and shed that load of limiting beliefs that you don't need to be carrying. See you again next week. And until that time, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit.