Your job doesn't love you

But actually, I think in doing that, you can be doing more harm than good. Because by hiding behind the glossy veneer and by showing, by saying to people you can do this too, you're actually inviting them into the lion's den. You're listening to the Circle C Project. Welcome to the Triple CE Project, the podcast that helps you clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life lit. I'm your host, Ryan Spence, the big Lord, rock hat life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip hop and big hairy, audacious goals. If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be. So now with friends, I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat, and allow me to guide you to was living a life that lives. Hey. Hey. Welcome to episode 59 of the Triple Seat Project. I don't know if you know the story of Rip Van Winkle. It's a story I remember as a kid, so I don't remember all the detail and I'll probably screw it up. But in essence, a guy goes to sleep expecting to be asleep for a normal night and then wakes up 20 years later and the whole world's changed around him and everything's different. It came to mind when I was thinking about my social media presence over the last few weeks. Around mid March, I started to take a couple of days just to chill. I just felt that I wasn't enjoying it as much as I, as I used to and I just needed a bit of a break to kind of recharge. And those couple of days turned into a few weeks actually, so I would still look, post the odd story, but just creating and posting stuff, I just, just took a break and it felt good. But the thing that kind of spurred me into coming back with a vengeance was the typical big law bullshit. There was a. Well, there's a couple of posts this week, but one was one of the big law US firms announcing a whole round of layoffs. And this isn't new. Generally, firms will try to hide it and sort of keep it under the carpet, but I mean, this was announced and they had to give a statement and look, layoffs happen. But this was just straight out of the playbook because as is typical firms go out, hire a load of people, they read the market wrong, realize they have too many people for the partners to maintain their huge profits, and. And so what do they do? They cut people. But not only do they cut people? But they say that it's due to performance reviews, so therefore tarnishing the associates who are part of this layoff as there being some questions around their performance, which is bullshit. And it's just the worst kind of throwing your people under the bus and treating them like trash. Now, I could spend the whole episode ranting about my views on this and also my views on a PowerPoint slide from another firm that was leaked this week, where, again, it just basically confirmed all of the. About Big Law, all the things that I'm railing against and I'm fighting against, that I'm trying to get you to fight back against, but I won't do that. What I want to do is make this kind of like a rallying cry for you. And I want to tie this nonsense to two things that I see holding people back from changing what it is that they're doing. Getting out of situations that no longer serve them, situations that are toxic, that are causing you to burn out, that are causing you to sacrifice all of the things that you love and hold dear at the altar of this firm. The holy grail of climbing the ladder and becoming a partner. So what are these two things? Well, the two things which I definitely saw within myself and in conversation I've had with people on podcasts previously, with clients, with colleagues, I know that it affects other people, too. Now, these two things. Well, let's start with the first one and see if you recognize this. So the first thing is definitely something which I see largely affecting people who are marginalized. So women, black people like me, people of color, lgbtqi, anyone who doesn't often see themselves represented in the organizations that they're in or doesn't see themselves represented at a. At the higher levels. And what I see is that you feel this obligation to be that trailblazer, and you're doing this with the best of intentions. You look up, you see that there aren't any people like you there, or not many people like you in those senior positions. And you believe that by pushing forward and aspiring to and reaching the lofty height of partnership or of senior director status in your corporate company, that you are doing a service to people who look like you coming through. And that's honorable, that's laudable. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, except when that leads to you putting yourself last. And what I mean by that is that too often I see people allowing themselves to be treated badly, allowing themselves to stick out these toxic situations, these bosses, these people that don't give a Fuck about them that don't care and look at them as a resource. They allow their well being to be completely destroyed. They to, they allow burnout to, to, to become a natural state for them. And you're just not doing well at all. But you feel you have to keep going to blaze that trail. But actually, I think in doing that you can be doing more harm than good. Because by hiding behind the glossy veneer and by showing, by saying to people you can do this too, you're actually inviting them into the lion's den. And if you're inviting them into the lion's den and not giving them a true picture of what the lion's den is, and you don't even know yourself how to survive the lion's den, then are you even helping them at all? Isn't it better to speak up, speak out, and to warn or to inform people about the realities of what's going on? And if that means that you leave for your own health, for your own well being, and you explain to people who do look like you, people who may have been thinking of walking that same path that you have walked, then at least you're telling them the truth. And they're making their decision from a position of strength, A position where they have all the information they need to make an informed decision. Maybe information that you didn't have when you were trying to blaze that path, to climb that ladder. Because look, there's no point in you destroying yourself to blaze a trail, but it's going to be filled with other people like you, who you're trying to help, destroying themselves. And it just creates this self perpetuating cycle. Nothing changes if nothing changes. So if this is you, if you have been sticking out your job, your career, your organization, because you feel you have a responsibility to blaze a trail for people who look like you, who are coming through, who may want to do what you do, because you want to show them that this is possible for people who look like them, who live like them, then I want you to question whether that is the right thing for you to be doing. Because if you're not well, you can't help anybody. And if you're creating this false impression that they can do it too, without giving them all of the pitfalls and all the sacrifices that they will have to make to have any chance of getting to where you are, or surpassing even where you are, then maybe you're doing them a disservice. And maybe there are other ways in which you could better help them. By, for example, getting Them to be very clear on what it is that they want out of their lives and their careers and be intentional about making that happen so that they don't fall into the same trap that you and I have fallen into. Okay, the second point I wanted to make, I wanted to talk about this idea of loyalty. And again, I see this often. You will get that call from a recruiter or someone will tell you about this job that sounds pretty good, or at least sounds better than what you have. And you'll get a little bit excited, but then you'll start to feel a little bit of guilt and you'll start to think about all of the good things that the firm, the organization that your boss has given you. Maybe that time they said hello to you, that time they gave you a compliment, maybe that time you got a bonus, maybe that time you all went out for a nice meal and everybody talked about what a great big happy family you all were. And you'll hark back to those moments and they will cloud your judgment and they will get you wringing your hands about, oh, well, you know, I should stay and be loyal because they have done so much good for me. I want you to stop. Really, I want you to stop doing that. And I want you to stop doing that. Because that's not real life. You're just looking at things through rose tinted glasses. Now, I'm not saying that your entire experience is bad. That's not what I'm saying at all. Only you know what your experience is. But I want you to be realistic about your experience. But I also want you to recognize and realize that the way the game is built is supposed to be played, is that you are dispensable, you are a resource. And that's not to be harsh, it's not to be personal. It's just the very epitome of capitalism. You are a cog in a corporate wheel and if you go, somebody else will replace you. And so I don't want you to keep holding onto this sentiment that you're letting people down. If you get after what you want, if you decide to take that job that is giving you what you want, maybe it's giving you more money, maybe it's giving you more time, maybe it's giving you more responsibility, giving you more of the work that you want to do, then why wouldn't you do that? Because sure, as if anything reminds you, it should be what happened. As I talked about beginning of the show this week, firms, companies, organizations will cut you at the first sign of their profitability being threatened. So why are you giving your unfettered loyalty to organizations that would never do the same for you? And I do not mean. And I am not saying that you cannot enjoy being around the people that you work with. I'm not saying that you can't have a boss who you feel looks out for you. I'm not saying that you can't have good things about where you work and what you do. But what I'm saying is that tying yourself were blindly tying yourself to an organization in the hope, in the wish, in the belief that they will always have your back, that they will always look out for your interest is misguided. And it will leave you in a position where you're limited in the options and the opportunities that you have when the time does come around for them to make these decisions, and they will make them. I got laid off, as I've talked about before, and I was fortunate because I was at a time when I was in a very good place. And I was very much welcomed what was delivered to me. But it was still a shit show the way it was all handled. And I know plenty of other people who have been in these positions as well. And there were so many layoffs happening now and have been happening over the last few months in a whole host of industries. And so I want you to look at those as a reminder that when it's time, when the profitability of the organization is threatened, when the profitability of the partners in the law firm is threatened, the first thing they will do is get rid of people, get rid of bodies and work the bodies that they do have a hell of a lot harder so that they can maintain their profits. And I just want you to be aware of that and not allow yourself to be blinded by the nice things that happen. Because this is just how it's played. This. There's no judgment, there's no criticism here. I mean, that's for a whole other arena. I just want it to be clear that this is what happens. And so this is why. Clarity. I keep coming back to clarity. Because if you know the life that you want, you know what you want your life to look like, then you will do what you need to do to get after that. And you won't allow yourself to be derailed by a few nice meals or a kind word here, or being allowed to leave early at Christmas or have an extra day off, because all of those are nice, but they are not connected to your bigger vision to the life that it is that you want to live. So those are the two key points I wanted to make today. And I'd written a whole lot more on my iPad on the train back from London the other day as it's just pouring out of me, my fury at what's been going on and what happens to people, the way that people are just discarded when they have been so loyal in their mind to the organizations that they worked for, even when that organization wasn't treating them well. So I'm really passionate about this and I really care about this and I really just want you listening to this to look out for yourself. If you're fortunate enough to be at a place that you enjoy with people that you like working with, with a boss that you work well with, then cherish that, appreciate that, give gratitude for that. But don't sleepwalk through that. Always be questioning, be aware, is this where I want to be? If not, how do I use this to get me to where I want to be? How do I make this work for me? And how do I not allow myself to be a sitting duck? Read the room, see what's going on. Gauge whether you feel that there are some headwinds coming, maybe there are potentially some layoffs on the horizon. Think about, do you want to be one of those layoffs? And if you do engineer a way to get into a position where you are one, maybe that is what you want. And if not, try to figure out, okay, well, how, what do I need to do for that not to happen? Or how, where do I need to be looking? Who do I need to be speaking to to ensure that I have a soft landing? Don't sit and wait for the organization to do it for you. Don't whatever. Even if your boss says to you, don't worry, I've got your back, I'll look out for you. Do not rely on that because that's not what their primary interest is. Their primary interest is not you. Their primary interest is themselves and the organization. And I just feel that it's something we always need to keep in mind. It's something which I really wish someone had told me early on in my career and I think it would have made a huge difference if I'd taken that on board. Of course. Okay, I could rant about this for an hour, probably more. And if we, we have a catch up in person and sit and have a drink or two, I probably will. But for now I'm going to leave it here. And I just want to again remind you, don't stick out a bad situation because you feel it's going to help other people that are coming behind you. Because if you're inviting people into a situation that's already toxic, you're not helping them, you're actually hindering them. Give them all the information, let them see what to know, what it's like. And don't be blindly loyal to your organization, your firm, your boss. Be very clear on what you want and make intentional strides each day you get up to get after that. Don't leave it to chance. Don't leave it to a benevolent boss. Do it for yourself. That's it for me this week. Episode 59. We're going to be at 60 next week already. Wow. Time flies. Thank you as always for being here, for listening to the show and for following me on social media, letting me know your thoughts, letting me know what resonates. Really, really appreciate it. Please head leave a review, Let me know what you like about the show. Let me know what you want me to cover on the show. What would be helpful for you that I haven't covered already? Or maybe there's something I've covered already you want to go deeper in or you want to get my take on a little bit more? Just go to Apple Podcast, your favorite podcast app or there's a link in the show notes for rate my podcast and you can leave a review there and yeah, I will let you know. And maybe, who knows, I mention your name and do a show about it. Can also send me an email. Hey amroinespence.com hit me up on Instagram or LinkedIn as well. Send me a DM there. And until next week, until episode 60 next week. Go ahead, live your life. Look out for yourself and stop living a life of lethargy. Start living life. Thanks for tuning in. But before you go, the weight of limiting beliefs is heavy. It literally weighs you down and keeps you stuck in that life of lethargy. I know. It's why I stayed in Big Law for so long. And it's why so many of my clients don't believe they can do the things that they want to do. But what causes those limiting beliefs? It's a lack of confidence. Lack of confidence in the belief that you can do the things that you want to do. And I've got something for that. It's my confidence journal. It's six journal prompts that I created that I've used to help me get from where I am to where I want to be. To help to give me the belief to do the things that seem outside of my control. Outside of what I can do. If this sounds like you, you need to get your hands on the journal. Best thing about it, it's free. All you have to do is head to Iamry Spence.com hit the button for Confidence journal and get your copy today. It's going to help you start to reframe your thoughts and get you thinking about what you can do instead of focusing on what you can't do and shed that load of limiting beliefs that you don't need to be carrying. See you again next week. And until that time, stop living a life of lethargy and start living life lit.