How to get your spouse on board with your health journey?

Hello friends, it's Sachin.

Hi, it's Deepa.

Today we're coming to you with a really important topic that is going to impact you if you have other people who are part of your decision making process or if your decisions impact others around you such as your spouse or your significant other. You know, we've been doing this for over a decade now and one of the things that we hear is I need to check with my spouse, you need to check with my boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other if this process is going to work for me. And part of my heart breaks a little bit knowing that this person may not have the tools that they need to effectively communicate with and to their partner what their goals and objectives are. And what breaks my heart even more is when their spouse or significant other says no and then this person is kind of trapped in that state of existence. So we like to ensure a, that our clients want this and this is something that they actually want. Sometimes people use their spouse as a scapegoat, which I hope my wife Deepa never does that and says, my husband said I'm not allowed to get healthy or it's not a priority for him so I can't be healthy. I would never do that. And all you guys out there and gals out there, I hope you don't do that to your significant other either. But it is important because when somebody comes to see us or any functional medicine practitioner, there are a whole new host of concepts that are being discussed. And then if the person says, I need to check with my spouse, then they might leave trying to explain everything that they think their spouse needs to hear, when in reality there might just be a few key things that their spouse needs to hear in order for them to buy into the process. So do you have anything to say about that? Like what do you do when you encounter that situation?

Yeah. So one of the things that we do when clients come to see us is we have them fill out a form. And we're going to get into that in a little bit more detail here. But that really allows me to guide them in terms of what they should be talking to their spouse about because their communication style is super important in terms of what their ultimate decision is going to be when it comes to their health and you know, embarking on a health journey and working, working with us or really anyone. So we have them fill out this form. I don't know if you want to, it's called the disc. Gonna be backwards, but it's called the disc form. And so Sachin will go over the four disc styles here.

Sure. So there's actually four key communication styles, D, I, S and c. And so Ds are dominant personality types. They generally tend to be quick to make decisions, they seize the opportunities. They usually say yes, maybe sometimes to their detriment. Right. Sometimes we'll just say yes to everything, but they'll usually be all in right away. This type of person, the communication that you need to offer them is going to be to challenge them. So if you've got somebody who's a date, somebody who's a dominant personality style, usually what their style is going to be is they like to be in control, they like to be challenged and their fears are going to be being taken advantage of and also loss of control or personal criticism. So if you're speaking to someone like me, then you don't tell me to go gluten free. You challenge me to go gluten free. And what that'll do is it'll trigger a part of my brain that says, okay, I'm up for a challenge. However, people like myself don't like to be told what to do. That actually triggers us in a negative way. So challenging this type of person is going to be far more effective. And you also want to let this person know how they're going to be in control. So if Deepa were to come home and say, hey, I'm going to completely cut out gluten from our diet and I'm going to tell you exactly what to eat and you have no choice, well, that's probably not going to work very well. Right. For anyone of that personality type because I like to feel like I'm in control. So a more effective way to be communicating that to me would be saying, hey, are you up for a challenge? I would say yes, I'm always up for a challenge. She's like, how about we challenge each other to go gluten free and hold each other accountable to that process. And of course I would jump right in and then we would talk about how to, how I can stay in control. And in control means, hey, we're still going to eat some of our favorite foods. We're still going to have a say in what we eat and what the menu is and we're going to jump into this together. So that's a D. A D personality type is something to pay attention to. The next one is I. And this is a person who's also known as an influencer and an I is a people pleaser. So this is the type of person that will say yes to anything, no matter what the cost or what the detriment is, they will say yes to anything. So you have to be careful with that type of person. And if you're married to that type of person, then you have to make sure that you're communicating to them effectively. So what that person likes is status, popularity and approval. So those are the goals that they have. The fears that they have is social rejection, disapproval and loss of influence. So if your spouse is an I, then you might have to talk about how you're still going to be able to go and meet your friends, you're still going to be able to go out to restaurants, you're not going to lose influence or nobody's going to unfriend you because you're going gluten free as an example. So we have to focus on those attributes, okay, in order for them to be able to buy into the process. Now, Deepa and I have conflicting or not conflicting, but different communication styles. So I'm a D and she's an S. So I'll let you explain what the S's are. What do the S's crave? You know firsthand?

The S's, you know, stands for steadiness. So S's goals are stability, status quo, tradition. They fear unpredictability, loss of stability and unplanned change for. So if we're using this gluten free example, then S's need to know that they have a lot of support. They need to, you know, make sure that everything's planned out well in advance. Right? So they need to know what the different options are so that they can get the appropriate groceries and be prepared for the change and really make sure that they're supported in their change as well.

So if you're a spouse, I was going to say wife, but it could be your husband. If your spouse is an S, then don't come home and say, hey, we're going to completely overhaul everything that we're doing. They're going to freak out and lose their marbles because that's not what they want. What they are okay with is small, steady, planned and incremental changes that aren't too disruptive to their entire life. So if you're married to an S, S's make awesome, loyal partners. Then you have to be very clear in your communication and not just say, hey, here's what we're going to do without any explanation. In fact, early on in our relationship, Deepa and I, when I would try to communicate an idea to her, she would respond as an S. Meanwhile, I'm communicating to her as a D. So I could have been more effective in my communication by answering the questions I know that she would have instead of letting her mind wander so we can be more thoughtful in our communication. And so if I have an idea or something that I want to bring to the table, I have to plan out and let her know how we're going to do this and what are the steps that are going to be to get this through to completion. Whereas for her to communicate to me, she would just have to say, hey, let's get this done. Then it would be done. Okay, so now the other communication style, the last one is a C. So you want to talk about C's, because that's your, that's your personality, your secondary trait too.

So Cs are conscientious. So their goals are order, precision, proper ways. Some of their fears are basically criticism of work or out of control emotions. They are very critical thinkers. They like to have all the facts. They like to be very detail oriented, precise, accurate. And these are people that are really going to do a lot of research. So you can't just tell them you're going gluten free. You got to give them the research. What are the benefits of going gluten free? What are they going to experience going gluten free? Where are the research articles for the benefits of going gluten free? They're going to want to know those studies that are out there in terms of the benefits. So, you know, they're really critical thinkers and they need to know all the facts before they make a decision.

So someone who is a C, let's say Deepa, went in for an appointment and I'm a C. One thing that the practitioner should do and what we would do is we would send, they should send Deepa home with perhaps a book to read, maybe a podcast to listen to or an interview to watch. That drives this point home. They're also going to want to understand the process. Okay, so how many days am I going gluten free? How long is it going to take for me to notice a difference? Do we get to introduce this back into the diet? What are some case studies or testimonials that demonstrate that this actually works? That's where their mind is going to go. Those are the type of questions that they're going to have that we as practitioners have to equip our clients with if they're going to go back and communicate this to their spouse. And so if we go back to the top, if you want this form, which is a little cheat sheet, so we're actually reading off it a little bit because we want to make sure we don't miss anything. If you want this cheat sheet, then I'm happy to send it to you. Just type in form in the comments and we'll send it over to you. So let's go back to the top again and we'll go through this really quickly. So if you were to come in as a potential client or a patient and you were to say, I need to check with my spouse, and you genuinely needed to check with your spouse, it would be vital for us to know what your communication style is and what your spouse's communication style is so that we could equip you with the exact language and verbiage and aspects of the program to focus on so that you can get them to say, yes, I'm in. Because I would imagine if they're married to you or your significant other, then they deeply care about your health. Now if they don't, then that's, that's a whole different. Maybe that's a different video. But if they do care about your health, then we as practitioners have an obligation to equip our clients with an effective way of communicating that back to their spouse. So their spouse not only says yes, but they're 100% bought in. So there's four key communication styles. First, one is D, that's dominant, and that's the person that likes to be challenged. And they like to know they're in control. So Deepa would come home to me and say, hey, Satch, I'm gonna do this program and I challenge you to join me. However, I'm gonna still allow you to pick most of what you want to eat. And I'm gonna make the modifications to make it gluten free. Let's say okay, and I'll be sure, let's do it. The other personality type would be an I. So if Deepa came to see, came to me, and I was an I, then I would want to know, is this gonna affect my social status? Is this gonna affect me being able to go out to parties, to. To having fun, to be able to hang out with my friends? And so she would come to me and say, hey, listen, I've got a great program. It's not going to compromise any of these things that are important to you. And then we have the S. So if I was an S and Deepa were to come home and present this program to Me, I would want to know that this is going to be slow, steady, incremental changes where I'm fully supported in the process, where I feel like I'm fully supported in the process and I can stay loyal to that. I don't like disruptive things if I'm an S. And then if I was a C, she would probably come home with a book for me to read, an article for me to read, a podcast to listen to, an interview to watch, maybe some testimonials or case studies that can demonstrate the power of this process. Those are the things that are going to be effective at getting me to say yes. Okay, so any words you want to add to that? If you want this form, if you're a practitioner, or even if you're. If you're not, if you want this form, please type in form, and that way myself or my team knows to send this over to you. This is part of our intake process. It's completely changed and revolutionized how we practice because we know exactly how to communicate and what aspects of our program and process to communicate to the client. But also if their spouse is involved in the decision, then we educate them on how to communicate this process back to their spouse instead of regurgitating everything that we told them. So if Deepa was an S, and she was coming to see me as a client, what I would focus on for her to get her to make a decision, to buy in, to move forward would be different than what I would have to tell her spouse or what I want. What I would want her to tell her spouse because her spouse might be a different communication style. So hope you're awesome. I hope you found this valuable. Hopefully you can get your spouse on board to being healthy, happy, and whole. That's always. Our objective is to transform families because that changes not just your life. It changes generations to come with the right information and from our family to yours. Have a super awesome day. And Deeps, any final words you want to say?

No, I think it's just a really valuable form for both parties to fill out. So, yeah, type in form in the. In the comments and we'll get that sent over to you.

All right, bye, everyone.

Bye, everyone.

Have an awesome day.