Brenda Minge Trauma Therapist

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Welcome to the Legacy Leavers series on Success Secrets Exposed. Tune in live every Tuesday at 7 PM Eastern time or Wednesday mornings in Australia on W4CY Radio and Talk4TV. The series showcases experts, changemakers, and disruptors leaving a lasting legacy with those

Good morning, good evening, and good day to you all, and welcome to another episode of Success Secrets Exposed. Today we're going to be talking with a trauma therapist, and our topic today is you matter, your voice matters, your thoughts matter, your opinions matter, and your feelings matter. Now, I'm honored to be able to share with you Brenda Midge today, who is a retired registered nurse and a life coach specializing in trauma— specializing in trauma therapy. Now, she has expertise with PTSD, including the case management of that, moral injury, depression, and much, much more. She supports veterans, active duty military, first responders, law enforcement, and survivors of abuse. Including victims of sexual assault and human trafficking, helping them move from victim to survivor to warrior. And her clients say Brenda is like sitting down and having a cup of coffee with your best friend. She's known for her Midwest values and down-to-earth approach. And Brenda's philosophy is yet simple but incredibly profound, and it is that You Matter, Your Voice Matters, Thoughts and Opinions and Feelings Matter. She also serves on the board of the Veterans Ranch, which offers equine therapy to veterans and their families, something as we were just discussing is very, very dear to my heart as well. And join us as we share insights on healing, resilience, and empowering others to reclaim their worth and embrace a life of strength. Please help me welcome to the show, Brenda.

Hello.

Hello. Lovely.

Good morning, I guess, for you.

For me, yes.

Yes.

Afternoon or evening for the rest of the world as we were talking. Yes. Thank you so much for joining us. You have such a full, rich life of serving those that have had trauma experiences. I'd love to find out a little bit more and share with the audience a little bit more of your backstory of how you become such a specialized trauma therapist.

I think it's just what I was meant to do. My— I'm going to start back in the very beginning. My mom's family was Native American, and I was raised as a healer. Her family was Cherokee, and I was told by my great-grandmother that I was to be raised as a healer because that's, in her and Granny's opinion, that's what I was supposed to do. And I have been healing with words, and I am a Reiki master, for those that are familiar with Reiki and healing touch. And it started when I was 3. And it hasn't stopped yet, and I'm 65.

Lovely.

I know, and I'm not going to stop until I'm probably 120. I, I have big plans.

Yeah, beautiful.

And I became a registered nurse and loved that. And then I left nursing to take care of my parents when they were elderly, took care of them until they passed. And then in, I want to say, 2007, I started back in school and I got credentialed in family development. And that's where it took off. I went from family development to working with victims of domestic violence, child abuse, and it just grew from there.

Hmm.

And I love Yeah,

yeah, and that was one of the— that was what beams from you when we first met. So yeah, very much so. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. I'll let you continue.

No, ask whatever you wanna ask.

I was just, because of the conversation we've had and the fact that there's so much around the family and all of the different elements with family, I think it's relevant to sort of mention here that you've written lots of books to also support all of those interesting and having those conversations and just helping children understand. So I think it's worthwhile mentioning some of the, the way in which you write, which is also very relevant to what you do and what you're leaving as a legacy.

It's so important for children to understand they have a voice and it's okay to feel whatever you feel. Keep in mind, to a child— I did a video about this this morning on my YouTube channel. So it's important to a child, if they step on a ladybug and they come in crying because they stepped on the ladybug and she might have a family, and, and they're just in tears, it's okay. You sit with them, you console them. You might have to have a funeral for a ladybug. Mm-hmm. Because that matters to them. If it matters to your child, it needs to matter to you. Their voice matters, their feelings, their thoughts, their fears, their ideas. It matters. And if it matters to them, it matters to you.

Yeah.

They need to feel safe that they can express when they're afraid. And the first book I wrote is called Sometimes. And it's not a very large book, and it's written for ages, I don't know, 3-ish to probably 10. And it's sometimes if you're scared, this happens, or sometimes if you're sad, this happens. And it's— they're short little poems, but it's, it's to the heart. And my peer review are my friends, and they're doctors and psychologists and psychiatrists. and attorneys, and I will send it out to my flock of people. And if I make them cry, I've done well.

Yeah.

And they will come back and say, oh my gosh, this touched me to the core. How do you do this? Because it's healing them when they read it and they cry. They're healing as an adult. I have school counselors love these books. Caseworkers, family courts, doctors' offices. Parents love these books because sometimes it's hard to talk to your child. It's easier to read them a book or let them read the book. In the book, sometimes I left a section for them to draw a picture of how they feel after one of the little poems because art is important to kids. They may not be able to express verbally how they feel, but they can draw a picture. So there's just so many ways for children to heal, and I want to explore every avenue of that and give them every chance. So that was my first book. The second book was a lot of fun. It's Me and My Friends, and I think diversity is so important to accept each other for who we are, not who you want somebody to be or wish they were. Accept them for who they are as they are. Now, when I talk about this, I'll tell you right now, I get teary because it just gets me. So it's about a group of children. I don't specify the age because you can make that age whatever you want it to be. And these kids live in New York, which is A melting pot of nations. They're from all over the world, all different religions, cultures, ethnicities. Some have physical challenges. I have, let's see, one little girl in the book only has one leg, but she's the fastest runner in the school, and kids embrace that because they know the stories. Yes. Nothing's going to stop them when they face a challenge. Another child is autistic. Another child has a seizure disorder and has a dog that will help them. Another child is transgender. All different religions, and it's okay because they're friends and kids accept each other. They're just who they are. And so the book Me and My It embraces that friendship and some of the adventures they go on and things that happen in the neighborhood and at school. And it's just— I love it.

Yeah, it's heart-touching. Yes,

it is. It is such— I just wish people could do that in real life, that they would let their kids have friends from all cultures. So in the sequel, Me and My Friends and Holidays, it's, it's wonderful because you explore the culture. We go a little deeper.

Mm-hmm.

So all of these kids from different religions and cultures, we talk about how different kids celebrate birthdays and Christmas and Hanukkah. Uh, there's a little boy in the book that I, I believe he's Navajo. I make him family Navajo. And for their birth— for this little boy's birthday, they do a blue corn cake, not a— as a birthday cake. And it's made out of blue corn. And they sleep outside in tents, and they pretend that they're Hogans. And it's fun. The kids love this. And they all celebrate each other's religions. They embrace it. Mm. And if so many people are afraid Of the unknown.

Yes.

And if you don't know, that's okay. Fear is okay, but confront it. Learn about it instead of shying away from it, saying, I don't want my child to be friends with this family because of this religion or this culture. Explore it. Find out about it. Face your fear. If they're having a birthday party and your child's invited, you're not comfortable leaving your child there alone, stay. You might have fun. You might learn something.

Yeah, beautiful. I'm glad you've shared that little bit on, and I know that's only some of the books because I know you've got—

There's several. There's 9.

There's lots of books, but I really wanted you to open with that because to hear you express the feelings that, and I had those feelings when you shared some of those books with me. And I can only imagine the impact that it has on the children because, as you said, they're curious, they're in the moment, they're expressing it. But the fact that for— as a parent or a person that's within that industry supporting children to have that type of resource, I think is a great shining example of the impact and the change and the transition you're helping people with. So I thank you for sharing that.

One of the most important of the children's books is, and I'm going to get teary again, I'm sorry, but these are, this hits home for me.

Yeah.

It's, so there's altogether, there's 6 books for kids and the book, But I Miss Them. Oh my word. Because for it, I know for a child to lose someone, to move, To have their friend move, to lose a pet, a grandparent, a parent, to have a parent go to rehab, parents incarcerated, maybe they're deployed in the military. And in one, one of the stories, the child comes home from school and the parent's just gone.

Yes.

They're just gone. And it's horrible, but it happens. And I hope it's a lot.

Yeah.

It does. And for a child to read this book and realize somebody— this happened to somebody, somebody understands this, this is me. It didn't happen in my life, but to acknowledge a child and validate their feelings is huge

on

their healing journey because a child's going to blame themselves. Honey, it's not you. Everybody's responsible for their own actions, inactions, attitudes, behaviors, And the consequences. What they did is on them, baby. It's not you.

So important. Thank you. And we— another reason I'm sharing this and getting you to express some of this is on the Legacy Leavers series, we talk a lot about the impact people are having. And I think you've just been— you've given the audience an insight. So they've got that feeling now of what you are all about. And you talk a lot around that, the path to becoming this the warrior. So I'm going to sort of dive in a bit deeper now. And you talk about the transition from victim to survivor to thriver and then to warrior. Can you sort of explain to us what each of those stages mean and why those steps and stages are so significant?

You could be a victim of any number of things. You can be a victim of cancer. I'm a breast cancer survivor, but I said survivor. When it happens, at the time something happens, whether you're molested, whether you're in a car accident, you have a chronic illness, you're in a horrific domestic situation, you're a victim. And that's okay to acknowledge you're a victim because sometimes you need to hear that. It needs to sink in. This is real. This is happening to me and I am being victimized. Once you realize you're a victim, you don't need to stay there.

Yeah.

Once you accept that, then you set your mind. How am I going to change? I am going to change. This is not going to stop me. Once you transition that, I am going to change. I am going to get out of this. I am going to go on chemo. I am going to get the medical care I need, the mental health care I need. I'm going to see an attorney, whatever it is. You've just transitioned to survivor.

Yeah.

You're ready to fight back. And that's so important. The healing journey is not fun and it's not easy, but there's people such as myself here to help you absolutely every step of the way, to encourage you and nurture you. We do not— I cannot stress this enough— That's enough. We do not want to manage or micromanage your life. That's not what we're here for. We want to give you the tools so that you can manage your life. We're just here to help you through your healing journey as a survivor. You're on the path. You're surviving. You're getting your feet solid on the ground. You're feeling better about yourself. You're able to Accept yourself, your authenticity, who you are. You're, you're able to celebrate yourself and embrace self-care. Yes. Taking care of yourself, doing things for yourself that make your heart smile. That is so important to me. Do something every day to make your heart smile, whether it's wearing your favorite cologne, having your favorite coffee. I don't care what it is. Do something to make your heart smile.

Mm, garden floss.

And then you transition from your healing journey to thrivor. You find yourself embracing life. You can smile again. You can— you have a job. You can support yourself. You can support your kids. You're working on your marriage, your relationships. You feel good about life. You feel good about you. You are a thriver. And at this point, you have a responsibility. You need to share your story and your journey to light the path for others. And that, my love, is when you become a warrior. You're fighting for others.

Yeah, that was— and you've just beaten me to the punch because I was just going to ask you to deep dive into that, which I love. So thank you, Brenda. So let's talk about now, because I think that's part of the— or is the longer and the bigger ripple effect of the type of legacy you're that you have and that you deliver with the people that you work with. Let's, I suppose, talk about what's an example of when somebody hits that warrior stage, what's their next— I'm sort of almost doing like they're launching into something next. They become that. For me, you become an advocate. Share some of

that with us. It's very simple. Because you, you are far enough along in your healing journey that you're— you started talking about what's happened to you.

Mm-hmm.

When you talk about what happened, it no longer triggers you. It no longer sets you into a tailspin of depression and anxiety and flashbacks and worry. No, you tell your story and it's like, I survived it. I stood up and I fought back, and here I am. I am today. So you can go to schools and talk if you lost a child. If I can't talk, if you are a victim of losing a child to a drunk driver, that's horrific. Once you work through all of the grief, which can take as long as it takes, go to schools, talk to parents, talk to PTAs, talk to the kids. If you're a survivor of human trafficking, prostitution, child abuse, share your story with other victims. That gives them hope. That shows them, well, they were here, they found a way out, I can too. Mm-hmm. Maybe you can share things about what you did to get through mentally to survive with them. That will help them have an easier path. That's all it's about, making the person's path easier.

Yeah. Sorry, go ahead.

No, we're put on this earth, in my opinion, to lift each other up, to encourage each other, and to help each other on the path, our life path. And it's like, I survived breast cancer. So I immediately started counseling people that were in families that were going through breast cancer and other cancers. I made it through. You can too.

And that's where— and that's why I love that phrase, that lighting the path, that path for others. I've often used the phrase shining the torch. But when I say that, for me, it's shining the torch on others because I love doing that. Like what we're doing today. But, but what we— what it's really about, that the, the, the, the hope and the empowerment is actually lighting the path for others. Um, and that, that phrasing sits so strong with me. So thank you for sharing more of that with you, because part of that—

uh,

go for it.

I'm sorry. No, one of my favorite things to say when I had breast cancer My uncle sat me down, Uncle Joe, and he said— he was from Texas— he said, gal, you can have the bear or the bear can have you. You can have cancer, can have you. I tell people that all the time.

Mm.

You can be a victim. You can, you know, you can have cancer, cancer can have you. You can have depression and anxiety, or depression and anxiety can have you. A lot of it is your perspective. And when that perspective shifts, you've got the bear. The bear no longer has you.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. And that was something I was wanting to jump in on again, sort of doing that is you spoke about that changing of perspectives and that mental shift, obviously, that goes through when you're transitioning through the different stages. And that is through that, you know, embracing your own emotions and being comfortable in it and going through it and working through it to find the self-acceptance within each of those stages. So you're sort of almost finding your own hope. And through finding and experiencing your own hope, you're actually then able to pass that on to others.

Right. Perfect.

Yeah.

And it's so important. And it looks to a victim, it looks like a big hill to climb. But sweetheart, you have so many people there to help you. You have so many people to hold your hand on that journey. And we're going to take every step with you. So you're not alone.

You're

never

alone. And coming back to one of, I suppose, one of my quirks, and I often will talk about this when we have deep dives, is For me, I had an inability to ask for help. I'd sort of like to prefer the, you know, the isolation. I like my cave. It's pretty good. Um, but when we have the ability to ask, uh, or I'll say the prepared— not the ability, the preparedness, uh, to ask— that's where the magic happens because you realize how many people you've got around you. So yeah, please share some of that with us.

And For a lot of people, and I keep going back to cancer patients, but it's people with chronic illness and chronic pain, suffer through alone.

Yeah.

They don't want to ask for help. They don't want to be a burden. And, you know, they may actually injure themselves trying to do something on their own when people are around them ready and willing and able to help.

Yep.

Sweetheart, don't deny somebody else the blessing of helping you because that's what you're doing.

Yeah.

When you tell them that, it's like, oh, they didn't mean to do that.

Yeah.

So just don't deny somebody the blessing because it's a blessing if you help somebody. Let them help you. It's important to them. It may not be as important to you. It's important to them. Do it for them.

Yes. Yes. Great message in that.

If the kids, if the kids need to cook dinner and they can't cook and it's the worst macaroni and cheese you have ever had in your life, pretend to eat it because it makes them feel good. They did it for you.

Yes, I remember drinking tea and coffee combined when Rory was little, but he was being helpful because he was making my morning cuppa for me.

And it meant the world to him that he did it.

Yeah. Yeah, and that's a great example of, you know, the ability of giving, having that forward, that forward revolving ripple effect of gifts. The more we help ourselves by asking for help, the more we help others, the greater those ripple effects become.

And when you're blessed, share the blessing.

Yeah,

somebody's helped you. Now it's your turn to help somebody else. You can just light their path and share your story.

And I think for me, when we started talking, especially as it relates to the veterans ranch, because there's a number of episodes, I'll call them TV episodes on Netflix around some of the ranches that you have in the, in the US, which just, oh my God, and the Brumbies and all coming in and all the rest of it. So you hear the stories of the veterans and the the incarcerated people that have connected, in this case, with the horse and their experience of how the horse accepting them has enabled them to self-accept. And then they've gone on to do some other things. So, I'd love you to share some stories around that if you could for us as well.

So, we might have a veteran who has a lot of walls up. Very thick shell. They're rough. They're tough. They're not going to talk. They're hard drinking, you know. And okay, fine, they're here. The first time that horse comes up and puts their head against their chest, they cry because that horse is saying, it's okay, I understand, I feel your pain, and I accept you for who you are. And it's okay. I love you. And they cry. Yeah. And then, you know, we might have them walk across the arena and just stand there. The horse will think about it a minute, and the horse will come up to them because they— and it's just amazing. Animals are great empaths. Animals are great healers. And we were talking earlier before the show The importance of animals and, you know, to help somebody heal. And whether it's somebody that's going to testify in court and they will have a service dog available, I love that. Whether it's, you know, in a chemo suite and they might have a service animal around, in a rehab center or the veterans ranch, we have lots of horses ready and willing to help. It's amazing. What an animal can do if you just open your heart and let it happen.

Yeah, I just— absolutely magic. And I think for me, that's such a great visual and experience around that, the ability to embrace the emotions as they're coming up, as that's occurring in all those different examples. And just that level of self-acceptance and that— I'm going to call it the where they, you know, they just normalize— if that— I know that's not really a good word, but—

No, it's fine. Yeah. When they've realized it's okay, I'm okay.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Because a lot of times, through all of the shells and walls that they have up, they haven't accepted themselves for who they are. Do that.

Yeah.

And it's okay. Yeah. And we will work like as long as we need to because, sweetheart, you're worth it. You are so worthy.

Beautiful. Thank you. I'm going to change tactics very slightly, um, now because I want to talk a little bit around educating and protecting against exploitation. And you mentioned when we were talking that you've got an article coming out in a magazine in which was called Preparedness Without Paranoia. Have I got that right?

Yes, that's the magazine.

That's the title of the magazine. And you're going to be talking about helping the prevention of child exploitation, etc. So can you tell us a little bit about that article? And then I want to talk about some of the work that you do around raising awareness of dating violence and exploitation, um, just so we've got some of that elements in our conversation today as well, please.

The article is about child trafficking and transitioning once again from victim to survivor to thriver and warrior. Everybody is talking about what to do, you know, talking to your kids about, you know, what to do and not to do with online experiences and how many children, you know, are approached for inappropriate Pictures and things like that. The numbers are just crazy. The kids that are approached every day. So parents, they we hear this all the time, but they don't know what to do when their child doesn't come home. What do you do? What do you do? I mean, that's a horrible thing to think about. I'm a mom. I'm a grandma. But to think about what do you do if your child is you know, supposed to come home from school, they didn't come home from school.

Mm.

Come home from a date, they didn't come home from the date. So the article is about the steps you need to take and what you can expect emotionally. Go to the police, what you can expect working with law enforcement, working with special agencies that will help you find your child. And I work with a lot of those groups. I absolutely love that are child rescue organizations that are fantastic. Can't say enough good things about them. But what to expect, what the parent can expect. Parents get, you know, your life's coming apart, you're trying to find your child, they're missing, you have no idea what's happened, and now you have the police blaming you. They're— you're a suspect. How can that happen? They're doing their job. Just Answer their questions. Let them do their job. It's nothing personal. Just cooperate and breathe. And we're here to support them any way we can. Just let them do their job.

Mm-hmm.

What to expect when working with, you know, a rescue agency. When your child is found and comes home, sweetheart, they're not gonna be the same child that left. And you have to be ready for that. You might have a huge list of questions you want to ask them. You want to get to the bottom of this. It's not time. Time and place, sweetheart. Time and place. First thing, we need medical care. Get them to a hospital. Then they need a mental health evaluation because what they have gone through, you can't imagine.

Yeah.

And maybe they weren't sexually abused, but Maybe they didn't have food for days. Maybe they were lost. Maybe they were scared. Maybe they were dumped in another country. You don't know. So let them work with their healthcare team, their mental healthcare team, and they will share with you when they're ready. If you push them, they're going to shut down. If you push them, you don't want them to run. And that will happen if they feel that you're going to So much pressure on them. Nobody understands. This is worse than ever. They may try and just leave and you start all over again. So that's, that's what the article is about.

Yeah. Very, very deep article, obviously with lots of elements in there. But I, and this is what I love about having the conversation with you today is there's, there's just so many layers to the support that you provide, but more importantly, there's so many layers to the understanding of what people are going through in all of the people in that bucket of all of the people that are in that experience. There's the, as you said, all the types of different first responders, all the medical caring people, let alone all of the family and this next layer of family and then the individual that it's occurred with. So, being able to understand all of the individuals' perspectives and being able to support, as you do, all of those people in that scenario, not just the children or not just the parents, but just supporting all the people that provide the framework of that support. I just find it amazing, so thank you. And to be able to write for magazines that have that sort of information available for Yeah. Schools, et cetera.

It's a wonderful online magazine. The article will be out in December. They have wonderful articles you can go online now and look at. I can't say enough good things about this. It is absolutely a fantastic e-magazine.

Yeah, beautiful. And isn't it great that we've got, in the digital world with everything going as fast-paced and AI-driven as it is, but isn't it great that we've got these resources That once upon a time we wouldn't have had, and we would have almost— I'm going to use a term from my mother— suffered in silence and lack of knowledge. We just wouldn't have had it because it wouldn't have been spoken about, and the resources and the knowledge and the information wasn't there.

Yeah. Years ago, it wasn't spoken about.

No.

You had touched on— you mentioned dating violence, and that was something years ago that wasn't talked about. I mean, when I was in school back in the olden dinosaur days, you knew girls and guys both who were in abusive relationships.

Yeah.

You would see them with the black eyes. Guys too, with the black eyes, with a broken nose, the scratches. And you knew, but we didn't talk about it. You knew about it. You didn't talk about it.

Yeah.

Families covered it up. They didn't want to talk about it. We need to talk about it. It's more common than people know.

Yes, and that there's healing in the talk, in the talking about it and being aware and all those sorts of things. That's something that I, um, I love the conversation we've talked about. There's lots of really great movies now or TV series that are sort of bringing a lot of this diversity and complexity to the fore. Yes, they're ultimately entertainment, but there's a lot of educational elements within them. Absolutely. And it is enabling people to talk about different elements more. And it is a— as a parent, it can be a scary place bringing children into it, but at least they're pointed in the right direction and sort of taught the right things. It's It's almost like we sort of have to— I feel sometimes that we sort of have to catch up to the knowledge and the sharing that they're aware of now.

Yeah. And it's just one thing I want to add. If there are any parents out here, please always have a line of communication with your child that is open, honest, and nonjudgmental. My son is 45. He and his wife are 45. My granddaughter's 13. To this day, my son can call, and if he says a certain— says, Mom, we need to talk, I know it's time to be nonjudgmental and listen with open heart, open ears, open mind, and a closed mouth. Just listen, let them talk, and just embrace them. The first thing you should say is, whatever it is, it's going to be Okay, I'm here for you and I love you. And then let them talk.

One of my girlfriends who's also a therapist taught me this probably 12 months ago, which was the 3 questions around that. Do you— yes, when you get that, Mum, I need to talk. So do you want me to just listen? Do you want me to hug you? Or do you want me to provide advice? Is it one of those or a combination of those? So in In advance because clearly I'm a talker. So I then know that I need to zip it and not maul. So just with— I've got a 21-year-old son, so when he wants to talk and I know, yes, are we looking for advice this time? Because we've always got lots of that. Or do you want me to just hug you? Or am I just going to listen? And I do have to sit there like that. But at least I know what he expects. Interesting. And Nate's.

And I have learned through the years, I am Switzerland. There are many times I have no opinion. I am just mom. I am here. I love you. That's it.

Yeah.

And it's hard. It's really hard. But you can do it. You got this. You can do it. They're worth it.

Absolutely. And when you, as you've just said, they're, you know, they're worth it. And it's so important for us all and our children to know that You know, that they matter. So let's talk about that, you know, moving on from there, the self-respect that we're— hope for me, the self-respect that we're gifting, giving our child, helping them understand it and sort of that sort of thing. Because a lot of what you're doing is helping people cultivate their self-respect and their self-worth.

It's so important. important. And for so many families, it's absent. It's just unheard of. And in many cases, it's a generational trauma because the grandparents were raised a certain way. So the parent was raised a certain way and they're parenting their child a certain way. There is no I love yous. There is no you did a good job. I'm proud of you. I know kids that have never heard that. I know adults that have never heard that. So on Fridays on my YouTube channel, I will always do a video on self-care and I will tell people how proud I am of them. And, you know, you've done a good job. You've survived the week. Now it's time for self-care. You need to be able to do that with your child too, because kids need self-care. They need to know, okay, I mean, imagine being 5 years old and being told you're worthless, you're stupid, you're ugly, you're gonna— you're not ever gonna amount to anything, nobody even wants you in the house. And then you start Hopefully a teacher will recognize the gift that you are and will cultivate that. Mm-hmm. Because all the seeds have been planted that you're worthless, that you're not worthy of respect, you're not worthy of a voice, you're not worthy of anything. And all it takes is one teacher, one person— it could be the custodian— to tell you you're special, that you're really smart, you're a good reader. You're really good at math. You're the best speller in the class. That's all it takes for those seeds to be planted, the good seeds. And now we water them, and the whole child's life can shift. That perspective will shift. They will start carrying themselves, feeling better about themselves.

Yeah.

And that's what counts. They will learn they matter. Their voice matters, their opinions matter, their ideas matter. And I would love to see schools practice self-care on Fridays just so the kids can do something to recognize themselves. Yeah. And to reward themselves for surviving one heck of a week.

Yes. Yes. Love that. Um, I've got a little note on here on my desk that I picked up off, uh, somebody that, um, is my version of, of that, I believe, and it says, you made it. So it reminds me on a Friday that I've made it to Friday, which means I don't have to keep racing ahead and doing all the rest of it. I've made it. Time to stop, celebrate, etc. And that's my reminder to go into the weekend with plans. What am I going to, you know, enjoy? What am I going to relax with today? What book am I going to read? You know, what am I going to do different that's not, not work. So I love that. So Fridays is the day. So thank you.

Oh, we have a— do you find children attached to the ones who give them the positive attention? They can, but a child will attach. It's not necessarily the person that gives them positive attention. It's the person they identify with. So if you're telling them they're worthless, And there's somebody in the family that is not a good influence, they're going to kind of bond with that person because they're going to feel a connection with them. That would be much better if they formed a bond with a positive individual, of course, but a child is going to connect with whoever they can feel a connection with, I guess, is the only way to say it. Yeah. And it's really sad. It can be just horrific. You tell a child, you know, you're stupid and you're worthless, and they're going to believe it. They're going to believe— what I like to say is they're going to live the label. The label. Oh. And we all do that. If you think about it, we all do that. The label that you were given as a child, you live that. You carry that with you. And what we as adults fail to realize, those labels are like Post-it notes, the little sticky notes. Honey, you can take that label off anytime you want and replace it with a positive label. We were never taught that growing up. We just bought into what the grown-ups told us, that you're stupid and you're ugly and you're worthless. No, let's start taking off those labels.

Oh, I

love what I have done in the past, even with children. We'll have a whiteboard and I'll tell, you know, tell me all the bad things about you, and they have A huge list. And so we make all the little Post-it notes and put it up. And then I say, okay, now give me a positive one about you. Well, I'm a good friend. So we put that one over one of the bad ones until all of them have been replaced.

Love that. I love the visual element. There's so much power in that visual element of what you're sharing, but actually putting one on top of the other would have such a— so simple, but such a profound effect.

How do we find or remember the label given so you can remove it? Annie, that's really simple. Just reflect on your life and who you are today. Think back. If you have poor self-esteem today, I'm not saying you do. I don't know you, of course, but let's say that you have poor self-esteem. Just try and remember where that started. And if you honestly, you don't even know, you just have Really poor self-esteem. You just don't feel good about yourself. That's okay. Just start with positive affirmations. Personally, I have a couple of positive affirmations on my bath— on a Post-it note on my bathroom mirror. And I— not that I necessarily need positive affirmations, but it's good to see it. So just—

Good reminder.

It is. And that's all you need to do is Reinforce the positive in yourself. If you can't remember the old label, that's fine. To heck with it. We're going to replace it with a positive one, whatever it may be. You don't have to remember the exact event. Just know that you are a beautiful soul and you are so worthy of love and respect. You matter. Your voice matters. Your opinions matter. You matter. Beautiful.

Wonderful, thank you. And what I'm experiencing here with the conversation that we're now having online, and we've got— just got another one coming up, but I think we'll answer this next question. But I think this is the beauty of what happens when you actually have great conversations and you find a community. And I'll ask you to talk on finding strength in a community. But we do have another question there from— if you can't seem to finish things, is that a commitment issue?

Well, that's called a procrastination issue many times. It might be something that you're not overly thrilled with doing. You know, you— just an example, there's laundry to be done. Yep, it's sitting there, isn't it? I will do that after the game. Well, the pile isn't that big. I'll do it tomorrow before I go to work, and when I come home, I'll finish it up. So it's not necessarily a commitment issue. As much as a procrastination issue. What I do, but I am a very methodical, organized person. Nurses are that way. So I have a specific— for me, I do laundry twice a week because I can't stand to have dirty clothes around. So there's a certain time of day. That's what I do.

Routine it. Batch

it. Absolutely. Make a note to remind yourself that you're going to do this. And do it.

Yeah. Beautiful.

If it's something— and I saw an article about this, I think it was earlier this morning— if you just have trouble, you're just depressed and you're suffering with really deep depression and anxiety and you just can't make yourself do it, do part of it. It's a, you know, it's a baby step, but little steps lead to big steps that lead to accomplishment. So I have things I want to do and I've started, but everything else— and don't get to the things I want to do. I so understand that. I think everybody on the planet understands that. We all have great ambitions and things that, you know, you— maybe it's a home project that you've started and you ran out of paint, you ran out of nails. I'll get back to it. The next time, a priority issue. The next— okay, then you need to figure out exactly what you need to accomplish this.

Yeah.

Get a specific time you are going to do this. There are not going to be any interruptions. There's not going to be any excuses. You're going to do it. Dedicate a morning, an afternoon, whatever. You are going to do this and get it done.

Perfect. Thank you. Brenda, we've only got a few minutes left, so I just want to make sure we wind up with how important community is, or finding the community and the strength within the community for the people that you work with. Then if you have any final comments or words of hope or inspiration that you want to share, so a two-layered A question there for you.

So important to accept everyone around you and be a team player. We're all after the same goal. Lift each other up, work together, don't criticize. Be, be there for each other with open hearts and open minds. Give each other a hand up instead of a handout. Don't judge. Don't belittle people. Don't blow people off. That was the video this morning was, you know, about blowing people off. Everybody matters. Everybody's thoughts matter. Just be considerate, be kind, because they matter and you matter.

Beautiful. Thank you. And the best places to find you, Brenda, from my experience, was finding you on LinkedIn. But you've also mentioned you have a YouTube channel. Where else is Is the best place for people to get in contact with you and for support?

Facebook. Facebook.

All under your name?

All under my name. I have a personal Facebook and I have a professional Facebook and you can find me there. I, I don't have a website. I don't want a website. I, a lot of the clients that I get are physician referral and a lot of people that Especially the people I have in the UK and in the EU. You know, word gets around and they will say, oh, I'm sending a friend to you, or I have someone that you have to talk to. And that's lovely. That's fine. But it's mainly referral. But, you know, people do reach out on LinkedIn.

Yeah, perfect.

Never dismiss those on LinkedIn.

Absolutely not. You just never know what magic might happen. And of course, you've got your 9 books, um, that we can— people can also find on Amazon. And I found them very easy. You've shared them with me, but I found the beautiful covers by Googling your name on, uh, within the book section on Amazon to find them all. And so people have lots of resources that they can pick up from your pearls of wisdom and all of your shared knowledge and experience. Thank you very, very much for sharing.

There's There are 6 books for adults or for children and 3 for adults. I was— because we do have adult books too.

Thank you. I didn't pick that up. So thank you for sharing. It's been an absolute pleasure and an absolute gift sharing time with you and sharing you with the extended audience. So thank you very, very much. Any final, any, any final things you need to add, quickly add them now.

You matter. I promise you matter. And sweetheart, you are so worthy of love, respect, dignity, and self-care.

Perfect. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. And we will look forward to seeing you on another episode of Success Secrets Exposed. Till then, have a great week. Take care. Bye.

Remember, if you want to be sought after and sold out, As well as being known as the obvious expert in your industry, you need to speak with Sally, our host of Success Secrets Exposed. Sally is the founder of Monetize Your Content, a done-for-you content marketing agency that helps you be easy to buy. See you next week on another episode of Success Secrets Exposed. Tune in live every Tuesday at 7:00 PM Eastern time or Wednesday mornings in Australia on W4C. Talk4CY Radio and Talk4TV. Talk4CY Radio and Talk4TV.