Chaos Control System

Secrets Exposed, where we have intimate conversations with today's thought leaders, changemakers, and disruptors to bring you tools, strategies, tips, and insightful perspectives on both personal and business growth, revealing the humanness of success and challenge. For those that are new to the show, I'm Sally A. Curtis. I'm a content repurposing whiz, and we work with brilliant individuals to help them leverage their content to engage their audience through the power of visual brand assets. What we're best known for is turning books into dynamic— so 2 years' worth of dynamic social media content. We provide a done-for-you service that helps to amplify your impact because you stand out, you connect very deeply, and your message is heard, and you reach more people with ease. Now today, more importantly, we're going to be talking about chaos Now we've all lived lives and been in the thick of chaos, so it's going to be a great conversation around how to control that chaos. And if you've got small children or a large family and you're building a business as well, you're going to absolutely love our guest today, Heather. So let me give you a little bit of a background on Heather Steinke. She's a productivity coach. She's a very busy mum of 3 children. She's the founder of a company called Chaos and Cookies, and it's all designed to help moms stop crumbling and obviously achieving all of the things that they want to do in their home life, but also in their business life as well. Previously, Heather used to help other businesses build multi-six and seven-figure businesses, other women, and she's gone on to absolutely do that for herself. It's designed to help, as I said, control that chaos. She's got a great system around that that she's built for herself and others, and it's designed to help moms overcome the objections that are getting in their way of the life that they want to live as well as that business that they want to create. And she has a family playbook or a standard operating system, and it's the tool that every mom needs to save time, reduce stress when that chaos occurs at home. Productivity and self-sufficiency is the name of the game of what we're going to be talking about today. So please help me welcome to the show Heather.

Hi, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Thank you so much for joining us all the way in your evening in the US for our morning here in Australia. So thank you. Yeah, I'm super excited because we've just had a quick chat and we've sort of both been tarred with that systems brush. So we're going to do a deep dive into, you know, really helping to, you know, get out of that chaos perspective. But I'd love to hear the backstory of you, your family, and the chaos that's enabled you to help create this system that you've created for others now.

Sure. So I am a single mom of 3. Great kids. They're all 10 and, you know, under 10. And so they keep me quite busy. And I have been in the sales and marketing world for a long time in the legal part. And then I have a health and wellness background. And so after I was writing a non-compete out after my sales background, sales job with the legal litigation service company that I was with for so long, I I got back into health and wellness and started coaching this virtual program. And as I was coaching these women, which I was a student athlete and I have some background there, I noticed that they were saying that they weren't having any time for themselves or they wanted to get healthy or they want to work out, they want to cook, but they couldn't figure out where to fit it. And so I created Chaos and Cookies to complement that weight loss coaching business. And it morphed into a lot of things to where I was now coaching new business owners and moms on how to create systems and to simplify your life and to be more self-sufficient as well. Because I think it's very important for us to run our homes just like a business because there's still bills to pay, there's meals to be made, there's We're— we need to run it like a smooth operating machine where if we remove mom from it, whether that be emergency, whether that be divorce, whether that be something, um, that you can't see coming, it can still run itself and minimize the stress. Because when chaos ensues, it's stressful enough, right? And we don't know how we're gonna react to it. So that's how Chaos and Cookies came to be. And, uh, I've been helping Lots and lots of women just learn new skills, and I am known for my funny videos online, and I'm very real. I don't try to sugarcoat the reality of being a mom and running a business. You know, I think it's if you want Instagram perfect, that's not

yeah,

it's not real.

I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend. She. She said, oh, but you look like everything's going well. It was one of those weeks that you have and you're having a coffee, but you really wanted a stiff drink with a girlfriend. She said, but you look like everything's going well. Yeah, I said to her, we only put the good stuff on social media.

That's exactly correct. When I filed for divorce, everyone was shocked because they saw the nice house, they saw the kids, they saw the this and the that. And it's like, you all look so happy. I'm like, that is what you put out. You have no idea what's happening on the other end. I really encourage those that are starting businesses or trying to get their message out or sharing themselves. You never know what your viewers are really going through because we don't see it. And you could really say or do something that relates to someone and it could really spark something and you just don't know it. So it's important to just be genuine and share because you never know what's going to resonate.

Yeah, absolutely. Couldn't agree more. And that was one of the biggest changes I know we've we've made, and I see a lot of our clients made, is that you're bringing more of that, the real stuff that actually goes on. And as you said, that's where people can see that mirror reflection of what's going on in their life, that, you know, the reality of it's not— it is, it's not perfect, but it's real. And it's got emotion tied to it. And it's got other people's feelings tied to it. And it's got success and challenge tied to it. And I think that's where one of the beautiful things that's come out of COVID and all the rest of it is we're, you know, we're sharing more because we've lived more and we've experienced more and we've become to almost feel more. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So talk us through some of your— what's some of the common problems that you see with your clients? Because I find when you share the commonalities of the problems that you see, as when I see them, it's People go, oh yeah, I have that. So we don't actually know we've got a problem until somebody actually talks about the commonalities of those problems. Can you share some of those with us?

Yeah, so most commonly, and I am a mom of little kids, and so that's where I live. I don't have the teenagers yet. I just, I don't relate. I look to them for things, but so I am all about trying to help those that really struggle with minimizing the, the stress with little ones. Because I've got 3, they're very different personality, and man, they play off of each other, and I'm it. Like, there's no dad to come in and, you know, when you can put tag team, it's so much better. But when you're mom and dad, it's really difficult. So learning how to set boundaries, learning to Eliminate opportunities for you to have to battle them. So that has been something that's been very popular lately. And I hear a lot of, I don't have time to do that, or that looks like a lot of work and I just don't think I could do it. And so trying to simplify systems and simplify things where you can set it, forget it. Let it, you have to keep it up, but let it work for you so you don't feel like you have to put so much attention to it. So one of the hurdles someone came was like, and for me personally, most of the issues that I solve are ones that I'm solving for myself. So my mornings, I'm not a morning person. For those who have listened to me or found me or what, I'm not. I've tried apps. I've tried lots of strategies to become a morning person. I just have accepted I'm not. So my kids know that too. So mornings are very difficult for me. And so I wanted to minimize the battle and the reactiveness of my mornings with my kids getting ready for school and trying to get out the door and da da da da da, right? So my whole thing is to be proactive versus reactive and prepare for the worst and hope for the best. It kind of goes hand in hand. So my kids, and I know if you have small kids, you know it's winter, right? And they come out and they dress themselves because you want to give them that self-sufficient and you want to like encourage their creativity and independence. But then they come out in tank tops and shorts and it's freezing outside and you're like, well, you're going to freeze. Go back and change. No, Mom, you said that, right? And so you're battling. So then— Yeah. You got to go to the room, you got to pull out the stuff. And it's a whole 20 minutes. And then now you're starting your day off being very reactive and then it leaks into everything and then they start their day not so great. So I created a— it's very popular. It's very simple. You know those like hanging closet storage where it hangs on the crossbar and has 5 slots? Mm-hmm. I really— so I implemented that with all 3 of my kids. And so on Sundays, Or maybe Fridays if I have help, I'll set out their week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Look ahead at the weather, look ahead if there's crazy sock day, if they need extra something, whatever. And you put it in there so then they can go and get what they need for the day so they feel like they have some responsibility. But you know what they're putting on. I'm not saying it's foolproof. Sometimes my kids will go and switch out the bottoms. Yeah. But for the most part, it's like, okay, it's predictable. It gets them into a routine. And you can take that extra 20 minutes to send those emails or get extra breakfast going, and you don't have to have the battle as much. And I actually do it for myself. I've been very intentional about working out, but I have to be in my workout clothes to take them to school because when I come home, I go straight into it. If I'm not and I have to stop and change, most 50/50 chance I'm going to do it.

Yeah.

And so I set out all of my workout clothes for the week and I pull it out, put it So it's just a system. It's set it, forget it. You keep it up and it sounds like, oh, I can do that. So eliminating the excuses too.

Yeah. And what I've just— and I love those, the simplicity of repeatable systems. You know, they really are the secret to success as far as I'm concerned. And having the mapping out of the clothes in those, in the little baskets or the hanging baskets, it's a 5-minute if that job to look at what the weather's going to be for the week, and you can just pop it in there. And then as you said, it's done. You're not checking the weather every evening or every morning and then having that battle and having the negotiation— we'll call it negotiation— as to what's being worn that day, etc. So

yeah, and I think too, they actually catch me if I forget, and they wake up and they're like, my clothes aren't there. And I'm like, oh, I forgot, because maybe Something happened, I'm like, at least they're— so they're used to the system, and when they go and it's not there, it's like, oops. And then I kind of like, you know what you're supposed to wear, go get it. But at the same time, they are so used to it, so keeping up with it, it's a good reminder for me to also continue on.

Yeah, and it's such a great success strategy for them to be learning to save time and being prepared, and as you said, being proactive versus reactive. And it's so That in itself is a great lesson for life, isn't it, for them?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

And don't they tell us so humbly when we haven't done it right?

Oh yes, all the time. And it's like, ouch. Okay. Like my 5-year-old's very honest and I'm like, knife dagger to the heart. And, but it's, it's very, it wouldn't, wouldn't it be nice if adults were like that sometimes just straight to the point. You don't have to guess. You don't have to just pussyfoot around it. You just get right to it. You know, you know where you stand.

Kids are brutally honest. I love it.

They are. They are. And something else that I've helped with, I'm— I've learned how to cook over the years. When I had kids, I've learned that you can't just like serve them, you know, chicken nuggets every night. It's great and convenient, but at the same time, it just kind of gets old and you have to put some nutrition in there. And being health and wellness background, It's like hurts my heart to do that. Yeah. And for the other side of things, if you're on a budget or you're trying to really be more intentional with your meals with your family and you want to sit down and have family meals, but all the time, if you go— I mean, how many times have you gone to the kitchen to go make something? You go to the pantry, then you go to the fridge and you go back to the pantry and then go and then you find out you get to the step in the in the recipe book and you're like, I thought I had—

I'm missing something.

This ingredient and I totally don't. And now what? So your plan's ruined, you're being reactive. And so I really— another system that I have implemented is if you don't have the money to do those like prepackaged, I don't know, I'm sure you have those there where they come and you just open them up and start cooking, right? You can do it on your own. It takes a little, like 5 minutes, but you can do it on your own. You get your groceries, you bring them home, and you get like little plastic bins or bags or sections, and you put all the things for that meal in the bin. And that's including like a whisk. If your spices can be refrigerated, great. Everything and everything except for maybe the things that you really can't refrigerate. And then when you're ready to go cook, even that one onion that's rolling around that drawer.

Yeah.

Why'd I buy that onion? Oh, I never got to it. Now it's bad. And then you waste food, whatever, or kids eat everything. At least it takes it out of the mix where your kids can't go snack on it. That happens a lot too, where I go, I'm like, oh, it's for dinner. Oops. And so, uh, you pull it out and then you plop it on, you know, your counter and you're ready to go. You're not making laps around your kitchen. You know that you have everything and all you have to do is maybe get a couple of things and then you're off and you've just now created a whole big window for yourself to get extra work done. Maybe you'll have some downtime for more conversation at your table. Um, cuts down on all of the stress, like, did I get it? Did I not get it? And overbuying and overpurchasing. Yes. You know, that's always what ends up happening is you buy too much and then you waste it, or you forgot an ingredient at the, at the store.

Yeah.

So just It's just a quick, simple— it's right there, ready for you, almost like it's prepackaged. You can even, if you have time, meal prep before. I've tried the meal prep thing. It's hard. Like, it's hard. I get really proud of myself when I can. So if I, if I can just cook all my chicken and then have it ready, then I have at least something to use. But that's as far as I pretty much get.

Yeah, I probably do a bit of both because I'm at the other end of the scale. So my son's 19 and my fear is that he's going to eat everything by Wednesday and we've got to get through to Sunday because he also does a lot of sport. You know what happens when they do a lot of sport, they consume a lot. And he's just said to me this morning, what's for lunch? I said, have you actually looked in the fridge this morning? And he went, have I eaten it all again? I went, yeah. And I'm a Sunday, I love doing a Sunday cook-up, getting a whole lot of stuff prepared, mainly our lunches because we both work from home and he's at uni, just so we've got nutritious proper food instead of that sort of, you know, what I wouldn't call, you know, proper— we'll just call it proper food. Right, okay. Yeah, proper food. So I love to do a bit of pre-prep, but my system is just, you know, what am I going to eat, what are we going to eat for the week, so we've got all that mapped out. Does that include enough leftovers to feed the always starving 19 year old, and then going from there. But it's different when you've got more than one child and you've got all little littlies because they're more in the moment with what they're wanting to eat, aren't they? And all those sorts of things. So that in itself is another, you know, another form of chaos is managing their expectations of what they're wanting to eat in that moment.

Oh, and so I have like a snack, um, in my pantry. So when they know what they're allowed to have, because it's kids' stuff, I mean, I would hate— I mean, I would say like the 19-year-old eats you out of house and home. When I buy groceries, I buy now double just because I know that they're going— my son's going to eat all the apples in one sitting. It's like, I just ate— I just bought those 4 lunches this week and now I don't have them.

Yes.

And now it's like, well, buy more. It's like, you have no concept of money yet. Like, no, like, that was not the purpose. Or he leaves like 2 slices. It's like, oh yeah, yeah. But try— they are snackers. They— I try to keep it clean, and then you're just like, sometimes you're just like, well, it's breakfast for dinner because that's all I got.

That's what it is.

Yeah. And I'm really proud I've made like overnight oats this week, and I Did all the things and they're in there. And then I have a hard time of stopping what I'm doing to go and take a break and eat. Like, I'll go through the day and I'm like, did I eat today? Probably not. Then I'm hangry at the end of the day. So setting alarms is really important too.

Hmm.

As for that, I set an alarm just to wind down from work. Like, hey, 15 more minutes, start wrapping it up. I, um, set an alarm for like when I pick up my kids. There's my kids knocking at my door because they don't understand that No means no. Why do you have a sign on your door? I'm like, can you not hear me talking to someone right now? Yeah. And, and so, um, and so, uh, chaos and cookies,

guys.

And so, um, basically—

He got in. Dad, can you go?

Let me finish.

So why did you put a sign?

I put a sign because that's Yeah, we're supposed to be doing— they have their own— yeah, sorry guys. So, okay, so, oh my gosh, what was I saying about the— lost my track. I thought, I really thought they'd stay upstairs.

That's all right. That's beautiful children and their curiosity. That's great. Oh, there we go. Yeah, well, there he is. I was waiting for that. Yeah, yeah, little visuals across there. This is why we do it live, and this is why we have systems in place, because beautiful children are beautiful children, and they be beautiful whenever they choose.

That's right. And it's just, you know, reality makes us real and makes us more relatable. Um, but my—

we were talking about snacking.

Snacking. Well, yes. And so, um, I— oh, and times—

and times—

yes, go use tape.

Yes.

Great. Go do yes.

Where is the tape?

In the drawer in the kitchen. So I set times for myself to pick my kids up from school too. And I never want to be that mom that forgets kids. So I will set an alarm at 2:30 just so I know whatever I'm doing, I need to wrap up. It's a really good way to create little reminders for yourself. Sometimes it's just like set an alarm, just like take a break or use the bathroom or get some water. Everything's at our fingertips now, so utilize it.

Yeah, I was just going to say, and that's the, that's the way you can simplify. You don't need to make it overcomplicated, but there is those simple tools. For me, it's been a calendar. Calendar management, diary management rules my life, but I always also have those alarms. Have you done this? Have you done that? And I had, I absolutely had to do that when Rory was little because I did leave him at— forget and leave him at school a little bit longer. And I got the Did you forget me?

And so mom guilt just comes rolling in, and then you end up trying to like make up for it, and then it's a whole thing, right? It's, yeah, it, it's the one fear I have is like forgetting or losing track of my time. I even set an alarm right before I hopped on here, and I said, you know, I'm gonna go like put some eyeliner on and get logged in, and because I'll get sucked into my kids after, you know, In the evening.

Yeah.

And so just, it— we have to remember that these tools are invented for a reason. We should utilize them. We don't have to do anything fancy. Um, I like— I have, um, I don't know, my child probably ran off with it. I have an hourglass and they're 10-minute increments. I have 2 of them and I'll try to time myself if I'm on like social media, for instance, going down the black hole.

Yes.

Right. And yeah, it's awful. Or if you're in your email, even let's just email, you get sucked into email. I set myself some time where it's like, okay, this is the time I've time blocked off. And so I visually can see it and I'm not using my phone because what's so easy to do these days is push the snooze button, push the, you know, The push the snooze button, like delay it a little longer. If the sand is out, the sand is out and that's it, time to do it, you know. So I think that's another important thing is yet it's at our fingertips, it's not always the best thing.

Yeah. Hello. And one of the phrases that I actually love that you actually also said is that, you know, kids don't come with an instruction book.

No.

But life in itself— oh, bless— life in itself can, and that's having some of those simple systems that we've talked— we're talking about and putting in place. Is there any other elements that you've used and you've helped your clients use that help to run that household? So we've sort of talked about sort of managing time, we've talked about the clothes, which I think was a beautiful scenario, and we've talked about meals. What are some of the other things that really sort of trip up mums that have got these little kids? Because I've sort of forgotten it, but I can remember it as soon as you start talking about it.

Right. So I think too, like, trying to feel like we have our own space, like my office, for instance, is taking over. So trying to create space for yourself away from them, because when you have little kids, there's I mean, they bring everything into everything. And so having some sort of system there that I strongly recommend, like having some like storage, like functional storage in every room. Because for me personally, I cannot handle seeing clutter or something out of place. Like, I'm so sorry.

Yes. So I'm exactly the same. At least

he's not in a Spider-Man outfit. He's usually like full on in Spider-Man. Yeah, he keeps things interesting. But so I always recommend to moms, like, if you are—

go, go, go, go, go.

There he goes. Oh, I got backup. I finally got backup. Finally. So because I've been fending for myself by myself. So having some functional storage will help not only get your kids to feel like they can have their time with you, bring their toys in, even if it's blankets. But I always teach them to put the functional storage— bring that over— to put it at the front of the room by the entrance. Because as you are walking out of the room, it's more productive. It's also more— it's quicker. I hate wasting time. Yeah. So, and everything up, going out the door, dropping it in whatever it is that you're dropping it into and leaving instead of going back. And forth and back and forth.

Yeah.

Take it, pick up your stuff on your way to go wash up for dinner. It eliminates them saying, well, oh, I already went back upstairs. Like, oh, I have to go back up. Take it and do it as you're walking out. Also for aesthetics or if you have guests, because we stress as moms. So we always apologize. We do. I'm sorry for the clutter. I'm sorry for the way my house looks. Hey, that's life. Like, you're gonna be coming in, set the expectation. Like, listen, you know, don't act like your house doesn't look like that either. Um, you know, it— when they walk into the space, all the functional storage is behind them, so they're walking into the room as like something that you feel like you can present as a mom, as a human, as a person.

Yes.

And not as like, excuse the, you know, the plastic snake on the floor and, you know, Spider-Man stuff everywhere, you know. So it, it's, it's functional. It helps. I mean, even with blankets, like, I have blankets, you dump them in somewhere. I mean, this bench behind me has a lifting thing. I, I have no shelves in my new office, so you need storage somewhere.

I

don't want to look at the clutter, just dump it on in.

Yeah.

But that helps me for Peace of mind, right? So you— sorry, go ahead.

No, I was just gonna say I absolutely love that, the concept of the functional storage, but the strategy of actually having the storage by the door. Because I'm a neat freak and I like aesthetically, I like the space to be clear and uncluttered and, you know, it's gotta be pleasing, but it's also got to be warm and friendly. But, you know, that for me is not the toys or stuff. And I'm gonna say toys because we've got a dog and she brings all of the toys in.

Oh yeah.

Into the room, but I have a box in the laundry which is on the way out, so I pop them in there. So I love that idea, especially with kids, of having the box by the door as you're going out, because I was always taught the philosophy of touch it once. So you can pick it all up and pop it in. So to me, that taps into that touch it once philosophy. You know, if you pick something up on your desk, Don't pick it up and put it somewhere else, pick it up and put it away. So you're not touching it twice and taking more time. So that sort of fits into one of my loves, which is touching things once. So that's brilliant.

And the other, I'll go a step further, is that I keep a cube. So I don't have functional storage for my children's sake in my bedroom because that's like my space. And then like bathroom. But every other— and maybe like the dining area. But, um, I keep a cube in the kitchen. So as the day goes by when they're at school and I'm finding things that they've taken out before we've gone to school.

Yes.

And then I have to hear, I've lost XYZ, or where did I put it? I would prefer them not lose it and me forget where I saw it and teach them a lesson of like, pick up your stuff. So what I've done is I'll pick it up throughout the day and I'll put it in this box. And at the end of the day, y'all get your stuff, check the cube before you go to your room, because if it's left in the cube tonight, it's mine. And they are more like— they're putting their stuff away that they've left out, but at least it's consolidated in one spot so I don't have to look at it.

Yeah.

And then it also teaches them the responsibility to at least put it away or come get it, or it's Not going to be yours anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's that self— that's a different version of self-sufficiency, which will show them well as they become older children and then into the adults side of things as well.

Do it with your spouse too. Leave the stuff around. You just put it away. This is your stuff, babe.

Yeah.

Here you go. It's going to go away if you don't go put it— you know, I'm not your maid.

Yeah,

you know,

love it. Absolutely love it. Now, one of the things that you also talked about is, and I think this ties into the systems as well as, and to me, systems can and are so simple, but I think like everything, we tend to overcomplicate them. But you also have talked about, you know, the mum is a role we play versus the definition of who we are. And I think it's under— as you said, our children have all got different personalities, we've got our own quirks, etc. So how do you epiphanize more of all of that and play the role of a mother versus it being the defining definitive thing that we are?

So I think what really resonated for me that got that Because when you first become a mom, you're like doing everything and anything that you possibly can do and you put yourself last. And then you almost to where you have to reach rock bottom in order to figure out that you're not taking care of yourself.

Yeah.

And then as you get out of it, you have more perspective. And I feel like this goes for a lot of different factors of my life personally is I'm setting an example for them. They watch and see and hear everything. Things you think you're hiding from them, they're not dumb. And I've got little ones and I'm learning that they've seen and heard things that I never thought they would. And I thought I was like shielding them from and nope, they just see it in their own way. Yeah. And so I, A few years ago, it's like I am responsible for their environment. They're children. They don't get to pick where they live, how they live. That is our responsibility. And so if something's happening that we don't like, it's only going to change if we do it and be consistent and actually commit to making the change. We're not— it's not going to do it for you, and they're not going to do it unless it's way too old, and then they're going to have all these issues, and then they're going to run away from home and not want to come back. So it's, it goes hand in hand with environment, habits, watching things that you're doing. So if you are telling them something and you're not doing it, then they're going to be like, well, if you're not doing it, why would I? So you have to practice what you preach. And really, so if we say take a break, it's better for you, or take care of yourself, or, you know, whatever it is, you have to do it too because the car is not going to drive itself. So It's like, if you want to be your best, then you need to show that you can say no. You don't have to say yes to your kids all the time. And to say, or, or say, you know, they're like, right now it's kind of a bad example, but it's the end of their day and they're having a rough one. But, um, other than that, it's like, if you see my doors closed, that's a boundary. I tried the sign thing from my friendly Aussie, um, interview this a few hours ago. She— it worked for her kids, they're the same age. Clearly didn't work for mine. And I just ripped it off and walked in. And so just setting those boundaries and expectations, because also sticking with it. So I've been trying to take my watch and my phone and put it away so I'm intentional with kids, so they're not seeing me on my phone and not feel like— right? Yeah. It's, it's little things. And it brings— it just They watch it. And so being a mom also includes you being you, because we're only a mom, a mom for like 18 years.

Yeah.

When it comes to caring for them, because once they're 18, they're— they can do what they want. They might still live with you, but they're adults. Yeah. So what happens to us when that happens? Like, we're still mom, but we're still us, and now we've lost our— like, we've lost, lost Heather. Right? So why are we— why are we gonna wait 18 years to get to do Heather's stuff when I'm older, I'm tired, got— you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Probably, you know, grumpy, and you have a different filter of the world. So it's important to remember that you like to do— I like to go to the movies. I make it— that doesn't change because I became a mom. I might not be able to do it as often, but I still have the same Like, maybe they've changed a little bit, but I like to do things still. Yeah, maybe you like to go to concerts, maybe you like rock music. Make an intention to go once a year or make plans and keep those schedules for yourself, because if you're not, you'll feel like you're losing yourself.

And you've just used the word keep those schedules for yourself, but I'm gonna phrase it this way because somebody said it this way to me the other day, was keep those promises to yourself. Because though that's there, often, as you've said, I love movies as well, you know, and going out in nature and all those sorts of things, they become our fuel for our continued joy. That's where our discovery comes from. That's where our inspiration comes from and our space. So like anything, it comes back to the, you know, good old calendar, you know, putting things in your calendar, but it's keeping those promises to yourself. And again, I suppose that's another form of leadership of, you know, helping our children understand that, you know, we are as important as everybody else around us and teaching them that as well, that by taking that self-care and keeping our promises to ourselves as well about, you know, taking our time out and going to the movies and those sorts of things.

Yeah, it's important to show that you have a life outside of them. Like, they're your world, right? But they need to understand that there's other things that we have to do. And we can't just drop everything. And there's— it's not that you're— this is more important than you, but it's important to me, or it's necessary to, I don't know, pay the bills.

Yeah.

You want to eat. So it's— but also doing that within the parameters of being reasonable. Like, don't do it all day, every day, and don't change it up. Really stick to a really consistent routine. With little ones, they like to know what's coming. They like to be Prepared whether they like it or not.

You

start talking about it. Like I told them before I was coming up. Okay guys, I have ten more minutes. I'm gonna you know what I mean? Like make sure I try. Doesn't always work, but it's there and set expectations and prepare because we like to be. We don't like to be surprised.

No, absolutely not. And I always used to give. I remember it was five minute war. 5-minute warning. Because Rory, if you didn't give him a 5-minute warning, which wasn't just one 5-minute warning, I can assure you, but you know, that routine, that routine. If, if you surprised him, that was it. It was— he, he was in the ground. It was, it was on. It was not happening. So he's always been appreciative of 5-minute warnings as such, just like we are. And as you said, we don't like surprises, so why do we expect the children to be able to cope and, you know, understand why things need to change so well.

Yeah, we have transition periods too, like you can't just be like, hey, we're done. I'm like, whoa, I need to like shift, shift for a second. Like I have a 100%, 1 hour. Okay, I see the sign, thank you. I'll be done in a few minutes.

Yes. We can go in more.

Oh, we can. See, they make their own rules. They make their own rules too. Negotiate them.

Yeah,

and he does smile because he got, you know, and yeah, no, so okay, good job, buddy. Proud of you. Okay, good job. Thank you. And all their— I'm very proud of you. Good job. So they just wanna— they want your attention. They crave it.

They do.

This is also abnormal. I'm usually done at the end of the day, so it's like, why is Mom not accessible? But, um, they also have no concept of time. How many of your 5-minute warnings are really like 5 minutes? It was like Okay, 1 minute left. And it was like 30 seconds later.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

But, um, I think it's, it's important to just stay consistent and, and set boundaries when you can.

Yeah.

And be flexible at the same time because you have to account for feelings, for injury. My kids have gotten hurt the last 2 weeks. God knows, freak ones. Never ever come home sick, but of course And so just leaving some buffer and some room and some grace. Like, give yourself grace because just because something doesn't work the first time doesn't mean it's not going to work again. Or maybe you need to change how you're trying it. Just because, like, the systems I've shared, like, if it doesn't work exactly like that for you, take it, the concept, and make it your own.

Your own.

Why? perfect way of doing it, works perfectly for me. That does not mean that it has to look like that for you because I don't know what's happening in your life. You might have a night job and you sleep during the day, like, who knows? But if you can find something that works and at least have a little bit of a start, I think that's really important. Mm-hmm. Because it, it— Sally and Jenny, they, their lives are different than mine. And so whatever works for me, it doesn't make my way worse or better, it's just my way. And that's what we need to remember is to normalize the different.

Yeah, well said.

Yeah,

yeah, just recapping, sort of conscious of that, you know, the children absolutely wanting your attention and deserving every minute of it. It's the end of the day for them, beautiful. So from a recapping point of view, I'd really like to just sort of recap and come back and Recap from the word that you've used, which is great, which is that word grace, which was something that I always, when I, when I was a mum, aspired to. And I didn't feel like I got there because I was always sort of reactive and always doing things. But when you find that, the grace within it, it does create a very different feel of ease in there. And I think some of the elements from that are definitely creating simple systems. But also the consistency of those sorts of things and the grace in acknowledging that systems are not cardboard cutouts that are designed for anybody and everybody. Systems are designed as a suggestion for you to carve your own version of that out. So just as a recapping, you've also talked about a lot of the systems that you've put in place as well. well as the, the ways in which you've gained extra hours. Is there anything additional that you want to share as it relates to that? You've covered off the food, we talked about the clothing, which, which I loved, we've talked about the— Clutter. The clutter and the box at the door, which was a great place to pop it. I can really see, well, see, well, that, that'll work for the fur baby version now.

Yeah.

And all those sorts of things. And obviously those all contribute to those incremental, I'm going to say stealing back of time to give yourself space. And by giving yourself space, to me, that's where the grace is, but I'd love, love to hear your take on sort of wrapping it up and closing it off from there. Yeah,

of course. Yeah. So I feel like it's super important that if you're going to start trying new things or you want to make a change, There's probably a bunch of changes you want to make, right? I want this, I want that, I want to be healthier, I want to work out more, I want to have more self-care, I want to whatever, I want to go to bed earlier. Um, start small and work your way up. Work on one thing, not 6 things. Don't be what, jack of all trades and master of none, right? Master one. thing and do it small. Remember they say, wait, it takes like 21 days to make a habit. Atomic Habits is a great book. It's an oldie but a goodie by James Clear where you do habit stacking. That's a very real thing. So when I wanted to set my clothes out, I put it right in front of my sink, on my sink, because the first place I go when I wake up in the morning is to go brush my teeth. And get dressed. That's just what I do. So if it's right there, I'm going to brush my teeth and get dressed. So habits, the teeth. The new thing is putting my really tight yoga pants on. Who wants to wear that first thing in the morning? Ugh. So it forces me to be like, let's go work out so I can get them off. Yeah. And so squeeze them in. I'm like, oh my gosh. And so then go and do my morning routine. I put that little change right after a really— this just becomes automatic.

Yeah.

And so just once you've done that, then you move to the next one. And if it doesn't work the first time, move it around a little bit. Don't be so rigid about, um, about the way you see it in your head or mind, but, um, But to be open to changing everything. And there's my dog.

Yeah. And making it work for you and sort of bringing it into your life in a way that rolls out for you. And that putting your clothes in the most obvious spot to me is a way of stacking success. You know, it's not putting it in a spot where you don't see it. It's putting right in your habit line of sight. So you can leverage off of that and turn that into something more, which is exactly what you were describing.

And if you can't do it yourself, there's nothing wrong with delegating it out.

Yeah.

There's a reason why we bring people in to clean our house every other week. If you know, because you can keep it up, but if you don't want to, if you A, don't have the time, or B, have no desire to get and scrub, and you have the means to do it, bring someone in. It's okay. That's why they're there for you. Utilize those things.

Yeah.

And, and, and take advantage of that. Delegate it. I— your taxes, all the things that you don't know how to do, we give to professionals. Same thing in our house, same thing in our business.

Yeah.

I couldn't manage my calendar for the longest time because I had too much going on with personal stuff. I had my assistant that was helping me more on my business. I was like, listen, I need some help managing my personal stuff. I need you to just do this, do that. It took away from what I needed her for, but this is when I needed her. And you delegate it out and you trust it that it's gonna happen and you know enough about it to where you can get by and know that it's so you can catch mistakes. But at the same time, it's something you don't wanna do. Delegate it out.

Yeah.

There's a laundry service I might just try. I hate laundry. I hate it so much. And someone just told me the other day about this one that they're using. I'm like, might just try it when I get behind.

Yeah, just never know. Don't know if you don't try. And I think that's the motto of, you know, creating simple success systems is you don't know unless you try. And trying is the first way of stacking that success and creating things to be much more simpler in your life. And how is the best way for our audience to check in with you, find out a little bit more about your Now you called it your— I'm going to call it the instruction book, but your operate— your family operating manual and all those sorts of tools that you can actually equip people with to build that life and build that business that you're wanting to build. What's the best way for people to reach out and get in contact with you?

So I have my website, which is chaosncookies.com. It's just with the N. The other one, if you go to Chaos and Cookies, it is a bakery. It's not me. And also I have a podcast. That every week there's new, new, um, episodes coming out. It's the Chaos and Cookies podcast. Again, you can find it on my website, and I'm on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, and it's under Heather Greco. Um, I've just recently changed my name because of the divorce, so it's an easier thing to say. Not a lot of people have seen it yet, so, you know, it's coming. It's kind of mixed out there. And so, um, you can find me under both names. And, uh, I encourage you guys to reach out if there's something you need help with. Or if you have a tip, grab it. I grabbed tips when I was moving. I saw some, I was like, ooh, I'm gonna try it. Share it. I'm very open, obviously. I mean, there's no hiding. And I think that it's okay. You also have to, you know, it took a long time to get like that. So all the platforms and please reach out and listen to the podcast and listen to Sally's show.

Thank you. So yeah, thank you very much there, Heather. So we've got the website going across the ticker. This will obviously be also available, so you've got the website, know where to go to on our social media platforms as well. You will get the opportunity to see this as the podcast coming up, and of course it'll go onto Everyday Women's Network as well. So a great opportunity for people to learn a little bit more, understand the chaos ensues around us all the time and that we can put simple systems in place to coordinate, corral, and organize. And sometimes it just comes into challenges as well. And then we can be graceful and move, move and flow through that just as we have done today, which has just been absolutely beautiful to witness. So thank you very, very much.

And might I add, obviously the system of a sign didn't work. I tried it. Clearly. So I will go and I will tweak and figure out a new one. So again, you can try it. If it doesn't work, it's okay.

Yeah, absolutely brilliant. And that is the whole premise of the Success Secrets Exposed show, is that success is trial and error. It's often failure, failure, success, failure, success, success, failure. And those— it is that, you know, it's It's ever epi-ve-ssing, it's where we learn our lessons, it's where we learn our tweakability, our flexibility and the way in which we adapt to create the life that we want to carve out for ourselves. So Heather, thank you very, very much for sharing with us today and being so real, which was part of the conversation we had at the very beginning, so I appreciate every minute of that. And do give your children a big hug for being rock stars anyway. Thank you. And because they came and said hello, that was just beautiful. Beautiful. So thank you very, very much. Appreciate

it. Oh, thank you for having me. And they're the best, so I can't get too upset with them.

Oh, absolutely not. No, no, absolutely not. No, too, too. We see this dress.

That's all I gotta say. We see this dress.

That's so true. Yeah, absolutely brilliant. So thank you everyone. We look forward to seeing you next episode on the Success Secrets. I suppose next episode is Called Success Without Sacrifice: Advancing Your Career Without Sacrificing Your Personal Life. So it's going to be a beautiful add-on to the conversation we've had today. So thank you very, very much, Heather. Enjoy your evening with your children. I dare say you're going to be absolutely swamped in hugs and kisses because they want to know where you've been missing in action for the time that you have with me today. So thank you.

You're very welcome. Thank you for having me. This is really fun.

Yeah, thank you. Take care. You have an awesome evening. Look forward to seeing you next time on another episode of Success Secrets Exposed. Bye for now. Bye.