Principle 1 of 7. Action & Congruency

So the first section is action and congruency. It is our only language. So, but how does it actually impact us? Let me give you an example of what I think most people have probably experienced. You've been to an event or a breakfast or a networking function and you get into a conversation with somebody and there's interest there. So you're interestedly talking to them and then all of a sudden you get this hinky feeling and you start to do this and you may even actually step back, but something's just happened. It's just gone not right. That hinky feeling comes about because there is an unconscious scorecard that is at play with every interaction that you have and it happens Instantly. And you are instantly in or out. So you can go from having a great conversation with somebody and think that it's a really positive conversation, you're having a good conversation with them, and then all of a sudden it can crash and burn. And that is based on that unconscious scorecard and the level of congruency in the messages that you're delivering to people. And the experts tell Mm-hmm. That you have less than 17 seconds to make a lasting impression or a good impression. I'd go as far as to say it's probably more like 3 to 5 when people start to get that sort of, I'm not really sure about you feeling and they start to want to step back. So in less than 17 seconds. Now I'm going to go through a communication model just very, very quickly. Which most people would have probably seen if they've been to a business development or a communications program or anything like that. And that's that 7%, 38%, and 55% communication model, which is tonation, body movements and— or body language, and the words that we actually say. And when I was doing some research, or some additional research for this evening, I actually found it really interesting that a lot of the content on Google refers to this communication model as being an urban myth. Now we've all seen it, we've all heard it, and I sort of went, oh, okay, what's this about? And the reality of the people saying it's an urban myth and it's not quite fact is because the model that we actually see is an oversimplified version of it. So what I've done tonight is actually given you the full representation of the findings from this particular communication model. It goes on to say that yes, 7% does relate to words, but it is the feelings and the attitudes within the words. And 38% of the message pertains to the way in which the words are actually said. And 55% of the message does relate to body language or facial expressions in particular. Okay. So, and it was only related to face-to-face communications and the like versus dislike feelings that we get, hence why I mentioned the hinky feeling. The communication model and the percentages that make that up relate to the way we go, yes, I like somebody, this is an interesting conversation, or, oh my God, I'm not quite sure about them anymore. So it relates to that like versus dislike. And what it goes on to say is it says here, when there's a lack of congruency in all of those areas, people will tend to believe the— between the verbal and the nonverbal, people will tend to believe the nonverbal portions. So in other words, if you're not 100% congruent and believe in what you're saying, believe in what you're doing, your body dobs on you. We've all seen little children when they go, no, Mummy, I didn't break that, or I didn't knock that off. And they look guilty. That's your body effectively dobbing on you when the messages aren't quite congruent. So this to me is why it is so, so important. We've all heard you have to love what you do. This is where our alignment and our congruency comes from. And using Mikey as an example, if you go back to Mikey's presentation, I think this is the best bit of advice that I've ever had from him, is to study, Study yourself and improve yourself 95% of the time and study strategies 5% of the time. Because the greater relationship you have with yourself, the more congruent you are and the more you are aligned to your purpose and who you actually are. So the best gift you can give anyone is the real and true you. And people feel that. And that's where that hinky feeling comes in when the messages aren't quite right and people are going, ooh, not sure. In addition to the instant scorecard, there is in actual fact 3 unspoken questions on that scorecard. Can I trust you? And they need to know that within a very few seconds. Can they trust you? Will you do what you say you'll do? Do they believe what you're saying? Are they marrying up everything that you're doing, moving, and going, yes, I do believe what you are saying and you will do that? And do I really matter? This is where that feeling comes in, where people go, do I really matter to you or are you just trying to sell me stuff? Okay, so the key thing with our actions and our congruency is understanding that there is an instant scorecard that comes into play and you are instantly in or out and you are judged on these 3 questions. So if you consider perhaps and remember back to different scenarios where you've had conversations with people, consider and think about how you've perhaps been judged or evaluated on those questions.