Corporate Slang That Doesn't Exist Yet But Should

I was sitting in a meeting and there was somebody who was prolific. Like if Kendrick Lamar wore a suit and sold B2B software, that was this guy. This guy had lyrics. He was lyrical with his corporate slang. And it got me thinking about epic corporate slang and some of my favorite greatest hits of corporate slang. And I just started thinking, you know, we need some more. And so I wanted to play a little game with you. So I'd like to play a game. I texted you this. I said, I want you to think of this. Think of corporate slang that doesn't exist, but it should, because we're innovators here on the podcast and I want to come up with some slang. I think it would be a fun claim to fame if we could just make something stick with corporate slang. So I say we go back and forth like a rap battle with this is corporate slang that doesn't exist, but it should.

All right. You have more than me. I didn't really, I came with about 4 or 5. You have a bunch of them. This is right in your wheelhouse. So let's see what we can do though.

All right. So the first one is going to be, uh, this is the first one. One man's Thanksgiving is another man's Thursday. And this is for any situation where you are, uh, when somebody is really excited about something that you, to you is just normal or even lame, but hey, it's their Thanksgiving. It might just be Thursday to you, but it's their Thanksgiving. So it's kind of a way to throw shade in a corporate setting when somebody is overly excited about something that's actually just normal or average. And you just say, hey man, one man's Thanksgiving is another man's Thursday. And you just plant that seed and you just leave it with them. And they'll realize later that they just, they just had shade thrown at them.

And that's a phrase that you need to use. And when someone is like, wait, what? And you're like, well, you don't know what that means.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Like it's just one of those things they say. Yeah.

Like when I was a kid, I thought it was, uh, go out there and break an egg, not go out there and break a leg. You know what I mean? So we'll make that a phrase or, uh, Instead of cat-like reflexes, I thought it was Cadillac reflexes.

Uh, this is not even corporate-speak. These are just, um, like stutters that you had. Yeah. Yeah.

So I used to say for years, like, you know, go out there, have fun, break an egg. Uh, so we, that's how you need to use this phrase. Um, all right. I have got one.

All right.

We're going to call it. Bubble wrap, as in when someone like, do you have any employees that are overly sensitive? And when you bring news to them, you have to be like, how are we going to phrase this?

So it's like, we got to bubble wrap this.

Yeah. Like, all right. We have to, we have to tell this guy about this thing, but we got to bubble wrap his ass and we got to bubble wrap this phrasing and we got to figure out how we can deliver this. So it doesn't like totally crush him instead of just saying, uh, hey, we're not doing that anymore. Your idea sucked. We gotta bubble wrap it. So we gotta bubble wrap it.

Oh, okay. So it's actually like a, uh, it's like, I like what you're saying. You're right, but we're gonna need to bubble wrap that before it goes out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you have to say it in a more sensitive way not to, uh, freak, uh, a particular person out because that person, when you talk to 'em, you gotta bubble wrap 'em before you talk to 'em. So we're gonna call it bubble wrap.

Like, I like that one. That's, that's strong. All right. I got another one. Alohomora. So making email intros sucks. I hate doing it. It's like, oh, can you introduce this person? I gotta say, hey Bob, meet, meet Sean. He's, he's this guy. He's this guy. I'm shortening it to one word. We're using the Harry Potter word Alohomora for the spell that just is like unlocking doors. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to an email thread. I'm just going to say, Sam, Bob, Alohomora voice. Alohomora, fellas. I've unlocked the doors here. Go on through. And that's it. I'm shortening it to one thing.

What's that word from?

Harry Potter. It's the spell he uses to unlock any door.

Oh my God. All right. That one's extra nerdy.

All right.

I've got another one. All right. So you know You know how in the Google Calendar, the default is typically 30 minutes? I hate that. So we're going to call this, or we're going to say, um, so we're going to use this word when it's like, hey, put something on my calendar and let's sync storm it. We're just going to sync storm it. So it's by default, it's a 5-minute meeting. So let's just sync storm. Uh, you know, and people say like, let's, let's sync up and it's always either default 30 or 60 minutes. Nah, fuck that. We're going to sync storm this and we're going to get done in just about 4 or 5 minutes. So hey, just put something on my calendar, put a little sync storm on my calendar and we're going to bang this out.

I love it because the other person's going to have no idea what you mean by that, but it sounds like they're supposed to know. So yeah, no problem. Love, love sync storming. It's my, one of my favorite things to do. And they're going to walk away and be like, what the hell am I supposed to do here?

We got to sync storm this. I'm a bitch. Don't, don't forget.

It's also nice because it's a way they're like, it's, it's the equivalent of dating a first date and being like, they're like, hey, let's grab dinner. And you're like, Let's do drinks.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's actually that. Yeah.

You got to think, Storman. Um, all right. What do you have?

All right. We got to crash the boards here. So this is a sports one. That's, that's going to be used in the corporate setting. So it's when you're emailing people, but you're not following up hard enough. So you're, you're, you're emailing a prospect. You're trying to do a sale and you notice there's just no follow-up. There's no follow-up email. So either you could just use it like, you know, when you're following up, you can be like, hey, I'm just crashing the boards here. Or you could tell your sales team, you're like, hey, we really got to crash the boards here, fellas. And they know, oh, that means we got to really just follow up stronger.

I used to use the word Blitzkrieg when referring to that. And then I realized that referencing, uh, World War I, World War II, Germany and their military tactics probably wasn't the, the, the best thing. Uh, so crashing the boards.

You're a little too blonde hair, blue eyed to be using that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to bubble, we have to bubble wrap Blitzkrieg and use crashing the boards. That's pretty good.

You got another one?

Yeah. So, uh, let's do, um, all right. So you know how when you have a meeting and oftentimes, even if it's a good idea, you still, it turns into a vote a lot of times, uh, where it's like, look, not everyone thinks that's a good idea. So we're not going to go with it, even though a lot of times the non-popular choice is the good one. And so what you do is you try to like be political and get people on your side before the meeting. Uh, and so like they vote for your idea or whatever. We're going to call that landsliding. Um, look, we're going to have a meeting, but we got to landslide this in advance. We got to get everyone to vote for our side and we got to landslide this meeting. This idea needs to get landslid. So we're going to call it landslide.

That's powerful. I like that. All right. This is when you got an employee who it's sink or swim. You got somebody new and you need to really figure out what they're made of. It's. Are we boiling eggs or potatoes here? And it's a way to ask about somebody what they're really made of. 'Cause when you, like a potato starts out really hard, but if you boil it, it gets soft, but an egg starts out soft, but if you apply some heat, it gets hard and you want it, you want eggs, you don't want potatoes in your company. And so that's, that's where you put that out there. And it's when times are getting tough and people are, are wilting, they're, they're folding under the pressure, under the heat. You just gotta ask, are we boiling eggs or potatoes here?

That's a good one. I think that's an old phrase from the South. Haven't I heard like grandpas say that? Have you ever heard that?

I have not, but maybe I got, I've been told I have an old soul, so maybe that's, that's where they got it from.

That's a good one. Um, all right. This is the last one that I have. Um, we're going to call, all right. So, you know, you were just in a meeting where a guy was saying a lot of jargon, or oftentimes you'll be in a meeting and like people are lying. They'll be like, well, we're doing great. Uh, and it's like, well, we're not really doing that great. And so for that, we're going to use the phrase bullshit bingo. It's like, hey, are we having a meeting about what we're going to do? Or are we just playing bullshit bingo and winning right now? Uh, this is, this meeting is just a game of bullshit bingo and we're killing it. And so, yeah, it's like, Sean, look, you're telling me all this nonsense. It's nonsense. I think your board is full, uh, for bullshit bingo. Uh, this is just nonsense. And so we call it bullshit bingo. I like that one.

It's a way to call someone out, but because it's an alliteration, It just saw, it just bubble wrapped it just enough. Bubble wrap is the real winner here. It sounds like. All right.

I got one last one.

This is similar to a situation where somebody's, we're trying really hard, but we're working on the wrong things. Feels like we're just massaging elbows here. It's when you're working on a problem and you're working really hard, but you're working on something that doesn't really matter. There's not enough meat on the bone there. And so you're just massaging elbows. It's the wrong place to be applying the effort.

I like that one. I like that one. But you have one more that I think you should, you should finalize with the one about a tree. Yeah.

So this one came from Diego, uh, 'cause I was brainstorming with him and he goes, it's when you have an employee, uh, okay. So the phrase is, I think we're trying to teach a fish how to climb a tree. And it's when you have an employee and you're putting 'em in a position that's not really their core strength. They're great as a fish, but they need to be in water. And you put them in a position, maybe it's a technical person, you got them on sales calls and it's, we're trying to put a fit, we're trying to teach a fish how to climb a tree here. And you'd just be better off putting them in their natural environment and letting them succeed there than really just working against, uh, you know, the laws of nature.

Have you used any of these phrases yet? I'm gonna start.

This was a brainstorm. This was a think storm. And so now I'm ready to start. All right. If you like that clip, there's a full conversation with a lot more just like that. Just follow my finger. It is right here.