EP 5: Dear Mama: It Does Get Better!

Welcome to the Thirst with Hunger podcast with Pastor Sandy Edwards, where we destroy every obstacle that hinders people from knowing God. Here, you'll be challenged, encouraged, and equipped to pursue his presence, walk in truth, and live with bold faith. Let's dive in.

Welcome back to another episode of the Thirst with Hunger podcast. I'm your host, Pastor Sandy Edwards, and today I just want to share a simple word and a simple conversation with those of you who are mothers. I am a mother to an 8-year-old and a 6-year-old who Really filled my life, you know, and I love them so much, love them dearly. But I will tell you that it has been a journey learning how to be the mom that God created me to be and also be a mom who enjoys being a mother. And having the two of those together really took some time. And I want to have this conversation today about how it does get better. And I want to talk about postpartum depression and postpartum rage. And these 2 things tend to be a stigma within the Christian church. And to know me is to know that I care about soul health. If the soul and the spirit do not work together, we will not be whole individuals. They are not independent of one another. God operates and flourishes in them both. There is a place in your life, in your relationship with God, for your soul, and there's a place in your life, in your relationship with God, for his Spirit. And when you put the two of them together, they make one whole person in Christ. So moms, I want to talk to you today. Behind every sermon, every post, all of the content that you get to engage with being on my email list, there is a reality in my life that often goes unseen because I am not the kind of person who has to film my life and show people my life. I'm really walking this thing out with the Lord and My responsibility is not to show you my life, but to lead you in the direction of Christ. But behind all of the content that you enjoy and that you get to engage with and the things that God leads me to share, I'm a wife of almost 10 years. Praise the Lord. And I am a mother to an 8-year-old And a 6-year-old. And there was a season where that role felt like the fight of my life. I mean, I felt like I was suffocating. And I wrestled with and against postpartum rage and postpartum depression. And I want to be very clear about this because some of you are carrying unnecessary shame because you are struggling or have struggled.

Mm-hmm.

With the same thing. And all of this for me happened in the middle of healthy babies, joyful babies, babies who were full of life and nothing was wrong with them. And they were living their best life while I was suffering mentally. And my mind was clouded, heavy, and disoriented. I mean, it felt like I had this dark cloud hovering over my head every day. And I remember in 2017 and 2019 waking up every day exhausted, not just tired, but I'm exhausted mentally. And I'm breastfeeding one baby while a toddler's running wild. And every single morning I had to make a conscious decision to show up, not because I felt emotionally present, but because I chose to, and I had to intentionally, even in the midst of all of my suffering mentally, even in the midst of this dark cloud hovering over my head, I had to wake up every day and choose that I'm going to be a mom. And there were days where my body was doing what it was supposed to do, but my mind felt like it was lagging behind. There were days— where the joy I knew I should feel didn't match what was happening internally. And that disconnect, it can feel scary, especially when you love your children and you cannot understand why your emotions feel all over the place. And I will say that for me, I didn't want someone coming to me and giving me a religious cliché. In that season. And I did not need someone to tell me just pray more or to do these things more. And while that advice can be helpful when you are experiencing suffering, we get the point that we are supposed to lean and depend on Jesus. But some of us need to learn how, when we are engaging in suffering, when our season looks like suffering, when it is presenting any kind of suffering, we need to learn to invite Jesus I mean the real Jesus, into our suffering because that's where he wants to be anyway. He wants to be with us in every part of our life. When we're sitting with them kids, when we feel joyful, when we don't, he wants to be in the thick of it with us. And one of the things that God taught me very early on is not to over-spiritualize postpartum rage and depression.

Mm-hmm.

And not to underspiritualize it either. So I didn't need a religious answer. I didn't need someone telling me to just pray harder or pray more. And it's not to say that I didn't need prayer and that I didn't pray, but when you are going through things that are affecting your mental and emotional health, you really need to do more than just pray. You really need— Jesus. You really need his help to get through every waking, breathing moment of the day. You don't need advice about him. You don't need noise about him. You really do need Jesus. You really do need Jesus. And for me, this looked like some days I didn't have words to say to God. I just sat in worship, and prayer looked like me just crying tears out to the Lord. And I chose to bring myself to Jesus. No one forced me to. I didn't come to him trying to come up with all of this religious speech and words to say. I came to him with my full, real self right there in the moment with what I was suffering with. And I did not care if it took me days or months or years to get through it. I was intentional about, here is my suffering and I'm bringing my suffering into the presence of God. Because suffering is an invitation to experience God. It's not just the things that are happening to me, but it is an invitation to see and experience God in a new way, personally. Sometimes we try to make our suffering congregational, not realizing that our suffering is not congregational; it is personal. The Bible says in first Peter, after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace will himself establish you—not other people. Now granted, when you get ready to testify after God has set you free from the depression, after God has set you free from the postpartum rage, yes, other people will experience freedom as a result of your faith and what God did, but your suffering in this present moment is not congregational. So yeah, I, I didn't need a religious Answer. I didn't need someone to tell me to pray more, and I, I, I really didn't desire that. I knew that my healing was going to come through the person of Jesus Christ, not advice about him, not someone else's experience about him, but him. So if you are a mother standing, you know, in this fog today and Maybe motherhood has been really challenging for you, and you don't all of the time like being a mom, and you don't know how to really lead your children in the ways of God, and all of the things— you're trying to juggle it all, and you're wondering if the rage will ever settle or if the depression will ever lift. And I'm telling you this because I lived it. That it does get better. But the condition to this getting better is that you have to make a daily choice to invite Jesus into your mess instead of trying to survive it on your own. Because the world teaches us how to be survivors. You're strong because you survive. No, I'm strong because of Christ. He is my strength, right? So if your mindset is around, well, today I'm the mom who woke up and I got this fog in my brain, so I'm just gonna, you know, survive my way through it. God's not asking you to survive. He's asking you to walk with him through it. And some days, yes, it is difficult. Some days are much more heavy than others. But the difference is you're walking through that With the Lord Jesus Christ. Now, I do want to circle back to this point that one of the most important things God taught me in that season was not to over-spiritualize what I was experiencing and also to not under-spiritualize it either. We are souls, and when our body is worn down and our mind is affected, And when our mind is clouded, the enemy is always looking for a foothold. And scripture tells us this. Look at Elijah, who had just experienced a major spiritual victory, and right after that, he collapsed into despair and asked God to take his life. And we never see God shaming him. We never see God Rebuking him. God fed him. God let him sleep. And then God spoke to him quietly. And maybe you are a mom listening to this and you know another mom in your life who is struggling. Perhaps taking on the character of Christ doesn't look like you having all of the answers, but looks like you taking on the nature Of the likeness of God, who you've been made in the image of. And with that, Mom, for me, instead of trying to come up with all the answers and solve her problems, bring her a meal. Offer to watch those babies and, and let her sleep. Allow her to get some rest. And when God did this for me, That mattered more than someone giving me all of these answers and words for why I feel the way that I do. It showed me that God is not at all upset because of my weaknesses, upset because of the rage and the depression, because God always addresses the physical and the spiritual together. He doesn't separate it. But here is where we got to be honest, right? When we're experiencing the rage and the depression, it is very easy because of our mental warfare and things that we are going through mentally and emotionally and spiritually. We also can't excuse sinful reactions just because That struggle that we're having has physical roots. Rage, even when fueled by exhaustion or hormones, is still something that God speaks to. In Ephesians 4:26-27, it says, be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give No opportunity to the devil. So no, postpartum rage is not something that you ignore, but it's also not something that you use as an excuse. It's something to bring to your Father quickly. You don't pretend that it's not there. You're not justifying it. You're surrendering it. And that's day by day, moment by moment. When you feel that temptation, when you feel your mind slipping into that rage, begin to take authority. Begin to pray. Begin to worship. Turn some worship music on and cry out to the Lord, even while nursing those babies. Even while seeing a toddler throw temper tantrums and it's triggering you. You have to learn to start taking authority because greater is he that is in you than the spirit that is in the world. And rage, there is a place in rage where you will begin to take action that is demonic and you'll start abusing your children and doing all of these things that are out of the character of Christ. Because in that moment, instead of really clinging to the Lord in the middle of the rage, in the middle of the depression, you're leaving God out of it. And that's so dangerous to do because when you leave God out of the suffering, you miss his invitation to experience a deeper level of him, to experience him heal you in the way that he desires to heal you. And then you miss out on the opportunity of maybe he wants you to go to counseling and therapy. Maybe he wants you to take medication for a certain allotted time, but you won't know what his solution is to that postpartum rage and that depression if you leave God out of it. And so this healing for me from postpartum rage and depression, it, it didn't happen overnight. I did not wake up one day and suddenly felt normal. Healing happened for me one step, one breath, one moment, one walk, one day at a time. And it was because when I was tempted to slide into rage, I began to choose God. Even when I didn't get it right all of the time, because I didn't get it right all the time.

Okay.

There were times I did yell because my mind was outta here. There were times where I did scream and yell and do things that I should not have done, because instead of choosing God in the moment where I was tempted to slip into anger and sin, I, I chose my emotions and my feelings. And what I felt like I needed to do in the moment to relieve myself of that mental pressure, of that mental warfare. And that part matters. There were moments I had to repent, moments I had to go to my children and apologize, moments where I had to sit with the Lord and admit that my reactions did not reflect his heart. And again, this podcast is dedicated to teaching and equipping people to know that the soul and spirit works together to make one whole person in Christ. And that instead of keeping Jesus out of our suffering because we feel like our suffering separates us from him, not understanding that our suffering It's fellowship with Christ. We fellowship in his suffering. So if we fellowship in his suffering, that means that any given moment when I am experiencing any level of suffering, what an invitation to experience more of Jesus. Colossians 3:8-10 talks about putting away anger and putting on the new self that is being renewed. And that word renewed is not about some one-time thing that you experience. It is ongoing. It is constant. It is daily. And sometimes it's slow. So every time that I felt that rage rising, I chose to whisper to myself. And the key word here is I chose. I chose. You have a choice. You always have a choice. I chose to whisper to myself, Jesus, help me, instead of exploding, instead of lingering around in how much I feel this rage and this depression. That looked like some days when I felt like I was about to snap and do something that I would later regret, I would simply put my child in a safe place, my children in safe place, and walk away, even if it was to sit in the bathroom and pray, even if it was to make sure that they were safe enough so that I could go stand in the shower and pray to God. Sometimes that's what it looked like. When they took naps, spending time in prayer before the Lord. And again, sometimes those prayers just looked like me crying because of what I was experiencing. Every time that I chose to do that, every time I chose God and chose to worship while still experiencing depression, I was literally being renewed in the middle of my real life. And yes, I chose to worship God in spirit and in truth while experiencing depression. And that was not emotional worship. That was me being steadfast. Jesus said in John 4:24, God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit And truth. So the truth was that I was experiencing depression and postpartum rage, and here's the Holy Spirit, God's Spirit, meeting me in the middle of my suffering. And that truth means that you don't fake it. You don't pretend that you are okay when you're not. Psalm 51:6 says God desires truth in the inward being. So I went— ran to God with the heaviness. I brought him the fog. I brought him the days where my body was functioning, but my heart felt numb. And that's worship. And I did not make my struggle congregational. I didn't disclose my struggle to everyone during that season. And it's not because I was hiding. It's not because I was ashamed, but because I did not want— Anyone but Jesus. And I just want to say that I still need him today. And the difference is that I'm healed now, but I still need him as much as I did in the postpartum rage and depression when my kids were babies and toddlers, as I do now that they are 8 and 6 years old. And it only got better because I continued to choose God daily over rage. And it only got better because I continued to worship God in spirit and in truth, even while experiencing depression. So yes, Mama, it does get better when you choose Jesus, when you stop leaving him out of your suffering. When you stop thinking that you need to clean yourself up before you come to Christ. Psalm 34:18 says, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Near in Psalm 34:18 means close, present. In the room. That means that Jesus is not watching you be a mom from a distance. He doesn't separate himself from you because of your postpartum struggle. Hebrews 4:15 tells us that he sympathizes with our weaknesses. And because Christ sympathizes with us in our weaknesses, In Hebrews 4:16, it says, let us then, because he sympathizes, okay, let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. I'm gonna repeat that scripture again. Hebrews 4:15 says That Christ sympathizes with our weaknesses. So because now we understand in Hebrews 4:15 that Christ sympathizes with postpartum brain, that Christ sympathizes with depression, the instruction then says in Hebrews 4:16, let us then with confidence Draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. So in the postpartum rage and depression, you can still be confident. And do all things through Christ who strengthens you, because he sympathizes with your weaknesses. So with confidence you can draw near to the throne of grace, that you will receive mercy and find grace to help you in your time of need, in your season of need. That means that Jesus is waiting on the other side of your weaknesses to be your strength. He's waiting in the nursery. He's waiting in that laundry pile. He's waiting in the tears. He's waiting in your feeling alone because maybe you are the only woman. In your friend group that is a mother and nobody else can relate, and it feels like you're alone, he's waiting in that too. So you must learn to invite him into your experiences and what your soul is going through. How will God restore your soul if you don't bring your soul to him? And you gotta understand that this is where God wants to be anyway. With you, right there with them kids. With you, right there with that child. With you, right there with those children and their behavior issues. With you, right there with those children and their attitudes. With you right there with those kids and their lack of discipline and wanting to test boundaries and being mischievous and doing all the things that children do because they're children. God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, God 3-in-1 wants to be present with you with all them kids. So invite him in, because Mama, it does get better. Let's pray. Father, I thank you for This word that you have for every woman who will become a mom, every woman who is listening that is a mom. And God, I thank you that you are present in every time and season, in every phase, in every journey and experiences that we may have in our bodies, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. God, we thank you that you are the ultimate hormone regulator. We thank you that we can have this mind in us that is also in Christ Jesus. And God, we thank you for strategies that come from heaven to ensure that we are healthy and whole in you. God, help us to constantly depend on you, to not go live our life trying to parent and lead our children. Outside of your will, but to be right in your will, leading them to pull on your strength, to draw from your strength. God, we thank you for the plan and purpose that you have for us as mothers. God, that you chose us before the foundations of the world to parent and lead these children, to nurture these children, to raise them up in the ways of the Lord. Help us to be extremely sensitive to you and what you have said concerning us and our lives and our own children. God, I thank you that for every desolate place, for every dry place, for every place where we're experiencing resistance and we don't really want to show up in that area as a mom, God, I thank you for giving us joy. Because joy is not happiness. Joy is something we depend on for you. For Father, we thank you that you give us joy, that you strengthen us where we are weak, that we can run to the throne of grace, that we can receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need, to help us in our weaknesses. God, we thank you that Jesus sympathizes with us. That we are never alone in our suffering, but you are present, and that it is a grand invitation to experience a deeper level of you, a deeper revelation of you. God, help us to have that mindset. And whatever we go through and whatever we experience, help us to have that mindset. Help us to speak words over ourselves that give us life. That produce life, that enable us to live the life as mothers that you've called us to be. Lead us into the revelation that we always have a choice and that we do not have to be led by our experiences, God. We just need to be led by you. Help us to be sensitive to your voice. Help us to draw from your strength. Help us to be content in our lives independently with you, Lord. Any area of discontentment where we are comparing ourselves to another mother and we're just like, well, look at her children and look at their children— God, help us to practice contentment, to find joy in the life that you've given us. To keep our eyes stayed on you, so that we can be content in whatever season and time of our lives. Deliver us, O God. Heal us, O God. Give us strategy for our deliverance. Give us strategy for our healing. Speak to the innermost being. The being that you created. Speak to our hearts, Lord. Show us the error of our ways. If we need to apologize to our children, let us apologize, God. Let us practice humility in front of our children and apologize when we are wrong. Help us to humble ourselves. Help us to be kind and exhibit the fruits of the Spirit with our children. And God, while it is not always easy to do so, help us to draw and take on your easy yoke and your light burden. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.

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