A senior executive accused of bullying by his team scored low on self-awareness, impulse control, and stress tolerance on the EQI 2.0 assessment. Through coaching, he learned to recognize stress signals and invite real-time feedback from his team, rebuilding trust. The case argues that emotional-intelligence deficits are often fixable, not malicious.
Chapters
What if I told you the person accused of bullying your team isn't a bully at all? What if they were simply emotionally overwhelmed, stressed, emotionally unaware, and unaware of their impact on others? Because that's exactly what I discovered in one of the most revealing leadership coaching assignments I've had in 26 years. Let me walk you through this real case study, one that might sound a little bit familiar. But one that proves just how much emotional intelligence matters, especially at the top of an organisation. I was called in to coach a senior leader, a technically brilliant, commercially sharp executive. There was a problem. Multiple team members had come forward with complaints. He's aggressive. You never know when he's going to snap. You can never predict his mood. He only catches us doing things when they're not going well. He shuts us down, doesn't listen. It's like walking on eggshells. I don't like coming to work anymore. The word bullying was mentioned on more than one occasion. Now that's a serious allegation and it deserves attention, but what was really going on? I used the EQI 2.0 emotional intelligence assessment as part of our diagnostic tools. The results, let's just say the pattern was very, very clear. The leader showed Very low self-awareness. He wasn't noticing his own emotional state at all, and he was simply getting things done. He was processing, functioning, pressing forward, not paying attention to others either. Low-range impulse control, especially under pressure. He would react quickly, harshly, and without filter. Low-range stress tolerance. Multiple deadlines, conflicted deadlines, high stakes, authority figures and stakeholders to satisfy— that's when the wheels started to come off for him. High-range assertiveness, which but when unbalanced meant pushing forward and pushing other people forward regardless of tone, timing, or awareness of impact. Put that mix together and what do you get? A leader who acts before thinking, especially when they're feeling under pressure or becoming overwhelmed. A communication style that becomes commanding and controlling rather than collaborative and perhaps kind. A team environment where dialogue disappears and survival mode kicks in. And here's the kicker— he had absolutely no idea. When we spoke, I asked him, "Do you realise what your team is experiencing with you as their leader, especially when times are challenging?" He had no idea. "No, nobody's ever said anything to me." And of course, why would they? He was a senior figure, high status, high authority, and perhaps high risk to challenge too. His team didn't feel safe enough to say, 'Your behaviour is intimidating me,' or 'I'm not comfortable with how you're communicating with me.' So they said nothing. They suffered in silence. And the damage, emotionally and psychologically, started to stack up for the team. Here's where the story takes a powerful turn though. We dug into the EQ results. We explored his stress triggers. He learned to recognise the early signs that his tone and tension and overwhelm were beginning to appear. He worked on increasing self-awareness, developing healthier impulse control— instead of jump before you look, look before you jump, and question whether we should be jumping anyway— and building simple daily coping strategies. And then something really impressive happened. He didn't just change, he told his team he was changing, he was committed to change, and he gave a very clear boundary permission. 'If you ever notice me slipping back into command and control mode, please let me know. That's not how I want to lead. I didn't know I was doing it.' That one sentence built more trust than had happened in the last 12 months of his team meetings combined, because now he was leading with intention, not reaction. It was being proactive rather than reactive, and it was actually nourishing rather than punishing the team culture. So here's the real message: before you assign the label 'bully' to someone, before you write them off as a lost cause, or 'that's just how they are,' or before you escalate take the complaint or settle for avoidance, look at emotional intelligence. Often the issue— often, not always— the issue isn't malice, it's imbalance, it's blind spots, it's pressure paired with poor self-management. And the good news? These things can be developed, transformed, and turned into strengths. So don't wait for the HR report or the complaint. Don't wait for the problem to hopefully disappear. And don't ignore behavior that's hurting the business, the team, and individuals within that team. Get the data, use the EQI 2.0 model, and give your leaders the great opportunity to see themselves clearly and perhaps lead even more effectively. You'll be glad you did, and perhaps your team members will be too.
