Motivation Language Patterns - Towards and Away From Language

Here's a leadership blind spot nobody seems to be talking about because people aren't paying attention to it. And the thing is, people tell you exactly what motivates them, exactly what they're thinking, but you miss it because you're listening to their communication and the language from your preference, not theirs. That mistake can be potentially dangerous for a leader, for a team, for an organization in so many ways. Let me give you a few examples and break it down this way. Every person on your team, every stakeholder you to collaborate with, even your customers, when it comes to communication, they lean one of two ways. They may do both at different times, but listen to this. The first one is towards motivation, driven by goals, achievement, progressing, delivering, finalising. With this focus, people tell you what they do want. Away from motivation, the opposite, is driven by avoiding risk, preventing mistakes, reducing loss, stopping bad things happening. With this focus, people tell you what they don't want and what to avoid. Here's the kicker. People reveal this through their language without even knowing it because rarely do we think of the words we're about to say. They just happen. So if you pay attention to language, I'll give you some examples. Think of these. What I want to happen is. The next one. I want to deliver this task within the deadline. The next one. The project is back on track and we're making good progress. That's towards focus in action. They're energized by and focused on forward motion, telling you what they do want and where they're going with it. Now listen to this. What I don't want to happen is— the next one— I don't want to miss the deadline. Next one— we need to make sure we don't drop the ball again on this project. Those examples are away from focus, motivated by pain prevention, loss aversion, not possibility, as was the towards. But they're saying exactly the same thing in different words, different language. You'll also hear it in subtle conversations too. Towards focus, think of this: remember to follow up after the meeting. Away from: don't forget to follow up after the meeting. Isn't it subtle? But we pay attention to it, it makes sense. The next one: please arrive on time for the 3 o'clock meeting today. Away from. Please don't belay the 3 o'clock meeting this afternoon. Same thing. One is saying what to do, one is saying what not to do. Same intent, totally different lens that language has been viewed through. It's like we're on the same planet but speaking very different languages, and then we wonder why sometimes conversations aren't as healthy as they need to be, or arguments kick off, or people just say they don't understand. Let's have a look at this one. Let's not waste time on things that don't work. That's away from, isn't it? Let's press on and make sure this works. Towards. Think of this one in terms of sales goals. We're aiming for 10% growth this quarter. Towards. Away from. We can't afford to fall below 10% growth this quarter. You see it now? If you ignore these cues, you're communicating your language, not your counterparts, and this is especially important in a group or even individually in a high-stakes situation. Communicate in your language but understand theirs, because otherwise you may lose traction and trust fast. So what do you do with this information? Here's a leadership move for you to consider: listen to understand, consider what's been shared, respond from their world, and then lead them back to yours. When you hear towards language, use words like get moving, progress, deliver, achieve. Even I agree with you. Let's come to that one in a minute. I agree with you is towards, isn't it? When you hear away from language such as this, avoid, prevent, what I don't want is, minimise, eliminate, reduce risk. They say, rather than I agree with you, they will say, I don't disagree with you. Isn't it the same thing? Kind of, but not exactly. If you really want to influence well, blend both. And try this: To avoid delays and rework, let's move quickly on planning this project and make sure it's delivered on or ahead of time. Easy, isn't it? Both motivational styles covered. Everyone's engaged. In a team brainstorming session, the towards-focused people will likely generate lots of ideas. Some of them might be fantastic. But rarely will they look at the downside. This is where away-from-focus people should be invited in to mismatch thinking on these wonderful ideas. They'll tell you what won't work, they'll tell you why it won't work, but rarely will they get round to tell you what will work instead. There are very real benefits to brainstorming, getting everything out so everyone can see on a wall or Post-it notes. There's very real value inviting the away-from-focus people in to mismatch, to refine your thinking. If you do ask them, what would work instead? They may not respond quickly because they're thinking and they're focused on loss aversion, not opportunity optimization, but they can help and towards focus can help the away froms create sharper focus, make better decisions. So you get the best from both worlds. With this video, there's some language patterns that you might just want to have a look at and then start to pay attention. If you miss the other person or party's focus and motivation, you miss an opportunity to really communicate at a deep level, an authentic level, and a trusting level too.