EP 520 – The Charisma Quotient: Making A Good First Impression With Kimberly Seltzer

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This is the no Closers show where you get the latest developments in distressed note investing and learn the secrets of how you can control millions of dollars worth of property for pennies on the dollar. Get educated and entertained by someone who has closed thousands of deals and lives to support you in achieving the same. Now here's your host CEO of We Close Notes Scott Carson Good morning, good.

Afternoon, good evening everybody. Welcome to this episode of the nutcloser Show. As always, Scott Carson. Excited to be here with you today and I'm extremely excited for our guest on this episode of the podcast. This lady recently just met her in San Diego at the New Media Summit and this lady is just a fireball of energy and power and such great amazing tips and she's doing some amazing things all across the country. And the minute I met her and we got to talking and listening to her episodes on her own podcast, I was like, oh, we've got to have her on here to help our members and family across the country and Note Nation out there. And some of the things that I see happening just drive me bonkers that I think Kim's going to talk about today. So before I let her come on and start rock and roll, I want to share with you because this lady's bio is rock star and so Kim Seltzer is a vat of knowledge and experience as a therapist, certified style and confidence coach, dating coach and matchmaker. She's helped thousands of people find lasting love and connection, attract success and build valuable relationships using her unique confidence makeover process. Using an outside in approach, Kim has changed lives by changing their style, emotional and social intelligence using her signature formula, the Charisma Quotient, working on body language, first impressions, image and messaging and how it impacts attraction. I think all of us as real estate investors or entrepreneurs struggle with that. From time to time, this LA based expert travels the country helping people discover confidence, charisma and connection. As a speaker at national matchmaking conferences, Eharmony, Neutrogena, the Guild at Universal and idig. Kim is also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and DigitalRomance.com with appearances on Cosmopolitan, Oprah Magazine, Red Book, Reader's Digest, Ask Men, Fox News Magazine, Yahushua, and the Washington examiner, among a myriad of other publications. You can also find her as a leading love expert on the traveling live dating show the Great Love Debate, which is awesome, and the cable reality dating show the Romance. You can also listen to her now on her podcast the Charisma Question. And she currently is hosting the Flirt Academy Workshop nationwide. So without any further ado, Ms. Kim Seltzer joining us here. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, Kim. How's it going today?

Oh my gosh. I hear my bio being played back to me like, you know, getting coffee and that's how. And like to me, that's what really got me into doing what I do is really my own transformation, my own story, how I connected with people then that's how I build my business, you know. And so the rest of what you just heard is kind of a fallout from that. But really, you know, it's about that connection that we have with people that's just so crucial. So super excited to be here.

We're honored to have you here. One of the things that I deal with on a regular basis, especially being in this business for 10 plus years, is we get a lot of people that start doing real estate investing on the side, start doing it like a side hustle with the idea, but they eventually want to do this full time or hopefully it leads to a full time career or leads to other things that they can do with their side hustle. But the thing that really just kind of makes me crazy is whether it's the first impression or it's meeting new people, it's all kind of sales and marketing. We're all in the marketing or as I say, the media business these days, whether it's Facebook or social media or here on YouTube, out in the public of really trying to attract clients or attract people that we can work with and things like that. I see people just bombing because they don't know what to do. They show up something disheveled. I'm like, that doesn't really look professional. If somebody had to date you, I can see why you're a 40 year old single guy or a 50 year old single guy. Go from there. So what are some of the things that you see that maybe are your biggest pet peeves that are really easy to fix? People get started on something new.

Well, I mean, what you said is so true actually. Do you know now the latest research shows that it takes only seven seconds to make a first impression. That's all you got. It's probably because of Bumble and Tinder, quite honestly. And now our brains are trying to catch up. Even in real life that happens. And what's fascinating is, and this is research, not just me talking, but that in the brain we make judgments and assumptions in that first impression based on two things. The first is what you're wearing. The second is the attitude that you have and so that includes body language, your presentation, your mood, what's written on your face, and what's so profound about first impression is that people are making assumptions based on that. Right? Which is non verbal. And 93% of communication is non verbal. So here's the crazy thing. You may be learning all these great things about sales, right? And you know everything about closing a house and all these things, and you're building a website and blah, blah, blah, and that's all great. But if someone doesn't like you or someone doesn't trust you and you don't connect with that person, they're not going to buy from you. So what I love about just creating a great first impression is it really knocks down barriers so that people know you, trust you, connect you, like you, and approach you. And so it's that approachability factor, like ability factor that actually will make people want to do business with you. So, like, why wouldn't you do things like maybe change the shirt that you're wearing or take the oversized pants that you have and get them a little slimmer so that you look a little more professional. So this is what excites me because not too many things in life where you get that instant result. I'm a therapist as well, obviously, so I do a lot of internal work and that takes time. But this is the stuff that is like that instant, you know, kind of hack, if you will, that will make a difference not only how people perceive you, but how you see yourself. So your confidence actually is perceived differently.

Those are some great points. Sarah, you talked about taking an inside out approach. What are some of the things that you talk with your clients about or dig deep into them to kind of help you do a better job at helping them overcome that? Maybe that mind game that we all, all that negative Nancy talk we give to ourselves, oh, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I don't look good. You know, you are. I think life is a. So much in society is about keeping up with the Joneses or what's on the magazine aisle at checkout, that we're like, oh, I'm never going to be a size four for a size zero.

Right. And if you think that you never will. I mean, that's the thing. That's the power of the brain. And it's interesting. So before I got into all this, and I won't go and I can share my story with you, but before I lived in Chicago, I lived this kind of traditional life and I practice as a therapist and When I did, I used to work. My whole philosophy was working from the inside out. I felt like, wow, you really got to do the inside work and really dig deep and analyze and get this stuff underway before you can make a difference in terms of your interactions, breaking patterns with your confidence. I don't believe that anymore. So I'm going to kind of flip. The switch, actually, is that I now work from the outside in. So you asked about my process. I actually start with what I call raising your style intelligence, because I made that up, because it goes along with emotional intelligence and social intelligence, which is the other magic ingredients within my charisma quotient. This is my formula. And when I start with people's style vis a vis their wardrobe, their body language, that kind of thing, it makes, again, a huge difference in the way they feel, the way they move. And so say, like, in the business world, if they're in a networking event or whatnot, and maybe they're having that negative talk, like you're saying, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough. If you're wearing something that reads smart enough, that reads your money that reads, I can trust you, then guess what, People will react to you that way. And guess what happens to your confidence. It soars. So there is a symbiotic relationship between the outer and the inner. And, you know, I now can't work with one without the other. So I like to start there because again, it's that instant result, and then I move inward, where then I help, probably in a more traditional sense, help with people's just kind of limiting beliefs, Help them with their emotional intelligence, expressing themselves. And by the way, in sales, this is crucial. So I think a lot of people get caught up in, you know, discussing facts with customers or clients, right? They want to know, like, how much what does this mean for my family, you know, da, da, da. And that's important. But if you're not getting at the emotion of the client and you're not connecting with them emotionally, they're not going to feel you. So that's kind of my process. Obviously, there's a lot more, and I like funny stories to tell around that, but I hope that answered the question.

No, it totally did. And that's the thing is you hit on a couple points there. You want to hit that emotional aspect versus just rattling off stats because people do buy in emotions. And that's the thing you said something about, hey, they're feeling confident and their energy's up there, more people are likely to like them. Because their energy is good. Nobody, I mean, nobody wants to be around a Debbie Downer. Let's just face it.

Oh, my God. Right? Yeah.

I'm gonna do all my business with that person.

Right. Like, you and I would not have connected had we didn't have that, like, cute little funny exchange over the coffee. And by the way, everyone, Scott makes this, like, great coffee. And so, like, that connected us. It wasn't even what your podcast was about or what mine is. All we knew is that, oh, my God, we need to do a podcast exchange because we liked each other. And so, like, you and I were a perfect example of how, like, relationships can happen. And then, like, who knows from here, the kind of businesses and collaboration we can create together.

Yeah. And that's the thing. It's just. It's just coming up and just, hey, that's part of it. Just be yourself. Just, hey, how's it going? Or maybe in some cases, don't be yourself, but depends on how bad the aspect of what I'm getting at. But what? Just be yourself. Coming up. Let's find a solution. I mean, it was very simple. We were out of cream, so I just used the whipped cream from the brownies or whatever it was to make his creamer for Kim's coffee, therefore.

And I think you had a little sugar in there, if I remember.

Oh, yeah, sugar in the raw. Dribbled on top. But that's the thing is, damn, I'm out of coffee. I don't like to drink it black. I don't want to be, you know, like, oh, let's figure something out and be creative on it. And that's often a very big thing. Instead of being just the same old, same old, same old. Sometimes those little things in business and life can really go a long way to helping you build the relationships and go from there.

Yeah. You know, a lot of times people see me either as a dating expert or they're like, oh, you're a business expert. And it's one and the same to me because what works on a date works in networking and connecting with people. To your point, I think what you're alluding to and what I'm talking about is, you know, that authenticity, it's that vulnerability that is part of how we express ourselves. I can't tell you how many times and I've been the recipient of it. I'm sure you have, too, where, you know, you're trying to make a sale and you move right into the sale without building rapport, and it feels almost icky. Like, you know, it's like, well, wait a second, who are you? And can I even trust you? I mean, I always tell people, like, I'd rather spend 80% of the time just chit chatting and really getting to know somebody. And then like, once you feel that, like, connection, that pull towards one another is when you are able to talk business. And again, the sale is so much easier too, because you already have that rapport built. So how this relates to the makeover process and the confidence is that once you're dressing the part, then I move into that confidence builder so that you're able to talk to people. Even if those conversations are going on in your head, those limiting beliefs will actually go away once you have positive results from people. And then raising your social intelligence is really teaching you those fundamental social skills so that conversations kind of sustain. So I see in conversations there's three phases. You know, the first is initiation, the second is sustainment or engagement. And the third is kind of that, you know, follow up, if you will, like there was some sort of connection where you want to continue with that person. And everybody can do this right now. Think to yourself, on a scale of 1 to 10, which phase is hardest for you, which is the easiest? And the one that's most challenging is where you probably want to spend more time cultivating and working so that you get to that end result, you get to that connection.

And I would say listening, especially being a part of that second step, they're really, truly listening to what that interaction is going on. People will tell you what they're going through. People, if you're really listening, they'll tell you they're having a good day or bad day, or give you hot buttons that you can use to really listen and connect them on an emotional scale to then drive into a future conversation. Hey, it was great meeting you last week. I remember you're talking about your son going through this, blah, blah, blah. I got a similar situation. Here's somebody that you can help out with. And that really goes a long way. It's like, oh, he or she was really listening. I want to do with somebody that listens to what I'm talking about. I want to date somebody who's actually listening to me. You're such a good listener, you know.

Oh my God, Especially women. We love when men listen. Just, just saying, just putting it out there. Yeah, I love that you brought. I have this and actually I go out in the field, so I mean, I do phone coaching and stuff and like all of us, but I actually Will go out with you and help you network or help you date. And I see you in action. So there's no hiding. There's no hiding behind a phone. And working with your body language and interactions in that social engagement formula that is steps is listening, but then also sharing stuff about you so that you connect in a story. That's so important because again, that's part of that rapport building. So I love that you said that.

So being the lead actor in your own stories is always a good thing versus being a wallflower or an extra on the side then, correct?

Yeah. The protagonist is always the most powerful and. Yeah, absolutely. And here's the beauty about, like, using the metaphor of stories. If you don't like the way that your story is right now and if you're having those negative thoughts, I always tell people, in order to change the ending to your story, you have to go back to the beginning. And this is the first impression stuff. So something happened in that first impression stage that set a precedent or a pattern for the rest of the engagement or the relationship or the conversation. So that's where you got to like rewind and say, okay, what can I do to rewrite that script? Oh, maybe I walked into the room with like really drabby clothes or, you know, and then like kind of looking down and having the RBF my face. I don't know if we can swear. So I just. Does everyone know what rbf?

Yeah, Resting bitch. Resting bitch face is what rbf.

Yes. Thank you. Okay, so I'm glad you said it on me. No, no, but this is real. This is totally real. People like, well, I'll walk into like a business networking event or a bar, you know, for doing dating and stuff. And people have frowns on their faces or they're looking down or they're phone. That's not going to help you. So if that's where things started. And then along the way, it was like, you had to work really hard to get that rapport or that relationship or that sale. It shouldn't be that hard. That means it has. You didn't do enough rapport building in the beginning.

Yeah, that's an important thing because I always joke and Steph gives me a hard time because I can tell when she's deep in thought or she's got facial thing is an important aspect of things. You know what's going on. I can tell. You can't hide from me. But listening to the spaces or you said walking to a meeting, if you're having a rough day, maybe taking A second, just. Okay, Leave the bad stuff at the door as you walk in and then make the most of it. Because I think we all let our business or our personal lives, as you said, they're kind of one in the same kind of crossover a little bit. And what's going on in our personal life, good or bad, does affect what's going on in our business life. And people can see it and sense it from a mile away, right?

Oh, my gosh, totally. And you know what I even do is, well, like in the dating world, I help people develop a date prep plan to that point so that they're able to shake off that day whatever. It was stressful. Or maybe they're in that, like business mode, you know, where they're like in their left brain and very analytical and dry and factual and get them more into their silly, more in their play, more in their fun, more in their sexy. And by the way, all of those, like skills that I'm talking about are really good for sales. Being charismatic, being sexy, having fun actually will make a sale every single time. And I can go on and on about the research about being charismatic. And that's the name of my show. It's learned because a lot of times people are like, oh, I'm just not charismatic, so I'm doomed. You know, it's like, well, no, you just never learned it. It's a language. And I see it time and time again, really helping people kind of break out of their shell so that they again feel confident and then they become more charismatic when that confidence opens up.

Such great, great points there. And I would love to see this, like you mentioned earlier, I can teach you that or I can go out and be your chaperone, your date, when you're not doing that. Exactly. But you're kind of getting people to. What flashes in my mind is the whole Ryan Gosling character in the movie with Steve Carell. What's the name of that? Where he was newly divorced, he was mismarried to mercenome, but Ryan Gosling's going out to the bar with the ladies. Let's go get you dressed up. Let's get you. Let's work on your confidence a little bit there. Let's help you get better at what you're doing. And he got better not only in his dating life, but also got better in his business and other things going on too. So. Crazy stupid love.

Oh, crazy stupid love. Yes, that is a great movie. Sometimes people call me Hitch at because it's kind of like Hitch. Did you See Hitch.

Yes. Yeah. With Will Smith and Kevin James. Definitely a funny, hilarious movie, but without the Dramamine.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I definitely dress a little different. You know, I have longer hair than. Well, the thing. I actually have a cute story around one of the women that I worked with who. She hired me. She was both single, and she wanted help with business networking. I'm like, perfect. It's one in the same. And she was up in the Bay Area. I'm down here in Los Angeles. And, by the way, like, people all over the world, so it doesn't matter where you are. I flew up there. And what was funny is that when I was on the phone with her, she was so serious. She was so staccato. Like, I'm always looking for ways to, like, crack people up or just see, like, their human side, and she was not having it. She was like, okay, so you'll come here at such and such time. Here's my credit card. Boom. Like, it was all transactional. So I'm like, okay, we got some work to do. So I go up there, and, of course, what am I wearing but a red dress? I'm ready to party. I'm ready to have fun and just, like, create some magic. And she's wearing this really drabby, really tight. So it was like she was so stiff, both in her clothes and her body language and in her whole attitude. And when I. When I showed up, of course, I'm giving her this big hug. I'm like, hello. And she was like this. She was like, you know, when I was hugging her, she's like, stand up. And I said to her, I said, okay, honey, look, I'm gonna help you, but we have got to change your clothes. Like, we can't go out like this. And she's like, what? What's wrong with my clothes? So we did a little makeover moment, and I had her take her hair down, I had her go home, change into a dress so that she had more of that clothes. We wear costumes because it can put you in a certain state of mine. You can embody that energy. And then we went at it, and we went to, like, three different networking events. And what was so fun about it is that she got asked out, and she wasn't even trying, but because of the whole attitude. And she said that that never happens, that she thought I planted that guy. I'm like, I don't know that many people to plant, but this is what happens when you start creating that energy. She met, like, the CEO of one of the networking events that we came. I taught her how to navigate, like, a really large. You know, and it made such a huge difference, again, in her confidence. And she just soared from there. Like, she ended up doing some TED talks after that, and, like, you know, really, like, came into her own. So it's just. So it's a beautiful thing to see people get kind of out of their own way and unstuck.

Such a great advice there. And I can see it. I'll give you an example, something I correct. A couple years ago, I was in Washington, D.C. and I got in the subway roughly about. I think it was about five. There's rush hour, basically, and everybody's heading home. And I'm sitting there, and I'm kind of the goofy, like, what's going on? I'm walking in. People like, you're from Texas. You know, people in Texas are too damn friendly. And I get on and everybody's got rbf. They're in their phones. They just look horrible. They've got scowls on their faces. And I'm like, no wonder you guys are miserable. You know, what are you so happy about? I'm like, hey, I'm having fun. I'm in D.C. we're bouncing around, having a good time, me and my buddy. And I was just like, man, I don't want to move to D.C. because it just looks like it's an unfriendly spot, you know? But that says a lot for a lot of people you think about, because some of them were coming from Capitol Hill. I was asking these people, oh, we work on the Hill. I was like, no wonder you're a bad mood. You're getting mud thrown at you every day, basically. But is that kind of what you see? Because it's. There's probably a little thing, you know, there's probably, as you said, there's probably little things they can do. Change up, get out of stiff dresses or stiff uniform, add some color. Always seeing you wearing something, every time I've seen you wearing something colorful, it makes you probably. I think I've seen you in a color or shade of a shirt a couple different times, right? Yes, it's the same shirt. It's probably one of your favorite colors, that kind of magenta color, right?

Yeah. And actually, I did this on purpose as a demo that there's a lot of psychology in color. And they, again, have done a lot of research that there's certain colors associate with different things. So, like red, deep red, a bright red, when it comes to business can connotate Power. And a lot of time, if you're trying to do a sale, red is a way of closing a deal. I mean, it sounds so silly, but a lot of people close in red. When it comes to dating, men are attracted to red. It's a scientific study that was done. And a man will click on a woman in a red dress, a red shirt, every single time over any other color. Pink, too. So of course, I'm wearing, like, a pink red just to demonstrate that. But it does also make you stand out. It also brings more attention to you. And a lot of times, this is where kind of more the inside work. And I often use color as ways to practice being seen, because that's where you have to be comfortable if you are wearing a loud color that takes confidence to wear. I have a lot of people are like, oh, I could never wear that color. Yet when they do, they get such a huge response. But then once they get that response, they're like, oh, my God, I'm not used to this now what? So that's kind of, you know, more the deeper work, obviously, that I would do. But I love, like, starting there and just getting people used to color. I call it a marination process. Sometimes you gotta, like, kind of do it over and over again until you start feeling comfortable with it. So, yeah. Also another thing, another trick is having something that's like your signature piece or like, signature style, if you will. So, yeah, I often will wear red or pink because I talk about my own story where I had a red dress moment. So it almost associates with the message and my story. And so people now remember me with red. I often wear blue as authority. Blue also connotates authority. So there's a lot of nuances to color, to signature pieces and all of that. Like, Scott, I notice you always have kind of your paraphernalia on, and that's like your thing. And so people recognize that.

Everybody knows that green's usually my favorite color. That's why I wore the bright green vest the day at the new media summit. And I always like green somewhere. I like my logo, but I love green. It's my favorite color, whether it's the hats I'm wearing or something. If it's got green in it, oh, that perks me up. It gets me, because I literally have my office, and I'm at my office right now, but all the walls are painted this bright green of my logo because I get power from. Rejuvenates me. But I like what you were saying earlier about blue and red being authority. And power. The simplest thing I think about is when I see politicians, especially on. You see a red tie or blue tie when they're out campaigning a lot of time, or a red when they're looking to be powerful in closing. And for those that are golf fans, Tiger woods still wears a red shirt on Sunday on his final rounds. All the time. You go back and looking, it was always a red polo of some sort on closing day, especially when he's running on the final round of the major championships, any golf tournament. And I always knew that was a power aspect of Tiger coming in, being dominant and closing things out with things. So a couple things that I think people maybe overlook when they're watching TV or checking things out there. But that's something that we can very easily apply into what we're doing now, correct?

Totally. And that's a good observation about the politicians. You know, I read a study, and this is fascinating, too. More around, because I do a lot of speaking. And so I was trying to understand, like, how image relates to speaking or walking into a room when you're trying to do business, that kind of thing. And they found that, like, people are noticing what you're wearing and how you're moving through the room before you even say anything. So again, like, I can see some eyes rolling, being like, oh, my God, this is so superficial. You know, I can't believe I have to worry about this. If people don't like me, then forget them. I don't want to do business. But if you can actually think of it in an opposite way, I invite you to think of it as a positive thing where, again, if you could just tweak a few things in the way that your clothes are, your body movements, all of that stuff, that could have a huge impact in your sales, in the way that people relate to you and also attracting a partner, perhaps. Why wouldn't you do it? I'll use a website as a business metaphor. So it's kind of like we're marketing ourselves all the time. And so, like, when you go to two websites, let's say you have an old website and a new website, same content, but one has been updated, and it looks really pretty with nice colors, and it looks very professional. The other one's still old, antiquated, slow, that kind of thing, which one are you going to trust? Which one are you going to go with? And most people are going to go with the new one. Why? Because we trust it more. We think that that one's more professional, same content. So again, it's not changing who you are. It's marketing yourself in a way so that people get to know who you are.

I could not agree with it more because that's the same thing. It's all first impressions. Oh, it's old. They must not be in business. It's antiquated or new and shiny. And especially like I've been in Orlando last couple days, and you go around and you see all the flowers, and that's just nature doing it itself with the pretty flowers to attract the bees to get the honey. You know, we could go any type of deep, dark holes on that analogy. But you also think, I love movies. And we think about, well, who would you rather do business with? Friday from the Addams Family or Elle from Not Stranger Things? It's Reese Witherspoon's character, Legally Blonde.

Oh, my God.

Think about it. Sorry.

Well, it depends on the business. I guess that's first and foremost. Right?

But who are you gonna talk to? Who's more approachable right off the bat? I mean, that's a big thing.

Totally.

Whose energy is coming out? People want to be surrounded by energy. They don't want to be, but it's a thing. It's a first impression, but it leads to people wanting to do business. And that's the thing that I see so often when I go out networking, and I see people that are drubbed. They're not, you know, they threw on a T shirt really fast before they went out. They're not really being focused about it. They've worked for somebody else in a career, and nobody's taking the time because they're an underling, you know, they're not the man in charge. And that's the thing. When I'm talking with investors or students, stuff like that, I'm like, listen, you guys and gals are marketing. You're putting yourself out there. These tips for those that are listening or watching this, these tips that Kim are giving are just phenomenal. That you need to start taking and making it a part of maybe your daily actions and daily thoughts before you start doing some stuff. Because I get it. Nobody likes working at a job, especially if something you don't enjoy. But if you're going to do a side hustle and you're going out networking, going to an expo or going out, take the extra time to add a signature piece like you mentioned, or something that gives you power, or put on a color, blue, red, or something like that, that can really drive some stuff home, and I guarantee you'll probably see some difference if you start smiling and become much more approachable. Right, Kim?

Absolutely, absolutely. It's a good kind of summary of what we're talking about. And again, like, if you just could do like one thing that would make a difference between whether somebody does business with you and someone else, again, you could think of it as, oh my gosh, this is just another thing. But if you make it part of your daily routine, as part of your business plan, as part of what you need to cultivate as part of growing your business, then why wouldn't you? The other thing to think about is thinking about what kind of money you're trying to attract. And so what you wear and how you show up, you're actually demanding certain amount of optimal pay based on how you present. So if you're trying to like flip a house or sell something that's really, really high end and you look like crap, guess what? People are not going to trust you. They're going to be like, wait a second, I'm going to pay this much money to you. So you have to start thinking about that. If you really want to attract those like higher ticket items and you know, and think of yourself too as what you value in yourself, then you'll spend more to wear like something that's dressier, that looks like more money so that people can trust you. A lot of times, and this is just me as a therapist talking, we place money and our own self worth are very tied in together. And I learned this the hard way. I mean, I started out as this therapist. I never dreamed I would do what I'm doing today and own my own business. I really had to work hard and wearing these mommy clothes, you know, and I thought I was looking spiffy by getting like a new rider jacket. And when I showed up to train with the top image consultant here in la, she looked at me up and down and she said to me, I'll never forget this. And you think people are going to pay you $10,000 looking like that? You look like a tired mom.

Wow.

I just remember like my eyes welding with tears and like, oh my God, I can't do this. I'm not good enough. I'm. All those conversations. But you know what, she was right. She was absolutely right. I didn't think of myself as a $10,000 closer. So therefore I would never be. And so I had to dress the part until I became, you know, I always say, you know the saying act as if until you become really can help you get there.

It takes a special purpose to be Able to accept that, you know, Chris is. But also takes a special person to be able to give that, too. And I think a lot of, you know, Steph and I joke will be out and stuff like that, and there'd be a group of people together like, oh, those people are not that person's friend, because a friend would not let that person wear that out. You know, what is that person wearing? Those people are not their friends because otherwise they would have said something like, oh, dear, as we say in Texas, bless their heart. Bless your heart. Yeah, let's get you to put something else on, you know, or let's get you to do something a little bit different here. Yeah, that's. And I think a lot of people get so caught up in the idea of diets and body size and things like that. Some people are built bigger than others. Some people always be small. And the media out there, magazine stuff, always portrays people being really small. But if you're a big person, I've always been a big, big guy, big football ex, linebacker, you know, I'm not going to be a size 6 at all. You know, that's not what I'm going to do. But the thing is, is there are things you can wear, things you can do, though, to fit your body style and your body size still help you stand out and still be able to be a closer. Right.

Oh, my God. That was such a good lead in Scott, to what I wanted to tell. Yeah, this is why you do what you do. So, yes, I actually deal most. I would say about 90% of my clients, whether they're coming to me for business or for dating, they've had some sort of fluctuation in weight or they're not happy with their body, or they just lost weight and they can't see their new body, you know, whatever. Is that what's so beautiful about teaching people about their body type and what clothes flatter their body type is it can make a huge difference in the way they see themselves. And so often people are wearing things too big. I would say that's probably the biggest mistake I see people make. And often it's because they just. They're not seeing themselves. You know, there's almost this, like, body dysmorphia that happens in the mirror. But what I do often is have people take pictures of themselves and upload those and send them to me. I do these virtual makeovers, which are super fun and powerful, and in an hour, I kind of go over your body type, your colors, I pick out outfits for you and When I go over people's pictures, everybody says, wow, I didn't know until I took these pictures of myself how bad I look in these clothes, you know, and so it's a good intervention. But what's awesome is that teaching people about their bottom, that, oh my gosh, you got to stay away from that collar, then it makes a big difference.

Stay away from stripes and polka dots.

Yeah.

Horizontal.

Oh, my God. How did you know that? Yes, it's one of my, like, I get on people all the time. Like, no patterns people and no polka dots. Because it. Especially when it comes to, like camera work, if you're doing podcasting, that kind of thing, it widens you in the camera who are out there trying to attract a mate. Most guys don't like patterns if you're a woman. I'm just saying it's something that I figured out. And so I'm trying to teach women this.

So being in Disneyland, walking around, seeing people, you're like, wow. I'm like, oh my God, there's a lot of polka dots. People wearing a lot of polka dots. And then a lot of people wearing way too big shirts or way stuff that just doesn't fit properly. And you're just like, man, I know you can't be happy. But then you see somebody who is a bigger person than they're put together, like, oh, they got some confidence. Hey, they're working on stuff. It's, you know, everybody's got their own axe to grind with themselves in some sort of fashion. Everybody's going through their own thing. But there's like you said, I love the fact and every listening there. Hello. You heard her say virtual makeover. So Kim, you're going to talk more about that how you in an hour can help people tell you, hey, what to avoid, what to wear, what not to buy, or what you should be looking doing. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Big point there for anybody out there listening in, not nation out there that Kim can help you out with. That is a great way to kind of get the ball rolling on your next start or your fresh start or fresh makeover to change, you know, kind of your energy and your focus. If you're doing something new or struggling in what you're currently doing right now.

You know, if you're not ready to do something like this. I have a free body type guide that both for men and women. I didn't leave the guys out because I know guys secretly want to know more about fashion. They just don't sit there and talk about it on A Sunday afternoon over football. Right. So they all, like, secretly want that jersey.

Looks really good on you, man. Thanks, man. Dude left you in the ass.

Where'd you get that?

A football jersey is not appropriate tire 95% of the time. Okay.

Oh, my gosh. And if you're dating, please do not wear a football. The worst. But yeah. And so it's fun to even just, like, get the guide, and I'm happy to provide. And you can almost have a cheat sheet when you go shopping. And then if it's still hard, you know, then the virtual makeover is really a great blueprint.

What's the best way for people to tap into that, Kim?

Well, the guide, I'll provide a link, you know, for all your listeners, if that is okay with you. And that way you can just, like, grab it and it's really easy. And then if you download it, you'll see the way to get to my virtual makeover. Or just contact me. You can go to my site, Seltzer style dot com. It's S E L T Z E R Style dot com. It's probably the easiest way to get ahold of me. If you ever want to just chat about anything.

Yeah. Now, a question I like to ask. You've had your podcast going for a little while now. What's been some big surprises from your podcast? Anything?

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It's been so wonderful and such a journey. And, you know, this goes back to the whole confidence thing that we were talking about in the beginning. You know, I started podcasting, actually going on other people's shows, and every time I would go on a show, I would get all this feedback, like, kim, you should have your own show. I'm like, yeah, I should. You know, it's like, those shoulds are what really paralyze you. And it wasn't until I put myself into action where I got some guidance on how to do it is when everything started changing. So for me, what's been so amazing is just having the confidence to start my show. It's been two years now. I just celebrated my hundredth episode. I'm like, how did I get here? Yeah. Yeah. And it's just doing really well. But, you know, for me, and this is the biggest compliment of it all, like, when I hop on calls with people because I give them free breakthrough calls where I had some guidance, people are like, oh, my God, I can't. And this probably happens to you, too. But they're like, I can't believe you're saying my name. And I'm like, wow, I'm just a person. And I think it's weirder for us, you and I, Scott, because we're just talking in a microphone. We have no idea who's out there. So I love talking to podcast listeners and also the benefits of, you know, that people are having. Just listening to the show and that I'm able to reach and help so many people.

Yeah, I think that's the most overjoying thing is when people reach out and they're like, oh, my God, you answered your phone. I'm actually talking to you, and you've been in my ears for six weeks. That's the thing I always crack up about. Yeah, you're calling me when I know you listen to this episode. Why are you calling to ask the same question? I know I answered already for you, but let's go back through it. Sometimes you got to hear it two or three times for it to sink in, but that's okay. That's the beauty of it. He said, we're in media, and so many things that you talked about in the last 45 plus minutes are relevant in so many things versus just. You said dating or business in your marketing, in your website, even in, like, your flyers. You're taking to people or talking to people about taking a little bit extra to put this stuff together. It goes such a long way out there. So it's just not body makeover for dating, but life is a date. Oh, wait a second. That sounds like a quote.

Yes. Oh, my gosh. I feel a quote coming on by Scott Carson. No, it's really true. Life is a day. I even said that. I think in New Media Summit is that my favorite podcasts are like, what we're doing right now. I'm like, I want to feel like I'm on a date with you. I just want to. I can't believe it's been 45 minutes. That's a good sign. It would be a bad sign if I was like, oh, my God, it's 45. Can we end this?

I got another.

Can I say my site already? Yeah, so. And that is what connects us all. It's that, again, it goes back to the rapport and just in life. And I think a word that comes to my mind is your personal brand. You know, just being mindful of who you are in the world, how you're marketing yourself, personal life, your dating life, and your business life.

And that's a great way, I think, a great way to end this episode. First of all, the podcast is a Charisma Quotient Podcast. You want to go out and listen to that? Such great stuff. I've been binging some of the episodes recently and absolutely cracking up and having a great time. But such great advice on there. But what's the best way for people to reach out to you?

Thanks, Scott. Yeah, it's Seltzer style. S E L T Z E R. Like Galka Seltzer. I wish my family was Seltzer, but it's not seltzerstyle.com and you can find me all over social media. Facebook, Kimberly Seltzer, Twitter, ELTzerKimberly. I mean, you know, you know where to find me. But Scott, this has been so great and I just want to just give a huge, like, thank you to you and gratitude for having me come on here and sharing all this with your audience. Like, super fun.

I'm glad to help out. I mean, so many people in real estate get so bogged down on the nuts and bolts of doing real estate. Oh, how do you go find a deal? How do you, you know, what are you fixing on the property? Stuff like that. And most people don't realize they need to rehab themselves before they start looking to rehab their business. And I think that's, that's pretty good.

I mean, that was another good.

I'm full of them all here today.

Someone's writing this down.

We transcribed the full thing. So, yeah, at some point. But once again, everybody take Kim up on her advice. Check her out there. Go listen, check out the website. Not a better person to help you out there, to kind of get things rocking and rolling. And if you're in a struggle point. We're all at struggle points at some point. Ups and downs. Sometimes having a mini makeover in some sort can give you the energy, the rejuvenation to go out there, take action. And if you do that, I guarantee we will see you all at the top. So, Kim, thank you so much for being a part of us, the no Closure show out there, and look forward to hanging with you in the future. Alrighty, you too.

Thanks so much, Scott.

Sam.