EP 544 – Fearless Living: Breaking Comfort Zones To Make Things Happen With Rhonda Britten

This is the no Closer show where you get the latest developments in distressed note investing and learn the secrets of how you can control millions of dollars worth of property for pennies on the dollar. Get educated and entertained by someone who has closed thousands of deals and lives to support you in achieving the same. Now here's your host, CEO of We Close notes, Scott Carson. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening everybody. Welcome to this episode of the Note Closure Show. As always, Scott Carson. Excited to be here with you today. And I am really jacked up to have a friend on here that I think is gonna help a lot of you guys out there in notenation that are listening to this on a regular basis. And you're sitting here like, I really want to do some big things in the new year and I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Or maybe you're dealing with a mind block of some sort or maybe you're a little self deprecated. I can't do that. Well, I'm here to tell you that you can. And our guest is a rock star who has been helping a lot of people accomplish some big things over the last, well, I don't say many years. I don't give her away, but she's done an amazing job out there as the who's who of life coaches. She's an Emmy award winning and repeat Oprah guest. Rhonda was the first life coach in reality television in the world on the first show of its kind, Life doctor And then it was changed to help me Rhonda. She changed lives under the hit NBC reality show Starting over and named its most valuable player by the New York Times. And heralded as America's favorite Life Coach by TV Guy. To date, Rhonda has altered lives in over 600 episodes of reality television that aired in more than 25 countries and impacted millions worldwide. She's a recipient of the Smart Woman of the Year award, Coach of the Year, a blog favorite@huffingtonpost.com, speaks@tedx and for numerous corporations, organizations such as Southwest Airlines, Blue Shield, Northrop Grumman and many more. Rhonda's four books include her best selling Fearless Living, which shares her groundbreaking work called the Wheel of Fear, Change youe Life in 30 Days, Fearless Loveing, and Do I Look Fat in this? Which I love. She's a world class keynote speaker, television personality, master life coach and also a dear friend of ours. So without further ado, we're honored as always to have the one, the old Rhonda Britton joining Us today.

Thank you. Thank you, Scott. What a great intro. Yes. I am so excited to be here. And you know, at the end of the year, we do some mind messing, right? We do some mind messing because we look back at the year and go, okay, I did this. I did this. We have some proud moments. We have some, yes. And then we go, oh, but I didn't do that again. I didn't do that again. And then we have this wide open stretch in front of us called the next year. And as you and I both know, 82% of people do not achieve their New Year's resolutions. So we've got this wide spath of this new year coming out with a failure rate of 82%. And so we have this mix of excitement and dread all at once.

Yeah, that's a. Nobody likes to deal with the downers out there, but it happens. And do you think it's because a lot of times people are maybe over committing themselves or over resolutions themselves versus being really kind of focused to kind of drift with what they're trying to accomplish?

Well, I think you're making a great point. I think people do over commit, so to speak. But I also think that they're unrealistic. Not that they can't make their New Year's resolution come true, but they're unrealistic at the time. It takes the lag. It takes the effort. It takes. You and I both know, and I know notenation knows as well that it takes effort and commitment and devotion to actually really do your best work to make the money. You want to fulfill your dream, et cetera, et cetera. And so most people in the New Year's resolution get all hyped up, right? They're like, I'm going to lose £20 in one week. You know, I'm going to make a million dollars in a month. Right? And we want to build that momentum. Like I love using the New Year momentum because there is an energy out in the world, right? The energy. We want to tap into that energy field, but we also want to do it from a grounded perspective, from a fearless perspective, from a foundational level, and not get pie in the sky, that is not having our feet on the ground as well. I think it's great to have a big, large dream, play big, go for it, and your feet have to be on the ground so that you really can take the action necessary.

Yeah, I would 100% agree with that. Especially your numbers. I mean, with us teaching so many students and having so many people that have gone through Our coaches, stuff like that. You see the failure rate, and you see when people are like, hey, I'm going to do that. Well, let's make it a little bit more realistically. If you've never made 100 grand, you can't go say you're gonna make a million bucks this year.

Yeah, I love your. I love that. Because what a lot of people don't understand is money is energy. Right? So if you've never made 100,000, tell me the most money you've ever made. Let's just say it's $50,000. Awesome. You know, you have an energy field of 50,000. If you want to make 100, that means doubling your energy field. Right. And then making 50,000 versus 100 has a different level of commitment. You have to grow in order to claim that 100,000. And in order to make a million, I guarantee you, you're going to be on the ride of your life. And the more that you can really be fearless and not let fear drag you down, the more you're going to be able to achieve it and embody the tools and skills that you're learning along the way.

Let's talk a little bit more about that fearlessness out there, because I know that's always the biggest thing. Fearlessness of. Oh, you mentioned, hey, I want to go to the gym. Oh, the fear of actually showing up to the gym or having to put on clothes to go work out or actually get away from the TV or pull myself away from the job for an hour or half an hour at lunch. We all have different fears that really constrain us. And I think maybe you agree that we're not going to grow unless we confront those fears and get outside our comfort zones. Right.

And I would definitely say not even confront, but love. I have a whole process that I help people move from the comfort zone to the stretch zone to the risk zone to the zy zone. Right. And every step of the way from your comfort zone to your stretch zone. So, stretch zone is I know I can do it. I just haven't done it. Right. The stretch zone is I know I can do it. I just haven't done it. And in actuality, Scott, the stretch zone, which is right next to your comfort zone. Right. If you think of a bullseye comfort zone in the middle stretches that circle around it, the stretch zone is the closest to the comfort zone. So it should be something you can do. And you know you can do it because you know you can do it. It's where you're most Ruthless with yourself, where you beat yourself up the most. And in actuality, the stretch zone is where you decrease your confidence, lower your self esteem, not giving you the energy, the courage, the skill, the tools that you need to actually take some of those risks. And dies. So stretches comforts in the middle. Like, I know I can do, like, you know, I do this all the time. And that might be sitting on the couch, that might be making $50,000, that might be married to your beautiful wife. Right? So your comfort zone is your life right now. But that stretch zone, again, things you know you can do, but you just haven't done, is where we are brutal with ourselves and what people do. I was, I was actually talking to one of my clients who is. He's like 32 years old, he's on fire. You know, he's an engineer and he's starting to build his own business. And we were talking about quitting beating yourself up. No more beating yourself up. And he literally was like, well, that's how I motivate myself. And I go, oh, I totally get it. That's what people actually believe. I know they think that they point out everything wrong they're doing and everything they're wrong. They're saying that somehow they'll fix themselves and be better people. And what was awesome is this client was actually talking to a sixth grade class that day. So I loved it. So I said to him, I go, you know, hey, that sixth grade class, did you tell them your number one strategy for motivation, to beat themselves up? Did you get them doing that now? Like, you know, you got to get them on that. And of course he understood what point I was making, that if you can't teach a sixth grader your number one strategy for motivation, it is not a good strategy. It is one that is actually bringing you down. So that stretch zone, which is that next step, which is where we want to go to the die zone, skip that New Year's resolution, think big again, which is awesome. But it is in the stretch zone where we really make our progress, where we really build our foundation. And again, it is where we are the most brilliant, ruthlessly mean to ourselves.

So what are some things that we can do to maybe be less ruthless to ourselves?

Let me share some. I would love to. Because not only do we have the stretch zone where we know we can do it, we can't do it. The next zone around that, the circle around that, is the risk zone. The risk zone is, I don't know if I can do it. And then the die zone Is like, I don't know if I want to do it and I'm freaking out thinking about it, right? So that stretch zone, one of the exercises I want to give to, to your listeners right now that I know is going to support them is a simple, very simple exercise.

But.

Oh, don't, don't, don't minimize the fact that it's simple because I tell you, it is going to kick your butt. It is called acknowledgments. Now, what the heck does that mean? It means acknowledging yourself for every stretch or skin die you take. Acknowledging yourself for anything new you do, no matter how small it is. Now, notice, Scott, I didn't ask you how well you did something. I could give a crap. All I care about is did you move forward? Because if you move forward, your confidence is going to increase. And I promise you that if you start doing five acknowledgments a day, and, hey, I'll take one to start. But today I acknowledge myself for something really specific. Not like today acknowledge myself for getting up, right? You get up. Unless it's really hard. I want you to acknowledge something that you're putting effort towards that you have to put some thought into that. It's different, you know, so if you haven't gone to the gym, then going to the gym today, great. If you haven't followed through on your sales calls and you're following through, awesome. So acknowledge yourself. So today I acknowledge myself.

4.

You do five of those a day. I guarantee you within a day, two or three, you're already going to start feeling more confident.

That's so true. Because you kind of, you're rewiring that negative Nancy that's inside of us all the time. You're reprogramming to be focused on the positive. I mean, let's face it, one of the big things we do a lot with our students out there is, hey, it's all about you got to be marketing for deals. You got to be marketing to raise capital to your. So many people are sending an email blast out to their audience and they're all excited because they get people that respond, oh, hey, this is awesome. But it's like that one person that says, you're an idiot. What are you doing? You can't do. It's like that little inside voice that stops people from doing it. I just, I had somebody recently that we set. We spent this time, we set up this weird, long email campaign. It was really kicking butt. I spent a lot of time with her on it, and she sent out the first email and never sent the rest of them all out. She had to go hit one button to do it. She's like, well, I had somebody say something negative. Yeah, but the first email, you had 30 people that said they wanted to invest with you and one person that was ugly, and you didn't take action. Like, but we see this over and over and over again, right, Rhonda?

So that's the difference between fear junkies and fear busters. So fear junkies are the people in your life that are going to mirror your fears. So we all have these hidden, you know, these hidden fears. I call it the wheel of fear. I believe we all have one core fear that's driving us. And once you understand your wheel of fear, everything makes a lot more sense. So what she did is she had a, you know, her little voice inside her hidden fear saying, like, oh, my God, people are going to hate me. Oh, this is going to be like, I can't ask for money. So she had all of that stuff going on in the inside, right? So then she had a fear junkie mirror that fear back. And what people do when they don't understand how fear works is they actually believe that's a sign from the universe or that, you know, it's a sign from the universe that they shouldn't do it. See, I knew people wouldn't like it. I knew people wouldn't like it. Well, I guarantee you. Let me give you a secret here, Scott. I always tell my clients, a third of the people that you encounter in your life, you are not their cup of tea. And they are not gonna like you all that much. They're gonna look at you, give you dirty looks, roll their eyes. They could care less about you. A third of the people are indifferent to you. They like you, don't like you, just indifferent. You know, they don't not like you, but they don't love you either. And then the third of the people love you. And those are your fear busters, what we call in fearless living. Those are your fear busters, and those are the people that you want to court. Those are the people you want to connect with, and those are the people that are going to support you moving forward in your dream. This is the problem, Scott. Most of our family are usually in the I don't like you that much or I'm indifferent to you. And this is what we do, Scott. This is what we do. I know. I did this for most of my life. We try to change people's minds about us to get them in the Love category because then that relationship is more meaningful. Like if I can get somebody from not liking me to loving me, then I'm amazing. And what I have to say to you is, don't waste your time. That person is a fear junkie. They are not on your team. You gotta find your team members. So that woman that you helped with that campaign, who only sent one email out, got one negative Nancy back that was just echoing her fears and she decided that her fear was more real than her dream.

You hit that nail on the head there. And I love your three buckets, as I like to say, the three buckets of people coming in. And I, I heard you say that was I think six, seven years ago at Secret Knock, years ago. And that's been something that I've adopted. And I know people heard me say that a few times because you're not going to make everybody happy. It doesn't matter what you, you know.

You'Re not supposed to, they're not your people. Right. You're not supposed to. Because that's the thing. I think we all think that if we're nice people for loving people, for kind people, for hard working people that we're going to get, you know, that false dream of like everyone's going to love us and we're going to be successful. That's not how it works. And that's actually not how it's supposed to work. And so I think when I tell people that's not how it works, they're like, why not? And it's not supposed to work that way. That actually wouldn't cause you to create more growth in you, wouldn't cause you to go and learn, wouldn't help you face all those fears that have been stopping you for years or decades. So our spiritual journey, I always say my business is my spiritual journey. My business makes me grow and change and become more, more flexible, more open minded, more connected, ask for help more. Give and receive love, give and receive connection. More than anything I've ever done in my life. My business is actually my self improvement program.

Do you think that with all the social media that's kind of making people see that negativity out there? Because I'm a big believer that if you just look at what's going on online, there's nothing but negativity A lot of times, very rarely, especially in the news and the media, everything's all negative and stuff like that. And it feeds into a lot of these fear mongers. One of the best ways for people to maybe get away from that or limit their exposure to that.

Sure, you know what activates you and you know what you can handle and what, you know, what you can process. So, for instance, if you can watch social media and you have the awareness to be able to filter it through what works for you and what doesn't, awesome. Pay attention to social media. But if you go on social media and you're like a sieve and you, like, soak it all up right, you don't have any boundaries, you don't have any ability to say, no, that's not for me, then don't do it. Bottom line is, you've got to take care of yourself. And while you're growing and changing, while you're learning, while you're learning from Scott and wanting to make more money and wanting to build a business and wanting to create a life that you love, you are, in effect, more fragile than ever because you're taking risk after risk after risk. Whether it's a stretch, risk or die, you are growing and changing. So every step that you grow, when you move from that comfort zone to that stretch zone, I always say there's a ring of fear around that comfort zone that get you in that stretch. And there's a ring of fear around stretch to get to risk, and there's a ring of fear around risk to get to die. So every time that you're wanting to change a thought, make a contact, and it's not your norm, it's not your everyday, that takes something of you. Neuroscience says that we are energy machines. That's what we are. We're energy machines. And so every time we want to change a behavior and get those wires crossed differently, it takes energy. So we have to take care of our energy field. We have to take care of ourselves and keep ourselves, quote, unquote protected and understand that we may be going through a fragile moment, going from that stretch zone to that risk zone to that die zone, that's not because you're weak. That means because you're growing, that means you're growing. That's awesome.

That is a beautiful thing. As people are growing and overcoming things. And it's always too, I think when you break through something and once you get through that ring, you look back, well, maybe that wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it was going to be, right?

Absolutely, Scott. And this is what the cool part is. When you start getting really comfortable in that stretch zone, that stretch zone actually gets absorbed in your comfort zone. And your risk zone now becomes your stretch zone. So I always tell my Clients. It's not about your comfort zone, your little comfort zone. I actually want you to be comfortable everywhere. I want you to be comfortable in your skin. I want you to be comfortable with strangers. I want you to be comfortable everywhere you go. I want you to be able to go anywhere, do anything, and meet anyone. So I want you to be comfortable in your skin. So that means having a huge comfort zone, which means you have mastered those stretch risk and dyes in order to increase it. So it's not about, oh, I want to get out of my comfort zone. Yes, that is what you're going to need to do. But eventually that comfort zone will be safe, so big that there will be nothing that trips you up. You'll be able to go anywhere, do anything, or meet anyone. And I don't know about you, Scott, I don't want anything, Any fear to hold me back, telling me I can't do something. Oh, don't talk to that person. Oh, I shouldn't be selfish to make that much money. Oh, if I make that much money and people ask me for it, I better give it to them. Right. We have so many false beliefs and false conditioning about what our dreams and possibilities are. So that's just fear talking. Don't listen.

Yeah. Made me think of a time we were marketing here, especially when the 50 shades of gray series was out in books and the movies were first coming out. I did an email blast out, 50 shades of notes, and I was like, I hadn't read the book, I hadn't watched the movie or anything like that. And I said, do you feel like you've got a ball gag when talking to your clients? Do you feel like some investors and borrowers need to be spanked? You know, just kind of being. I sent it out, and it was a huge open rate, and I got more hate mail back from people on it than anything else. And I chuckled, and Steph. And you know Steph. Steph's like, oh, you shouldn't have sent that out. I was like, no, no, no. We're gonna be a little fun. We're gonna get outside of our comfort zone. It's gonna be different. And I get all people, like I said, were just overwhelmed. And these people came back, oh, you unsubscribe me. We hate you. We kind of like, hey, great, they're no longer in my. I'm getting rid of people.

That's right, that's right, that's right. You know, it's better to have a clean list than a big list.

Oh, yes.

Better to have a clean list than a big list. You know, your list that's clean are your people, are your third. And you and I both know that you can have a 500 person list and make a heck of a lot of money. So it's not the bigness of the list, it's the clean of the list. It's the love list. It's like, do they love you? And oh, by the way, the more that you show up as you, your uniqueness, the more they get to love you. The other thing I see, Scott all the time is that people water themselves down, right? They just water themselves down because they don't want to be offensive. You know, they don't want to be like, oh my God, don't say to use the word spank, right, because oh my God, I'm going to hurt somebody or offend somebody. You know, the bottom line is the more that you show up as you, whatever that is, you know, whatever you are, you know, whatever your version of you is, if you show up as you, you are going to find your tribe, your tribe is going to find you. But if you water yourself down, you're not necessarily going to feel loved, then you're not going to necessarily feel hated and you're not going to really know where your focus is. So again, my opportunity and my joy is to help my clients become who they were born to be, Become who they were meant to be. And in order to do that, you have to face your fear and identify your fear and see fear for what it is. Because fear, bottom line, it loves you. It doesn't hate you, it loves you. It's just trying to keep you safe.

That's true. You mentioned something about how the more watered down you get, then a lot of the activities don't drive energy to you. They don't drive that positive feeling. It becomes something that you have to do versus you want to do. I don't think you ever find success in doing stuff that you have to do versus stuff that you really want to do, right?

Yeah, God forbid, right? I mean, who wants to live in the have to world? Who wants to live in the better world or should world? Anytime my clients are using the word should, I know that they're driven by fear, right? Anytime they use the word have to, I know they're driven by fear. Now again, I'll say one of the exercises I give my clients is something called the daily training manual where they're meant to keep track of their time. And one of the ways that I introduce it to people that just are starting with me is write down next to everything you do all day long. Are you doing it because you should or because you want to? Now, we all know the right answer, right, Scott? We all know the right answer is I want to. But what I tell my clients to do is actually tell the truth. Does it feel like I should or does it feel like I want to? Because it's really important that you start really being honest with yourself about the things in your life that are shoulds, because until you do that, you can't actually choose to do them, right? So we want to do those shoulds and choice. And then the next week, yeah, write down I choose to, I choose to, I choose to all day long. And I got to tell you, some of those things that you don't want to do, you'll be mad that you're choosing to do them. And oh, by the way, that's when you change your life.

But that also ties into the fact is you're doing the most productive thing in your moment. The things that you should be doing are probably things you may look to outsource or have a staff or a VA do it so that they're out doing the shoulds and you're doing the ones that you want to do, keeping your energy boosting and being more productive. Because you've really kind of cloned yourself for doing the least, not say least positive, but least productive things for you, right? Oh, I love the mind game we're playing here. This is great stuff, in a good way.

Yeah, I love it, Scott. And I'm totally with you. You know, how much can you outsource? I remember when I first started my business and I was making $1,000 a month, $2,000 a month, and I remember the very first thing I did was hire a part time assistant. And everyone's like, I know they're going to double my income and double my output and I'm willing to take the strain of income, lack of income, to pay somebody else to do some of the things that you're talking about, Scott. So I think that when you invest in yourself, when you really practice investing in yourself, you're going to grow a lot faster.

Now, as we approaching everybody's favorite time of the year, the holidays, whether you're celebrating Hanukkah or Christmas or Kwanzai or whatever we talked about, we have the different groups and if our family members don't fit into our love group, are there some tools or things we can do to diffuse some of those conversations or to maybe Bring them on over to the side without having to work too hard.

Yeah, I think one of the great ways to handle tough discussions or maybe somebody's, you know, putting you down or something. It's like, you never fight with fear. You never argue with fear. You never fight or argue with the people that are in the third that don't like you or the third that are indifferent, because that's just fueling their fear, and that's just fueling your fear. So if somebody comes up to you and goes, oh, you're doing that. Oh, you're starting to try your own. Your own business. Well, that's going to fail. You answer, you go, well, it might, and I'm willing to try it anyway. It completely diffuses everything because you're not arguing, right. So you validate the person and go, yeah, that might happen, and I'm willing to do it anyway. And, oh, you know, this 2020 is going to be a really sucky year for finance. It might be. And I'm willing to try it anyway. You know, I'm really willing to go anyway. So having that note of validation, like, just validate what they're saying is like, yeah, that might happen. That might come true. I don't know. And use the word and. And then I'm willing to do it anyway, and I'm gonna try no matter what. And what I like to do is A, B, and C. So you're turning the person on their ear instead of, we're there, we're looking for an argument, Right? Cause a lot of times I know my family. My family tries to pick fights out of fun, right? They pick fights for fun, right? And so they're always, like, trying to be a little sarcastic and a little put me down. And so I just do that. I go, yeah, you know, God, yeah. For instance, I'll tell you one thing. One Christmas, my sister's like, you know, Rhonda, you know, I've been in business 25 years, Scott, okay? And my sister comes up to me and goes, like, you know, Rhonda, you should probably become, you know, what is a really good job for you. And I'm like, what, sister? And she goes, you should be a trainer at Target. Do you know that trainers in Target travel all over the country? And I'm like, oh, thanks, sister. Thanks for thinking about me. You know, I really appreciate that. You know what? Maybe one day I will be a trainer for Target. And right now I'm going to keep doing my business, because that's not like you can take it as an insult, right? Most people take it as an insult. Like, how dare she do that? Doesn't she see how hard I'm working? I mean, I've been on tv, for God's sake, and written four books. It is not about me, Right? It is her fear. She is one of those people. She's married to a military man. She's had the same job for 30 years. God bless them, right? They don't understand entrepreneurial ship. So all they're doing is freaking out that I'm still an entrepreneur. Right? They're just worried, right? And I think they're secretly worried I'm going to be living in their house. Right? Right. When I get to be 65. Right? So she's telling me about becoming a trainer for Target. Not because she's thinking of me. She's telling me that because she is worried for me, worried for herself. And it's about her fears. She wants me to have a stable job, work from nine to five, have a retirement account. Because me being an entrepreneur just brings up all her anxiety again. If it was before Fearless Living, I would have been insulted. Like, you don't believe in me. It's like, that is not what it's about. They're not meant to believe in you. Remember, she's not in my third love you. I mean, she loves me as a sister, but she doesn't get me as an entrepreneur, Right? So I just say, yes, sister. You know, I very well may do that. And the joke, Scott, God of the century, is I went to a conference right after that and met the director of training for Target. And I said to him, I said, oh, my God. I told him the story, and he gave me his card. I go, well, you never know, right?

Plus, he probably looked really good in red, too. Those red shirts.

Oh, sure. And I love Target, so I'd like.

The discount Tar Jay, as Oprah says. Right. Target.

Well, Tar Jay. So I'm from Minnesota, where Target was born. And so Oprah learned Tar Jay from the Minnesotans. So we started that long time ago.

I totally agree. I was actually born in Rochester. Mom worked at the Mayo Clinic there, and.

Oh, my God, I didn't know that.

Yeah, parents.

No wonder we love each other.

That's right. That's right. Well, parents moved to South Texas when I was really young, but all my relatives. And I'm still a big Minnesota Twins fan and that neck of the world.

All I say, Scott, is you were born a Minnesota, so you are Minnesota.

That's right. That's right. Gold gophers is what's going on this year.

That's right. That's where I went to school. That's where I went to school.

Great, great stuff there. So that's the thing. So embracing people, Embracing people that come in and say, hey, you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're friends.

Yeah, you might be right. Yeah, I'm gonna try it anyway. Yeah, you know, I see your point. Another way to do it is. I see your point. I'll tell you another funny story. My brother in law is a hate. Self development, personal development. So he bought two books that were all about like why therapy doesn't work and why personal growth is a sham. Right? And my sister comes to pick me up at the airport and she says, oh, by the way, Dean bought these two books. So I hid them on him. My sister hid these books on him. Okay, Because I was just about to come over, she hid these books on him. So she goes, I just want to warn you that he has these books. I'm like, okay, great. By the time we got home from the airport, he had found those books and was sitting on the couch with this, like, therapy doesn't work. Personal growth is sham, right? And so I knew this, so I sat down with him right away. And that's what I do, by the way too. I have brother in laws that aren't my, you know that I'm not their favorite person. So I immediately go and say hi to them immediately to give them the respect and the honor of their home. So that's another strategy. The person that you feel the most contentious with immediately go up to them and say hello. Immediately start engaging them and asking them a question. It really diffuses the situation. So I sat down with my brother in law and I said, hey, what are you reading? And he goes, wow, this thing doesn't work. And I'm reading this chapter and it says. And he told me this story. And I go, well, you know, the way they're describing it, I can see how that wouldn't work. Right? And do you know what he did? One more story. And then he never brought it up all weekend. You know, I popped his bubble because I didn't argue, right? I just went, yeah, I see your point. So when you have those family members, when you have those friends that don't get you, what you're doing right now, being an entrepreneur is a different speaker. They don't get you. You just get to say, yeah, I don't know if it's going to work out, but I'm going to give it my best, and that's how you diffuse that. So I really encourage you to practice that this holiday season.

That's a good tactic for anything. If you're in a deal that maybe not going well or you've had a vendor or something's gotten messed up, just going up and not, say, confronting, but approaching them, hey, how's it going? People will actually really respect that. Like, oh, wow, you just did something that I didn't have the wavos or the strength to do. My just change almost immediately, 180 degrees and how they appear. Right?

That's right. Whenever I go into a conference, a meeting, my family, an environment where I know or I see somebody that maybe they're not my cup of tea or I'm not their cup of tea and they're not particularly friendly to me or whatever that is, the person I go to first. Because then the room, the whole room gets calm, Right? That person calms down. They're not trying to avoid me anymore. They're not worried and wondering what I'm thinking. So just go up to the people. And the same thing, when you're intimidated by somebody, if you're like, oh, my God, I could never talk to that person, that's actually the person you need to go talk to. And I always introduce myself. Even though many people know who I am, I never assume people know me. And I always say, hi, Rhonda Britt. I'm Rhonda Britton. And, you know, and if they go, I know you go, well, I don't ever expect you to know me. And, you know, so I go up to the people that are the hardest, perhaps, or the scariest or the intimidating or the ones that kind of roll their eyes at you. Because once you start connecting with those people, everybody else is a piece of cake.

And we all love our cake.

Why, yes, we do. And this season, also add some pumpkin pie in with whipped cream. When I go to somebody's house and I went to somebody's house for Thanksgiving and they had a pumpkin pie and they gave me a nice slice of pumpkin pie, and then they gave me like a dollop of whipped cream. And I'm like, I eat pumpkin pie to eat the whipped cream. So can I get that layered, please?

Nothing wrong. Cool up on it for it. Adding layers to your desserts. So we were talking before we got rock and roll. You've got something that you're working on that's helping people with the end of the year aspect and into the first year, you Want to talk a little about that?

Sure. So I have seven steps, a little cheat sheet called Finish youh Year Strong. So I'm just going to quickly go through the seven things. First of all, one of the ways to make the end of the year really have a big punch is to focus on one thing. You know, most people try to finish all their unfinished projects. In fact, that's probably going to diffuse you. Instead, focus on one thing and nail that one thing. If you get that done, great, you can start something else. But in really to impact your end of the year, focus on one thing. Obviously, that's good advice no matter what, but specifically for finishing year strong. So that's one, two. Brain power. Admit to yourself what skills you don't have. Scott, you brought up, what kind of staff do you need? What kind of assistance do you need? What kind of support do you need? You have to really tell yourself the truth. I want you to reflect back in the last 12 months and say, where did I use my energy in not the best way? Where did I kind of suck myself dry? Where did I give myself away? Where did I not support myself? So at the end of the year, we also want to reflect on that last year so that we can make a plan and we can decide to make the next year better. So maybe the first thing that you're going to do in the new year, or maybe even at the end of this year is hiring that new assistant or getting that new tech person or getting that graphic designer to help you, right? So what skills do you need have right now? And what skills do you need and what mindset do you need? So are you getting to be a negative Nancy? Are you feeling doubt? It's not wrong or bad to feel doubtful. What's wrong or bad and what's fearful is that you believe it, right? We all have moments of doubt. But that doubt, I don't believe the doubt, right? I, Rhonda Britton, don't believe the doubt. I may have a doubt, but that doubt is just a fleeting thought in my brain. I don't grab it and make a story about it, right? And then make it real. So again, you're gonna have moments of doubt. That's normal. That's just human, human nature. But do you believe it and do you buy into it? So I really invite you to start becoming aware of those thoughts that are going through your brain and which ones you're attaching to and making real and which ones. Just let them move through and don't attach and go, oh, I'm having a moment of doubt. It doesn't mean I am a doubtful person. I'm just having a moment. So really separating out, like, okay, I can have moments, but they don't have to become who I am. I think that's so important, Scott, don't you?

Oh, totally, totally. 100%. You're hitting the nail right in the head there with things that we believe in as well. It's all about that.

Yeah, absolutely. And the other thing that I really encourage you to do is draw a line in the sand. So what does that mean? I really invite you to release and release, surrender, let go of the things that didn't serve you this year. So I do a little exercise with my clients, and you can take it up too, is I actually have them write where they sold themselves short through the last year, where they kind of sold themselves short, where they, you know, sold their integrity, where did they sell their. Their dream, where did they sell out? And really start owning that you have a choice to sell out or a choice to own it, take it back. So draw that line in the sand. Like, what are you willing to do and what aren't you willing to do? What are you going to start standing for and what are you going to stand for? The clearer you are on the line in the sand, the more clear your decisions will be. Your decisions will be more easy and effortless, and you'll be able to get things done faster. So. And I'm going to give one exercise. No, I'm going to give two more. Two more, two more, two more. One. The second exercise to the last. I want to do this. I want you to look around and find three people that you can ask for help, that you're going to ask them for help. Because if you can get better at asking for help in the last part of this year, you're going to enter the next year with an ability to do that. Because what I say is how you end one year is how you begin the next. Just like how you end one relationship is how you begin the next. So I want you to end this year with that focus, you know, really owning your skills, putting that line in the sand about what you're no longer going to do and what you're really willing to do. And then what kind of support do I need? So asking for help and then the last thing is a little assignment I want to give Scott. Is that okay?

Yes, please.

Okay. So at the end of the year, I do this every year. My birthday is December 1st, so I usually do it right around my birthday time is I write 100 acknowledgements and 100 gratitudes for the year. Now, talk about sealing this year, kind of like in a powerful way, ending this year in a powerful way, and really walking into the next year filled with gratitude and confidence. When you look back at your year and write 100 gratitudes for the people, places and things that occurred. Gratitudes are not about yourself. Gratitudes are about people, places and things outside yourself. And then 100 knowledge, and it's for yourself. Where did you grow this year? And remember, I'm not looking for perfection. I'm just looking for movement. I'm just looking for movement forward. So where did you take a step? Right. It may not have been a big step, but it was a step. Now, I'm going to give one other tip about this. I want you to be as specific as possible. So it's not like I'm really grateful for my sister Sally for inviting me for Thanksgiving. No, no. More specific than that. Right. I am really grateful that Sally reached out to me and asked me for help when I knew it was scary for her. Right. And I acknowledge myself for saying yes in a new way and not setting her up for failure or not thinking I owed her, but instead being clean with our relationship. Right. So be specific. It's the specificity that actually makes these things work. So gratitude and Acknowledgements, 100 each, and it will blow your mind on how it builds your confidence.

Oh, I don't doubt that at all. I can already see that because it's building you up. It's building, hey, little things. We're all made up of little decisions that grow and lead into the next one and lead into the power aspect of it. And perfection is. Friend of mine said, perfection equals poor. If you wait to be perfect on everything, you're going to be poor versus getting it out and using the opportunity to then fix it 100%. The iPhone is a great example of the first software they did that was great, but it wasn't near what it is today. A lot of misperfections along the way, right?

Yeah. And I'll just throw one other thing about perfection. I always say, perfection or connection, you can't have both. So if you want to be perfect, you can't connect because you're going to all be internal. You're going to be all about yourself. You're going to be fine focused inward. You're going to be thinking about what other people think. You know, what are they thinking about you? Trust me, nobody's thinking about you. Everybody's thinking what you're. They're worried about what you're thinking. Right. So nobody's thinking about you. Right. Nobody's thinking about you. So you can either have connection with people and yourself or you can have perfection. You can't have both.

I love it. I love it. That's such a great, great nugget there. Hang on. Nugget there for everybody there. That's the treatment. Because perfection, everybody's. It's all internally based versus if you're out sharing nerd for what? The knowledge you're sharing, the words coming out of the mouth or what you can help them with not. Oh my God, that shirt looks a little too tight on him or her. Right, Right.

It's like, you know, don't hoard your wisdom, don't hoard your knowledge, don't hoard your enthusiasm, don't hoard your passion, don't hoard your excitement. Right. You know, you think you're making it palatable for everybody else, but in fact, you're not being the model, the role model to give everyone else permission to do it. So don't hoard your gifts, don't hoard or your love of what you're doing. It just lowers your energy and sucks it, you know, sucks it up so that you don't have it to use for your future and your dreams. So the more that you are able to accept yourself, the more you're able to embrace yourself, the more you're able to stretch, risk and die. Right? The more you're gonna have those dreams come into reality.

I love it. I love it. I love it. Love it. For you guys that are listening out there, you may want to jump on over and also listen to Rhonda's amazing keynote that she gave last year at our note camp convention we did online. She absolutely delivered Rockstar stuff on there. And it kind of brings me to kind of the next thing you've got. I mean, I know you're busy working to finish out the rest of the year and then also you've always, are always pre planning and working on your new year for you. What are some ways that people can kind of plug in or look to work with you? You've got some amazing retreats and coaching.

That's right.

As well too, right?

That's right. I do mastery programs. I do life coach certification programs. I teach this amazing class which is the heart of my heart's Fearless Living training program. And of course, if you can meet me live, come to Fearless foundation workshop. And this weekend I'm doing the plan your year weekend at my house. I'm actually, I have a very small group. I only let about 14 people come to my house and we are going to for two days release this year and plan next year. That's exactly what I'm going to be doing this weekend. So if you want to find me and if you want to check me out, may I give a gift, Scott?

Yes, please do.

Great. Fabulous. So go on over to fearlessliving.org risk r I s k r I s k so fearlessliving.org riskrisk and I am going to gift you my stretch, risk and die exercise so that you can risk really look at your year coming up, you know, this month coming up that you can finish and then next year and really say, okay, I have a dream, I have a goal. How do I want to make that happen? Because I'm going to teach you how to put your to do list, put it on its ear, it's going to be flipped for you. Because once you understand how stretchers can die really works, you're going to understand why you procrastinate. You're going to understand why you get caught up in not completing what you want, not following through because what the piece that's missing when you write a to do list is the emotional risk involved. So go over to fearlessliving.org riskrisk and accept my free gift. It's about three 15 minute videos. It has worksheets, it has everything you need. And oh, by the way, secret, secret, at the end of video 3 I describe the wheel of fear. And if fear is something that you procrastinate, if you are perfectionist, if you get anxious, if you control, if you manipulate, if you compare, those are all symptoms of fear. So let me show you how that works in video three. And then your next step would be Fearless Living training program or the Fearless foundation and really discover your Wheel of Fear and Wheel of Freedom and then you're going to be rocking.

Love it. Thank you so much for that. Once again everybody. Fearlessliving.org risk I've known Rhonda for years now. We have a lot of great mutual friends like Greg Reed and Aaron Young and, and some of the other folks that we run in different circles with. And Rhonda is the best of the best everybody out there. And I was so honored when I sent you the email, hey, are you interested be on there? You didn't even respond. You just like, yeah, booked. I'm like, yes, that's awesome. Little happy dance of Course. Of course. And then I was like, and then when you schedule, oh, it's perfect timing for what we're doing and everything, because we've got our upcoming. Our final workshop of the year this weekend. And then we've got so much great stuff going on, and people. We just want people to do more. And that's the biggest thing that I think. I know you have a big passion that's. We're so capable of so much more out there, and we let our mind, you know, the six inches between our ears stop us from doing stuff. And I love what you've done. You've helped friends of ours, and we've taken the things that you provided and implement what we've done to help us really overcome obstacles and really have exponential growth by implementing these things.

So that's right, because fear is, you know, fear is at the heart of our indecision, our doubt, our. Our lack of confidence. And it doesn't have to be. It's simpler than you think. You know, fear sounds like this big bully. But in fact, once you understand how it works, once you understand how neuroscience works, your brain works, it becomes really palatable, becomes effortless and easy. So don't let the fear of facing fear stop you from embracing your fear, because, trust me, it's a lot easier than you think. So go on over, get to fearlessliving.org risk and start. Start the journey. Just start thinking about, like, wow, do I have any fears? Because, trust me, most people I work with, Scott, when they first meet me, they go, well, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm like, well, aren't you special? And then, you know, I give them the quiz, right? I give them the quiz, okay, can you ask for help? Are you able to say I love you first? Have you forgiven, you know, have you released the shame of the past? Right? I give them this quiz. They're like, what? What? And I go, exactly. It's not walking around saying, I'm afraid, I'm scared. It's your fear responses, it's your behaviors, it's your thoughts that show you that you're afraid. And being afraid is normal. It's part of our neurobiology. But you don't have to be run by it.

Love it, love it, love it, love it. Rhonda, thank you so much for taking time on your busy schedule to jump on here. I mean, and just hear such great knowledge on there and how you've helped so many people out there. And these are some great things that people can implement before the years of that.

Thank you for having me. And I love it. So be fearless, everyone.

Awesome. Good stuff there. All right, everybody. Hey, that's going to wrap it up for this episode of the Note Closure show. Take advantage of what rhonda offered there. Fearlessliving.org risk. Jump on there and start learning how you've got. I know you've got plenty of time between now and the end of the year. At least do that to start planning and start looking to overcome your fears. Because honestly, if you start taking action and overcoming those fears, that's the way that you get to the top. So we look forward to you all having a great rest of the year. Go out making some things happen, and we'll see at the top, everybody. Bye.