3 Ways To Stay Connected With Others | Ep 83 | David Hulman

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Wayfair Every style, every home. People seem to forget. If you change today, today will change your life. Hello and welcome to the next episode of the Self Belief Chief podcast. You're here with life coach and author David Holman. And in this week's episode, I wanted to talk a little bit about staying connected, especially when at the current timing of this podcast episode, we're dealing with a very strange environment, very strange situation where we're having to self isolate and all keep to ourselves and keep distance. So in this period, it's really important to one, know how to enjoy your own company more so, but also how to stay connected. And I want to give you three ways or three things to consider when it comes to staying connected. And I want to create a bit of an attitude shift. I want to give you a particular quote which I think is, is something that I live my life by and then actually some practical steps, you know. So I'm going to split it into those three categories and hopefully one, change your perception in terms of connection, but also some actual ideas and ways you can go about it in this very difficult time. So the first thing I want to start with, a lot of the clients that I work with are a lot of people that I could, you know, come across, they talk about, you know, before anything, any of the stuff that's going on at the moment. Anyone who talks about, or I've heard talk about loneliness, loneliness isn't a kind of, you know, it's a time period where you feel sad. It's actually a scary place to be, you know, and the health concerns around people, you know, there's real health issues that can develop when you feel lonely. It's a scary, scary thing. And so actually one of the things we want to do is change our perception in terms of how we feel lonely. We go very internal with that and actually what we can do to shift that thinking. So I want to tell you one of my favorite quotes. It's actually from the film Green Book. And if you haven't seen Green Book, it's a fantastic film. But there's a line in that film where one of the characters says, the world is full of lonely people waiting for someone to make the first move. Have a think about that. The world is full of lonely people waiting for someone to make the first move. So we often get wrapped up or caught up in this idea that, well, I want people to, you know, I don't want to be too eager. I don't want to seem too keen or needy or whatever. I want people to reach out to me. I want other people to make the first move. So, you know, at a subconscious level so that I know I'm good enough. I want you to bear in mind that that's how everyone thinks and feels. Everyone else would like someone to reach out to them. Everyone would like someone to reach out to them. So the gift that you, you know, the. The feeling that you get when someone does reach out to you and you kind of, whether it's look at your phone or someone sends you an email, or even when you got to talk to people in person, that feeling, that buzz when someone actually makes an effort or creates plans or organizes things, you're depriving other people of that feeling by not gifting them the same thing in return. Who cares? Who's the first one to reach out? Who cares? Who's the one to make the effort, to organize, to prepare? Why don't you just be that person? Because other people really appreciate that having people in their lives who just crack on, take action, organize, prepare, plan, and don't procrastinate, don't really worry what other people think. So I want you to have that shift of mind where it's actually, why don't you just be the one to reach out and connect? Because one of the ways that we can help ourselves is to help someone else instead. You know, to get out your own head and stop thinking about your problems, help someone else with theirs. Now, you may say, well, there's a bit of a limit with all the stuff going on at the moment. Yeah, there is a bit of a limit. There's a limit. It's still possible. So are you doing the things that are possible now when it comes to connection? We'll get onto the practical stuff a little bit later. But in terms of connecting with people, people often think, oh, I want to grow my. So, you know, I want to meet new people or grow my social circle, that's great. But if they're true to themselves, they're probably people in their past that they wish was part of their present. There's probably the people in their present who they wish they connected with better and they want to meet people in the future. So why don't we do all three of those things and rather than connect with people with a request or a suggestion or an ask, connect with people unconditionally. What does that mean? Connect with people just to see how they're doing and not expect anything in return. Not expect them to do you a favor in the future. Not expect them to organize something, not expect to prepare or whatever. Just unconditionally checking in to see how they're doing and nothing else. And people really appreciate that's what a real close friend is or close partner or whatever, that someone who can give unconditionally, someone who can serve unconditionally, get into problems or traps when we do one thing, expecting something else in return. Trade in your expectations, especially right now. Trade expectations in. Just build connection. Let's have conversation. You know, just have a smile on your face. Connection is a really important part of life. So I want you to think about how you can connect with people from your past, people in your present, people in the future. So how do we go about that? Well, as I said, for the past and the present, connect with people unconditionally. But in terms of the future, yes, there might be things that we can't do now. We can't visit this place or go to these things or go to this class or do that. But are you actually preparing yourself for when all of this craziness, all this madness actually stops? Are you preparing yourself? Are you preparing yourself for, you know, actually, what things would I like to try? What classes would I like to go to? What really interests me? Where am I going to meet new people? Where am I going to meet new people doing something I actually enjoy, Where I'm going to meet people doing something I actually enjoy, where I might, you know, meet someone that I really have a special connection with? Why don't you do that work now and build a compelling future to get excited about? Because at the moment, it's hard to know what the future is going to look like. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean we can't create those plans and do the research of what we'll be able to do when the future becomes clearer again. Bring some clarity into your future now by having those ideas, by doing that preparation now, when you've got this, what will feel like extra time, you're not traveling all the time. You don't have to go to the office or the factory or this industry or that you've Got that time. So use it, use it smartly and be ahead of the game. That when all this stuff, as I say, does stop, that you've already got, you know, you're, you're rolling already. You're not starting from scratch. That's a really, really important thing. So get prepared on that thing. So connect with people in the past, your present, and think about your plans for the future and bring in as many people into your life, connect with as many people, because trust me, they need that connection right now just as much as you do. Now the third. So we talked about, you know, my favorite quote, kind of general attitude in terms of, you know, connecting with people. Now what the third part is the practical steps. This is where, when people will complain about social media and all the horrible things that go on about it, this is where it comes to, you know, comes very much to the foreground. And it's a really useful way to connect with people. So you've obviously got social media, but more than that, don't just text people, don't just WhatsApp people, right? Actually, you know, actually practice the art of communication by actually speaking to them on the phone, actually hearing people's voices. I think communication is a sort of a, one of those skills or arts that's really like being compromised. This current generation, I don't think is as well developed in the art of communication as we could be. And so it's an opportunity to develop that. But even step further than on the phone. Connect via video because it makes a difference to actually see people's faces connect via video. So you've got applications like Zoom, Skype. I use Zoom for all my, you know, my online coaching clients. Really fantastic tool. Really fast video quality is good, really simple to use. You know, you just Google Zoom and find that and open it up and takes about 30 seconds to install and then you're ready to go. You can speak to people and actually see people and feel connected. You actually feel like they're in the same room. But you have also apps as well, like House Party and various other things. Opportunities like House Party will allow you to play games at the same time. And, you know, it's not just having to practice the conversation, but actually doing something which gets you thinking as well. You know, there are lots of little ways to stay connected with people, but I want you to really think about being the one who makes the first move. Who cares who makes the first move, really? Isn't it just about being connected? Isn't really just about connected communication and talking to people, because that's the important part. You know, the how at the beginning doesn't really matter. You know, no one comes out of a conversation goes, oh, you know what? I really liked how we connected in the first place. No, you say, I really enjoyed the conversation, not I really enjoyed how this person reached it. Does that part doesn't really matter at the end of the day. It's really important right now that you do stay connected for your own, you know, mindset, your own mental health, you know, don't remove yourself in this situation. Really do concentrate on staying connected and make it part of a routine and a habit so that when you go back into seeing people day to day, maybe these things, you keep on top as well. So you can regularly connect with lots of people by video and everything else and see people in person. You've got an even greater sense of connection by that point. I want you to, because I know that's what you really want. You want people around you. You want to stay connected, and especially at the moment. At the moment, you may feel slightly alone or isolated, but lots of other people feel that way too, so reach out to them. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day, enjoy the rest of your life, and I'll speak to you again very soon.