4 Keys To Attracting Love | EP 64 | Self-Belief Chief Podcast #SelfBeliefChief

People seem to forget if you change today, today will change your life. Hello, welcome to the Self Belief Chief podcast. You're here with a Self Belief Chief founder, David Holman. And today I want to talk a bit about what I call the four keys to overcoming heartbreak and attracting the love you deserve. Because more and more people ask around help in this space. Because I help people with confidence, but specifically in terms of attracting the right person. I talk about attracting rather than chasing. Chasing is tiring and exhausting and maybe you've had enough in that space. And attracting is fun and enjoyable and playful. Really makes a huge difference. But it's very simple to say attract first and chase and it can be difficult at times. So I want to give you some the four keys which I use my private clients to help them move through these stages in which I've got plenty of testimonials to, to back this up. So I've really molded this process over a period of time and I look forward to sharing it with you. But you know, whether you're, you've just experienced heartbreak or whether you've been single for a long time or wherever you are in that space, I know how difficult it can be when you feel lonely or you fear ending up alone, or you just think your life isn't that exciting and adventurous that someone else would want to be a part of it. Understand all of that. And you know, I've had two heartbreaks from long term relationships which really just have brought me to my knees. It's tough, it's challenging mentally, very, very difficult, really life altering stuff. But there is a road and a process back I'm trying to understand. All of this makes a huge difference. So what are the four keys? Well, let me talk, talk you through one of the big things I think most consultants, coaches, whatever miss out is you got a lot of people out there who, you know, talk about tips and tricks for dating and all that. I'm not part, you know, I don't enjoy that realistically, unless you have your, you know, your own self confidence, but you actually deal with the shit that's happened in your life, you'll just bring that baggage in the future. So the first key I call the heartbreak breakthrough. The heartbreak breakthrough. This is what I do to help give people peace of mind, to give them some stability, to help them feel like they're good enough again despite the pain that they might have felt or the rejection or whatever it might be. You know, you've got to have some sort of breakthrough to understand heartbreak. And the key to all of it really is. It's getting to the point where it makes sense. You know, you don't have to be happy that it happened, but that it makes sense. Once you find meaning in something, it gives you power, gives you strength, gives you fuel, which pushes you forward. Because I know at the moment, if you're still struggling, for whatever reason, you're tired, you're exhausted, mornings are difficult. You know, maybe you can't get to sleep, you wake up in the middle of the night, you don't feel like doing stuff. You know, it's a tough road ahead. But when you're. When you're going through the heartbreak, breakthrough, one of the things I share with people is you've got to move from what do I feel like doing? And you've got to move from that to how do I want to feel? If you can swap those two things around, how do I want to feel? It makes a huge difference if I say, what do I feel like doing? Well, you don't feel like doing anything because you're tired and you're upset and you're exhausted. So. So what do I feel like doing? Not much. How do I want to feel? I want to feel. I want to feel grateful, I want to feel happy, I want to feel confident, I want to feel strong, I want to feel excited. Okay, then what's required to do those things? Then you come up with better actions, you come up with a better plan to actually get what you want. So that's what the first key is, is the heartbreak breakthrough. And without that, the rest of the stuff kind of falls apart. The second key is what I call the self love secret. Okay? Because if you don't appreciate who you are, if you don't value who you are, why should anyone else? Okay, Many people I work with, their level of self confidence, self esteem, most importantly, is just at such a low level that when other people look at them, they go, well, that person clearly doesn't value themselves. So, you know, I'm not gonna be attracted. I'm not trying to get in a relationship to try and make them feel better. That's not how you attract anyone. You want to see someone as good. Now, I talk about it as 12 areas of life. And we all have areas of life that we're doing well, and some that we're really not doing well or struggling in or that we're just not even aware of that really matter. And when we go through this exercise to go through these 12 areas of life and actually go well, actually, maybe, you know, what's going on over here? Why are you scoring these? So lowly people kind of go, oh, yeah, actually. And once you've identified an area, then you can start creating plans to improve in that area. When you start seeing progress and growth in one area, it starts giving you confidence that you can make progress and growth in others. For example, growth in terms of your fitness and health will give you confidence that you can grow and progress with your relationships. And so improving in each of these areas. But most importantly, really at that stage of the, of the. Your process is, it's helping you create a compelling future. Why is that so important? If you have a compelling future, you get pulled into the future. Rather than feeling like you're trying to push yourself to do things all the time. Pulling gives you energy. Pushing is exhausting. It's tiring. And that's not how you should live life. So you've got to have a compelling future. And when you have a compelling future and you talk about it and other people will look at you and kind of go, wow, that is exciting. I want to be a part of that. When you start to say no, describe when people ask you who you are. And I get people to actually describe, you know, what. What they. What they're going to do or what they want to do as part of who they are. People can then kind of go, oh, wow, that's amazing. I'd love to be. I'd love to do that. I'd love to be a part of that. Then you can introduce them and invite them along. You know, if you've got an exciting, adventurous life and you don't have those insecurities about certain areas of your life brings you a load more confidence. And I know, you know, that confidence is such an incredible, credibly important part of finding that right person. What's the third key? The third key is called love. Attraction triggers. Love. Attraction triggers. Okay, everyone's going to know how to be able to put their best foot forward. Their best foot forward. Some things we're good at, some things we're not so good at. So how do we introduce ourselves? You know, present ourselves in a way that really shows off our best side? And as I said, it's. It's trying to get to that point where, because we're, you know, showing our best side and we're confident and we feel good and we smell good, we, you know, whatever, whatever else, all of those things are lined up. We're good physically, mentally, you know the words we use. All of that stuff lines up. We Start attracting love rather than chasing it. Okay, we want to be attracting, not chasing. When you start attracting rather than chasing, it makes a world of difference. And everyone's got a set of triggers in terms of how they move, in terms of the words they use, in terms of their focus. That allows them to get in an optimum state, their best self, their best state, in order to produce and deliver. Okay, so that's the third key and the fourth key, and potentially the most important key is get a coach. Get someone who can see your blind spots. You know, I had, I've had coaching in this area. I've had coaching in business, I've had coaching in many different areas because I want people to see the things I can't see. It's very hard to see the picture when you're in the frame. I want to find, meet the best people who can give me the most value in life. And I urge you to do the same. Someone who can help you put those four keys into place. Someone who's kind of got the testimonials, testimonials to back up what they do. Find someone who backs themselves and believes in their process that they can use that process to help you so that you're not guessing your way through all of this. You're not trying to see, maybe this will work. Maybe this. Someone who can actually just show you the straight line, who's been where you have been, someone who can take you through all of that. It's incredibly valuable. So find a coach, get a coach. Someone who can help you with that stuff. So those are the four keys. So first key is the heartbreak, breakthrough. The second key is the self, love, secret. The third key is love, attraction, triggers. And the fourth key is get a coach. And you know, I've personally helped plenty of people and got the testimonials to back it up. Somewhere above this video, you'll see something that says relationship coaching, where you can look at my free training. So, you know, it's a much, much more in depth, detailed version of what I'm talking about here. So, you know, feel free to access that. Absolutely free, the training. And it'll be somewhere just above this video. So relationship coaching. But I urge you to get, you know, someone who can point you in the right direction. Someone who can actually take you all through this. Because a client of mine who I just started working with asked me a question. They said, I see all these examples of people who've ended up alone. Why is it that some people end up alone? And I've answered this question before. My opinion of it is people who continue to go through life not dealing with the insecurities that they have. You know, the insecurities that they have, they continue going through life not having overcome their obstacles, overcome the pain that they've been through, and they bring it with them. And if they're lucky enough to get in a relationship, they still brought all of that stuff with them. And often it will lead to the same result in that relationship. And at some point, if all of that stuff gets unresolved, people just stop trying. Of course, there is a bit of luck in finding the right person, but keeping them, keeping them is about being able to have dealt with all the stuff that's happened. So whatever's going on in your life, I really urge you, just go through those different keys, those different steps. As I said, there's free training above this as well. If you click relationship coaching, but find someone who can see your blind spots, it'll make a world of difference. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day, enjoy the rest of your life, and I'll speak to you on the next episode.