#614: David's #1 Secret To Building Self-Belief

Aside from names and certain characteristics which have been changed to protect clients confidentiality, all other details are true. To dive into these six steps, I've definitely got something in my brain that I'm like, if I just believed in myself, we'd be able to do this. I'm sure there will be everyone at home also thinking the same thing. And so I'd love for you to take us through the six steps. And I know that the first one is clarity. Tell us a little bit more about that.

Okay, so, and I want to come back to what you just said in terms of something in your mind that you're in the back of your head. I just, just could be a little bit more confident. I'm going to come back to that. Let's go to the model first and let's use, I'm going to use a real client recently, I'm going to change their name, but for the purposes, we'll call them Zara. Okay, Zara. So the six self belief, master steps. Zara's come to me, she's David, look, a couple months back, I've gone to a really difficult breakup. This person's cheated on me. My trust is absolutely blown apart. I feel rejected. I always say rejection breeds obsession. When people get into an obsessive state, that's a really difficult place to be in. Part of that is to be able to redirect some of that obsessive energy into something productive. She goes, I'm really struggling with this, but I'm in a slightly better place. But I don't know how I'm going to connect with people, how I'm going to build my social circle, Even the concept of love and connection with people again, that whole thing feels shattered for me. So I need to find some level of confidence in being able to make some strides in that direction. Okay, so the six of those steps, as you mentioned, is clarity. Obviously, clarity brings things closer. So when people are listening to this, I'm going to get, you can do this at home. You've got a piece of pen and paper and write these six questions down and actually be able to measure your self belief. Okay, so clarity. The first question is I, are you clear of what you want and who you want to be? How clear are you out of ten? So ten being, I totally know. Absolutely zero being, no idea. But the question isn't, are you clear of what you're trying to avoid or what you don't want? Because most people come to me and they'll say, I want self belief. So I don't feel anxious. If I say, don't think of a polar bear, you're thinking of a polar bear. Right? So when we say our brain can't process negatives. When we say, don't be stressed, don't be this, don't be that, we're just making the situation worse. You gotta be clear of what you do want and who you want to be. So let's say Zara's come to me and Zara's answer the question said, maybe a five. Okay. We get to the second of those steps. It's energy. Energy is the oxygen of self belief. Without energy, I don't care how good your strategy is. I don't care how smart you are, how attractive you are. Doesn't matter if your energy's low. Not happening. Okay, how much energy do you have compared to how you would like to feel out of 10? Zara thinks about it. She goes, my energy is pretty low. Maybe a three. Okay, we go to the third step. Focus. The ability to focus on solutions, not problems. What's wrong is always available, so is what's right. So the ability to focus on solutions, not problems. So how good are you at focusing on the solution, not the problem? Sarah goes, oh my God, this is a nightmare for me. Okay, three again. I can't. I can't do that. Okay, right. I gotta keep it. I'm trying to keep these scores in my head as well so I can add them up in the moment. Five.

Three. Three. We've done.

Yeah. All right. Fourth step is triggers. The ability to access self belief when you need it most. Because we can all have it when we're sat at home watching the TV and we feel good about ourselves. But when we need it is when that goes very quickly and we're like, where the hell's that gone? So how good are we at accessing self belief when we need it most? She goes, maybe a four. Okay. Fifth step is momentum. Momentum is about how you add up the moments in your life. Right. Again, you can add all the crap together easily. You have to be quite consciously mind about how you add up the right stuff, the good stuff. How much consistent action do you feel like you're taking towards what you want? Out of ten, Sara says maybe a five. Okay. And then the final step, growth. At some point, we need to see progress. If we don't feel like we're growing, we tend to feel like we're moving backwards and we feel stuck. Okay. How much do you feel like you're growing towards what you want? Zara Goes no, a three. Okay, now you're gonna help me out with what those scores were. So I think we had a 5. We had a 3. That's an 8. Another 3. I think it was 11. A 4. I think it was a 15. Momentum 5. That's a 20. And growth. What was the last score I just gave? I think it was, let's say it was a three for argument's sake. Okay, so we got score of 23. On my website, there's a chart. There's five different stages of levels of self belief. That would put her in the first stage, which is called the learning stage. There's good, there's pros and cons. About that, look, there's a long way to go. It's a score of 23 out of 60, so six scores out of 10. So it's 23 out of 60. Doesn't sound super high. But in a learning stage, what's good about that is it's like if you haven't been to the gym before and then you start going to the gym, you can make gains really, really quickly, right? Same. Absolutely the same thing with self belief. So you can make a big change very, very quickly and build self belief. And there are stages of learning, capable, good, high and expert. And so it's a job to get her through those stages. You don't have to get to higher expert necessarily, but to get through those stages. But what I can also do with Zara, as I did with her, is ask her. Okay, of these six areas, which one of these do you have in your mind that you go, if I can improve in that one area that make a massive difference to the quality of my life.

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