Ask Self-Belief Chief | Ep 40 | Can you be too confident? #selfbeliefchief

Welcome to episode 40 of Ask Self Believe Chief. The question for today is is it possible to be too confident? And I'm going to shout out people who send in the questions because I realize there's a load of great questions that come in and I'm not actually giving them the attention and admiration for, for sending in such great questions. So today's question was from Instagram, it was from Louise if you want to follow her. It's E L O I S E P A I S But thank you for your question. It's a great, great, great question and it's something that people concern themselves possibly too much or possibly not enough with. Can people be too confident? And I'm going to split this question into a few different parts because I think the first thing is we need to discuss it a little bit rather than me providing some sort of opinion on it. So whether people can have too much confidence or not, it's really about how you define confidence, how you define self belief. It also depends what culture you're from. In the uk, where I'm from, confidence is being overconfident. It's is seen as undesirable, it's seen as a bit of a taboo thing. When we look at someone who's a bit too confident it's almost off putting for a lot of people and which is quite a sad thing. In other cultures it's really admired and appreciated and you got a lot of respect for it. Other cultures just a lot quieter, a lot more reserved, lot more you could input, you could say in inverted commas, civilized. It depends where you're from really. So in terms of confidence, you know, it's going to be defined by societal norms from whatever society you're from. Having said all that, obviously from the position I'm in and I talk about self belief, I obviously speak to and deal with enough. People who are on either end of the spectrum have very, very little confidence and have extreme amounts of confidence. Now often the reason why people are worried about being too confident is because they're worried about what other people think of them. You have to make a decision in life, the thing that you want to achieve, the thing that you want to, you know, whatever's closest to you in your heart, whatever aspirations you have. Does that come before worrying about what other people think of you? A lot of people get held up from developing the self belief they need to, from achieving the things they want to, from succeeding in the way they believe they can do because they worry about what other people think. Ah, if I Succeed, actually, will people dislike me? Oh, will I be able to handle the achievements and will people be able to find me out? And I'm not as talented as I thought I was. People worry about what other people think of them. They want to keep this image, you know, of being this very friendly and kind person. And people spend so much time. And I've wrestled with this as well, spend so much time trying to work out, well, who is that person? Who is that person that gets respected, that gets loved, that gets adored? Who is that person? And the thing about it is, we spend so much time trying to work it out. And therein lies the problem. If you're spending your time trying to work out who that person is, it's wasted time, because you're never going to find or manifest someone who everyone is going to like. There is no way everyone is going to like you. It just isn't going to happen. What you can control is what you achieve. So I suggest that you do respect and admire people, but also focus on the achievement. And don't worry what people think. Don't worry if people think you're too confident. Okay? Don't worry about if people think you're too confident. You look at people like Muhammad ali or Conor McGregor is probably the modern version of it, or Floyd Mayweather, and depending on, you know, you're a fan of those or not, there's a level of confidence that comes with those people and they just don't care. It's just who they are. And they go out there. People do admire. Not everyone does, but people do admire that level of confidence. Someone like Cristiano Ronaldo. People love Cristiano Ronaldo. He's got 120 million followers on Instagram. Not everyone likes him. And some people think he's too arrogant. And whether people, you know, people reach the levels of being narcissistic or not, you know, it's still going to split the fence. Whether you're a quiet person, you're going to split the fence. If you're an overconfident person, you can split the fence. So does it matter if you're too confident? Well, does it matter to what? And the question is, what's the most important thing to you? And does being too confident get good results or bad results? Does being too quiet get you good results or bad results? The reality is you just got to be you. Three things. Go and achieve what you want to achieve. Go and be who you are and attract the people in your life who like you for who you are, not because You've become someone else. I thought about whether being too confident, you know, I'm someone who. I don't. I actually don't mind overconfidence. I don't mind arrogance. The bit I have a problem with is when people believe they are entitled, when people believe they were born and should deserve something, not work for it. That's what I have a problem with. And that's the. That's a sort of a level above it. People I work with, I'm trying to get people to get the results they want to. If there's a level of arrogance that comes with it, that's up to them. That's, you know, if that's who they are. And arrogance is purely defined by other people. And the people who achieved it worry so much about what other people think. So that part of it doesn't really, really matter. But when people think they're entitled, believe that they should get something, they shouldn't have to work for it. They should just land on their lap. And maybe they've had a life or an upbringing way of super easy and everything did fall on their lap. Maybe they never went through the hard times. Maybe they never went through the struggles. Maybe they never realized that you had to work for things. Maybe they never realized that. That life gets tough. Maybe they never realized that you have to earn everything. Maybe they never realized, But you have to realize that you have to earn doesn't just fall in your lap for you. So a brash Persona which brags and talks about what everything that they were born with and then believes that, hey, everything else in life's really easy. I should get this really easy as well. No, you have to go through a certain level of difficulty and tough times and struggles to really understand and really break through the barriers of what you're trying to achieve. Most people don't have the confidence to do that. A lot of people will be listening to this podcast thinking, oh, my God, what I do. To be in the position of being too confident, they're struggling to just get confidence in the first place. Don't worry about your level of confidence in the sense of is it too arrogant, is it too shy? But you've got to worry about it. Whether you've got enough confidence to deliver great results or you haven't got enough that you're going to deliver bad results. It's a subtle difference between the two. Are you focusing on confidence in terms of the results you're going to achieve, or are you focusing on confidence in terms of how other people see you, you've got to stop worrying about how other people see you, because you can't control it. And what people admire about someone like Muhammad Ali, yes, possibly overconfident, but he was authentic. He was just being himself. When people are overconfident and they can tell it's not really them, that they're putting on an act, people don't like that. But when it's authentic, when you can tell they're being who they are, then people will learn to respect it. So you've just got to be who you are, increase that level of confidence if we can, but to achieve great results, not worrying about what other people think. So can you be too confident? Not if you're focused on purely achieving the results you want to achieve. And having the life you want to have. Concerning yourself with what other people think of you is a highway to failure, for sure. And all of us get caught in that position at some point. The quicker we step away from that and the quicker we realise we've just got to take care of us and our closest people to us, that's what life is about, that's what we can control and that's where we might feel a sense of fulfillment. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. This podcast will be put up on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes, pretty much anywhere else. So you can download the episode the next few days if you want to listen to it again or to download any other episodes. Send in questions to Self beliefchief. Thank you, Eloise, for your question this week. Much appreciated. Send in your questions soon. You'll get a shout out on the show as well. And for those who are interested, I've just launched a new online training program, so online training program. If you like these podcasts, you enjoy the content and you want to know some of the more structured strategies I use with my corporate clients. Then there's some online training for anyone who's viewed in this, if you're interested, click yes. There's a seven day, a 30 day and a 90 day training which you can sign up for. Seven day, 30 day and 90 day training. If you're watching live, just type in yes in the box if you're interested. But I'll get in contact with those watching now if they are indeed interested and giving you some of the best strategies I have for pretty much next to nothing. So get in contact with those people, but otherwise, hope you have a great day, hope you enjoy the rest of your life and I'll see you on episode 41. Cheers.