Ask Self-Belief Chief | Ep 9 | Why do bad things happen to me?

A common thing I get asked is, why do bad things happen to me? Why not you? Who would you suggest? Do you want to give me a name, give me a list of people things should be happening to instead of you? That's not how it works. Bad things happen to everyone. We just got to suck it up. Unfortunately, there's not much we can do about that. But the key thing about this, in terms of thinking that bad things always happen to you and you get those people who are just enthusiastic all the time, well, what's the difference? Because they'll have as much shit in their life as you do as well. So why do they not see it like that? Well, the difference is simply this. Whatever you focus on, you feel. Whatever you focus on, you feel. If you focus on, oh, this isn't working, relationships are not working, my job's not in the right place, I'm not the job that I want, I can't do the next step, my children aren't behaving, I can't lose weight. And you start thinking of all these negative things in your life. If you focus purely on those things all the time, guess how you're going to feel. It's not rocket science, but if you're focusing on what you do have, you have a level of appreciation and focus on what you do have. You know what? My relationship isn't going well, but I'm doing pretty well in my career or I'm doing well in my career. Well, maybe my fitness is really good at the moment and if the fitness isn't going well, or maybe I just appreciate that I've got my family around with me. Whatever it is, what is it that you do have? Focus on what you do have. Focus on the good things in your life and more good things will come to you. It's an acceptance of the good things you have in your life whilst brilliantly looking at those areas that you're not great on, that you're not perfect on, that you're not excelling at, and looking on how you can grow and expand. Absolutely. I'm not saying don't think about them at all, but where you spend most of your time, where you spend most of your time thinking and focusing on is where you live emotionally and mentally. So have a think about that. You know, I've heard people say all the time, oh, something bad. I've had loads of bad things happen at the moment, something else bad is around the corner anytime soon now. Well, when you do that, something bad tends to happen. Right. Because you look for it. Because you find it. Because you want to prove yourself right in some way and justify that thought process. Well, guess what? Imagine you had a few good things going on in your life and you said, oh, things are going well at the moment, something else great is just around the corner. What do you think might happen? Try it, see what happens. Because I promise you it's interesting how the mind works and how it changes your life at the same time. You just make a decision on what you focus on and that will change how you feel. In my new book that's recently come out, Tada, the last chapter is something called the two Towers of the Mind. The two towers of the mind. And it's this idea that we build up a positive tower and a negative tower. Positive tower and a negative tower. The negative tower requires no conscious effort to build. Our minds are programmed to protect itself from danger. In other words, you'll know that as fear. So it looks out for the bad things. And you know, I don't know if you've ever woken up in the morning and you lose your car keys and people go lost my car keys, Great start to the day or this is going to be a shit day or something else is going to happen. And guess what, you start adding up all these small little things and eventually you have this big negative tower and that's just on one day. So imagine if you did this day after day after day after day after day, year after year after year. Sounds ridiculous, right? But this is what we do. This is all what we all do. This is what we do. This is what we all do. To some degree. We add up all these small negative things and of course that's the focus. Constantly focusing on what's not right in our lives, focusing on ourselves and this negative tower forms which can spin us out of control completely, will take some conscious effort to add up the small things in your life and that will start building you momentum, which is what we all need to have a level of self belief and confidence. We always need the sensation of momentum and whatever the smallest thing you can think of. I have a list in my room, goes from the floor to the ceiling which I add to every, pretty much every single day a new thing. If something else has happened, just keep adding, keep adding, keep adding, keep building that momentum, keep building that momentum, keep building that momentum. And sometimes that momentum becomes unstoppable. And at some point that momentum does feel like it's unstoppable, that nothing can stop you in some way you're just going to crash through it. So when shit does hit the fan, crash through it. Because you've got so much momentum behind you, it's nothing. You're just dusting off your shoulder. Write these things down, keep writing it down and see where that takes you. And start consciously making the effort to add up all the positive, all the good, all the great things and all the brilliant ideas you have that could change your life in some way or another. If you want a copy of the book, then find a link somewhere on here. If you're on YouTube, if you're on Instagram, just go on the homepage. There will also be a link to the Amazon page where you can also buy it. And then we've got Facebook, Twitter, wherever else. Just find the link on the page somewhere and you can get a copy of the book. £7.99 and Thinking Lies, which is an idea or concept I'd come up with. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it makes a difference to your life. The reviews I've got so far are really, really, really nice to hear, and I hope it makes a difference to you, you as well. So please take a look at it and I hope it makes a difference to your life. Thank you. And as always, if you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day. Enjoy the rest of your life.