Ep 311: How To Handle Heartbreak

I was motionless. People were trying to text, people trying to call. They were worried about me. But my heart was so broken that I just didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to speak to anyone. And I didn't get out of bed for three days. I remember looking out the window and thinking, will I ever want to get up again? Hello and welcome to the Self Belief Chief podcast. You're here with David Holman. Make sure to subscribe to the podcast if you haven't done so already. I will be publishing episodes all of the time to make sure you've got the latest science, the latest research, the latest experiences, hear other people's stories, and get as much insight and detail as possible to help you grow and to help you develop. Otherwise, let's begin. So I. I was really struggling with heartbreak. I couldn't get out of bed for three days. I remember my dad coming round and I just wasn't me and I was so upset, so down. I remember him trying to go to hug me and I just, I snapped and I started hitting myself and I ran out the house. I remember kind of half running down the street and then just collapsing in a pile on the floor. My legs just gave up. My dad caught up with me and I'm on the floor, he hugs me. And it's only one of two times I've ever seen my dad cry. And it's not a nice moment to look back at. But at the same time, you listening to this, you might have your own stories of not being able to get out of bed or just not really thinking there's a compelling future look forward to. And one of the things we need when we're struggling with things is we're trying to make sense of stuff. And sometimes it's just like it doesn't make any sense. What we need is an empowering meaning. Now, I, I want to be super clear. I don't mean you have to be happy with what has happened, has happened. If you're going through heartbreak, you don't have to be happy that the relationship's over. You don't have to be happy. But what's important to dealing with heartbreak in a relationship context is you have to find that empowering meaning, a reason why maybe this will serve you in the future. Even if you can't feel it now, why might this serve you later? What can you learn from this? How can you grow from this? How can you develop? I've been through heartbreak a couple times in the past, and that's when life changing Successes actually happened straight off the back of it because it gives you a new perspective, a new insight. And I just, I knew it meant something, but I was in so much pain. But I knew I had to make sense of it. Not make sense of it in terms of a logical, rational way, but make sense of it in terms of let's find a reason of how this might serve me. Let's create one, let's make one up. And I want to talk about the keys that helped me get through heartbreak to do those things. But one, one of the times a heartbreak actually helped me develop my whole love life confidence program that I now have to help people overcome heartbreak. So that was the point of that heartbreak is I had to learn how to coach other people and help them with exactly the same thing. And I want to take you through the keys that take all of my clients through right now so that you have an understanding of the steps that might guide you to where you ultimately want to be. Okay, I think there are four keys. I think there are four keys. The first key is called the heartbreak breakthrough. The heartbreak breakthrough. When I was struggling, the first thing I didn't really understand, learn, or think that I actually need to do is to actually break through the heartbreak. How do you manage it? How do you deal with it? How do you overcome it? How do you process it? Even though it's uncomfortable and painful, how do you actually process and deal with it? So I show people how to manage and master their emotions not by not having them, because I can't stop you having a negative thought or emotion. But it's about not dwelling. And can we improve that aspect now? Grief is a part of life. If I could wipe away grief in five minutes or a conversation, I'd earn millions every month, right? So I obviously can't do that, but I seemingly been able to reduce the amount of time and the intensity of the pain so that we can then function, operate, and find that empowering meaning. So the first key is called the heartbreak breakthrough. The second key is called the self love secret. Because I just know one thing when it comes to one really important thing when it comes to dealing with heartbreak is how you feel about yourself completely changes. Your identity, falls apart. It's like an identity crisis really, because your relationship in many ways makes up who you are as a person. So we've got to get that self love aspect. So I call it the self love secret. It's actually one of the. What are the hidden aspects that people don't really realize or know to developing self Love, which maybe they've never had their entire life and actually loving themselves enough before they can love someone else. The third key is called perfect partner attraction, right? Not how do you attract or chat people up or anyone. It's people I work with want to sort of go, David, how do I meet the right sort of person for me? So I do a big document with people to help them define their ideal partner. Because once we know what the bullseye is, we know what we're aiming at, we can work out what actions to take, both in terms of an online presence and face to face to meet that type of person. So we've got the heartbreak breakthrough, the self love, secret, perfect partner attraction. And the fourth key is get a coach, right? Get someone. It doesn't have to be me, but I just know from my perspective, just having that opportunity to talk to someone who can, they're not in the frame so they can see the picture a bit better. And actually that you can have those non judgmental conversations where you can be open and expressive. I think that's really important because to get those insights rather than feeling like we already know all the answers, which we obviously don't, to get those insights can really make a big, big difference to the next decade of our life. Because if the next decade was like the last decade, how would you feel? Probably that's not something you want. You probably want it to be better. But if we're just going to repeat everything we've done in the past, how's it going to be better? So that's why I say about getting a coach again, there are loads of great people to work with out there. So the heartbreak breakthrough, the self love, secret, perfect partner attraction and get a coach, get someone who can give you those insights and can make you feel heard. And the key phrase I use for people is I got asked in an interview recently, why do people work with you, David? And I said it's not because of. People don't appreciate what I understand. They appreciate feeling understood. Right? It's not about everything I know or can do this or that I ultimately with this podcast is I want to try and make you feel understood. Which is why I tell a lot of these, you know, share a lot of these experiences through stories or conversations I have with clients because then you can place yourself in them. You can see it, you can feel it, you can hear it. That's what I hopefully do is to make you feel understood, which is the important portance of having a coach or someone that can help you in that capacity. So they're the four keys in the description. We'll put some links to the website so that you can see a full length video on this stuff in more detail so you can see all the details. So there's a free video. Go to self beliefchief.com and you know, go to the relationship section. You'll be able to find a video on that. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day, enjoy the rest of your life and I'll speak to you again very soon.