Ep 317: The NEW Way of Building Confidence

This is the model. The principles I use based on years of research, years of experience working with high performing individuals to model the most confident people in the world to understand the six self belief master steps. Hello and welcome to the Self Belief Chief podcast. You're here with David Holman. Make sure to subscribe to the podcast if you haven't done so already, so you can keep up to date with the latest episodes. And let's begin. My life's obsession has been if everybody wants to believe in themselves, why don't they? If everybody wants to believe in themselves, why don't they? And I struggled a lot with confidence growing up. I'm half Christian, half Jewish. I experienced a lot of discrimination growing up. I was an athlete. I grew up in various football academies where I was always in a fairly high pressure environment where you had to perform and deliver. I really struggled with confidence growing up and I remember really struggling at school and a teacher pulled me to the side and he said, David, you've really got to have more confidence in yourself. You've got to really believe in yourself. As he walked away, I said, how? He said, what do you mean? I said well you told me to believe in myself. How? And he said, well, you know, you just gotta, you know, you've gotta pick yourself up, you've gotta, you know. And he didn't have an answer. And the truth is that anyone ever says believe in yourself to you, ask them how, they won't really have an answer. Not one that you can implement easily. So that was my life's obsession, is how do we find something that we can implement into our own lives so we can have self belief in whatever area whenever we need it. So after years of research, years of working with people, looking at some of the most confident people that have ever existed and try and find the common denominators between all of these things, all of these different experiences, I came up with six things. A very simple model. If you don't already, I'd love you to grab a pen and paper so that actually you can write this down. So just pause the recording if you need to to grab a pen and paper. But otherwise I'd like you to imagine a clock. We're going to write down six things, okay? At 12 o' clock I want you to write down the word clarity. Clarity. Okay? That's the first step. That's the first master step, being clear of what you want, not what you don't want. So for example, I'm going to use make up an athlete called Derek. Okay, let's use Derek as an example. Derek comes to me and says, David, I want to have self belief because I don't want to feel anxious and nervous in a game. Now if I said to you don't think of a polar bear, what are you thinking of? A polar bear. So our brain can't process negatives, we can't process, I don't want to feel. We have to shift it into the positive frame of reference of what you want. So what we have to do with Derek is help him do that so he doesn't want to feel nervous and anxious. Well how does he want to feel? Can you goes, okay, I want to feel confident, I want to feel certain, I want to know that I can deliver. I want to know that the things I need to do I can do well. And I said specifically what are those things? Now let's say Derek is a tennis player. Derek says, you know what, I want to be able to serve consistently. I want to be able to make sure that I get the rhythm right, I want to make sure I get the ball throw correct and I want to get the snap at the top correct. Okay, now, now we're being specific. Now we're being clear and framing as to what we want. That's good. So the first step is clarity at the two o' clock point. Energy, okay? Energy is the oxygen of confidence. If you don't have energy, you can't have self belief, you just can't. So I look at people, how to help them reduce the stress hormone, the cortisol in the body and to boost testosterone, which is the key hormone for confidence. So I help them create that hormone balance. But you can just have a look at any area of your life and think about how could you increase your energy level, how could you improve your sleep, your diet, the music you listen to, you spend time with, the postures, the positions that you hold, all of these sorts of things. Once we get that hormone balance right, it's easier to do step three and that's at the four o' clock point. Right? Step three is focus and that's the ability to focus on what you want to happen on the solution. Right? So being clear of what you want, then having the energy to deliver and then being able to maintain that focus on what you want, not on what you don't want. Because whatever you focus on, you feel. So it's about improving that focus. Once we got those first three steps, step four at the six o' clock point, Step four called triggers. Having a set of triggers that when you're under pressure or in a highly intense emotional environment. A set of triggers you can always go back to because it's hard to kind of rationally or logically talk to yourself when you're in a stressful environment. Or the emotions high. Like for Derek when he's playing a game, the emotions could be very high. So he needs to have a set of triggers he can always go back to to get him back into a prime mode. And what I will do with Derek is look at the five times he's performed at his best, find those common denominators. There's two or three things he always does when he plays at his best and pull those out as a set of triggers. Then step five, we put that at the 8 o' clock point. Step five is momentum. It's hard to have self belief when you feel like you're starting from scratch. The beautiful thing is you've had momentum developing your entire life, you just haven't recognized it. So we stack all the things we do well, all the achievements, all the progress we make, we stack on top of that when we consistently do the actions we need to do. And we keep track of it. Keep track and build momentum. Build momentum. And then step six is growth. Is growth. You don't feel like you're progressing. You can feel like you're dying in some way, shape or form, can't you? But we actually have to be able to experience a level of growth and development. And that's part of the process of having self belief. Now we've put that at the 10 o' clock point. Now think about it. If you have growth, what does that then give you? It gives you clarity, that first step. So if you have more growth, it gives you clarity, gives you more clarity. And you keep going round in this circle over and over again. And this is what accounts for experience the more times you've been round that circle. So in the areas that you have self belief and you've been around that circle thousands of times in the areas that you're struggling and you've probably barely been around once, if not you're actually going in the reverse direction, you're starting with growth and you're not feeling you've got any growth, then you lose momentum, then you question your triggers, then you struggle to focus, then your energy drops, then you feel less clear than ever. A lack of self belief is either barely going around that circle at all or even worse, going in it in reverse. So they're the six master steps. If you can get those details, nice and specific, nice and clear and grow in each of those areas and improve whatever. You might score each of those areas out of 10. Right? How clear you are, how much energy you have, how well you focus. If you can just improve each of those scores, you will unquestionably increase your level of self belief. Unquestionably. This is what the best people in the world do to develop self belief without realizing they're going through these principles. They're developing them, and that is how you build self belief. And they are the six self belief Master steps. If you want more information on all of that, you can visit the Self Belief Chief website. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day. Enjoy the rest of your life. I'll speak to you again soon.