Ep 385: 3 Confidence Building Questions

The three questions in this episode that I'm going to introduce you to will not could, will change the quality of your life. Hello and welcome to the Self Belief Chief podcast. You're here with David Holman. So make sure to subscribe to the podcast if you haven't done so already, to keep up to date with the latest episodes. Research, science, conversations. We upload episodes all the time, so make sure to subscribe to keep up with that. Otherwise, let's begin. I work with people every single day. And when you work with people every single day for years and years, you start to see certain patterns, right? You'd have to, if you're immersed in something all the time, you would have to pick up on certain patterns. And what you try and do is you pick up on patterns and then you try and find a really simple way to communicate it so that you can help people unravel some of these patterns so that people that you see and speak to in the future get a better and simpler understanding of how to change the quality of their life. And there are three questions, three questions that, depending on the answers, will determine where your life is going. I'm going to share them right now. You might want to write them down. Question 1. Do you spend most of your time focusing on what you do have or don't have? Do you spend most of your time focusing on what you do have or don't have? Second question, do you spend most your time focusing on what you can control or can't control? Do you spend most of your time focusing on what you can control or can't control? And the third question, do you spend most of your time focusing on the past, the present or the future? So do have or don't have? Can or can't control? And present, sorry, past, present or future? I want you to write those questions down and I want you to answer them for yourself as honestly as you can. Now, a really bad place to be in is if you or what puts you in a bad place is if you spend most of your time focusing what you don't have, what you can't control, and then living exclusively in the past or the future, right? It's impossible to be content if you're in those three answers, right? So what I try and do with people is get them back to a position where they're focusing on what they do have, what they can control, and then living in the present with a little bit in the future as well. You've got to have a compelling future to look for. Would do that's what I call the green zone do have, can control and present and a little bit of the future. The issue is when people go through a hard time is they find it really hard to not just stare at all the problems and the things that they don't have. And by doing that, they're always living and focusing on the things that actually, I'm not in control of these things, which just makes the situation feel hopeless. And then if they're in a bad place or they're going through a bad phase of life, it becomes really difficult to live in the present. So then you either spend more time in the past or the future. Well, if you don't think the future looks that bright, you've only got one option left, which is to live in the past. It's nice to visit the past, you know, to think of memories and think of things in the past. It's nice to visit, but it is not a place you can live. You can't live in the past, and you can't exclusively live in the future either. Okay. You have to live in the present and also design the future. You know, spend a little bit of time designing the future, but live in the present. Now, just because I come up with these three questions doesn't mean it's not hard to do. It is hard. Sometimes it is, but it's a way for you to reset in any moment. Just go through those three questions. Okay, am I focusing on what I do have or don't have? I'm focusing on what I don't have. Okay, let me think of what I do have. Am I focusing on what I can or can't control? Maybe I'm focusing on what I can't control. Okay, what can I control right now? What can I control around me? Am I living in the past, the present, or the future? Kind of living in the past. Okay. What is there in the present that is good, that is available to me, that actually I can rely on or I can enjoy? If you can get back into that kind of green zone, life is a lot simpler. It's a lot kinder to you. It's a lot easier. And it actually gives you hope. It gives you hope that things will get better, because you can control certain things, and you do have certain things, and there are good moments in the present. I'll just finish up by saying this. The last time I saw my grandmother before she passed away, we were watching a program, and the characters were going through a hard time. I asked my grandmother, how do you get through a tough time I'll never forget what she said. She said, david, during tough times, there are good moments. During tough times, there are good moments. If you are going through a tough time, getting back into a place of do have, can control with living in the present, maybe you're going through something really difficult, it is going to last for a little while. But there are good moments. And part of the way of being able to see those good moments is just getting back into that green zone. If you can spend a little bit of time in that green zone, even in the tough times, it will give you hope that the future will be better. And the reason I can say that for certain is because it just will get better. Because I really believe in the power of human beings. And I think when our backs up against the wall, we'll come out fighting. My name is David Hulman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day. Enjoy the rest of your life. If you want to visit the Self Belief Chief website for more free content, more free resources, then feel free to. If you want to learn a bit more about those questions, you can apply to work with Me in a link in the description. Fill in that application and if all goes well, then you'll be in a position to be able to work with me. Otherwise, speak to you very soon.