Feeling unappreciated? | Ep 63 | Ask Self-Belief Chief | #selfbeliefchief

1, 2, 3. And we are live. Welcome to episode 63 of the Ask Yourself Belief Chief podcast. You're with David Holman, creator, the Self Belief chief brand, author, coach and speaker. Anything in and around the concept of self belief, I'm your man. Don't ask me a question about anything else. Okay? Self belief is the one thing I can tell you about, but anything else, don't even bother. I'm happy to talk about everything else that's going on, but self belief is the thing that I know today in particular, I want to talk about, you know, that lack of confidence we can experience when we feel underappreciated. We can often feel underappreciated, whether it's people at home, whether it's from friends, whether it's from family, whether it's from clients or customers. I think this is such a big part of everyday life for people. And because love and connection is a basic human need, really underappreciated can be a real, real challenge at times. So I'm gonna answer some questions from people who are feeling underappreciated on Instagram Live. And we do the podcast every day, every evening UK time at 6 or 7pm on Instagram Live. So you can follow me and tune in on there if you're listening on the podcast as a repeat. But I want to talk about a little bit about appreciation, and I'll get straight into the questions because I've got a number of people who are agreeing with me at the moment, so. Username. You Got to Live a Little says. Why is it that we don't verbalize our appreciation more to loved ones that, you know, we live with and work with. It's a really great point. I think it's just the fear of rejection, isn't it? It's that fear of being, you know, being yourself and showing your affection and love for someone and it not being reciprocated, not even so much. You know, it doesn't even have to be that they don't say I love you back. But if you just don't feel like the tone or the verbalization or the actions really match how you are thinking and feeling and, you know, putting yourself out there, you might have even had to, like, build yourself up to it in the first place, and the other person has a sort of nonchalant attitude to it, you're a bit like, oh, well, that wasn't worth it, was it? And it might put you off the next time. And I do a lot of research into game theory, and over time we Play games with our, let's say, spouse or partner. You know, at the beginning of a relationship, if I do X, they do Y. Okay. Then over time I do X. But doing Y, on the other hand, for the other person becomes a bit boring and they don't feel like they need to do Y. We then wonder why X hasn't worked and we feel disappointed. We may then change the rules of the game that when they do A, we don't do B, and so on and so forth. Sorry, my phone is all over the place. The moment. What's going on? Hang on, hang on. Let's get that connection back on. Why is that not charging? Sorry. My computer is making all sorts of wonderful noises at the moment. Just want to make sure the phone, the recording stays. Yeah, there we go. So where were we? So feeling underappreciated in that way. We're playing games with our, with our, you know, people, but we play games with everyone. You know, we want something in return. We start trading with people. Trading isn't how you get anything in life. It's not about, what, oh, if I do this for you, you better do this for me. No, that is a highway to really detrimental relationships with people. I felt quite underappreciated recently in lots of different aspects of my life, but one simple thing has allowed me and continues to allow me to get through these particular periods. When I was younger, got bullied a lot of school, found it quite tough, and I made a decision quite young that I would care what people thought, how they felt, what they were scared of, what they feared, what they wanted to do in life, what they were excited, what made them happy. I'd care about all of those things, but I wouldn't care about what they thought of me. And that would allow me to stay on value for their. Them that, you know, I didn't expect anything in return. I would just give them value. And that's how I, you know, my business model works, is that I'm happy to speak to anyone for half an hour on the phone before they might or might not become a client. And sometimes even those calls, you know, they like the value. And then, you know, or they, they're late or they don't come for the call or whatever the moments where you just feel underappreciated in that regard as well. But hey, it's part of life. It's fine. I don't expect anything in return. I will just give value and I will continue to do so, like I'm doing right now, you know, money and all of that stuff that comes with it and the success, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, all of that is great. But if I ever lose sight of just giving value in the first place, then I'm not going to feel very fulfilled inside. If you want to feel appreciated, be grateful in the first place for what you already have. Gupta's got a question. He says people don't appreciate efforts nowadays. In the right time they do. They do. They get what they want and then they forget what we do. Yeah, maybe it's true, but you just stay on what you're doing for other people. People will begin to recognize what you do and, and sometimes it's not about the short term vision. People I think are impatient these days where they want things as quick as possible, have the long term vision instead. You give something and it might be five days, five weeks, a year, whatever, until that person might reciprocate in some, in some way or another. But it does reciprocate. There are people who need what you have and the abilities you have and the love that you can give that. People need that. So don't play a game in which you hold it back because they need to give it to you first. No, that's not how the world works. You must give and a percentage of them might provide something in return. Right, let's wait a few more people. People are saying God bless you. Oh, thank you very much. Az. Someone's asking me where did I start from? Okay, where did I start? Well, good start all the way back at the beginning, but not going to. I developed a lack of self belief for a number of reasons, but profound. Mainly for two reasons. One, being an athlete, I really struggled with performing in high pressure situations. Had a lot of injuries which certainly didn't help. And then on the other side of the coin, I'm part Christian and part Jewish. And the abuse I received for that in itself was just horrendous sometimes. So that's why I lacked self belief. From a very early age. I became obsessed with human behavior. Why people do what they do, actually, how to get confidence because I wanted it and I didn't know how to get it. And I wrote a book. Book did all right. Seemed to resonate with some people. Created the self belief chief brand and speak and coach clients. That's my story. You gotta live a little says it's crazy you say tone, David, because the book I'm reading talks a lot about tone. Yeah, I think tone as a stat in terms of communication. 55% is through nonverbal cues and only 7%, there are a number of other percentages in there, but only 7% is the words. And the essence of those statistics is to prove that tone in terms of body language, how we, how we say stuff and all of that stuff is way more important than the words we actually use. So tone is really important. Hello to Asma is joined, Nikki's just joined. A few other people have joined. Rodrigo's just joined. Hello. Hello. So, yeah, so for people who, if you feel underappreciated for what you do, you just have to have a different why, if you can stick to why you give to other people, you know, why you do things, why you got started in the first place, why you want to contribute to society, to your family, why you want more people to feel love, why you want more people to get more value, why you want other people to succeed almost more than you succeed yourself. If you can stick to those particular sets of reasons, then when you feel underappreciated, then you can stick on to it, you can keep up. And. You know, I get clients, I get people, and I probably shouldn't say this because it doesn't help me, but people who, you know, reject my coaching all the time. I think sometimes people, you know, listen to me speak and they think everything's 100% successful. No, absolutely not. I charge, you know, charge of a certain amount of money and a type of client, particular type of client. So I'm quite niche in what I do and sometimes I turn people away because they're not, you know, I don't think I'm the right fit for them or vice versa. But, and that's just my honesty because think honesty is such a crucial, crucial part of all of it. It's being honest with other people, being, but being very honest with myself in terms of why did I get into this in the first place? Did I get into it for money? No. Did I get into it for fame? No. Did I get into it because I wanted people to tell me how good I am? No. They're all subset reasons that might come my way. But I got into it because I didn't want people to suffer the lack of self belief that I'd suffered for the majority of my life, which was painful. You have unbelievable gifts and talents and things to do in this world that it's just a lack of self belief that might leave all of those things behind when you're long gone and that no one will actually see what you can provide. That for me is a travesty in itself. People are putting a few heartbreak signs saying, why didn't I have an Instagram Live last night? Sorry about that. The reason being was I was actually out playing football, so I couldn't do much about that. But I will be back each day this week, hopefully. So, yeah, Monday to Fridays, Instagram Live. Look, I'll finish on this. If you're. If you're feeling underappreciated, if you keep giving value somewhere along the line, and you just have to have some blind faith as well, but also just realize, logically, it's how the world works, that you just have to give to other people before you give to yourself. Please don't play games with people because you're not feeling appreciated or they're not telling you they love you, or they're not doing this for you or that for you. Just keep on giving to other people. If you keep on giving and contributing to this world, the world will contribute to you. Maybe not straight away, but it will. And I think that's where the best side of life can be found. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day, enjoy the rest of your life, wherever you are, and I'll see you on episode 64.