What Makes Jay Shetty Confident? | Ep 147 | Self-Belief Chief

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Welcome to the Self Belief Chief Podcast, you wonderful people. You're here with David Holman and if you've ever asked the question, am I good enough? Whether it's in your relationships or your performance or your career or in terms of your health, whatever it might be, then you're in the right place. We're not here to hype you up. We're here to give you strategies and techniques to help you transform your life in those areas. Ones that I've shared with the highest performers from Olympic athletes to business owners. So make sure to hit that subscribe button. Share your favorite episodes and remember, if you change today, today will change your life. Today's quote is when no one celebrates you, learn how to celebrate yourself. And that's a quote from the subject of today's episode, J. Shetty. Now, people who are interested in personal development and self improvement, they might be aware of Jay Shetty by this point. He's a storyteller, podcast host and a former monk. And so the summary for today's episode is we're going to have a look at his story and how he got to be where he is today and have an analysis of what allowed him to have level of self belief and confidence to push through some of the boundaries that, simply put, other people haven't or aren't able to do. You know, few people can push through some of the boundaries that he's pushed through. But I want to show you how someone such as Jay Shetty manages to do so. So let's get straight into the episode. At young age, Jay Shetty was bullied for being overweight and being nerdy essentially. And you know, he had a fairly tough time at school. And off the back of this, he sort of wanted to step out of the confines of, you know, those things and actually be more thrill seeking, be more adventurous, adventurous, try new things. And this would often push the boundaries a lot of the time. And he would often be suspended from school and then he had A life changing moment at the age of 16 when two of his best friends were killed in separate incidents, one gang related and one in a car accident. It's these types of moments where we will tend to ask ourselves lots of questions. I don't know the questions Jay Shetty would have been asking at this point, but I can assume some of them would have been, why is life so unfair? Why them and not me? How can this happen? Why does the world not make sense? These are the sorts of questions we tend to ask ourselves at this point and for a lot of people will continue to just ask those questions relentlessly, over and over again. And you keep asking the same questions, especially bad questions, you'll keep getting the same answers. Through my research with Jay Shetty, he started to ask himself different questions. Questions are incredibly powerful. Sometimes we can't just give ourselves the answers because we kind of go, that's rubbish. But if we ask ourselves a question, our brain just has to give us the answer to that question. So when you do ask better questions, you get better answers. I've mentioned this before on the podcast, so changing some of those questions to is there more to life than this? Are there new ways, new opportunities that I can experience more from life? Maybe you can ask questions like, in that situation, how can I honour them? How can I find a way to be more grateful for the world that I now live in? How can I make the most of my existence? It's tough to ask yourself those questions when you're going through it. But when you can get to the point when you can ask yourself those questions and get better answers and push yourself to keep asking those questions and keep getting better answers, of course the world starts to change around you. And I know Jay Shetty started to ask different questions because of what would start to happen next. What started to happen next? He went and studied and got a degree in behavioral sciences. But then he made a big decision and that big decision was to go to India and study to become a monk. He'd be meditating four to eight hours a day. Four to eight hours a day. And the reason why he went to India is like we all do, we need to see examples quite often of what better looks like. You have to be a real pioneer to create something that hasn't ever been seen before. And I love a quote by Tony Robbins. He says, success leaves clues. You could be a pioneer and somehow work it out on your own. Or why don't you just save yourself a decade and learn from the people before you who live A type of life or experiencing a quality of life that you would like to experience. That's what we really want often. So that's exactly what he did, to go and have those experiences of a quality of life, the type of life that he wanted to live. So he went to India. He's meditating for four to eight hours a day now. Those of you who maybe like I was once upon a time, when you think about meditation and exercises like that, it sort of go. It seems a bit too whimsical, it seems a bit too fluffy. I don't really get it. I understand because I was one of those people once upon a time. I really, really was. I was more into the sort of science and the more practical stuff and I just wasn't so familiar with the practices of Eastern culture. And that was on me. One day after a talk, someone from the audience asked me, david, are you a spiritual person? I remember saying, you know what, I'm actually not sure. I remember going home after that talk and thinking that, you know what, it's probably a little bit like certain, like knowing if you're in love with someone, if you're not sure, you're probably not. When you know, you know. So the reality was, if I wasn't sure whether I was a spiritual person, I probably wasn't. But even if it was just to understand people I'd be working with in the future better who were spiritual as spiritual people, then I had to go and understand that for myself. And through that learning and research and understanding and understanding what you're actually trying to do, but actually how to do it properly, how it allowed me to disconnect from the external world and connect with the internal world. Things started to change for me just in terms of how I felt generally just feeling a bit more at peace where things didn't seem so big, things didn't seem so complicated or important. Now, I've never been meditating for four to eight hours a day, so I don't know what that experience is like, maybe one day I'll have to try. But that's what Jay Shetty would do. And what's really important, if nothing else, for something like meditation. As I've spoken about hundred times in this podcast, the hardest way to change your mind is to try and change your mind. The easiest way is to change your physiology. In other words, to get your body moving. When you get your body moving, it changes the blood flow, it changes the biochemistry, and it sends different signals around the body into your brain. It makes it a hell of a lot easier to be confident, to be relaxed, to be peaceful, rather than just trying to think your way. There's so what meditation does, including that deep breathing that comes with it, is it's changing the physiology, the blood flow, the biochemistry and sending different signals. So there's a whole biology and science to it. And that's what really appealed to me is, oh, there's actually a practical application to this. It allows you to feel more centered, it allows you to feel more connected. And so changing that physiology is what allowed Jay Shetty to step out of the space that he'd been in previously, where his physiology had been, you know, geared in and around and trained by pain that he'd experienced. And so your physiology learns, you know, through the experiences of life as well. When you're going through pain, your physiology develops in a certain way. You know, you might become smaller and quieter, your shoulders might slump more, you might have a down face on your. A downer look on your face. Some people that go through such pain or trauma that they want to live a smaller life so that people don't see them, so that they're not sort of engaged, all different types of things. And so part of with Jay Shetty is understanding that he had to change his physiology because. Because his physiology had been trained in a completely different way. Now, after plenty of time of doing that, eventually he goes back to London, back to the UK and back to live with his parents. And the thing is, with that, he felt different internally, but of course that's in a different environment. You then come back to the environment where the pain existed, like many of you. And you can use the example, just imagine a holiday where you've been on and you felt relaxed, you felt peaceful coming back from the holiday, you might have felt a little bit sad, but you say, you know what, I've got a new understanding of life. I'll never take anything for granted again. I'll never be angry. I'm just peaceful, I'm relaxed. I'll just do this forever. Then a couple of days later goes by, one little piece of shit happens and everything goes back to how it was before, right? We've all been there. And so with Jay Shetty, that was no different, no different at all. And this is a trap that actually lots of successful people can get stuck in, is this trap of different settings, different situations. I can feel somewhat better, but I'm always striving to be more, to do more, to get better at something, but actually just always, always, always remain stuck and they can't really figure out what it is. And they're so inside their own head. I say to a lot of people I work with, because a lot of them are high performers, is get out of your head, help someone instead. That's such an important ingredient. When you see certain, let's say actors, for example, certain actors who are very successful but look like they're perfectly fine, they're perfectly at peace. And it doesn't always look like there are many of them, but there are some. The ones who are. They have found ways to share value with others. And it's not necessarily through their acting at all. They find ways outside of their work to share value with others. And so that's always it. That's. That's for anyone who sort of feels like they've hit the quote unquote pinnacle, maybe in their career or their relationships or something else. Or something else. And they've hit the pinnacle and then they've gone, oh, is that all there is? Is that it? There is an escape route. I don't mean escape in terms of avoiding the situation or getting as far away from where you are. It's great that you've done those things. It's not that type of thing. The escape route in terms of not going down the road of feeling miserable is sharing your value with others, giving back. And that's exactly what Jay Shetty did. Jay Shetty decided he needed to start sharing. And that is how he sort of escaped going back to London, but could still could operate at a higher level than when he was before because he's not, you know, the experience that he had in India, whilst he can take some of the practices with him, he can't, you know, the environment's not the same for the rest of his life. And so that had to shift and that had to adjust. And the adjustment was share, get out of my head and help someone instead. And what's really good about Jay Shetty wucho one of the things I really admire is so his kind of phrase is make wisdom go viral. Okay? And it goes viral. For something goes viral, it means it's sharing with as many people as possible. And what's great about that is a bit like we spoke about on previous episodes, language is so important, but it's clarity. Clarity brings things closer. Clarity of message. Make wisdom go viral. He can repeat that to himself all of the time in terms of what is it I'm trying to do? And he can always go back to trying to make wisdom go viral. If he's very off track, he can say, you know, what is that helping make wisdom go viral? If no, he corrects it. If yes, then great. A lot of people don't have a clarity of message like that. And so that might be something that you want to have. What is it that you want and are trying to do? And create something memorable, a phrase such as that of what you're trying to do, because later on, in the heat of any particular situation or a highly intense emotional place, or you're under pressure or under stress, you need simplicity. If you have a very simple message you can go back to, it's easier to focus in those moments. So what is it you're trying to do that you want? What you're trying to do isn't to avoid this, isn't to stop this, isn't it to make sure this doesn't happen. What do you want and what are you trying to do about it? Quite a concise message. And so that message, whilst it sort of it's a business philosophy, is also one that helps give him a North Star. We all need a North Star. We all need to know what the bullseye is, what the target is that we're trying to hit. When you combine and create a bullseye, that's fundamentally based around the value we provide other people, and don't get it mistaken, people think they're giving value when actually what they're trying to do is their focus is on do people like and appreciate what I'm doing. Whilst that's important, that's not focused firstly on value or making sure they get value first, giving them value. If that is your bullseye or your North Star and you create a message that's concise around that, you will never be lost in life and you may feel like you've been lost in life for a while when you have that, you will never be lost. Because human beings are designed to collaborate, to build communities, to build tribes, and so connection with other people is important, but basing it around the value we give other people, rather than focusing on do people value what I'm doing, changes the game completely. Now, Jay Shetty's message isn't, I hope you like what I'm doing. It's, I'm just gonna make wisdom go viral. I just want to share the message out there. That's it. I'm gonna put the message out there. Hopefully lots of people will listen to it, but I'm just going to put the messages out there anyway. And so off the back of that sharing of value, he starts making videos. People started to Notice these videos Arianna Huffington of the Huffington Post started to get bring him in is to interview sort of well known people in the field like Deepak Chopra and other people. And so his name and his stock began to grow and then he could help more and more and more people share more and more value. And so his life started to change in that way. And now he's got to a point where I think he's got something like 8 million followers on Instagram. Right. So he's got a big audience of people who follow him. And yeah, it all started from being bullied at school. It all started from when two of his best friends died in a short space of time. Those sorts of moments are moments where we have to make a decision. We don't have to make the decision straight away, but we have to make a decision. And the decision we have to make is, what do these moments mean? Because you can't control the events in life, but you do get to decide what they mean. Jay Shetty decided what they meant. It meant I have to do something different. I have to find a higher quality of life. I've got to find a way to really embrace the best that life has to offer. A lot of people won't. And that's no judgment, by the way. I say that with zero judgment because there are some things in life that are terrible, that are difficult, that are awful, that are tough to come back from. But you do have a choice. You have a choice as to what these things mean. And so with whatever you're going through in your life, I wanted to paint the picture of Jay Shetty's life first up to this point, and then revisit the fact that it started with a decision all the way back then and look where he is now. And it's important to note how long that journey has been as well. And the success he's had has only really been in the last four or five years of his life. So there was kind of gradual progress. And then, quote, unquote, success has been four or five years. It's gone up exponentially. Lots of people know who he is. He's always wanted to share that message. There's a really good analogy, I think it's important for you to hear. There's a tree called the Chinese bamboo tree. The Chinese bamboo tree. The Chinese bamboo tree. You have to water every single day for five years, by the way, in those five years, it doesn't grow at all. You have to water it every single day. And you don't see it come out of the ground at all. But you have to keep watering that seed. But if you keep watering that seed every day for five years, despite the fact that you've seen nothing, you've seen no proof of growth, you've seen nothing at all. But if you do it every day, not missing a day, every day for five years, at the end of that fifth year, that Chinese bamboo tree within the next five weeks will grow 90ft tall. You have to water it every day for five years and you see nothing. But if you do that over the following five weeks, after those five years, it grows 90ft tall. So the question I have for you is, did it take five years or five weeks for the tree to grow 90ft tall? The answer should be obvious. It took five years because without those five years, there would have been no growth at all. And unfortunately, as the generations go by, most of us are looking for a way to make progress and to grow within five weeks. It's going to take longer than five years, to be totally honest. And that's proof of Jay Shetty's story as well. It's going to take longer than five years to get what you really, really want. And when you're deciding whether to really go after what you really want from life, it should be very simple that if you only achieved it on the last day of your life, it would have been worth it. It's a bold statement for me to make, but that's why that's the sort of level of desire you have to have for something to be that clear. I did an interview a while back and someone asked me, what would you say? Someone who wanted to get into business, like I've created mine, what would you say? Somebody wanted to get into business? And I said, don't. And the person interviewing me looked a little bit strangely, like, oh, this isn't quite the message we wanted to share with our audience today. Okay, this is interesting. I don't know where we go from here, so just bear with me. I said, don't. I said, because it's so much harder, it's so much tougher, it's so much lonelier, it's so much more challenging mentally. It's so much more difficult than you could have possibly imagined. And I said, maybe if I'd known how tough it was going to be at the beginning, I maybe would have never got started. Sometimes it's good to not know all of the picture in terms of what the journey is going to look like, because some of that's none of your business. You need to gradually explore it. Not for you to slow down, but that the journey is going to take time. So you can adjust to each of the stages. Each stage has its own challenge, as no doubt Jay Shetty found as well. Each stage has its own challenge. And so I said to this interview, don't, because all of those things are true. It's a lot harder that you could possibly imagine. And the things that you want, they're a lot harder than maybe you can imagine they are, or maybe you imagine them perfectly hard enough already, I said. Now, having said all of that, if you know all of that to be true and you still want that thing, you still want to do it, or in that case, if you still want to create that business, if you know all of everything I just said and you still want to do it, then you should absolutely go for it. There's no reason not to. They're the type of people who should do it because they will go through those tough patches. They will go through the moments when no one cares what you have to say or what you think. They will go through the lonely moments that come with that, come with life. At times, when you go after things that you really want, they will go through the mental challenges that come with it. They will go through all of that, and they will just find a way to succeed because, and this is probably the key part of this episode, it's not that they want to. It's that they have to. That they have to find a way to succeed. And when I looked and researched about Jay Shetty probably built from some of those moments early on in his life, I could tell, and I could see it was a feeling of he had to change, not, oh, it'd be nice to, you know, it'd be nice if this happened. It'd be nice. No, no, no. It had to change. And when I talk to people who are applying to work with me, it's one of the things I ask about and one of the things I look for in them is, is this something that, you know, the area of life, they want to improve, if they want to, you know, find love, they want to overcome heartbreak, they want to build their business. If they want to perform better in their sport, if they want to be a better performer in some other field, is this something where currently you're just kind of dissatisfied, it's not quite how you want it to be, but it's okay, and you kind of want to make a change or you hit a threshold in life where it has to change. It has to. That You've got to that stage in life where you go, enough is enough because I am good enough to have more. Enough is enough because I'm good enough to have more. Those people always find a way, and that's why I work with those types of people. Okay, you've hit that point in your life. Okay, let's put that to the test. Now, if I give you some strategies and direction, but you've got that kind of steel and desire where you've reached that threshold in your life where it has to change, then we will find that change. Jay Shetty is a great example of what happens when you have to change. And you might be in a place in your life right now where you're on that edge or that fence between want and have to. If you're on that fence, I want you to think of one very simple thing and answer this question. If the next 10 years of your life were like the last 10 years of your life, how would you feel? The answer to that question will tell you whether you need to start taking some action just like Jay Shetty did. Thank you, Jay Shetty. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day, enjoy the rest of your life and I'll speak to you all on the next episode. If you enjoyed this episode and are enjoying the podcast, make sure to subscribe to keep up to date with the latest episodes. And if you would like a free copy of my book, Very simple. Leave a review on itunes and email self beliefchiefmail.com with the headline free book, and we'll make sure to send you an audio copy of the book. Otherwise, we'll speak to you next time.