What Makes Oprah Winfrey Confident? | Ep 143

3, 2, 1. And we are live. Welcome to the Self Belief Chief podcast, you wonderful people. You're here with David Holman. And if you've ever asked the question, am I good enough, whether it's in your relationships or your performance or your career or in terms of your health, whatever it might be, then you're in the right place. We're not here to hype you up. We're here to give you strategies and techniques to help you transform your life in those areas. Ones that I've shared with the highest performers, from Olympic athletes to business owners. So make sure to hit that subscribe button. Share your favorite episodes and remember, if you change today, today will change your life. Today's quote is self esteem comes from being able to define the world in your own terms and refusing to abide by the judgments of others. Self esteem comes from being able to define the world in your own terms and refusing to abide by the judgments of others. That is a quote from Oprah Winfrey, who we are going to talk about today. Now you will be familiar with who Oprah Winfrey is, this well known TV personality at a hit show for the longest time and now she really does inspire so many people through her channels, speaking to some of the most inspiring people. But her own story is incredible as well. And we're going to talk about how she managed to develop a level of self belief having gone through hell as a child. We'll start right back at the beginning and it's difficult to hear and some of you may already know her story. At the age of nine, she survived a brutal rape from a family member. She was molested by cousins, uncles and other family friends as well. And this all continued to the age of 14. Around the age of 14, she became pregnant because of one of these attacks. Her mother had sent her to go and live with her father. The father didn't know that she was pregnant at the time. That child Oprah lost when it was only two weeks old. It was premature and she lost at two weeks old. And yet, as awful as all of that experience must have been, as horrific as it sounds, she saw it as a turning point in her life. Even her father thought that this was a sign and a second shot at life. That actually this baby was that sign, that despite it not being around anymore, that it was in some way new life. It was a new way to start life. And as sad as she was about having lost that child, that child was a symbol. It was a symbol of new life, new possibilities and a new start. When she became famous. Oprah speaking on an interview. And she recalled a time when she was in a crowd in front of an Australian audience when a reporter said, you should give a name to that child that you lost. And she said, I did. She said that child was called Kanaan. I had a son. I had a son called Kanan. I called it Canaan because Canaan means new land, new life. It's this type of thing that we're going to talk about how important it is. That meaning she created because losing a child is one of the most awful things that people can go through in life, on top of what was one of the absolute worst experiences you can possibly go through in life. And I see Oprah and I hear the conversations that she has with people, and it's the level of energy and enthusiasm and excitement she has. But she will openly speak that sometimes it's still hard, it's still a challenge, and it's still difficult. But what does she do? There's no nobility of going on, going on the journey alone. She keeps working. She keeps improving her ability, her self improvement, her skills, her talent, but most importantly to her, her mindset. And she works with the likes of Tony Robbins and Ayanna Van Zant, who help her and guide her and coach her in that way so that she can always get a, you know, a fresh perspective and keep getting that reinforcement. Self belief comes from the self. I am so I like to ingrain that people so much. However, there is nothing wrong where you're always learning, you're always developing. The implementation is down to you. And that's what the people get wrong, is they always try and learn and get information from others, but they never implement anything. Implementation is down to you. But always be learning, always be striving for that growth, because that's what Oprah Winfrey does. And look at how her life has turned out. It's incredible. It's amazing, really. And so she is a powerful example and inspiration to us all of, of someone who went through hell and persevered. And we know people that go through life with a great start to life, but they just never find a way through. They have their own problems. You see people who grow up privileged, but then maybe suffer from various addictions and other alcohol or drugs or whatever else. It's not easy even when you've got a good start in life, let alone if you have a very tough start at a start in life, like an Oprah Winfrey. And even then, when she became, you know, she finally, you know, she was always Knocking on the door, trying to, you know, get on tv to be able to share, you know, her value, help other people, wanting to really make a difference in the world. And yet she dealt with people who just said, there's no way you're going to be on TV because people like you at your weight, your size, they don't do well on tv. They don't go on TV the way you dress. People don't dress like that. That's not what people want. See, she would deal with lots of people who had a perception of what is it that people want? And yet those people didn't realize something that Oprah Winfrey has in abundance, the ability to be authentic. And that's something that will never go out of style, being authentic. She does that really, really, really well. The ability to be herself, to be open, to be vulnerable. And I've spoken before in terms of vulnerability is absolutely a strength and absolutely requires confidence. You can't be vulnerable without having the confidence to be vulnerable. There's real strength in vulnerability. And so when she managed to, you know, finally get her opportunity, even then, people still questioning, still criticizing, and yet she kept knocking on the door. Why do I keep talking about knocking on the door? Because that's what you have to do. See, when I was growing up and I wanted to be a footballer, I'd routinely kick the ball over the fence, and the only way to get it back or one of the ways to get it back, would I have to go around, knock on the door and see if they let me go into the gardens, get my ball back. Now, a lot of times I didn't have the confidence to do that. So I would just wait, and I wait three or four days until they threw the ball back over. Now, those three or four days at a time, and I kicked that ball over the fence hundreds of times. So that's three or four hundred days I missed out on practicing and improving my ability as a footballer. And you might think that's a strange analogy, yet we all do that. Most of us do that is because of a lack of confidence. We actually miss out on days and days and days where we could be honing our skills and our craft. And the thing that we love most, Oprah knocked on the door. Regardless, she kept knocking that door, and then she got the opportunity. Once she got the opportunity, she was still criticized, still questioned. But then, because of her perseverance, because of her ability to be authentic, she became undeniable. She was an undeniable force who prioritized giving value to other people. And that's one of the key points that I want to talk about in terms of breaking down the deep insights of what is it that makes Oprah Winfrey so confident? How about we take a quick break here and when we return, we'll be digging into some deeper insights. So back in a minute. If you are enjoying the podcast and want to make sure that you never miss an episode, make sure to hit that subscribe button wherever you are. So on Spotify, itunes, the Facebook group, Google podcasts, or anywhere else, make sure to hit that subscribe button to stay up to date with the latest insights. Okay. Welcome back. So we spoke about Oprah Winfrey's story. Now she will describe herself as someone that, you know, she has confidence, but she still has those moments where of doubt and we question ourselves. That's okay because that is the human brain. That's what it's there to do because it's there to help us survive, not make us feel happy and positive all the time. It's there to help us survive. And so it's perfectly normal. But what is it that allows her to have the confidence to go through hell and persevere and become who she became? So there's a few things in here. One of the things that I think makes a big difference, a big, big difference in terms of confidence is knowing that you have incredible value to give. That you have incredible value to give. Okay. One of the things that she does brilliantly is, and I use this as a saying that I say to myself and to my clients, get out of your head and help someone instead. Get out of your head and help someone instead. There are some moments in life where that particular moment you are going to go through pain, you are going to have doubts, you are going to question yourself. Because if you look at Oprah Winfrey's case, how could she not? But sometimes you just have to get out of your head and help someone instead to remind yourself not of the story that you've had and that you're living in, but of the value you can give other people. When you stay stuck in your story, the self belief will go to a new low. It will plummet very, very, very quickly. You step out of your head and help someone instead and remind yourself of the value. You can sharply increase your confidence very quickly. Ah, I've got something to give. And that's one of the things that I think makes gives Oprah her confidence, is the ability that she decides sometimes I just step out of my head and, and help someone instead. If you routinely are giving and sharing that value. You'll recognize the confidence because really, the confidence to do something is the value and ability that we can impart and share on others, whether it's to entertain others, whether it's to give to others, whether it's to help others, whatever it might be. So that's one part, I think, that makes up her level of confidence. Again, I've spoken about this before. The other part is actually the energy that she brings to it in terms of the enthusiasm. But the way that she moves her body actually creates the balance in the body to allow her to be more confident. She's not passive in what she does. You can sort of, if you ever seen her on tv, do that thing where she does. I can't even describe that thing where she does with her hands above her head. It's like a routine. It's something that triggers that level of confidence in those moments. And that level of enthusiasm is wonderful. Another thing that I think gives her incredible confidence is that she tells her story. She owns the story, and she redefined her story. Most people may have a story, and they lock it away. And you can't judge people for doing that because some of the things that people have been through in life are incredibly difficult. And sometimes it's. You get to tell your story at the right time. Sometimes that's the case as well. We can't control the events in life, but we can control what they mean. Oprah didn't have a choice that she went through that abuse. She did have a choice in terms of what it meant. And by naming her child, as we spoke about earlier, to a name that meant new land and new life. She used that as the defining moment in her life where everything would turn for the better. That there was a reason that this child, even just for a brief period, was born. To remind her there is a new land and new life. Creating that definition and redefining in that way is difficult. That's what I call empowering meaning, though. For example, if you go through a heartbreak or breakup, you will go through a tough time for a while. It will suck for a while. But when I work with clients, one of the things we're trying to do is find what I call an empowering meaning. What is an empowering meaning? An empowering meaning is a meaning for the situation, the moment, the event. Not that necessarily you're happy that it's happened, but that you've just decided and defined a reason as to why it's happened and how it's going to benefit your life or benefit others lives, because maybe it won't benefit your life, but maybe it can be used to benefit others, whether it's your children, whether it's, you know, people in need, whether it's people close to you, whoever it might be, that you can benefit their life. Oprah redefined her story so that when she looks back on it, as horrific as it is, it's instantly connected to a meaning that empowers her rather than disempowers her. And I want you to think of the difficult moments you've had in your life that SAP your confidence, or the mistakes or the setbacks that have happened, where you look at them and you just go, I just never want to go through that again, or I never want to repeat that. And so we have kind of avoidance behavior. And that's a typical thing to start having kind of avoidance behavior. Oprah didn't avoid. And when you connect the ability to not avoid with the ability to persevere, it's this unbelievable combination that radically changes the quality of our life. But it's so respected as well. And to be authentic and to be vulnerable, to tell your story, but then to show how you can define it in a certain way that meant your life had meaning and that your life had value, that that event didn't take away your life, that event showed you a new way to live life, showed you a new way to provide even more value. And so I want you to think about, like Oprah, how could you redefine those moments in your life? How can you work out that the best, or I should say, how can you work out that maybe the worst day of your life could have been a massive positive turning point? I know some of you have been through some really difficult things. You don't have to be happy that it happened, but there will be an empowering meaning. And maybe it'll take you a while to find, or maybe you've just listened to this and realized actually there was one or there is one. I can redefine that moment in my life not as the thing that took my life away, but the thing, something that breathed some new life into my circumstances. And for that, I think Oprah is a wonderful example of being able to redefine those types of things. So it's that energy and enthusiasm that she has. It's the ability to get out of her head and help someone instead. And it's her courage to tell her story, but then to be able to redefine it in a way that empowers her. And imagine if you have, if you think of something that's really, really positive light in your life and imagine you just consumed more and more and more, more, more of it all of the time, how much, how great your life would be. It'd be wonderful. It'd be exciting. Be happy. By the same token, you might have an event in your life that unfortunately, you're just gonna go through over and over and over again, because it was one of those types of moments. But when you go over and over again, is there a disempowering meaning that you're going through over and over again and repeating and therefore is sapping your confidence or an empowering meaning? So therefore, when you go over it over and over again, it keeps giving you more and more and more confidence, because I've seen it in plenty of examples and cases. That's exactly what can happen. That's exactly what will happen. And so it's for people like Oprah Winfrey who can redefine those types of moments that can really inspire us and why she does inspire so many of us. Thank you, Oprah Winfrey. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day. Enjoy the rest of your life, and I'll speak to you on the next episode. Sa.