What Makes Will Smith Confident? | Ep 140

3, 2, 1. And we are live. Welcome to the Self Belief Chief podcast, you wonderful people. You're here with David Holman. And if you've ever asked the question, am I good enough? Whether it's in your relationships or your performance or your career or in terms of your health, whatever it might be, then you're in the right place. We're not here to hype you up. We're here to give you strategies and techniques to help you transform your life in those areas. Ones that I've shared with the highest performers, from Olympic athletes to business owners. So make sure to hit that subscribe button, Share your favorite episodes and remember, if you change today, today will change your life. So today's quote is you just decide what it's going to be, who you're going to be. You just decide and then from that point, the universe is going to get out your way. And that quote is from Will Smith, who is the person we're going to talk about today. Because he's one of those people you see in life with a tremendous amount of self belief. And that's what we see, is that what's really behind all of that is that what's really under the surface. Because we see these people in life who've got this incredible sense of confidence and self belief and a sense of they know who they are. But I'll share something I often say to my clients, which is when you have your moments alone by yourself, let's call that the dark. We all know what our own moments look like alone by ourselves in, in the dark. We all know what those look like when we spend time with everyone else or when we see anyone else. The only time we ever see these people is around other people or around us. And therefore we call that the light. I say to my clients, don't compare your darkness to their light. Don't compare your darkness to their light. Compare dark to dark and light to light. You'll never see their dark, but I promise you that it's there. And Will Smith is no different. He's had those tough moments, he's had those dark moments. But actually pain is of course a source of self belief. It's somewhere where we can actually develop it because we start to learn. Actually if I can overcome this and that and the other, then actually if those things present in the future, I'm going to have the tools and ability to overcome these things. But let's talk about Will Smith, because he's someone that growing up for me was just a beacon of light. Just so Much energy and there's just so much excitement and there's, you know, there's still so much buzz around him. But, you know, back 10, 20 years ago, there was. He was the person, he was the thing. He was the biggest movie star in the world in terms of an action star. He went from music to comedy to action, to be an Oscar nominated actor. He's got a beautiful family. And you start to wonder. It's one of those people that you look at. God, I wish I could, you know, see myself, you know, as Will Smith or spend a few days as him. But it hasn't all been plain sailing for him. And we'll get on to that. But I want to touch on a few moments, a few stories that really got me interested in Will Smith. I remember there's a scene in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and we're not about to see it, we're not about to sing the theme tune. There's a scene in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air that amongst a whole show that was just funny and hilarious. He just had these occasional moments of vulnerability. And I think the actors on that show are really underrated. But there's a scene Will Smith has and he's not getting it. He talks about this, he's not getting it, he's not nailing it. They have to, you know, it's a live show and they have to keep doing it over and over again. And if you've ever seen the show, it's a scene where Will, who doesn't have any sort of relationship, relationship with his dad, hasn't seen him in 15 years. All of a sudden his dad comes out of nowhere and wants to spend time with him. And at first Will's a bit skeptical, but then they start building a bond and a relationship. And he tells, you know, his aunt and uncle who he's been living with, I'm ready to move. I'm going to move out with my dad. My dad's going to be driving across country with his job. I'm going to go with him. And his aunt and uncle are a bit wary, but eventually they kind of agree to let him go. And so Will's packed his bags and everything and his dad comes to the house and says, actually, Will, something's come up. I've got a. I've got to do this, I'm going to do that. Maybe it's not the best time for you to come with me on this drive. Maybe, maybe it will come. You know, you can meet me in a month's time. At this point, Will's heartbroken, but he makes sure that he holds his composure, that he looks together in front of his dad and he sort of says, okay, bye, Lou. And he doesn't even call him dad, he just calls him Lou. His dad leaves and his uncle, Will Smith's uncle, Uncle Phil, says, I'm really sorry. And Will Smith's like, no, no, it's okay. It's cool. I'm like, I'm fine. I'm, you know, I'm gonna spend time with all the girls over the summer. You know, I'm gonna, you know, it's got beach seasons coming. You're gonna learn all these things. And there's this vulnerability as he starts to break down and break down and break down and saying, you know, I'm gonna have beautiful kids and. And, you know, I certainly don't need my dad for that because he never taught me a thing about being a good father. It's a really powerful scene, but it's one that Will, speaking in an interview later, said he just couldn't get right. And he talks about this moment and part of it was a conversation with James Avery, who plays Uncle Phil, to say that, you know, you've got this. Stop trying to do it for them or for this or for that. You've got this. It is in you. It exists within you. And Will said that basically from that point on his life, that it was the realization that that thing that he needed to tap into was in him. It didn't exist in the audience, it didn't exist in some other source or something to look at existed in him. And that's the same thing as his self belief. He said, is this. That is where it comes from. Belief is from the self, self belief. It's incredibly powerful scene to show that vulnerability. And it's a reminder that you have to be confident, to be vulnerable. People get that twist in terms of vulnerability is a weakness. Vulnerability is a show of lack of self, a lack of being. It's not. Vulnerability is real strength. And you have to have an incredible amount of self belief to be willing to go there. Will Smith was able to do in that scene. And then on the other end of the spectrum, any of the sort of UK listeners will know, the Graham Norton show, for people in America, it's sort of similar as, you know, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, whatever it might be, talk show. And Will Smith was on there with Jaden. And, you know, Graham had asked them to do like a little bit of a rap and they just did a little Bit of a rap. And then they sit back down, Will Smith says, hang on, Graham, got one more thing, one more surprise for you. And then they go into a bigger rap and bigger music and they sing, you know that Will Smith's like number, you know, his main tunes that everyone knows. And then they go into that very famous dance he does with Carlton in the Fresh Prince. And it just, it blows up the audience going crazy. But Will Smith's dancing in front of this audience with could be filmed later. It's just this exuberant of energy and passion and excitement and just unbelievable confidence to do that when there are other celebrities on that couch who are there to make sure that they keep, you know, they look good, they look fine, they look proper, they don't say anything wrong, they get everything right. They just promote whatever they're there for. And here's Will Smith just exuding an unbelievable sense of confidence and a self assuredness with who he is. That video which on YouTube, it's got about 80 million views or something like that, if you, if you're having a bad day, it's a great video to watch. And it's things like that that really attract people to someone like a Will Smith. When someone has that much confidence or presents that much confidence that you sort of immediately, well, first instant you think it sounds a bit crazy. But then when you see the success that follows with it, or you see them actually having a good time, or you see other people following it, you sort of go, oh, actually maybe this guy's got something. And he has got something without question. And yet he manages to pull this, all of this stuff off. Even though he's had the dark moments, he's had tough moments, you know, he's had a sort of a rocky marriage, he's had a situation there which, you know, with sort of infidelity, at least on his wife's part, maybe not on his own his part, possibly on his part as well. And Jaden's had problems and his other kids have had problems. And you look at his backstory, his sort of his story in terms of as he got older with fame, it has not been easy for him. And so to them, you know what it's like when you go through pain. The last thing you want to do is put yourself out there and present yourself and show yourself you're having again, an incredible amount of self belief. Especially when that self belief has been battered and people, again we look at famous people, just think you've got it all. But that's, you know, it's really not the case. I've seen successful people, I've worked with successful people, and it presents a whole different set of problems. And here's one problem that Will Smith himself, Tommy, got basically boxed into. He got boxed into the Persona of Will Smith. He said at the age of 50, he'd realized that he'd been boxed in by his own Persona, what it was being presented outwardly, what everyone saw, what everyone thought Will Smith was. And he wasn't being Will anymore. And they hadn't been Will for a long time, that for a long time he'd been Will Smith, the famous movie actor. And then he started to accept that actually real kind of self esteem comes from living by your own set of values. And we're going to talk about that a little bit later in this podcast. By your own sense of self, of actually what would make you feel optimal, what would make you be the person that you want to become? Because there is a tremendous amount of pain associated with not being who you want to be in life. And that is something that he struggled with. That's something he had to contend with. And so that's what we're gonna have a bit of a conversation on in terms of unpacking what it is that makes Will Smith so confident. How about we take a quick break here and when we return, we'll be digging into some deeper insights. So back in a minute. If you are enjoying the podcast and want to make sure that you never miss an episode, make sure to hit that subscribe button wherever you are. So on Spotify, itunes, the Facebook group, Google podcasts, or anywhere else, make sure to hit that subscribe button to stay up to date with the latest insights. Okay, welcome back. So we've got a bit of backstory drew the picture we've drawn that story about Will Smith. And we, you know, even if I hadn't done that, you'll know that you see him, he looks a confident person. So what is it that makes him confident? Well, I've talked in a previous podcast about the six master steps of self belief, the six master steps of self belief. And I spoke about this before in a previous podcast. So I'm not going to run through it all again. But just to go through the key ingredients, there are six steps to it. First one's clarity. Second was energy. Third one, focus. Fourth one, the set of triggers, the triggers that make you perform well at that task. Momentum and then growth, clarity, energy, focus triggers, momentum, growth. And so I want to touch on one of the aspects of this that Will Smith absolutely smashes out of the park and is actually something that most people get wrong with self belief. As I said, you've got to know what it is that you want. You know, you've got to have a clarity and got to have a vision. You've got to be clear about that. And clarity is the first thing. Now, most people are very clear of what they want to avoid. Most people are very clear of what they want to avoid. When I speak to clients and they tell me, you know, why do they want self belief? They say, so I don't feel like this, so this doesn't happen, so I don't become this. And I say, okay, but what's the reason why you do want it? And usually you get this long pause. People aren't clear. Now. Even people can have the vision, but they're not, they don't have the clarity of how to get there. Here's what Will Smith does in a sec. In a separate interview, I once heard him talk about the process that his dad had taken him through. His dad had asked him and his brother to build a wall. And the brothers built a wall and they just built this wall and they tried to do as quickly as possible and it was a complete mess. And dad looked at it and said, what? What on earth is this? What on earth is this? He said, no, no, no, that's not how you build a wall at all. And his dad took the kids aside and just showed them one brick. He put the brick down, put some cement on and said, that's how you build a wall. You lay one brick at a time as perfectly as a brick could ever be laid. And then you put on the next brick and you lay that one as perfectly as you could lay that brick. And you keep doing that and eventually you have a wall. And so when you want clarity in terms of that self belief, you've got to have clarity in terms of the overall picture. But then you've got to have this each simple step and with each of those steps, do them well. Most people have an end goal and they try and rush through the steps. You take a shortcut, the wall will fall apart. I promise you that. And I say that as well. You have to build the wall one brick at a time as well as each of those bricks could be laid. So that's the first part. Will Smith does really, really well, and there's plenty of examples. But he then does step two, I think almost better than I've ever seen anyone ever do it. Step two is energy. Energy is Oxygen to confidence. Energy is oxygen to confidence. If you do not have energy, self belief will never develop and you'll never develop that confidence in a specific task. You have to have energy and you can get energy from simple things. But just to prove a point, what we really want to do is boost testosterone, which is the key hormone for self belief, and reduce cortisol, which is the main hormone associated with stress. So we want to create that shift of increased testosterone and reduce cortisol. And Harvard basically found out if you do a power pose, if you stand upright with hands on your hips, or, you know, sit back with your hands behind your head or something along those lines, if you just do that for two minutes, it boosts your testosterone by 20%, it reduces your cortisol by 25%, and you're 33% more likely to take a riskier decision or to take a risk. If you want to do anything in life, you have to be willing to take risks. You have to. And so it's actually creating that energy that allows you to do that. And it's the energy. If you see Will Smith, how active and animated he is, but there's a passion and there's a commitment and there's enthusiasm. Now, I talked about standing with your hands and hips for two minutes. Imagine what it's like if for 10 minutes or whatever, you speak with so much passion. You stand up straight, your shoulders are back and down, your arms move in a way that allow you to create energy. You know, you're moving, you're jumping, you're excited, you're passionate. Imagine how much that does to boost your testosterone and reduce cortisol. And to prove the point of all of this, if you think of the most confident moments in your life, think about what you're doing with your body. Are you sat with your, you know, your head in your hands? No. There will be a level of movement, conviction, and actually you'll notice, you'll be able to remember that blood flow of how it changes. And you can build confidence in an instance. And this is what I help people do, is build that baseline level of self belief, but then also know how to get confidence for the key moments in their life when it matters most. And Will Smith is all about that energy. And it's that energy that allows him to push through the limiting beliefs, to push through the boundaries that many things in life and society can create for us. But it's this enthusiasm and energy that pierces through it. And we look at that energy and we go, wow. It's just an abundance of energy. And we almost look at it with a sense of jealousy. How can I be that? Why can't I be that? And most people go, well, it must be the way Will Smith thinks that allows him to do that. No, no, no. His enthusiasm allows him to think and deliver the results and to be enthusiastic. It's not the other way around. His energy gets him there and then it becomes routine for him. It's just over and over and over again that energy and enthusiasm to push through those boundaries. And that's what it is for you. So I want you to have a think about how you can increase the energy level. Now, there are thousands of ways of doing that. It can be through things that you do regularly in terms of improved sleep, drinking more water, improving your diet, exercising. Those could be the things you do regularly. But also, in a moment, here's a fun thing you can do. I want you to think of two or three of the most confident moments you have in your life and look at what's the common denominator in terms of how you moved your body. I promise you there'll be certain movements in there that were always there. And your body will have been trained that, oh, whenever you do those moments, it means they are. It means this person is confident. And then the hormonal balance will change in the body and then it will release the confidence that you're looking for in a specific moment. And I want to kind of wrap up this, this episode by sharing one more thing that I once heard Will Smith say. In pursuit of your dreams, it is a lonely, dangerous, scary, terrifying pursuit. It is lonely, dangerous and terrifying. Expecting anything else shouldn't be the case. And I can say with certain things that I've done in my life that absolutely the things that you really want in life can be extremely lonely. They can be. What gets you through them is things like self belief, but it's the energy and commitment you take to keep your body moving, to keep your body healthy, to keep your body sharp. And that in turn creates this flood of confidence that allows you to take those risks that completely change the quality of your life. Thank you, Will Smith. My name is David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day. Enjoy the rest of your life, and I'll speak to you on the next episode. Sam.