When you are low, confidance will bring you back | Ep 55 | Ask Self-Belief Chief | #selfbeliefchief

1, 2, 3, and. Hello. Welcome to episode 55 of the Ask Self Belief Chief show. This is the show where you send in your questions on Instagram Live and I answer them. So whatever it is around self belief and fulfillment, I'm making sure you've got the, the answers using my experience and expertise of having coached people from lots of different industries all around the world. And whatever's troubling you, whatever you're finding difficult, I want to help with that. That's no more relevant than it is today where we're going to talk about how confidence can pull you out of your lowest moment. So I want to get straight into some questions though. So here we go. Anna has said, I'm having trouble to be really confident sometimes and lack confidence, lack all the confidence dance. Can you reverse? Can you give me advice in terms of how to be more confident? Yes, of course. So there are, there are four places, you know, four areas which people go and get their confidence from. There's the internal feedback we give ourselves. There's the internal feedback that we rehearse or retrain or remind ourselves of. So we continually, you know, if someone, if we get some feedback that we build inside ourselves is that, you know, we've written it down or just however we recall it every day and builds momentum over and over and over again. The third area is external feedback. So the feedback we get from others, the environment, what people say, etc. And the fourth is the rehearsal of external feedback. Now, confidence and having control of it is about you building the confidence yourself. If you build it internally, it's so much easier to control the level of confidence. If you build it externally, it's very difficult to control it. If you are going to build it externally from the environment and what people say, at a minimum, you have to rehearse and write that stuff down and keep it in your mind and reinforce it and whatever, keep it going every single day because otherwise it is totally useless. It gives you a buzz for a day when someone says something good and then maybe even a week and then you forget it and then you go back to zero. Okay, where if you build internal feedback, something that you can hold on to, something you know is true, and then rehearse and reinforce that, that is much, much, much more powerful. So my advice is build internal feedback, rehearse the internal feedback, and rehearse some external feedback as well. Note it all down, keep it all in one place so that you can reinforce it daily. What people do, however, they typically get it from one external source and they Never reinforce it. If you give the keys of your confidence to someone else, they can take them away whenever they want as well. And you cannot control the environments. You must have a way of building confidence in yourself. So thank you for your questions. That's my first piece of advice. Internal feedback. Give it to yourself, reinforce it, rehearse it, continue on. Okay, next question. Anna's putting something again. Three months lacks a loss of confidence. Can you give me advice on how to boost my confidence? Yeah, that's fine. So. So hopefully that's helpful. I've got a few people saying they're feeling a bit down. Yasmine says I've trouble with my confidence to do such, to achieve such goals. So hopefully that piece of feedback I just gave you is particularly helpful. What else have people said? Nikki has just said how to forget things which destroy you. The biggest problem with that is the fact that you're referring to them as things that destroy you. And it's the language we use which traps us and keeps hold of a story which we can't let go of. So you're here, you're talking to me. So it clearly hasn't destroyed you. It's has an effect on you, clearly, whatever it is, but it hasn't destroyed you. You may feel tired of being strong, but you still are. You're still strong. So please just continue to hold on. It's not destroying you. And in terms of how to forget things which destroy you, you've got to change the picture. If you can change the picture in your mind, it's the picture in your mind that holds all of the emotion. It's the picture in your mind that holds all of the emotion. Okay, so if you can change the picture, change the emotion, turn the picture in your mind into a cartoon. This is something the therapists do turn into a cartoon. Give the characters funny voices. You know, just make it a really, really silly situation where it's less threatening, less harming to you, and then play the situation forwards and backwards and forwards and backwards. Now, this is for a certain type of situation, if by all means there's something more serious that you've gone through that, then obviously seeing a therapist or a counselor might be the way forward for that. But if you've had a setback or disappointment, change the picture, change the emotions. Okay, let's keep going. So what are the questions? We've got. We've got questions flooding in at the moment. I try to be confident all the time, but I just don't have the courage to. And I'm particularly shy. So it's really hard. People, when they're shy, they try and change it in their heads. They try and go, come on, I can do this. It doesn't work like that. Shyness is very much a physical thing. Fear is physical. Being shy, you've got to change your body. You've got to change how you move. Shy. You know, if I told you, if I got you to look at someone and identify someone in the room who looks shy, you would pick out someone who's keeping still, not saying too much, their head probably bowed slightly down, shoulders curled over. Okay, Point out. Somebody's confident. They would stand up straight, they would shoulders, excuse me, back and down, their head up, chin up, smiling when they completely different. And it's that change in physiology that changes the blood flow, that changes the biochemistry. And it's that change in biochemistry that will allow you to overcome your shyness and fear. So don't try and work it out in your head. Use your body. Okay, what else we got? I've got a few hellos. Shoe. Hello. Hello. Daisy. Leysan. Hello, hello, hello. Thanks. You're welcome. What you're doing. Oh, Shuba, what you're doing is great. You are awesome. Love from India. You are very welcome. Yes, I'm saying thank you. So Laysan's put I don't love so shy people. Rephrase that if you're. If you're happy to do so. Okay, so thank you for your questions. What I'm going to do now is I want to talk about when you are at your lowest point where you feel like you can't, you know, bring yourself out of something where it is tough and you're in it and you're struggling and you're looking around and you can't find the answers. Get out of your head is my first piece of advice. Get out of your head. Get out of your head. If you can get out of your head, it changes everything. You can get out of your head, it changes everything. Get out of your head, Think about other people, what other people are going through and how you can help them if you can. Get out of your head. When you're going through something difficult, you know, get out of your head, think about how you can help others. When you go through something really difficult, go and help someone else. If you can't help yourself, go help someone else. But when it is difficult, is that confidence in your vision that's going to hold you up? If you can stay confident with that vision, that thing, you know, reminding yourself why you're in it in the first place. That thing that allows you to escape this world because you're improving yourself and improving other people. And in fact, you realize it's not an escape, it's just progress and growth and improvement. Changing these things can change your life. So I've got a view. Let's see if I can get this person to join the Instagram live. Someone wanted to join in, see if they've got a particular question. No, that isn't working. Five requests. Join. Fine. I have noctophobia, but listen to your voice really helped. Anna. You're very welcome. Mika's just joined, Castile's joined, Basu's just joined. So hello to all of you. If you've got any more questions, leave them in this comments box down here. Today we're talking about when you are at your lowest point. How can you use your confidence in your vision to pull yourself back up? Okay. Confidence in your vision may not confidence in everything else that's going in your life, but the one thing you know is true, the one thing you are good at, the one thing that you feel like can get you out of the situation you are. Can you stay confident in that. And it's actually about how you can map the blueprint from that area into other areas. This is what I teach to people is often people are very confident in one area. Maybe they're confident with their body but not their finances. Or maybe they're confident with their finances but not their health. But maybe they're not confident with their health but they're confident in their relationship. Whatever it is, people have things they are confident in and things they lack confidence in. That's including me. There are some things which clearly I don't have the skill of which you people do. Whether you're on the podcast or Instagram, you have certain talents which you are obviously more confident in them than I am if I did them. But I have supreme confidence in what I do because I obsess and study self belief. So I understand what is required to get yourself in a place and in a state where you can push through things. Even when things are super difficult and I get upset, I find things tough sometimes. Things, things are a struggle. I obsess and an expert at self belief. But it doesn't mean that every aspect of my life is right. It means that I can work out that bit, but I'm still working out other pieces of the puzzle just like all of you. And it's the skills that you have that might indeed be able to help me. And hopefully it's my skills right now that can help you. Someone's asked me, what do I do? How do I define self belief? Okay, so it's the belief in one's skills, abilities, talents, and essentially themselves. Okay. And I always think of self belief, that you have to create and define it, and it is done so by the self, not by others. Self belief has to come from the self. So it's how you build your own belief in your talents, your skills, your abilities. Okay. E Cruisers joins. Hi. I'm feeling depressed today because I try to concentrate on my work, but I can't because random thoughts stop me working. This makes me feel depressed. So could you tell me a solution to avoid all of this? Yeah, I can. I certainly can. In terms of these other thoughts, in terms of these other thoughts, be interesting to know what they look like. Is it because you know you're passionate about something else? If it's because you're passionate about something else, then just consider changing your job. If it's a case that you've got other thoughts because of a difficult situation you've had in your life, then time is a healer. But also with the idea of just changing those things into a cartoon, you know, that really helps as well. Just to redefine them. If you're just getting distracted, if you just get distracted and losing focus, then what you can do is we have a part of the brain called the parietal, which is where fear and doubt and negative thoughts typically come from. And what we can do is when those thoughts come is, you know, what you do is what's the thing that, you know, time you lose focus and concentration. Tell me what that looks like. And then from that I would say, okay, so what are the three things that cause that? Then what are the solutions to those three things? And then you can make a sentence or phrase that allows you to overcome and over tackle that. Whenever those thoughts come into your mind, you just say the phrase and it cuts the emotion at the source rather than helping you build it momentum. So I think we'll leave it there at this point, partly because my phone is about to run out of battery and I want to make sure that I can post this. So this was episode 55 of the Ask Self Belief Chief podcast. Please share this episode, Download this episode Share it with your friends. As I said, share it with people that need to hear it. Hopefully my voice can get out there because really, I just want to help as many people as possible. So my name is David Holman. If you change today. Today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day. Enjoy the rest of your life, wherever you are, and I'll see you on episode 56.