Why is 'Self-Love' so illusive? | Ep 155 | Self-Belief Chief

People seem to forget if you change today, today will change your life. 3, 2, 1. And we are live. Welcome to episode 65 of the Self Belief Chief podcast. You're here with life coach David Holman, and I want to talk a little bit about self love, or what I call the self love secret. The reason self love is so important in this world where love is the most important thing pretty much to everyone on ear. If you don't love yourself, why should anyone else? And so I call it the self love secret because it seems to be this thing that people miss a lot of the time, questioning, am I good enough to really have what I want in life? Can I appreciate who I am? Can I be deserving of the best life has to offer? Do I respect myself? Do I know my best qualities? Can I accept my flaws? Very, very difficult thing to do. It's actually probably one of the hardest things psychologically we can do, is find that self appreciation, self love and self worth. That is not based of what we get, of the value of what we own, but actually it's something we possess inside self love, love from the self, something internally, something that's very, very difficult to obtain. So how do we create it? How do we create self love so that we can get love in return? So there are three big elements to it, really. And the first thing I do with my clients is I work on what I call the 12 areas of life. Okay. The reason why I do that is there are 12 areas of life and it'll take too much time to go through them. Right now have a video which you can watch if probably above this video there's a link that says relationship coaching. Talk a bit, a bit more about the 12 areas. But there are 12 areas of life. And what I use for my clients is they score themselves in those 12 areas so I can find out the areas in which they feel they're not delivering, in areas that they feel like they're not doing so well, in areas where they feel they are lacking. Because if I can find those areas, I can pinpoint the areas in which they might be holding themselves back. Areas where because this isn't going well, they're saying to themselves, I'm not good enough. I can't appreciate who I am. So we find those areas, and often in areas where we're not doing so well, if we score ourselves up, you know, four out of 10 in a particular area, it's an opportunity to find some really quick, easy progress, growth in that area. And one of the things about growth is if we grow in one area of life, it often gives us the confidence that we can grow in other areas. If we grow in our health and fitness might give us the confidence that we can progress in our career. If we progress in our career, maybe it will make us believe that we can have more in terms of our relationships. See how it works. So the 12 areas of life. Understanding which areas of your life right now do you feel like you're not delivering in? Do you feel like you're not stepping up to the plate with. This is almost the first thing I do with all my clients I've got to work out. Where do they feel like they're doing well and where do they feel they're falling down? Everyone on earth feels like they're doing well in one area and not so well in another. Learning how to create some balance, make some improvements, feel more. What's the right way of saying it? They feel more settled. They feel that it's fine how they're doing, that they can make progress in that area, that it's not a bad thing. If they're not the best in the world in that area of life, it's fine. They can have some sort of appreciation, but also grow as well. So the first area is understanding where. What areas of life do you feel that you're weak in so that you can make some progress in those areas. Once you start doing that, you can start designing what I call compelling Future. That's the second stage. So the first stage of the 12 areas of life, the second stage is what I call a compelling future. A future which pulls you. Rather than feeling like you're pushing yourself all the time, when we're pushing ourselves to get up, to go to work, to do this, it's tiring, is exhausting, and it's disheartening. When we feel like we're being pulled by a compelling future, it gives us energy, gives a passion and drive, and we get going and doing things and then we do more. We build momentum, and it builds momentum, and it builds momentum. I know you can recognize the difference. So a compelling future that pulls you into the future now. How do you create compelling future now? For me, there are certain elements within that are very important. I call it the four GS. You have to have a goal, you have to give, you have to grow, and you have to be grateful. Goal, give, grow, gratitude. Goal, give, grow, gratitude. If you can find something that nails all four of those things or different things that nail all four of those things, as long as you're Hitting those four things, you'll feel fulfilled and you'll have direction and you can build that compelling future. The 12 areas of life helps with that. But designing a compelling future and then the third stage of the self love aspect of it. So the 12 areas compelling future is then appreciating the success is appreciating those improvements that you make, that you understand your weaknesses, you make some improvements, you find ways to give, you find ways to grow, you find, you know, ways to be grateful. You find a goal which gives you drive. And once you built all of that, actually just appreciating that as well. And also not just appreciating it, appreciating when other people say you do a good job, but not just hearing it and feeling good for the moment. Record it, write it down, rehearse it, go over it again and again. It's mostly internal feedback. Record all of that, write that all down. You know, do something good that day. You, you think you did well, you like certain personal characteristics, you like people in your life, whatever it is. Write those things down in a journal or something. And then also capture the things that people say. Capture all of that somewhere so that you can go over it over again, so you can repeat that feeling over and over again. So you never lose the feeling. You get those momentary highs when someone says something nice. I want you to be your own, you know, your biggest fan. And that's the self love and self worth aspect of it. And then just top it up a little bit with the things that other people say. But record it, once you record it, you own it. That's the difference. That's why I say that can be part of self love. Want you to own how you feel about yourself. I want you to own your value. If you can own your value, if you can feel confident enough that you're worth more, you go after more. You go after the better things in life. You go after the things that you really want. Whether that's a relationship, whether that's in your career, whether that's in your health and fitness, whatever it might be. Know what? You deserve the best things that life has to offer. But you'll only believe that for yourself once you build that self love. And guess what happens when you have enough self love. It attracts people. You stop chasing people. You feel your worth and it attracts people. People want to be a part of that life. People want to be around people who respect themselves, who've got confidence. So you've got to build that self love in that way. And then you'll have the best, as I say, that life has to offer. So the three stages, the 12 areas of life, a compelling future and recording the feedback. Recording your internal and external feedback. Twelve areas of life, compelling future record feedback. And you just use that in a cycle and you constantly make those improvements and it will build your self love so that you can have the things you really want in life. Okay. So I hope that's been useful. My name's David Holman. If you change today, today will change your life. So enjoy the rest of your day, enjoy the rest of your life, wherever you are, and I'll speak to you on the next episode.