Is School Break Harder or Getting Back Into Routine?

Hello and welcome back, and welcome to Motherhood Unedited in 2026. Yep, we made it. I, I don't know who's on right now, but I know that coming back after having 2 weeks off from child care, school, what whatever you need, daycare. And definitely our routines can throw us off a bit. I mean, it really got me thinking when I came back into everything how discombobulating it can actually be. So that's what led to this week's Motherhood Unedited topic. And so I really wanted to dive deeper into this because I think there when it comes to motherhood a little bit, there's a little bit of, shall we say, I don't want to say guilt. We'll get into a little bit of that and how that pops in. But I think people have different experiences and they think that they have expectations of, of what it should look like. And so something that, that comes up a lot with people in my practice and people who I see out in the world I even remember just bringing my son and daughter into their childcare for the first time after break, and a number of people were like, how was your break? And we all have the same answer. It's like, oh, it just felt like forever. And some people just had really fun times. And so there's a little bit of both that I hear. So a lot of it is the break felt endless. I'm drained. I need another vacation, maybe without the kids. And I hear other moms saying, honestly, the break was fine. It was really nice to not have to get up in the morning. It was really nice not to have to, you know, go to our various activities. But now I have to get back into my routine, and that's really hard. And so I just want to acknowledge that both things can be true. Both things people struggle with, and that makes sense, right? And so I think it also— one mom can experience both things, and I think it really just depends on the year. And for me personally, I would say this year, for me, the break was harder because, because it's a lot. We have to really be on. And so we're going to kind of dive into both sets of things here, why things sometimes feel hard in the break, why sometimes it feels hard getting back into routine, why none of the— either of these things are bad, they're just different. And so it's kind of being able to reflect a little bit on your own experience and to recognize maybe some of the areas that are harder for you and that And I want to talk about comparison a little bit. I think there's a little things that like we will end up diving deeper into in further episodes, but I think they all kind of come together in this as well. So we'll kind of dabble in a little different, some different things, but everyone's experience is different is really what I'm trying to get at. So the question that I want you to sit with today is What's harder, the actual break itself or coming back, coming back to our routines? And like I said, there is no right answer, just your own lived experience. And so let's start here when the break itself feels really hard. So for some moms, school breaks are really the hardest thing. The days feel really long. And not necessarily in this dramatic way, like, oh gosh, my life is— it takes forever. But in a way where it just takes a lot more energy. So there's— listen, when you have kids home, it doesn't matter the ages, you can have a baby home, you could have a teenager home, whatever, there's noise, there's things going on, there's people who need something from you, there's questions that they have, or you hear mom all day long. And I even remember thinking, Mom doesn't exist anymore. The name Mom is off the table. Like, let's— I'm someone else. So think about it, during these breaks, you're not just parenting, you're managing a lot of different things. You're managing people's moods. And I even said at some point, I don't know if it was during the break, but I see being a therapist, you deal with emotions all day long, right? And, and obviously I enjoy what I do, but then when you come home and you have to manage your kids' emotions, sometimes you're just like, okay, can I continue doing this? Is this something that I'm able to manage when I've been dealing with emotion all day and now I have my own emotions, I have your emotions, I have my client's emotions? It's just a lot. So yes, so you're not just parenting, you're having to manage those moods. You're having to manage meals and logistics and the things that keep a household running, right? And then you also, when they're on break, they have to go to maybe a friend's house or they have to go to a doctor's appointment or a dentist appointment or whatever. You have to manage all of that. And I'm not saying that during the year, during your scheduled routine, those things don't happen, but when things are off-kilter, it can just feel like a lot because I know even for me and people that I've spoken to, when you don't have our regular scheduled programming, all of a sudden you're looking at your day and you're like, okay, I have like 14 hours because I don't know about anyone else's kids, but my kids like to wake up at the crack of dawn. So no joke, I think my oldest wakes up sometimes at like 5:45 and you're just like, okay, 5:45. And I remember they finally ate breakfast at what, like 7, 7:15. And then it was like, it's only 7:15 in the morning. What am I going to do for the rest of the day? Literally, we had the entire day to do something. And I don't know what, how to fill that time. Obviously, we did fill that time, but sometimes you're just like, how am I going to do it? Which can feel overwhelming, which we'll kind of dive into a little bit about people's personalities. And about how that shows up when it comes to what's harder, right? But before we really dive into this, and I, and I know I said like I want you to think about this question a little bit, I do. I want you to kind of take a few seconds here and really go inward and really think about your own personality. What do you dread about breaks? Is it the coming back? Is it the actual filling the time? Is it, oh my gosh, I planned this big trip and now we have to take all these young kids on a plane and that seems overwhelming? What part of this is hard for you? And if you're on with me, if you're watching the replay, I would love to hear comments. I would love for you to type in the chat. I'm new to YouTube Live. Listen, I'm new to all of this. You wouldn't know that I'm a millennial because technology. I can play around with it. I can figure it out, but sometimes I'm still learning. So anyways, this is what I— that's what I want you to do. There's— if you're on with me, type it in the chat. Join me in this conversation because I would love to hear people's experiences. I did ask people in my own world what's harder, and honestly, I was, I was actually surprised the split, because there were some people who were like, oh gosh, that, that break just felt forever. And then there are some that was like, no, I actually really enjoy being with my kids and doing the different activities, but I really don't want to go back to work. I really don't want to go back to my life and all the responsibilities that I have in the same way. So I think we have to kind of explore our own self and then also recognize this is the big piece of it, and this is the thing that I stress to clients, I stress to myself, is what then is the commentary in our brain afterwards? So for example, if it's, wow, that break felt so endless, and I don't know how I kept up with the days, I really felt like it was too much, is the next thing that happens or the thoughts in your head 'Wow, I'm a horrible mom. Like, who, who doesn't want to hang out with their kids? Oh my gosh, what's wrong with me?' Now we're getting into shame and guilt and all the other things. So we're going to kind of explore this a little bit more, but just wanting to kind of take the temperature of the room, really see how people are experiencing this, and and just really kind of hearing from you guys what's going on. So this, this is the piece that is a challenge because there are times when you just feel so fatigued and there can be outside pieces that play a part in it. And so we have to also take into consideration what are our own stressors that are happening right now? What are our children's stressors? There's children's personalities. So similar to like what my kids are, they wake up at the crack of dawn. And so that's their personality. And I know that I have a full day to entertain them. There are some people who are also like, oh my gosh, I wanna try to get them off of technology, but I don't even know how to do that. I have all this time, like, why not throw technology into it? Because they're entertained by it and they're out of my hair and whatever. I get that too. So I just want you to kind of think about who you are and what that is. I know I keep stressing that point, but I think that's a big one to, to stress. So thinking about what kind of person you are. This is not right or wrong. There's not good or bad, even though I think that there has been a, a trend or an energy around what makes someone a good mom and what makes someone not a good mom. And so just recognize that whoever you are, you are who you are. I am not one of those people who is jazzed about finding things for their kids to do. Like, I'm just not that person. But there are those moms who thrive during breaks because they like to plan activities, they like to get out of the house and fill the day, and they love finding things for their kids to do and thinking outside the box and and they have all this energy and they're like the Energizer Bunny and they can keep going and going and going and going. And then there are the moms who just feel drained by it all. They feel overwhelmed by that same expectation. The idea of entertaining their kids, being on, filling the hours, managing all those logistics. For them, that constant engagement is draining and it's not energizing. So going back to, I don't know if anyone has seen any of the other videos or any of my videos online, but I talk about the spoon theory. Spoon theory is this idea that we are given X amount of spoons every day and think of spoons as energy. And so different things throughout our day use up different amounts of spoons. So for some people, just taking a shower in the morning and being able to get out of bed takes up a spoon. For others, it's like, no, that rejuvenates me. It gives me more spoons. I love it. Others, it's, oh my gosh, I have to think about everything I have to do for the day. And I just lost 3 spoons. But for other people, it's like, no, I like logistics. I like to think about my plan and whatever. And so that's where it's very person-dependent. So thinking about it, thinking about how many spoons you had during break, thinking about how many spoons you have during the day, what fills your spoons back up, what drains them. So these— and like I said, nothing is— neither personality or anything is better or worse, they're just different. And something— and we're not going to convince ourselves to be another person. So this is where comparison comes in, because we see on social media, we see within our friends, like, how they can just think of that creative thing and you're just like, why can't I do that? That's what a good mom would do. Oh my gosh, what's wrong with me? And now we're comparing, and now we're shooting on ourselves and shitting on ourselves for all the things that we don't do like that other person did. So, and so that's where that quiet guilt pops in about all the things that we should be doing, all the things that— why can't I be like this person? I must not be as good. Whatever. Um, and the guilt comes also because I don't know about you, but there are a lot of moms, and myself included, who are like, wait, how many, uh, days until we can go back to school? I actually went to, um, Chicago to visit my sister-in-law over New Year's, and it was like, we're leaving? We're giving our day— like, not— we, we stayed till we were supposed to stay, but It was Saturday and I'm like, we gotta get out of here because this was before when we planned it. We're like, I need a buffer day because these kids have to go to school on Monday. That was it. And it doesn't make me a bad mom. It just means like, I know my limits. I know what works for me. And I needed to get back into my routine because that's comforting for me. It's comforting to get back into the groove. It's not discombobulating. And we're going to go into those who feel discombobulated or, or a little bit off-kilter when they have to come back from that. Um, so I just— because I feel that way, it doesn't mean that I don't love my kids. I do like hanging out with them, but I like hanging out with them in a different way. I, I like to just do the cuddles. I like to go and hang out with them in different ways and see what they're interested in, but for small pockets of time. Then I need something that rejuvenates me. So let's shift gears a little bit, um, and let's talk about for the moms who break itself isn't the hard part, it's coming back. And I have experienced this too in some ways. Because there are moments when I think I'm gonna feel relief once I get back to my routine because that's, that's sometimes what rejuvenates me. But then you feel this panic. I remember the first, like this past week even coming back and having to get back into getting the kids to school and daycare and etc. And there was a little bit of a panic because you're like, oh gosh, that's right, I gotta make sure their water bottles and their lunches and They don't have lunch until tomorrow, so I got to make sure that this is taken care of. And my husband and I are kind of like running around and I'm used to, you know, yes, my kids were getting up, but I was kind of letting them do their thing a little bit. And so I would sleep until like 6:30 and I'm like, oh, it's 6:30, the kids have to be out of the house in 45 minutes and we have to get everything done. And so it's hard to get back into things and that mental load ramps up very quickly. And so if anyone's here and wants to raise their hand or shout out, Let me know if that's you, because then I, I can kind of see where we're going with any of this. Um, and I think that the part that surprises a lot of people the most is sometimes exhaustion from a break doesn't show up until you've already come back and you're getting back into the groove of things. All of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh, I have all this to think about and I have to go back to a job if you're a working parent, and the exhaustion just really hits. And so thinking about it also, like, when you are on a break, sometimes you're in the midst of the chaos, and so you're kind of on autopilot a little bit. And so you're like going, going, going, you're doing, doing, doing, and then you get back and you're like, like, all of a sudden it just like comes at you about how exhausted you really feel. So, and this can create a little bit of confusion because Why am I struggling now? Why is this part harder? Shouldn't this feel easier because I'm back into my routine? And it doesn't. So once again, remember, person dependent. It depends on how you are wired. It depends on what grounds you, what gets you to be who you are. Because sometimes people feel really grounded by routine and some people feel like they're boxed in and caged in and they don't like that. So, structure can help one person but can cause chaos and overwhelm with another. So, what I want to continue to normalize is that both of these experiences can be true. Both of these experiences are okay. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not a bad parent. You are not a bad parent for being stressed out and maybe having a moment where you lash out once you get back to routine. This is all very typical, very normal. It is about how you come back from that now. So this is not a parenting podcast, but I always like to say repair, repair, repair. We have to repair with ourselves, we have to repair with our children, and we have to recognize who we are. And that, I think, is the biggest takeaway from today's episode is who are you, not who you want to be, not who you prefer to be, not the, oh, I wish I could be like person A, B, or C from this reel, like whatever. It is who are you? When you think about coming back, when you think about being on break, what happens inside of you? Is there a feeling of panic at the thought of being home with your children? Doesn't make you a bad parent, doesn't make you like, doesn't— shouldn't question— have you question whether or not you should have been a parent, all of those kinds of things. It just means like, you're not 6 years old anymore. Maybe you're 35, 40, and you're tired in a way that a 6-year-old is not. And so you have to take it in stride. That makes sense. Um, just like a personal thing right now, I remember when I first had I had my first kid and I would panic when someone would leave me alone with him. And people are like, do you think you're going to hurt him? Do you think something wrong is bad is going to happen? I was like, no, it wasn't like that before. When, especially considering I had a lot of health stuff going on before I had him, if I was tired or needed a nap, I could just do that. Now I don't get that option. So there was a bit of a panic being like, oh my gosh, what if I'm so drained that I can't do this? And so I had to recognize who I was. I had to recognize what my hurdles were that were causing some of this. And so I know it is hard to look inward. I know it is hard sometimes to process and reflect on who you are, what your challenges are, but that's what I'm asking you to do here. I'm asking you to figure out what is the things that build you up, fill up your spoons, and what takes them away. And once you start to recognize that, then you can do things to put things into place. So if it is draining for you, you know that it's really hard to get back into routine, then we have— then you have to kind of start thinking about, okay, I know that it's going to take me a couple days to get used to this. Maybe then you are not the type of person that would go all the way up to the end. So like coming back on a vacation Sunday night, because now you are immediately being thrown into the thing— when they start school on Monday, I should say— you're immediately being thrown into the thing that causes a lot of chaos for you internally and maybe externally. So thinking about that when you're planning a trip, when you're thinking about your break, What are you going to do to kind of bring things into what works for you? So things to think about. And when I look back on some of these things, I can see that there were years when I needed routine to survive, and especially become after becoming a parent, routine was really helpful for me. And other times it just felt like a lot of pressure. It felt like I needed to somehow do things correctly or in this way in order for things to work out. And sometimes it doesn't work. But neither version of me was wrong. So taking that into consideration as we end here right now, thinking about which part of breaks feels heavier for you, what drains you the most. Is it the constant engagement or is it the constant expectations? Is it the doing nothing, like thinking about all of that? Those are the important pieces. And what do you need as you transition into things that maybe are more challenging for you? What are the things that you need to build up your spoons, your spoon reserve, so that you can maybe have a little bit more expansion, be able to expand your tolerance a little bit? So remember, this conversation wasn't about fixing anything. It wasn't about giving you necessarily tools, but it was about reflection. It was about figuring out maybe to start Who are you? Being honest with your situation and not trying to be like that other person that you envy. None of that. Who are you? What do you need? And if this resonated, I'm really glad you spent some time with me here today, whether you're watching this live, whether you're watching this later. I will see you next time on Motherhood Unedited. And if you need any other supports, if you are looking for a place to journal some of these ideas, connect with other moms if that's what you want to do. Please check out Mindfully You because that is one of the things that I have created to help moms navigate the difficult times and to get in-the-moment support when life doesn't really always fit into what you expect. So anyways, I will see everybody in 2 weeks. We are back into the groove of things, and I Follow me on Instagram and/or Facebook to find what the next topic will be, and I hope to see you all there. Bye!