A Few Stories About Personal Development

I believe that personal development is really socially focused, right? You're doing it. And we know this from high performance. Because when you make it a requirement of yourself to role model for your team, to role model for your kids, to role model for your friends and the people in your community, that necessity, that requirement of I need to step up my game is in service to others is a huge motivating factor in high performance or in personal development and a huge motivating factor in keeping you accountable to something. Because so many people, especially in my coaching practice, when they show up for coaching, they want some accountability, right? And it's because I know what I need to do. And if it's up to me to just kind of arbitrary, set a deadline, I'll come up with excuses and ways to avoid it. I think that's a pretty big truth for many people, right? If it's up to you, with infinite time, infinite resources, no sense of urgency, no need to do it as soon as possible, then why would you. Hey, everyone, this is Sean Butner, certified high performance coach and host of the Meaningful Revolution. And today we're going to be talking about personal development. Now, it's been a while since I've done one of these solo podcasts, and it was just a lull in scheduling between Thanksgiving and Christmas while I'm filming this. And the next one, I think, will be also another solo episode. So you can either look forward to or skip that next one. But it's probably been overdue to tell a little bit more of my story on how the Meaningful Revolution came to be. After a series of choices over the years, it really does start with personal development and why I think it's really important for myself and why I encourage the folks around me to work on themselves. And the reason is, is it's probably because of my dad. You know, years and years ago, he, you know, he was a carpenter. And so growing up, you know, we do jobs with him and, you know, just side jobs to make some extra money for the family and. And the work ethos of always try your best 100% at whatever you're doing. And that for me, applied to my studies, it applied to sports, you know, that I was in, applied to learning the guitar. And, you know, you don't always start with that type of belief that, like, no matter what, even if your bass is terrible, you have to give it your all and you should want to do it right. So that was the other thing that my par. Both my parents are really great at is follow your passions, you know, Follow what makes you happy, follow what ignites that fire in your stomach. And it's worth chasing that because money comes and goes. You know, situations change, but you can't control your time and what you're doing. That was always what they basically were telling me and my brother growing up. And so that kind of instilled this idea that you could always improve. And I think that's very critical and you know, it's something maybe unique to my story growing up, you know, being really little. But you know, so we have that belief and you hear it all growing up and it's harped upon and you're called out when you're not given your best. And so it's really served me over a bunch of different phases of my life, right again. In college, in, you know, the corporate world, it was really great and it was always noticeable when I fell short of giving my best that it would kind of eat me up and you know, I'd feel bad about myself and those kind of things. There's a little bit of a two edged sword there with that particular belief, but that's kind of the, the primed me for when I graduated college to really, you know, heed that, that I wasn't happy in that job. And it wasn't because the job was bad, it wasn't because I had a bad manager, wasn't because I moved to a new state and was the only person I knew for a hundred miles around. You know, you know, those factored into feeling kind of lost in your mid-20s, at least for me. But what it really highlighted was I had an idea of wanting to work at a top tier technology firm. And so right after grad school I ended up being hired by Walmart, which is a great company I think at the time was the, you know, the biggest corporation on the earth and you and so provided a lot of opportunities. I learned a whole lot. And at the end of the day though, I just would wake up super stressed. I would always feel like I wasn't enough at work. I was always feeling like I was behind what everyone else was doing because I didn't have that computer science degree. But you know, I had a advanced degree that, you know, basically taught me that I could learn anything if I stuck with it. So that's where I start to really become interested in personal development because my quality of life was not what I imagined it. I didn't take make the decisions to, to boldly like move to California and you know, work the tech scene there. You know, back in the early or late 2010s, you know, and so, you know, had this inner struggle. I had a bunch of student loans, and so I had a lot of financial things that were stressing me out. And so I knew that, okay, I need to figure this out, and I need to put my full effort into figuring this out. So I did what any good nerd would do at the beginning of the, you know, where the Internet was kind of becoming ubiquitous and had mostly all the answers you could ever ask or want if you asked it. So I started poking around online, trying to find books, trying to find articles, trying to find trainings that could help me figure my way out of why I felt so stressed and miserable and why I was in the situation I was. How did I make the choices to get there, and how could I apply that maximum effort to change my situation? Right? I knew that something needed to change or it would break me. And break. Being broken was not going to be an option. So let's do the work. And so that's, you know, started reading about confidence and personal finance, you know, picked up, I think one Tony Robbins book didn't really speak to me. And then through, like, learning about dating, you know, because, you know, that was another thing that I was struggling with in my, you know, mid-20s, 20s, being a guy that's a little bit introverted and could get really stuck in his head. I stumbled on a guy who's in the dating world that was transitioning into the information space. So this guy, Evan Pagan, and he sent an email once saying, hey, have you ever thought about starting an online business? My friend Brendan Burchard is doing this new seminar, and I think. Or this new class, actually, it was. He's launching this new class. I think you might really enjoy it. Here's a link to check out a webinar, which at the time, in like 2009 or whatever, it was pretty crazy, 2010 around there. And he's like, he's got this thing called Total Product Blueprint. Watch this video, and if you like it, you know, check it out. And so with that, you know, I watched the video. I'm like, oh, maybe I can do something in this space. Because I like the fact that it's like software in that you can work on something once and have this exponential reach. And so I'm like, okay, I can figure this out. And so I enroll for the class, go to a couple seminars. And so I find out on top of his marketing, Brendan's marketing stuff, there is High Performance Academy, right? Like, oh, he's like, hey, do you want to have more confidence? Do you want to, you know, boldly chase your dreams and make your mark on the world and, you know, make money in the process, but sharing your message, sharing what you know. So I'm probably combining a bunch of these, but a bunch of the seminars. But essentially I go to High Performance Academy and ask the question, are you living your truth? And I do not like that. The answer that I had at that point in time. And so I'm journaling and I'm like, okay, I need to make some big moves, right? And that seminar helped give me some clarity about what I really wanted. Going through some exercises helped me remind me to activate my body a bit more. And at that time I was running marathons, so that was pretty easy. But to just make sure I was a little bit more on my nutrition and whatnot so you could have the motivation to follow through, how to plan your bold moves and set a deadline and all the things that we talk about in personal development. But that seminar changed my life and it changed my life because it got me a plan to like. It was like three months later, quit that job at Walmart after five years, after probably like two years of like, I need to change and I just don't know what to do. And so I moved to California to live with an old college friend who's like, you should live out here for free. I started a business that failed, but that business, eventually I applied to work at Apple. And the business that failed, as I was talking to the hiring manager, I'm like, hey, I had this thing, I'm still trying to make it work, but I think it's pretty bad. He's like, well, tell me more about that. He's like, hey, can I see your website? And I put up some videos that were really terrible because public speaking was not my bag. And he's like, oh, no, no, we definitely. So I think it that act of showing him all that work that I tried and failed at working, you know, in the, the final cut part of Apple, essentially. He's like, hey, you figured this out on your own. I'm like, yeah. And he's like, okay, we want to hire you. And so that got me in the door at Apple, which accomplished one of those big goals that I had kind of earlier, you know, going into college. I want to work in a top tier tech company and Apple became the number one biggest tech company by market cap. And you know, you know that story. And so that seminar kicked my butt into action to get me to change, and then presented this amazing opportunity to fulfill one of my dreams, which is to work at this top tier thing, even if I had a big loss in the middle of that. Right. And that was pretty gut wrenching. But also like, I gave that business my best and I couldn't figure it out. And you know, I was looking for mentors and had some bad advice in my particular point of view. So this worked out really well. And that's the power of high performance. It's the power of personal developments, why I believe in it so much. And that's a huge opportunity that came through my journey of, you know, wanting to feel like I was making moves in my life that I, I was, you know, making, taking big strides towards my dreams. And after a setback of working in an area where maybe that wasn't going to be the case, I was able to course correct and it worked out really amazingly, you know, and, and so that's part of why I believe in this stuff so much. So what's a mindset or belief that I have about personal development that others don't? So I believe personal development isn't necessarily all that personal. There is a huge social aspect to it because like Dara said in a previous episode of the podcast that when you create something, you inherently want to show other people. You know, we're very social folks, social people, social beings. And so if you're making improvement, you want to share that with your spouse and family and friends. And sometimes you need a support network that will accept that. Right? Because sometimes when you change, it can be scary for other people. But, you know, I believe that personal development is really socially focused. Right? You're doing it. And, and we know this from high performance because when you are make it a requirement of yourself to role model for your team, to role model for your kids, to role model for your friends and the people in your community. That necessity, that requirement of I need to step up my game and in service to others is a huge motivating factor in high performance or in personal development and a huge motivating factor in, you know, keeping you accountable to something. Because so many people, especially in my coaching practice, when they show up for coaching, they are, they want some accountability, right? And it's because I know what I need to do and if it's up to me to just kind of arbitrary, set a deadline, I'll come up with excuses and ways to avoid it. And so, and people, that's, I think that's a pretty big truth for many people, right? If it's up to you, with infinite time, infinite resources, no sense of urgency, no need to do it, you know, as soon as possible, then why. Why would you, you know, that that could be really hard, and that could be really tough. And so, you know, that. That again, having that sense of accountability or wanting to role model to others can help you keep motivated. And that's something I really believe. So personal development is actually really socially focused. It's not, you know, as much of, oh, I want to, you know, fully realize and actualize myself. Because you can't do that without other people either with you're running a business where you're helping and solving problems for people, or you're trying to impress family or friends, or you're trying to inspire others, you know, to. To live better. And you're just trying to be a better person, a better spouse, a better parent, a better co worker, better, you know, community leader, whatnot, you know, whatever that is for you. But it is such, you know, that that external part is such an important factor in personal development. So, you know, so outside of sharing, kind of my journey into getting here in front, you know, of you for the meaningful revolution here, you know, I think I am really bad at sharing all the struggle and downside of things. And I think that comes from, you know, having a lot of struggles growing up. You know, when I was in kindergarten, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. And, you know, we were able. She was able to. Able to overcome it, you know, so it took her two years of, like, chemo and, you know, staying with grandma when she's on chemo because she was really sick and all that. But I think that experience really impacted me in the way that, you know, in kindergarten, my mom sat us down at the kitchen table, explained that she was sick and had this thing called cancer, and that, you know, we were gonna have to help out around the house, which is fine. You know, so since kindergarten, you know, I was doing dishes, taking the laundry out, vacuuming. You're trying to keep the place clean as well as a, you know, young child could. But that sense of we're all in it together as a family, you know, we're all. We all need to contribute. We all need to, you know, do our job to make it easy for everyone was kind of instilled at that point. And, you know, afterwards, you know, I didn't know this at the time, but, you know, mom and dad's insurance didn't cover the cancer treatment, so the family had a ton of medical debt. And so My mom went to work and we had this weird thing where like, my dad was an early riser and would work and be in bed at like 7 or 8 in the evening. And then at 10 o', clock, my mom would go into work at like Toys R Us for a night shift job. So she'd be there from like 10 to like 6 in the morning, you know, stalking or doing whatever they were doing there. And. And so there was a lot of struggle financially and, you know, with, you know, kind of being scared that you might lose your mom and being aware of that at a very early age that, you know, sometimes too, my parents didn't know the answers because my mom at the beginning of that's like, I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I think you should know just maybe a little bit different and pretty heavy. But, you know, through that though, like, there's a lot of things that people struggle with that aren't that bad, you know, at least from that perspective of, hey, like living with the fear of losing your parent or losing a loved one and kind of realizing that you could worry about things that are out of your control or you can make fun of it. You know, there's. I think I'm a little bit better now. But like, a lot of my friends, especially growing up, knew that I had sense of, like a dark sense of humor, you know, so things that, yeah, were a little dark were usually really funny to me. Usually kind of ridiculous things, you know, kind of absurd sense of humor. But if you didn't know how to, like, if you never like, joked about death or whatever stupid thing I would talk about in high school, it could freak out, you know. And so I think I weirded out a bunch of people growing up who I would at least talk to, being kind of super introverted and a little reserved, but I haven't really talked about that too much. So I figured I'd share this on the podcast for, for you for being here. So, yeah, you know, like, the reason why I do this podcast is to kind of take the spotlight off of me a bit because it's not natural to be in the spotlight. I'd rather much work in the behind the scenes and highlight people and celebrate them and show you how awesome some of the people I've met are and the cool things that they're doing out in the world, because I think that's what it's all about. You know, it's been super fun to dig in and learn people's stories and why they Love their thing that they love so much. So I've learned a ton. I've been taking tons and tons and tons of notes and I think probably, definitely by the end of the year. One of the ideas I have is like earlier in like high school, I used to be a huge like Sublime the band fan. And one of the early albums, they had like a thank you track where it's like 15 minutes of them playing music and just thanking all of their influences, all the people that helped get them to where they're going. And I'll probably, I am going to do that. I'm not probably going to do that. That will happen by the end of the year because I've had some amazing people on and some people that have shared some really big ideas to help people, to help serve people and help them move forward on wherever they are in their journey. And I think at the essence, you know, Meaningful Revolution has been this podcast and this idea of creating more meaning in our lives so that we feel our lives more, so that we really are designing the life that we want. And I use that language all the time and starting to get kind of rote. So I need to switch it up a bit, I think. But the core of the idea is direct your life, follow your passions, give a hundred percent to that passion, that idea, that way of helping and serving people and watch the ripple effect that happens. I think that's super important. So, you know, if we're talking about who are like the people that I look up to in personal development, in, you know, creating meaning and all that kind of stuff, I think really like number one is Brendan Burchard, that guy whose books like the Charge, Millionaire Messenger, Motivation Manifesto, all the books, these books have been highly researched. More importantly, they get you thinking. And it's really helped me in my life and in my journaling reflections and stuff, help advance and so I think his authentic approach to personal development. So, yeah, Brandon's really good. I really think that, you know, journalism is another kind of way to explore the world and kind of come up with thoughts. And so I really admire, like Kara Swisher because I, I guess I still follow stuff in the news in the tech world, but I like how there's this tension in how she approaches interviews or topics where it's not usually so clear cut. And I think that we all could use a little bit more of that objective thinking of like, huh, what am I really trying to learn here? What's the nuance? You know, I think she's been pretty fair with the People she's covered. And so as in a really weird way, part of my personal development journey has been how do you ask questions and hold that tension more, right. And I've had friends that have said that, you know, I've been pretty good at being objective. But you know, there's always that, that next level and I really do admire that about her. So shout out to Kara Swisher, other people in personal development that I absolutely love. There's so, so many, You know, I think Mel Robbins does a really great job. Anthony Trucks I really, really love. I think Sherry Bell, who's out or blue, who's on the podcast last episode about appreciation, like that is, was such a awesome opportunity of just people that are doing good work, get you thinking and call on you to be your best, right? And I think each of those people, you know, Brendan definitely that's his like, you know, core business in a lot of ways is helping you, you know, approach the world authentically yourself. I think Kara Swisher helps you think about the world and less absolute terms which we all could use. And then Sherry of just appreciating people, I think is really good. That's. Those are the three influences. I'm going to say now it'll probably change next week, but there's just so much good content and good people out there doing good things. Pick three is kind of unfair, but those are the three at the top of my mind right in this moment. So if you're wondering how do I deepen my personal development journey, right. Again, my belief is that personal development is socially focused. I think, you know, you can get a lot out of reading a book, but you're going to get more of going to a seminar and getting around people that are on the same path. I think you could get the same type of experience in an online community where you're seeing people's faces, you're getting to know people that are on the journey, you're getting to know a mentor or someone that's really helping you along the way. I think at the highest level, having a one on one conversation with a coach, with a mentor, with an advisor, with someone that's got your back and best interest and has a structure and process is going to be the best way that you will develop personally and you know, whether it's a skill coach, you know, so you're trying to learn how to play soccer. So you have like the world's best soccer coach teaching you. You have a high performance coach that has that amazing process and the built in Coaching skills that we're refining year after year to make sure we're delivering the highest quality coaching experience. That's the coaching that I do outside of the podcast here. And it's fantastic, you know, or whatever, you know, that type of experience that one on one of someone that you know has your back to or can ask you questions that are unique to your situation and kind of personalize that experience so that you're making sure that you're getting the ideas, that you're, you're having your breakthroughs, that you're learning more about yourself, but you're also learning more about the world or learning a different way of how to think and approach things can be super, super valuable. And that's really going to accelerate your growth the most. Right. And so if, if you're interested in coaching, right, you can try it with me. I have, I'll have a link below this where you can sign up either for a free one hour strategy session where I'll take a couple of moments from that session and post it on my YouTube channel just to show and highlight the experience. But on that call, either on the YouTube or if you pay for a private call, which is $197 at the moment of this recording, either way that you go, you're going to go through an application process. And this does a couple of things right? One, it gets you, it asks you a bunch of questions related to high performance that gets you thinking about your life and maybe in a way that you haven't before. And so people really love just those questions. And, you know, so many people, after they go through the application, before we get on the call, they're like, wow, that was a little intense. But I really love how it got me thinking. And so, so that's part of the, the reason for the application. The other part of it is to weed out people that aren't going to give 100%.

Right.

You know, I talked about how my dad had that belief that you give 100% in everything you do. And I'm going to show up 100% for you on that call. So I need you to show up 100% on that application. And I found over the years of coaching that the folks that don't really take that part seriously are not going to take an hour of my time seriously. So it's a little bit of a weed out for that. But, you know, the third thing that that application does is it helps ground me and make sure that I can optimize that hour of coaching of giving you that strategy session where we go over habits and build you a plan over that hour that you can walk out with and implement immediately to start seeing results. So it allows me to tailor the conversation to where you're at in your life and where you need a little bit more focus maybe or some more strategies or some more strategic, tactical things to really help you reach that next level for you. So like I said, coaching is the highest way of going about it. And if you'd like coaching with me, you can go below again this video and either sign up for that free YouTube public session or that you can, you know, pay for that private session. But yeah, I've been doing this for years and I absolutely love those conversations. So anyway, so you go through that application on the call. Well, in general, I'll try to hit most of these five points of helping you find more click clarity in your life, helping you find how to fine tune your energy, how to take some more bold action, how to get a little bit more dialed in on your productivity and how to, you know, inspire and influence people a little bit more and, or just connect with people more. You know, that, that kind of people skill type thing. So yeah, that's the call. That's the strategy session. We focus on those five areas on the call, the application forms, which one of those three points to really highlight during that call. And then we build you a plan so you'll walk away again with some high performance habits. You'll walk away with some personal breakthroughs through that call. And that's awesome, right? And so that could, that's me giving my most effective way of helping you advance in your life, you know, and helping you move forward. And then, you know, after that call, if you still need some extra help or you want to continue, we have that conversation. Just full disclosure. But ultimately it's my job to show up, give you 100% during that hour. Hopefully you show up and you give 100 and we come up with an amazing plan that changes your life. And that's the standard that I hold myself up to. So yeah, definitely click below and take me up on that offer because it is transformational and if not, continue to watch the pot or watch or listen to the podcast. You know, there's a reason why I do this podcast for free or I have a newsletter that you get weekly emails about high performance topics for me for free. It's, you know, I don't want you to meet you wherever you are on your personal development journey and sometimes you just need a couple ideas to get going. But if you really want to again, advance at the quickest pace, one on one, coaching is the way to go. So. Yeah. So I hope the this was informative for you. You know, next week I'll cover another topic, another something that I find meaningful. And I have a couple guests scheduled for December, so hopefully that scheduling sticks and so we'll have some more folks with you. So it's not just me talking into a mic here in my, you know, home office. But, you know, I just want to say lastly, guys, I appreciate you for listening, for watching. I really am always surprised that people take interest in this, but it's here to help. It's here to maybe push you along and challenge you a little bit, I hope. But at the end of the day, you know, we're all on a personal development journey and I hope if it's just for an hour in your car, if it's just for an hour on your walk, that these weekly conversations are helping you move along. That said, guys, we'll see you next week on the Meaningful Revolution. This is Sean Butner signing out. What did you love about the experience of high performance coaching?

I loved so much about high performance coaching with you. I mean, number one, it was the space and it was the commitment that was huge, having the space to do this reflection. But then also that it wasn't just you showing up and saying, whoa, how was your week? What do you want to talk about? Like, you, you had a set of questions and it almost doesn't even matter if you sat there and read them. Like, it just, they're really thoughtful, meaningful questions that caused me to reflect on a deeper level. I remember one of the exercises, I don't remember specifically what the word was that we were kind of focusing on for that session, but you asked me to go back in time, sort of remember from childhood or, you know, earlier years, a time when I was doing those particular things. And I remember that being really powerful because you can sit in the present moment and think like, oh, I want to do these things and I want to be this kind of person. But then to realize, oh, I've already done these things and I've been that kind of person and, and how did I do it and what were the supports around me? And so it helps you. It helped me realize that, I guess it helped me find my own answers to the journey and it wasn't just sitting down with you. And then you tell me, oh, you should do this with your life or this part isn't working and we should problem Solve that. It was just sort of these really intentional questions. And then when you repeat back your big takeaways, that was huge. And then also having that list at the end where it would be sort of, these are your commitments that you've agreed to. And I felt like, oh, I felt like, you know, all of a sudden, oh, I better get my pen out and start writing these things down. Because, you know, next time we meet, you're going to be checking on those things. And did I do them? And sometimes I waited till the very last second to do them. But then that was interesting too, like, why did I wait? So, yeah, I think the structure and the questions were huge.

As a fellow coach and a friend of Sean's, I can tell you he's helped me a number of times in my coaching business. He has this unique ability to really see your potential. Things that are lying just under the surface that you can't really see. He sees them, brings it up in a way that really makes sense and allows you to take action. So if he can coach a coach, he can definitely coach you. I highly recommend Shawn.

Hi. I've had the privilege of working with Sean as my coach, and I just want to tell you that Sean is just an amazing individual. I found him to be very thoughtful, systematic. No surprise with his background.

Right.

And he also really held my feet to the fire. When he saw that I was identifying issues, he really dug deeper and into a level where I was really able to get a breakthrough in my own learning about myself and how to move forward in achieving my goals. So I really appreciated working with him and being able to have someone really help me through some of the difficult challenges that I was dealing with in my personal and professional life. So if you are looking to find a world class coach that's going to help challenge you, that's going to help push you, that's going to help you achieve your goals, whatever they might be that you want, then you're going to want to work with Sean. Thank you so much, Sean, for continuing to support me and being an advocate for me and my goals.