Tell Them How You Feel!

Foreign. This is Sean Butner, host of the Meaningful Revolution. And today's question for you about living more purposeful, feeling more connected, is how are you showing up in your relationships? Because I believe we could all be a little bit more proactive in telling people how we feel feel about them and thinking about that today for this episode. That's what we'll be talking about. Because I recently had a really strange situation happen where I had was looking for some help with some video editing and I hired a friend who I thought had the skills and needed a little bit of help. I thought trying to do somebody solid, figure out how to maybe outsource some of the things that take me a long time to do for this podcast and the other things I do in my coaching business and things got weird really quick. So this has been a year where I feel like just keep rolling with the punches and there's always something new, there's always a new obstacle and figure out and it's not a huge deal. At least it hasn't been for me. But it's been annoying enough to where I just want to get in my routines and crush it. So I hired this person and did a little preliminary work and then had a family crisis. So I ended up going to Chicago to deal with that, with the family thing. And I paid this person in advance for some editing work because they'd done the first couple of tasks. We had an agreement. I thought things were great, basically to keep it, keep the story short. The work wasn't complete, so I paid ahead of time. Basically half the work was done. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be gone for the like three weeks. Really helped me out to do this. Let me pay you ahead of time. So we're not worried about that. And I knew that they needed some help. And yeah, you get try to do nice things in life sometimes and it doesn't work out the way that you thought it would. And yeah, I, I had a point where after missed deadlines over a couple months, kind of like, hey, let's just, we did half the work, pay back half the money, we're good. They agreed. I share this because as frustrating as it's been dealing with this person, this editor that I thought was really solid one, you learn when you're hiring some people in your business that you don't always have the right picker. It's very much like dating where if you keep picking the wrong people, it's probably you, not everyone else. This is the first person that I tried to hire into my business as an editor. So it's a new experience, new learning experience all around. So I have my learnings from that part. You also never know what people are going through. And in this particular case, I don't know what happened on their side. I don't know if they're okay, which is actually kind of worrying. I don't know if this was intentional or not. There's so many things that I just don't have any information on. But sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. And so ultimately that's what I did in this particular case. But it, it got me thinking of that, that saying, you don't really know what people are going through. And as much as it is for acquaintances or even friends, friends, like we don't know what's going on in our family and friends lives enough. I think a lot of people, especially since the pandemic, kind of isolated a bit more and not that's an excuse. I also think, when are you going to say, check in with people? Like, when are you going to say, hey, care about you? When was the last time you called your parent out of the blue just to say, hey, they love you? And I say this because we know that a lot of times when people have regrets in their lives, it's, I didn't have enough time with the important people in my life, or I wish I would have told my spouse I love them more, or I wish so on and so forth, these regrets of not expressing how we feel about people. And so that's why I'm talking about this. So weird situation, weird story to get there, but it is about people. And ultimately, in my career in tech, before being a coach and before doing content and podcasting, it was always the people on the team that made the job great or made the job unsufferable, right? And all it takes is one guy who's looking out for themselves, trying to climb the ladder, trying to make everyone else look bad so they look good to ruin that teen experience. And it got me thinking, like, how can we on a podcast called the Meaningful Revolution, where we're seeking to feel more purposeful, we're seeking to feel inspired to find our thing. How can we interact and get people involved with what we're doing right now? And I pose that question to you because I have a couple of hunches as a coach, as someone that's been in this industry for a while, but there's so many different ways we could go about building that community, building those relationships, building, and then Investing in those important relationships around us that at the end of our lives we will find meaning. There's lots of research in psychology and sociology that say a lot of times it's the people you connect with that you work with, that you help along the way that ultimately lead to that same feeling of fulfillment and happiness in life. And so how do we get more of that in our lives? Because I don't know about you, but I am tired of seeing, looking around in the world and seeing people that are so solely focused on what they can get out of other people or think that they can behave very crudely to other people just because they feel like they're better than. And how does that show up in the world? It's people. It drives me nuts. I love coffee. I love going to a coffee shop. I do a lot of work in coffee shops in my neighborhood. And people that flip out because their coffee is not boiling hot and scream at the poor barista looking up there just berate them for not being able to make a cup of coffee when the person themselves, it just didn't do it themselves. Like, you can ask me for a service and you could. There's a way to say, hey, I'm not happy with this that doesn't involve really putting down other people. We can assert ourselves and bring people along with us. And I firmly believe that how you communicate and how you show up and how you're role modeling for those around you is really important. All that to say and this little rant on people. How do we build solid relationships? If there's one thing to do after listening to this podcast, that'll help you feel a little bit more purposeful, it would be to have a conversation or give a call to one of your important people every day for the next week. Maybe today you're calling mom, tomorrow you're calling dad. In three days you are going to have a nice dinner with your spouse and really talk about life and really just remind them how much you mean to them. And it's these little acts of constantly reminding people or showing people their love language. But I think the idea of everyone is seeking to show and receive love in different ways. If you know your spouse's love language, isn't it like words of affirmation? So saying, hey, you mean really much to me, but maybe it's an act of service. So you clean the bathroom or you take out the trash or you cook a great meal or whatever that is for you, Something that you know they will see as love and just do that. For a week. Again. So seven people each different each day. But just that act of reaching out, that act of connecting, that act of showing how much you love and respect and. And value people is something I think we're missing in the world today. In spades, right? Whatever that means, measured in tons, however you want to say it, that's the one big idea for today's podcast, is who can you call, contact, interact with, and show some love? Do it with a smile on your face and just with the ultimate feeling of generosity of speech. Because, hey, we need it. You take a look around in the world, and we need more people helping each other out. More people reaching out, more people talking about what's going on. So first thing to do is to reach out to people. Second in building relationships is an introspective question, right? And I'm a coach. I love big questions like this. But if you were to think of the one or two people that have influenced you the most in your life. So the people that taught you how to look at the world, the people that taught you how to be in the world, on how to survive and interact in the world, who is that person? Or are those people? And why was it compelling for you to follow them, to listen to them, to learn from them? Because I feel like a lot of connecting with people is learning how we connected ourselves. So for me, my dad was always saying, whatever you do, give a hundred percent of your effort, your energy, your focus to it. He came up, grew up, came up as a carpenter and tradesman. And so that, like, focused work effort of always give your all. And I admire that because he lived it. He embodied that worth ethic. And when I would help him out on jobs, it was like, why are you slacking off? This is what we're doing. Like, stay focused. Why are you talking to people? Whatever it was, he's, hey, we're here. We got a job to do. Let's get it done. That's focus. Let's do it right. All of those adages. But it was that role modeling, right? That for me, is really important in trusting people and listening to people and connecting with people. Like, you can say a bunch of things, but it's what you do, it's how you show up, it's how you act that really matters. And how did the influential people in your life connect and influence you? Because those are, again, once you understand how you yourself connected with people or were influenced by people that you trust and respect, it's much easier to go and emulate that out in the world. Doing this exercise of figuring out how you connect with people gives you a better sense of, oh, like, it's not. At least in that case, it wasn't me. It's oh, people are saying a lot of things but not following through with action. So I can't trust that I'm not the weird one there. But it's using those cues to find your tribe, to find your community, to find the people that will probably support you the most and feel the most natural. And I think that's really powerful. So do the work to think about, like, how are have the most important and influential people in your life connected with you, influenced you, and made a difference in your life, and try to emulate that. I think that's really great. The third thing to do when trying to really connect with people, to make sure that we are feeling this part of the mission is to make sure that you're getting around people, too. As someone that's a solopreneur, meaning I work from home. A lot of the work that I do is with people. Right. As a coach, I talk all the time. I'm doing videos like this or podcasts like this all the time to help build that brand, but there's nobody really else in the business that I'm talking to. So it's crucially important to be constantly reaching out to other folks. Which is why, if you've listened to the Meaningful Revolution podcast for a while, you've heard a lot of my friends that I've met along the way, either from high school. I've had some high school buddies on. I've had people from all different parts of my life so far. Not that I've walked this earth and I feel very grateful for knowing such giving and caring and amazing folks, but connecting with people, actively seeking out peers. So I have a lot of coaching friends or when I did coding, I had a lot of software engineering friends. I still do. Right. I haven't washed my hands of all my software folks, but relationship changes because you're getting a little bit further away from that world, in this world, and that's a whole other thing. But I think you get the point. It's reaching out. It's actively trying to get people that are on the same path, helping you move forward, helping you reach the top of your game or help you or along the way with you on your mission. That's a better way to say it, really. It's again, to just recap, reach out to seven people in the next week, one each day or night or whenever, get it scheduled on your calendar and just give somebody a call, have a conversation with them. Show some love, show how much you mean to them. Second thing, again, answer the question. How are the people that you've most connected with in your life? What help? What made that connection so special and meaningful to you? How did they influence you and why? And how can you emulate that out in the world? And then three is to reach out to the people that you have connected with, the people in your community that are on mission with you and try to be indispensable in that group of folks. And I think this feeling of being purposeful every day, of being inspired by our actions, by following our heart will come. And that's the whole reason why we do this Meaningful Revolution podcast. But that's it, guys. Go and get out with more growth, more joy, and more impacted communities. This is Sean Butner signing off. Thanks for listening to this episode of the Meaningful Revolution Podcast. If you'd like to listen to last week's episode about who hope in action, go to the YouTube channel or Apple Podcasts. And, you know, we talk about what optimism is, and that is acting on our hopes and wishes. It's a really great episode. I know you really like it. Check it out. See you there. See you next time.