Nancy's Take on Reba's Wisdom with Nancy Dakin | Others Over Self Leadership Conference

Ladies and gentlemen, Colonel Retired Nancy Dakin is a 30-year Air Force and Air National Guard veteran who retired in 2019. She's a former enlisted aircraft maintenance troop turned bomber fighter, ISR pilot, 3-time commander, National Air National Guard director, and now she spends her time volunteering with nonprofits that are benefiting veterans and dogs, especially Dachshund Rescue and Service Dogs for Veterans. Ladies and gentlemen, my dear friend, Miss Nancy Dakin.

I read an article once by a famous philosopher, Reba McEntire, who said to thrive in life you need 3 bones: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone. And I think it's absolutely true. Not the part about her being a famous philosopher— obviously she's a country music legend. But I think it's very important that we follow her advice. Now, the wishbone doesn't mean you just sit around and wish for things to happen, right? A wishbone allows you to dream, to set goals, to set milestones to achieve those goals. And our dreams change. What you dreamed as a child isn't necessarily what you dreamed for as a teenager, or as an adult. So sometimes we change our dreams and goals, and sometimes they're changed for us based on circumstance or just life happening, right? Well, I was an Air Force pilot, but I never dreamed of being a pilot. In fact, some of my peers have said things like, I've wanted to be a pilot since the time I could walk. Uh-huh. Or I went to an air show once and I saw those airplanes flying, and I knew that's what I wanted to do when I grew up. Okay, or some people had a family member that was in the military, flew airplanes, and they wanted to follow in their footsteps. That's all great. None of that is true for me. In fact, I had never even heard of an air show until I was already in the military. I actually wanted to be a mechanic like my dad, but I didn't want grease under my nails. Turns out you can be a mechanic and not get grease under your nails. I'm here to prove it. So I didn't even dream of being in the military at all. Not as a teenager, not as a young adult. So at the age of 20, I enlisted in the Air Force on a bet from my sister. She bet me I would get kicked out of basic training before I finished. Well, I made it through basic training. And I got the best job in the world. I got to work on B-1 bombers. I didn't even know what it was. I had to call my sister and ask her what it was. I had no idea, but it was amazing. I loved this job. Got to do avionics and mechanics, and it was incredible. But I was stationed in West Texas, right? Not incredible. Hated it. And what is a 21-year-old gonna do in West Texas?

Right?

So I took college classes in my off time. And there's no such thing as coincidence, right? Well, one of my college professors coincidentally was a B-1 pilot. And I had taken several of his courses. And then one day he said to me, hey, Nance, why don't you try to get a commission and go to pilot training? What? Me? No. I said, I love what I'm doing. I'm good. And he said, I promise you, you'll love this more. Well, I joined the Air Force on a bet. So what do I have to lose? So it was 1991. And I marched down to the recruiter's office. And I said, I would like to know the process to go to pilot training. 2 of them literally laughed out loud. One told me, sweetheart, hell's going to freeze over before you're ever a pilot. And I said, but why? They had all kinds of reasons, so they gave me 4 reasons. They said, well, one, you're a girl. I said, well, thank you for noticing. And, and women don't fly airplanes. And I said, Not true. Part of it was true. Women couldn't fly combat aircraft at the time. Okay. 2, you wear glasses. Again, thanks for noticing. And you can't wear glasses. You need to have perfect vision. So, well, that's weird, because I've seen pilots on the flight line wearing glasses. But okay. 3, you don't have a college degree. Working on it. And 4, you've never flown anything in your life. What do you know about flying? You need a pilot's license. Now, sometimes that was a recommendation and sometimes it was a requirement, but at the time was not a requirement. So I looked at him, I said, that's it? That's all you got? I can finish my degree. I can probably figure out how we get flying lessons. The first 2 are going to be a little tricky. But I now had a goal. I had a dream. I was going to go to pilot training. Why? Not because I was dying to be a pilot. It's because they told me I couldn't, and I was bound and determined to see hell freeze over. So this is where your backbone comes in. Backbone to me means courage. Courage to stand up for yourself. To stand up for your friends and family, to stand up when no one else is standing. It allows you to be accountable, respectful, professional in any situation. And it takes courage to own your mistakes and failures. With those 4 reasons of why I couldn't go to pilot training, I kept on. I kept on with my college classes. Got my degree. I took a second job to pay for flying lessons. Got my license. I researched the regulations and found out that wearing glasses didn't apply to people already in the military, just civilians. But I guess the recruiters missed that sentence, even though it wasn't too hard to find, because I found it. And then in 1993, on April 28th, 2 years after they told me I would never go to training because I was a girl. And 30 years ago today, the Secretary of Defense announced that all aircraft were open to women, including combat-coded aircraft. So all 4 reasons they had given me were now completely invalid. Now all I had to do was Apply, get accepted. Easy peasy, right? No. So by now I was in the Air National Guard, and they told me thousands of people apply for pilot training every year. 10 or so get an interview at the units that are hiring, and of those 10, 1 goes to training. Now there's about maybe 30 units that are hiring a year. So of the thousands that are applying, maybe 100, couple hundred get an interview, and maybe 30 get selected. So you're saying there's a chance, and that's when my backbone and my wishbone kept me going. The process was fairly long and arduous, with many ways to eliminate you before you even begin. But 2 years later, it happened. I applied, I applied, I applied. I got the interview. I got the job. I was the one. And that is when all self-doubt and imposter syndrome set in. What? What was I doing? Careful what you wish for. You might just get it. So before I left for training, I was issued all my flight gear— helmet, flight suit, G-suit, boots, gloves, the whole thing. And I did what everybody else does, or at least I think it's what everybody else does. I don't know. I put it all on and I stood in front of a full-length mirror. I felt very Top Gun. And then I felt very, what have I done? What if I fail? What if I humiliate myself? What if I get airsick, which was a very real possibility since I'd never flown anything like this before and a very real way to get eliminated. But more importantly, what if the recruiters were right? What if? Well, I just had to go and find out. Because you only get one shot. It was a year-long training program, has its ups and downs, but it's very difficult for a reason. So here's where your backbone comes in again. Did I make mistakes? Yes. Did I fail at times? Absolutely. Did I humiliate myself? Almost daily. But I kept going. The courage to continue. So in the words of Winston Churchill, success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. The courage to admit your mistakes and your failures and move on. Easy, right? Well, that's where our funny bone comes in. See, I— as difficult as pilot training was at times, the next 20 years was just as difficult. Plenty of opportunities to fail, plenty of opportunities to humiliate myself, plenty of opportunities to hear, you don't belong here, and plenty of opportunities to show I absolutely belong here. And I had to have a sense of humor Because I was typically the only female pilot in my squadron for those entire 20-plus years. And when you're surrounded by a sea of male egos, you must have a sense of humor and a little sarcasm even. And I thought it was incredibly essential when I had situations like these. So I did end up flying B-1s, and I took a B-1 to an air show. And I'm standing in front of the airplane, in my flight suit. And a gentleman walks up to me and says, I'd like to talk to the pilot. She's right here. What can I do? He looks at the airplane and he looks at me and he said, I don't think so. You're too small to fly something that big. And I said, well, it's a good thing the airplane has no idea how small I am and it flies just fine. Or I had a supervisor when I was an airman who was dead serious, said to me, you don't belong here. God only put women on earth to reproduce, and you need to be home barefoot and pregnant like God intended. I seriously thought he was joking. I laughed out loud. That made him more angry. And I said, you know, I don't think that's what God has intended for me, but if he tells me differently, I'll let you know. And then my all-time favorite from supervisor out on the flight line says, Daken, you're really good at your job. Better than me. And it pisses me off because you're a girl. Yeah, thanks for noticing. But really, really. So we need laughter, right? Laughter is good for the soul. It's good medicine. It releases endorphins, which are feel-good chemicals that reduce stress and negative feelings. And it's okay to be vulnerable and laugh at yourself. I wish I had done it more when I was younger. I took myself very seriously. I thought I always had to work twice as hard as everyone else to be just as good. But now I realize that probably wasn't true. It was just unnecessary stress I put on myself. And I laugh at myself all the time now, and it's very freeing. So laugh. Give yourselves grace. Give each other grace. And remember Reba's wisdom: all you need in life is a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone. And no matter what life throws your way, believe in yourself every day. Thank you for your attention, and please remember all those who gave up all their tomorrows so we could have today. Thank you.