4 Lessons My 40s Taught Me About Life, Beauty, and Becoming | Dr. Shereene Idriss

What if I told you that you can take back control of your skin and your life? And no matter where you're starting from, that control of regaining it back is right at your fingertips? I know. What does your skin and your life have to do with one another? They seem unrelated, but hear me out. The same principles that can heal your skin are the ones that can heal your life. And today I'm going to be sharing with you guys four lessons from my 41 years on this earth that I have learned from my own real bulldozer life moments. And I call them bulldozer moments because there are moments in life where everything that could go wrong went wrong, where I was quite literally flattened and I had to rebuild myself from the ground up. And maybe you're wondering, why is she sharing this now? Isn't this pillow talk germ? Like, why are we going shifting the script? Well, the truth is, I have been sharing these stories all along on Instagram, especially on stories on lives. But when it comes to my content that lives forever, I've always focused on educating about the skin. But if I'm being honest with myself and when I take a step back and I really think about the why I do what I do and why I decide to show up every single day, it's really not just about skin. It really boils down to confidence. And confidence is something I lacked for a very long time. And the reason I keep showing up is because I made a promise to myself in this process that I would become the kind of voice that I wish I had when I was younger. Someone who could remind me that when you truly, truly believe in yourself, when you truly have yourself, change can happen. It's possible. You can change everything from your current situation. Your life, your relationship, your future, your inner peace, and even, yes, your skin. Because losing yourself, unfortunately, it's easy. And I see this every single day in my practice. Once you do lose yourself, and I have seen this, nothing you felt, whether it's your career, your life, your fame, your fortune, your kids can hold, not even your appearance. And the goal of everything I do online and in my office, through education, through pillow talk, term, through these conversations, is genuinely to empower you with the knowledge, the knowledge of the science, the knowledge of your skin, but also the knowledge of my experiences, so that you too know that you're not alone, that you're capable of getting through quite literally anything life throws at you. So whether it is your skin or your life, let's rebuild. And let all remember that things can get better because they Can. And that's why I'm here. And yes, every one of these four lessons that we're about to go over and that I'm about to share with you has something to do with both your skin and your life. Lesson number one, no one, and I say no one is coming to save you. No one is going to be your savior. You are your own best bet. You are your own best investment. And you are your own rescue. And I learned this one a long time ago. Back in 2006, after my second year of med school, I was only 22. I decided to take a year to pursue a year of research, to get into dermatology and to move away from home. And that year changed everything. Up until that point, I was always living at home, from high school through undergrad through med school. And it was very, very comfortable. And the reason I chose to live at home was honestly, financial reasons. My father, a pediatrician, was supporting not just myself, but my two older sisters through med school. And yes, we had student loans, but it was a huge financial burden nonetheless. And so taking a year off was a huge gamble. And it kind of meant I was on my own. And to compound matters, my father that year fell into a massive depression and thought he lost everything. So suddenly I go from feeling excited about my future and potentially independent to feeling completely alone and abandoned. And to top it off, I was making $150 a week in a full time research position, which was barely enough to make ends meet. And it was more of like a nominal fee. But I knew I couldn't afford to fail because Durham was not just competitive, it was nearly impossible to get into and you had to have an in, and I had no in because I didn't know anyone. So I took a year off to. To do research, to prove to the people who were in that I belonged. To publish, to meet people. And it was one of the hardest years of my life as a 22 year old. But it was also the year that I learned one of the most important lessons of my life. That no one was coming to save me. That if I wanted something bad enough, if I wanted the change that I wanted in my life, I would have to be the change that I wanted. I would have to create that change myself. And back then, being my own rescue genuinely meant survival. It meant saying yes to every single opportunity, showing up before anyone else showed up, leaving after everyone else, refusing to quit because I couldn't afford to quit. And if you are in that place right now, I want you to know that I see you that sometimes survival is the season you're in. It's not forever. Sometimes being your own rescue really does mean having to do whatever it takes to just get through the day. But again, the day is not forever. What my 40s are teaching me is that the definition of rescue can expand and can even change. It's not always about pushing your hardest, making sure your sympathetic system is at its highest and you're just going, going, going, going. Sometimes it's about the opposite. It's about stopping and pausing. It's about caring for yourself so radically with the same urgency that you would once reserve for saving yourself to, to the point that you're putting yourself first and you're really, truly caring about yourself. I have spent years building a career, a family, a business, a second business. And somewhere along the way I will say that I forgot my own wellbeing was a non negotiable truly. And you cannot pour into anyone else, yourself included or anything else, if you're running on empty. And that's true not just in life, but also when it comes to beauty and your skin. No cream, no treatment, no dermatologist, not me, not even me can rescue you from you if you are not willing to do the work to help yourself. And that is why I've always come back to a consistent skincare routine. Something that you can turn back to every single day. It is the most radical first act of love that you can do for yourself, to show up for yourself every single day. In addition to obviously sleep, eating well, stress management, not doing any self sabotaging behaviors, those are all of the real anti aging treatments. And the lasers, I love them, but the lasers, those are the push for survival. And you can't really push once you reach your 40s if you're not caring for yourself every day. So whether you are fighting to survive or learning how to sustain being your own, rescue means the same thing. It means showing up for yourself. The number two is about showing up even when you don't want to, even when the world is pushing you down, even when it is awkward af so the last few years have really taught me that there is no perfect moment for you to wait for anything. And no perfect moment is going to show up on a silver platter to tell you it is now that you must start your career. That perfect moment never comes. When I was applying to dermatology back in 2008, I applied to 108 residency programs all over the US and the one program I had not heard back from was Tufts University. And I happened to be in Boston on a trip, and I decided instead of taking Silence as a no, I would go to the department and physically show up and ask them whether or not they were rejecting me to my face, which is a little bit crazy and psychotic. I recognize it. But me showing up, I found out that my invitation had been buried in Silence, someone's spam folder. And that one uncomfortable decision of nearly but not accepting rejection in my face changed the entire course of my career, because I ended up going to Tuft for my dermatology program. And that has really been the theme of my life since. Just keep showing up, even when it's awkward, even when you don't want to, even when no one's watching, even when I do a live and there's only 20 of you. Because if you keep showing up, life will eventually reward you. The ones who quit will never succeed. So when you get rewarded, it may not be right away, not as you expected, but it eventually does. And the same goes for your skin. Everyone wants a quick fix in a miracle in a bottle. They want hope in a jar. But it doesn't work like that. Korean products, they're no different than the regular products. Great skin, just like a great life, is built on consistency over intensity. And I love this phrase for so many things. It's not about doing everything all at once, but it's about doing the little things, the right things at the right time, over and over and over again. Washing your face at night, moisturizing sunscreen in the morning, every single morning. Showing up for your skin, even when you don't see results, even when you're breaking up from your period, even when the lines are actively developing, you consistently show up. And consistency, it feels boring. It's not sexy. It is the most underrated tool of confidence. Because when you stay consistent, you build trust. And when you build trust, you fall in love with yourself and with your skin. So showing up taught me momentum, right? But then I had to learn that even momentum has limits, that chasing perfect can burn you out faster than just standing still. Lesson number three, everyone has a plan. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. AKA perfection is not the goal, but progress is. So by your 40s, right, you learn that perfection isn't real. Not in life, not in beauty, not in skin. You want to believe it's real, attainable, but it's not. And what actually lasts is progress. Again, consistency over intensity. Truly, that is the theme of life. And when it comes to your skin tone, progress looks like maintenance it's not miracles. You're not going to blast your brown spots forever away. And they're not going to stay away. You're going to have to be on top of it. Now, I personally have spent years chasing perfect. Perfect grades, perfect timing, perfect career. But the truth is, perfection doesn't exist. The closer you get to it, the further the goal moves. And, you know, I love this saying that everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face because you have to laugh at life. And if you don't laugh at life, you will be miserable. And I honestly thought I had the perfect plan. I thought I had it made. Until not only did life swing and I get punched, I got knocked off of my feet, heels, whatever. And from the outside, I'll tell you guys, back in 2013, it looked like I was living the dream. I had landed the most coveted job in New York City at a prestigious cosmetic practice. I was learning from the creme de la creme. It looked picture perfect. I was young. I was just got married. Things were looking up. But from the inside, it was a completely different story. I was silently struggling through years of infertility, and I was working for a narcissist. A combination that drained me, drained my soul in every possible way. And just when I thought I was finally catching a break in 2017, after deciding to go through IVF, I finally got pregnant. Then I got fired. Fired while pregnant. No plan, kicked to the curb, no safety net. Just punched, fired, done. No career. My whole career, the one that I had been working to build around my whole identity, fell flat on its face. Life was laughing at my plan, and I was left standing there wondering what the hell was I gonna do next? And on top of it, I have a baby on the way. But that's the thing about getting punched. It wakes you the f up. Sometimes it's the hit that forces you to stop following the plan and start following yourself. I swear to God, it was the best thing thing that ever happened to me. And my 40s have taught me that perfect isn't the goal anymore. It's the process. And being at peace with yourself is. People ask me, how do I get flawless skin? How do I get no pores? And I tell them, unless you want to look like a wax figurine at Madame Tussauds Museum, your skin is supposed to be alive. It's supposed to have pores. It's supposed to change. It's supposed to evolve. And that's called being alive. Because the alternative seems no fun to be stuck at that museum. The closest thing you will ever get to quote unquote, perfection when it comes to your skin is an even skin tone. Which, let's be very honest, is why I'm very passionate about my own skincare line and the major fade line. Because I joke that when your skin tone is even, everything looks brighter and smoother and better. And an even skin tone is next to godliness. But even then, even then, you will never completely erase every brown spot. Forever. You won't. Pigmentation is a long, long, long game. It requires consistency. My middle name, not just intensity. Sunscreen, antioxidants, retinols, A routine every single day, day in and day out. Sunshields, spf, UV visors, you name it. Your skin, just like your life, will reward that consistency. But you don't need perfect. I have brown spots. You just need progress. And if you still want perfect, good luck chasing something that doesn't exist is all I'm going to say about that. Which leads me to number four. When life burns, you, you don't just rebuild, you rebuild stronger and better. And there have been moments in my life where everything quite literally have gone up in flames. Literally. I had a fire in my practice. I'll tell you guys about and figuratively, I had two months after opening my office of fire, A lawsuit from my previous employer, fertility struggles, fired while pregnant. A lawsuit from a multi billion dollar company. And at every point along the way I wanted to quit and I wanted to stop. And I had every reason to, but I didn't. And your 40s will teach you something important. Life does not always give you a clean slate, but it will give you another chance. It's not like after all these moments, ploop, start from the beginning. No, it allowed me to do things better. And you get to decide what is worth rebuilding. You get to decide what it is that you want to stick to and what is that you want to change. And the same goes for your skin. Maybe you didn't take care of your skin in your 20s or 30s. Maybe you didn't wear the sunscreen or you're seeing just the damage now that is okay. The first 40 years of your life, you, genetics, they're given. The next 40 years of your life are not too late. They are earned though. But they're also your moment to start. This is when you build the foundation for how you want to move forward. If you haven't started already, start now by feeding your skin with the right nutrients, the antioxidants, the retinoids, exfoliating acids, the Koic acid, the vitamin C, the hydration, the protection, you name it. Create a routine that supports you and your goals and and not one that punishes you because you can't reach that perfection. And don't be afraid of the cosmetic treatments. They're not superficial. They're tools. And if they help you feel more confident in your own skin, God bless them. Because that confidence shows up with you everywhere and every single day. In your work, in your relationship, in your energy. So don't let the naysayers out there put you down if that is something that you want to do for yourself. But do it with the knowledge by your side. Because when you feel good in your skin, you show up differently in life. You show up differently in this world. And maybe that's what rebuilding is all about. And that's what rebuilding should look like. Not pretending like nothing bad ever happened, but choosing to rise stronger, brighter and better. And maybe even a little softer. Anyway, your 40s. They're not the end of your story. They're your whole rewrite. Hope this video was helpful. I have a lot more of these stories to share. I can go and talk for hours for each one of these stories. If you guys like this video, please let me know below. If you want to know more about different things in my life, please let me know below. I want to make sure that we are a community that is helping each other not just from the outside in, but truly from the inside out. Have a beautiful Sunday. It.