5 Truths That Changed My Life! | Dr. Shereene Idriss

Welcome back, little nerds. It is Thanksgiving weekend, the kickoff to the holiday season, which means that a lot of us are reflecting. Hopefully we're feeling grateful, but honestly, and if I'm being honest, a lot of us are probably feeling anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, disconnected. And over the past few weeks in my office, I have been feeling this at the practice. And I think this is why I want to do this video. Because the holidays have a way of shining a spotlight on our relationships, whether it is our family, our friends, our colleagues, our co workers, or our romantic partners, but especially the relationships that we have with ourselves. I am not a therapist, nor do I ever claim to be. This is something I never want to be. But the reality is I do see nearly 100 patients every single week. And for the past decade, as a dermatologist, if I'm good at anything, it's recognizing patterns and drawing parallels between other people's experiences and, honestly, my own. So today, I want to share with you guys the brutal truth about relationships and. And the five things that I have learned over the years. Not just from my patients experiences, but mostly from my own experiences that have helped me do better by me. This is not to say I am the best version of myself, because I am absolutely not. I'm still a constant work in progress, but these five lessons have changed the course of my life. And if you are heading into this holiday season with anxiety, expectations, pressure, old dynamics, you're going to want to watch this video. And you're going to want to hear these first two, two lessons. Number one, get a pen and paper and start memorizing this. Your circumstance does not get to decide your happiness. It just doesn't. And number two, you cannot control how others treat you, but only how you treat yourself. The last three, you're going to have to watch the video to discover them with me. But those are the ones that help you to stop abandoning yourself, to start setting real boundaries, not just with others, but with yourself. And to walk into this next year as the strongest version of you. I really, really, really, really, really hope, and I want to reiterate that you guys know that I'm not perfect. I do not view myself as perfect. I don't have everything figured out. I am still a mess in many ways. I don't share every detail of my life, but I still mess up. I still learn. I learn from those mistakes. I try not to repeat them, but I get humbled every day. And everything that I'm sharing with you comes from an experience, from the times that I've gotten things wrong. To the times that I've blamed everyone else but myself for everything going wrong. To the times that I had to rebuild myself when I never even wanted to start rebuilding anything again. So I hope this video does not come across as me preaching, and I'm sharing this, because you and I are constantly in this journey of learning together about what helps us feel our best from the outside in, through our skin, but also from the inside out. And part of that journey beyond the skin, at least for me, is from the experiences from the outside world. So this is me keeping my promise to all of you, to constantly be real with you, even when it feels extremely awkward, as it does right now, or even a little vulnerable. Okay, so now, without further ado, let's jump in. As a dermatologist, I see people at their most raw and vulnerable self in my practice, behind closed doors where they have no makeup on, they show up exactly as they are. They're not trying to impress me with the bag that they're carrying, and they're pointing to the parts of themselves that they dislike the most and even use the word hate, which I try to course correct. And given that I genuinely believe in what I do and trying to make people feel better about themselves without taking advantage of their insecurities, like skin care matters, taking care of yourself matters. Feeling refreshed can give you confidence. A procedure can absolutely help someone feel more like themselves. These things are all true, and these things are all forms of self respect. But here's the truth that most people do not realize and actually don't even want to hear it. And I have this discussion every single week in my practice. Your skin care and the procedures that we do can definitely support your confidence, but they're never going to be the source of it. You can brighten your skin so much. You can refresh your face as much as you human possibly can. You can look absolutely incredible with or without the help of yours truly. But all of this will never replace the one relationship that matters the most, and that is the one that you have with yourself. And sadly, the holidays, they bring all of this up to the surface. And I think this is why over the past few weeks, things have been bubbling in the practice and I feel the need to create this video. So here is the brutal truth. If I have to boil it down into one sentence, this is the brutal truth about relationships. Every relationship that you have is only as healthy as the relationship that you have with yourself. Including the relationship, by the way, with your cosmetic derm, I may never make you happy if you're not happy with yourself. And that is something you have to acknowledge. If you are someone who is insecure, you're going to only attract people who feed off of your insecurity. If you do not know your self worth, you're going to have others write that script out for you, whether you like how they write it or not. And they probably will write it in a way that you do not like. And if you abandon yourself, you will tolerate people who abandon you. And I sadly learn these three things the very hard way. Way I did A few years ago when I came to New York, I worked for somebody who was supposed to be my mentor, who was supposed to teach me everything that I know, which quite frankly, she did. She taught me a lot, and I give her a lot of credit for everything that I know in cosmetics. But while I worked for her, my life was miserable because she was a narcissist. And I truly believe that the reason I couldn't get pregnant throughout that period in my life and I had to go through IVF was because of how miserable I was emotionally. I was blocked. Financial, yes, I have physical issues. I have endometriosis and fibroids that can lead to infertility and all the good physical stuff that can get in the way. But the part that I'm not proud of, that I think played the biggest factor was that I wasn't the best version of myself emotionally either. I was reactive, I was snappier. I was constantly unhappy, shifting the blame, being sarcastic, pessimistic, somebody who always tries to see the glass half full. I blamed a lot on my circumstances and especially on her. I can't thrive professionally because of her. She's blocking me. I feel this way because of my work being so busy. My life is just a mess because everything is so off at work because of her. Even though I didn't say that part out loud, I would think it. But looking back, even in a bad environment, I was still choosing my emotional state. I was responsible for that. I had abandoned myself before she ever did. And fast forward a few years later. One day, out of the blue, I was fired. While, ironically, I was finally pregnant. And at first I felt like my world had ended. I felt like everything came crumbling down. But it was actually, in hindsight, the beginning. Because sometimes life has to push you out of the wrong place before you are brave enough to walk out yourself. And if I'm being honest with all of you and myself, I may have never walked out and I may have still been there today. And thank God for her for firing me that I'm not. Because after that, even though I was in the dumps, I was emotionally lighter. I was free to be me. My relationship with myself improved, with my spouse improved, with my patients improved. My career then exploded and my impact grew and I finally found my own voice. Because I wasn't afraid of my voice and I wasn't afraid of letting it out. And because for the first time, I stopped abandoning myself. I took on my own choices as my own. And I was responsible for every choice that I made. And that is how pillow talk. But the story doesn't end there. After I got fired a year after, as I continued to gain momentum professionally in my career, she tried again to dim my light. And she convinced my PR agency at the time to fire me because she was going to hire them for more money. And it turns out that in New York City, money talks. So they did what they did and I got fired from my PR agency. But they didn't know my worth. And I wish I could go back in time and I wish I had recorded that conversation because I told them at the time, you're betting on the wrong horse. Because. Because I finally knew my worth. And oddly enough, I have the moment where I documented that moment where I recognized my self worth on an Instagram story. And here it is. I want to share it with all of you guys because I saved it as a highlight because this video eventually became my fuel.

Oh, I just got back from the l' Oreal Woman of Worth dinner and I just want to say that it was one of the most amazing dinners and events I have ever attended. Just witnessing the power of knowing your self worth and knowing what you can achieve is phenomenal. And I wish I could have recorded it more, but my phone died. And I'm just trying to share this with all of you because I say this over and over again. Know your worth, know what you represent, and know who you are. And tonight struck such a chord inside of me. I don't know why, but it just, it really struck a chord. A few weeks ago, I felt like I was being cornered and bullied by someone. I'm not going to get into it, but I just felt like this person was trying to just keep me small. And all I can say is when you know your value, when you know what you're trying to offer to this world, when you know who you are and what only, only you can do, nobody can dim that light. Nobody can take that away from you. And I don' I'm talking to right now. But I just wanted to share that message if anybody needed to hear it because tonight was such a confirmation of that. Seeing those people who are honored tonight was just such a confirmation. And I'm going to tag them and tag their foundations because it's crazy what you can achieve in this world when you know your self worth.

So looking back that season of my life taught me two of the most important lessons that I have ever learned. Number one, your circumstance does not get to decide your happiness. This is something that we have to really start to say and accept and believe as fact. You can be in the shittiest shit show of life in a difficult environment, but you can still choose how you show up. You cannot control the room that you're in, but you can control who you are when you are in it. You can choose to walk in with integrity. You can choose to walk in with ambition. You can. You can choose to walk in with positive vibes. Number two, you can't control how others treat you. But the only thing that you can control is how you treat yourself. You can't force people to respect you, but you can refuse to abandon yourself and you can walk away from those who chose to disrespect you. In the examples that I have shared with you, the world has shown me that they follow the example that you set for yourself. So know that your worth will shine through. Number three, we have to stop abandoning ourselves. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. And this is actually a very difficult one. You have to have honest conversations with yourselves and really, really, truly get down to the nitty gritty. Where and why am I saying yes when I want to say no? Where am I staying quiet because I'm too afraid to speak up? And instead I'm choosing to keep their peace alive at the own cost of my inner violence. Where am I tolerating behavior that hurts me? Where am I shrinking myself so that I could be perceived as easygoing? Every single time that you betray yourself in answering these questions, you're teaching the world to do the same to you. So this is a very powerful thing to remember, especially for the holiday season, especially as old dynamics resurface, especially as insecurities come into play. Know where and why you're saying yes when in fact you want to say no. And this leads me to takeaway number four. And I do not like this word, but I'm going to use it for a brief moment and explain why I want you guys to start practicing micro authenticity. I hate the Word micro. Micro dose this, micro dose that. I'm frankly over micro things, but in this situation, I'm not. Because you don't need to do a 180 and pop out of the closet and scare everyone off. So practice being 2% more of yourself today and every subsequent day. Consistency over intensity. Even when it comes to being more confident. See what you actually feel. Ask for what you actually need. Let people meet the real you slowly, consistently, over time. Because it is absolutely true that consistency beats intensity every single time. Because authenticity compounds over time. And confidence grows with every honest interaction and every honest moment that you have with yourself and with others. Which leads me to takeaway number five. Protect your peace by knowing your intention. Recently, someone that I supported, someone that I defended, I helped legally, I truly believed and hurt me in a way that I never expected them to. I don't want to go into details because they're still relatively fresh, but this person did something that they knew would cut deep, something that echoed a pain that I had experienced before. And they did this to try to gain leverage after everything that I had done for that person. And I had to be honest with myself. Was I really true and pure in my intention? And I'm being honest with you when I tell you guys that, yes, I did everything because I believe in karma and I wanted to give an opportunity to somebody else that I never had. But a few years ago, had this person treated me this way, with my intention being pure, I would have felt broken. I would have spiraled. I would have overthought every single moment. I would have questioned my worth, my judgment. I would have questioned myself. And I would have been in a dark pit for a few weeks, if not months. But now I let myself feel it for 36 to maximum, 72 hours. And I mean it when I say 72 hours. But I really feel it. I feel the sadness. I let the tears out. I let the anger out. That's where everything comes out. I don't push it away. I don't pretend I'm fine. I let the emotions move through me instead of letting them take over my life and end in me. And then, almost like a dimmer on a light switch, literally, boop. It's like lowering the lights. It softens. It passes. And I move on. Now, how and why? Because I have learned that it is important to honor your feelings. It is important to feel the feels. It is important to know what you're going through. But it's also just as important to understand where responsibility ends. There are moments when you need to sit with the truth. And you need to ask yourself, did I cause this? Was my intention clean? When the answer is truly purely yes. And you know that your intention came from a good and honest place. Something inside of you stops breaking like it used to because you know who you are. And I know who I am. I know what I stand for. And you should know what you stand for too. And in that we refuse to hand over the one thing that none of us will ever get back. And that is time. We refuse to let precious time go back wasted on people who don't appreciate us. So I have a rule for myself. It's a 72 hour rule. Feel it, learn from it. Then get up and begin again. And let's just say, what if my intention wasn't pure? Because we're all human. I don't play the victim card. I own it. I learn from it. And that is what growth looks like. When your heart is truly clean. Disappointments, they do not destroy you anymore. They just show you who someone really is and when it's time to let them go. And if they walk out, God bless. They took themselves out and you don't have to deal with that anymore. And that is how I protect my peace. So as you navigate this upcoming Thanksgiving weekend and upcoming holiday season, the family dynamics, the expectations, the old wounds, the pressures, I really, truly want you to remember this. Your skin care, your routines, your treatments, they can absolutely support you and your confidence, but they will never replace the inner work and the most important work that has to be the one that you do with yourself. Your relationships with everyone else will only be as honest, as loving, as stable as the one that you have with yourself. And when you stop abandoning yourself, when you stop repeating the same painful patterns over and over again, you become not necessarily the best version, but the version of yourself that you were always meant to be and the one that you are comfortable with. You're not behind, you're not broken. You're just finally meeting yourself. And maybe for the first time ever. And I hope you guys enjoyed this video. I was very inspired by the previous video that we did a few weeks ago and hearing and reading all of your stories and as always know that this is a safe space. Please feel free to share below. And if you love this video and you want to see more like this, I'm happy to continuously share. Share. We will always talk skincare first and cosmetics first. But if this is something that you enjoyed, please let me know. And I wish you guys a beautiful Saturday. Have a great holiday season ahead.