Two performers recount a terrifying off-road drive up a Colorado mountain in an Infiniti at 12,400 feet, mixing panic and dark humor as they describe steep terrain, shortness of breath, and the fear of losing control.
I'll tell you a little story. Got some very, very good friends from Florida invite me out to the beautiful state of Colorado. Had a wonderful time because they're very special, but along the way they scared the shit out of me. And this little tale kind of documents that. My homies say, come, let's take a ride. They didn't say it's up a mountainside in a Q Infinity, no less. Had me praying to the Trinity, please bless. Think I lost my masculinity, or maybe my virginity. That shit was hairy, straight scary. My homeboy Steve straight bust my cherry. Divine intervention, I'm gonna need it cause I'm higher than 10 weed hits.
Despite their good intention, they forgot to mention 12,400 feet. Who's gonna hear us when we go beep beep? This shit is hella steep. The fuck I look like, a bighorn sheep? And this ain't no Jeep. Listen, I got one life, I wanna keep it.
It's like a bad Dream I can't pinch.
Tread tires and no motherfucking winch.
They got me sweating like a dog.
Inch by inch. I almost lost my breath.
Having visions of death.
This shit got real.
Niggas like me wasn't meant for hills.
You're straight trippin'. These wheels are slippin'. What you been sippin'? Is it whiskey, my nigga? This shit is risky. And the risk is getting bigger. Talk about frightening. Thunder and lightning. Falling from the motherfucking sky? Fuck the beasties, I will cry. And I won't dry my eye, so don't try. Fuck talking, keep this bullshit up and I'm walking. Matter of fact, give me a tincture for my snake dick. We're steady climbing, my ass is making diamonds. Oh yes, this was just outside of bed. Crawling, hella wicked head. Visions of falling, breathe in, exhale.
There you go.
60 years old with an 18 year old ski brain - High Alpine Runs Breckenridge January 2025
