Blunt But Kind | LeadingLane Podcast | Ep 76

If you were dealing with someone, like, would you want someone to keep on, like, rolling around the edges of not actually getting to the point? And I think I would like to just know so we can move on and fix it and we didn't waste three hours when it would have taken a half hour.

Right. Like, I don't need to, you know, have the most perfect answer solution. And I think where this also goes awry is, yes, personality clashes. But when you give that disclaimer up front, like, this is my personality. This is what you are. You can expect from me. You're. You're giving them those expectations clearly, right up front.

Welcome to the Leading Lane Podcast for Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Stephen Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic and. And raw perspective, you found it.

All right. Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast. Something that I've been told my entire life is that I'm too blunt. I'm too to the point. And I actually used to think that this was a bad thing. And so I tried for many, many years to tiptoe around, and that actually was extremely difficult. And now I don't care. I'm to the point. I'm blunt. I speak what I think. And you always know where you stand with me. So when we're going through this topic, Ashley goes, I'd much rather have somebody be blunt with me. Why is that, Ashley? Why would you much rather have somebody be blunt with you? And to the point.

That we can just get the solution faster, like, less time. Right. If. If we're not blunt, I feel like there's so much extra time spent on the fluff, and then we get lost on the fluff, where if we're just directing to the point, like, many times, it will cut the fluff out and it can just get us to where we need to be, and then we all move on, and then things are moving faster because I like to move at the speed of light so we can keep on them blunt on the forwardness. We're not wasting time with the.

So how is it. And it's funny because when we were on the did the couples podcast, both your husband and my husband, they both like to tell us the whole story and all of the backstory from when they were just, you know, the wee little bit tight. And we talked about. We went bullet points, right? Like, so how is it that in business, like, we. We still have to be able to provide good customer service and making sure that we're kind and I think that's a point right there is being blunt is a lot of times mistaken for being unkind to people, and that's totally not true. So how do you. How do you make sure. When you're dealing with different individuals and their personalities and. And whatnot, how do you still deliver the kindness and customer service? But get to the point.

Yeah, I think that one is a lot of times I'll actually tell my clients from the day one. Like, I'll be like, I'm normally just pretty frank. Like, I'm going to. I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. If you want someone to sugarcoat it for you, I'm probably not the best option for you. I'll still make it rounded for you so that we get to the point. But I'm just like, I normally tell them, like, my goal is so that you know what you're doing, what your expectations are, when you need to be aware. Same with when I go through someone's house when they're getting it ready. I'll normally say, like, I'm very blunt. Nothing is personal. This is what I want you to do with your house. And nine times out of 10 people will say, look, I would want you to be blunt and open with me. And I think it's just like, there are certain times when you need to be blunt. And there's also certain times when you're in a transaction and, you know, okay, so maybe the bluntness might not work right now. So being able to gauge those people. So there's always times in a transaction where you have to make time for listening, make time for concerns. Think, like, when you're getting to know people, you know, get to know their families, those types of things. But for me, like, when we're in the thick of. Thick of everything we're in, the offers, we're in, the negotiations, the more straightforward we can be, the less I feel like that there is confusion and the less uncertainty that either a buyer or a seller feels. So instead of me trying to know, not hurt a seller's feelings with what maybe somebody might be asking, I just think I lead it with. So not the best news that we have. But here's the news, and here are the options versus, you know, why did the inspector say this? Or I don't agree with what the inspector said, or trying to add that extra, you know, I think it's fluff. But it's also like our own feelings are. You know, so many agents throw their feelings into a transaction, and that makes things not Well, I mean anytime you can feel like when the buyer or an agent will be like, well my buyers or you know, this, you know, you can tell that they're putting their energy into it and all that does is derail everyone. So I think that, you know, by me explaining to them that I'm going to be upfront with them and not sugarcoat it for them, I think that people appreciate that. Then I think they also know that when they are talking to me they know that it's not fluff. They know that I'm already to the point direct. And even in emails like I've gotten thanks to chat GPT, I've gotten better with you know, pinpointing emails like in a respond and I'm going to literally like highlight like these are the next three things I need you to do and send right. Instead of like I think that maybe we should do this. And I think if you were to like put it back on yourself if you were dealing with someone like would you want someone to keep on like rolling around the edges of not actually getting to the point? And I think I would like to just know so we can move on and fix it and we didn't waste three hours when it would have taken a half hour.

Right. Like I don't need to, you know, have the most perfect answer solution. Um, and I, and I think where this also goes awry is yes, personality clashes but when you give that disclaimer up front like this is my personality, this is what you are, you can expect from me. You're, you're giving them those expectations clearly right up front and so they're not blindsided being, you know, inside the transaction or anything else. But I, I also think here when like for me it's the frustration of the slow moving side of the people like okay, we got fluff plus we got slow, right? Like we have fluffy and slow over here and I want to get shit done, let's go. And they have to also understand that I don't have to adapt always dust to them like adopt me as well. Like this is a two way street type of thing. And I also feel that when you're throwing in fluff and you're trying to skirt around or beat around the bush, there leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation to where when you are a bullet point, you know, and, and especially negotiations like what you say and how you say things matter. And so when you're trying to lessen the blow of somebody else and put your feelings into it or heighten the blow for somebody. Like, it just leaves more room for, for error and misinterpretation. And I don't have time for that.

Well, I think the other thing too is that when there is too much love, I think that when there is time for seriousness, that it might be harder for people to take that because they have spent so much time in this, like happy, go, lucky, etc. Like we haven't had the real serious conversations yet. And now that we are, then I almost feel like that's when people can take it, maybe that you are being unkind because now it is time to be serious. And so I think that like we as realtors have the duty to, right, be like fair and honest, get to the point. And I think that if we can start transactions with this is a business deal. I think that's the other thing is we have to set these people up from day one. Like, we have to remember that this is not what they do for a living. This is like maybe a transaction that they'll do what, three to five times in their lives potentially. And things change every single time that they have done it. That we have to go back to this. This is a real estate transaction. These are legally binding contracts. So there's a seriousness to real estate that I think people forget about. And you know, I could just pull my contract or I can just walk away, or it's not. I mean, doesn't work that way. So I think that people forget the actual consequences of what can happen in transactions, not just for buyers and sellers, but for realtors as well. And so I do think there has to be this serious side of real estate that people understand that these are big decisions that we're making, these are big financial decisions that we're making, safety and health decisions that we're making. And if we can be straight to the point with what these outcomes mean, I think that it just helps everyone get to the closing table faster, if you will. And I think that in the end they would feel better. You know, you talk about like slow moving. I think that's the other thing is that I think sometimes when you're slow moving too, it causes times for like too much time to think. And it's not like I'm ever trying to rush people. But if you like, wait, like I've had some people, like, they'll review an inspection for like a week. There's a point where like the inspection's not changing from today's results to three days from now's results. Yes. Many times we have to get Estimates on those types of things. But instead of, I think people spend their time with the what ifs. I was like, we like that also. Let's get to the facts first. Let's see if the seller's willing to fix these things first. If they are, then we just wasted three days on what if they don't. Versus, well, seller had no problem fixing those repairs. I think that's the other part of like the slow moving versus the fast moving is not trying to fill people with all the extra, like, what if, what if this doesn't work? What if they don't take this off? Or what if I can't move and whatnot.

Do you think that those people that are the. The what ifs and I mean, know that I call those the stories. Like, they truly sit on that and then that becomes like their own burden and then they like almost shut down because of all of the uncertainty that is out there.

Yeah. You know, so I have a transaction right now that not uncommon. Like, crawl spaces and attics are the two tend to be two worst spots in a house. Right. Because a seller doesn't typically go up in their attic or crawl into their crawl space. And so we had one and there was some microbial growth in the crawl space. Right. And for me, I see it all the time. So, like, I'm like, oh, that's like, we just get a restoration company in here, it's going to be taken care of. Right. But for these buyers, it was like a extreme overwhelm. And then they had anxiety all weekend about like, where it else is in the house, what happens if it doesn't get fixed, you know, all these types of things. And obviously had them come in, sat down, like, went all over, over everything. And like, they both said, like, their anxiety is like over the, the moon. And I again brought them back to, let's just see what our options are. Let's talk to a restoration company. That's why there's restoration companies. I've seen the repairs before. I feel like it's an easy fix. This isn't what you do every day. But let's leave it to the professionals before we start to think of what happens if it doesn't get fixed. What happens if it can't be fixed? Like, can be fixed. We just have to figure out what that's going to cost and what that's going to look like. So I think you're right. Like, they can almost marry. Like, I don't want someone spending their weekend thinking about how transaction is going to fall Apart or this isn't the right house for them, when in all reality it's a fix that can be taken care of and we all move on. So I think it's the ability to have those conversations with your clients too, of like frank conversations as to, I know this is a lot for you to take on. These are our options. Let's not dwell on it for weeks at a time. Let's just figure out what the options are. And once you see them, you might feel perfectly fine to move forward or you may not. And that's okay too.

I feel like when you guide those types of individuals through the transaction and again, it's, they, they've never done it before, so they don't know. For me, it's always, it goes back to, you have three options. You can accept it, you can completely reject it, or let's negotiate it. Like, is this something that you're completely willing to accept on it sounds like it's a no. Is it something that you're saying no, you don't want and this is a dead stop deal. You didn't say that. So let's see what we can negotiate and see where we're at and just go down that pathway. And I think when you always, like for me, when I always brought it all back to that three points of you can accept it, reject it, or negotiate which one. And for each of the issues and so they can start seeing and it's almost like a process of elimination for them to help them dissect it a little bit easier and then come to the conclusion themselves of, oh, look, we're not still on the hook, we're seeing what's out there. And let's now identify when is the drop dead. Like, what is your absolute no. So if we get there, I can, you know, signal the red flag that we need to have a stopping point and have another discussion.

And I think the other thing too is sometimes trying to have those people put themselves like in the other, like, put themselves in the seller's position. Like, what would you expect? What would you think? Right. So like in that situation, there were other minor things that were mentioned in the home inspection report. And then I just said, you're like, you got to take a step back. What's more important? Like, is this GFCI more important or is this crawl space more important? You know, and I think there are some agents that just say, like, you should just ask for the moon and the stars even looked at client even. It's like, do you think it's Good. If we just ask for everything to like overwhelm them and then they'll maybe come back with something in the middle. And I was like, I mean that's not the way I would approach it. I would approach it with these are the most realistic concerns that we have. And I think that if you're fair to begin with, that's what sellers are looking for. And so I think it's just that people are afraid to have those discussions with their clients or they never want their clients to appear like upset with them or whatnot. Where I think my clients prefer that I just tell it like it is. That's what I've found. And they appreciate that more in the long run versus then we wasted all this other time of non essential negotiations which was frustrating and overwhelming for everyone as well.

So we're talking a lot about, you know, the blunt and to the point in transaction. What about in personal world? Like have you had issues with friends or acquaintances in the past saying, well, actually you're just too damn blunt. How do you handle those in a personal setting?

Well, we're probably not that good of friends anymore. Yeah, right. But I think that it's over time, like you find your people. Right. And I'll be honest, like, much like you, I wasn't always blunt. I used to keep a lot of things to myself. I used to stew on things. But at the end of the day, I guess, you know, through growth and whatnot, I realized that that doesn't benefit me either. I'm not trying to change my mold to fit into someone else's form. And I think that, I don't know, I mean, you see, my bluntness doesn't seem to bother you too much. Right. And I, I think that it's always done with the right intentions. Like I don't ever try to be blunt with someone to be mean or to be harmful. But we also need friends that are going to tell it like it is. I don't want the friend either. That's going to always soothe the soul, right. And be like, oh, like how, how dare this happen to run Like I need the friends. They're going to be like, do you think that that's really the case or do you think maybe you're looking at it from the wrong angle? But I also think like in the long run that's probably shifted some people out of my life that I didn't mean in my life or weren't helping me grow. Where my friends now, I think like they come to me looking for support because they know that I'm not going to sugar quote it for them. I'm not going to say like, oh, you're completely right. Yep. I would be upset too. I might. I mean, we have a couple conversations where I'm like, no, like we are adults. Like, we need to have those conversations. As much as that sucks. I know that you don't want to hear that from me, but I'm going to challenge you to have that conversation with so and so. So I think that on the personal level, it comes with time and I think again, like, I think you get better friendships when you can be frank with one another versus all of the fluff. There's always times for fluff, right? For birthdays and celebrations and all that stuff. But when we're talking about real life matters and things that are tough in life, I just don't think that being fluff gets us to helping those situations. But I mean, obviously we all know and love Stephen Birch and we know that he is to the point. So how do you think that that has shaped your personal relationships?

Well, I honestly think that for me, being my true authentic self, like not trying to hide and, you know, scale back or dim the light down of, well, let me not be, you know, say what I truly think. Like, it's the more that I step into being truly who I am, the more the better quality friendship relationships that I have around me. So because I think again, like that, that field, it's almost like I'm thinking like a bubble, right? Like I'm completely in this bubble that I'm putting myself in and the more that I can being me, like, I'm lessening the amount of space in there and I don't have to fill the space, fill the void because I'm my true authentic self. I don't know if that makes sense, but like, I think it's better, right, like, and also better. It may not be better for everybody else around me all the time, but it's better for myself, my mental self being and self worth of who I am and, and whatnot. So I think it also has allowed me to see that I don't need to have everybody in my life like that on that level again, not that I'm trying to be mean or anything. It just allows me to control the environment of I don't want to go down that space and be somebody that I'm not. I don't need to act and pretend and if you don't like me, that's okay. I'm okay with that.

You know, I saw this TikTok, I'll have to send it to you. But it was. I don't know if you, like, watch any of the, like, Shaq and Charles Barkley stuff.

I haven't.

Well, you should, because they're hilarious, right? Like, they're two gentle giants, but they, like, say such inappropriate things, but it's always hilarious. So there was this one where Charles Barkley said something about, I can't remember what he said. And so, like, the. The TV producers, like, called them all in at, like, 3am in the morning and basically told him that he needed to make an apology on air the next day, that it was, like, live and everything. So he says, yep, I understand, or whatnot. So then they go live. And he basically says, you can kiss my ass. It's my opinion. If you don't like me, that's not my problem. That's on you. I'm telling it like it is. And like, everyone. It's like Shaq telling the story from how everyone was like, oh, my gosh, he did what? But. Right. He was, like, unapologetically himself. Like, he wasn't going to change just because some producer told him to. So I think we talk about, you know, being authentic, and I also hope that at some point in time, like, that rubs off on to the people, whether it's my co workers, whether it's friends or family, but then they can see that they don't have to hide in some type of shell that they're used to. You know, I always say, like, I think Jessica is a prime example. She started off as the quaint little, never says a word mouse. Right. Not the case today. Which we love her for. Right. But I think that's because she was around others that are blunt and tell it like it is and want to get to the end goal faster. And I think that that's helped her, you know, excel in. In her career.

Did I ever tell you about the time when I was there in your office and Jessica had to give me a ride to your house?

I think. I think. And then, like, you got in the car and our podcast was on, and.

I heard our voices, and I was like, what is happening in here? So, Jessica, I hope that you're listening right now, and I can see your face getting beat red. And it was a great time, great memory.

I appreciate it.

Yeah. But, like, I think that's the goal as a leader. Right? Like, our. Our job as leaders is to not have all of the answers to everything. Our job is actually to create an Environment that allows everybody to come together and be heard and celebrated and grow together. So I think that the more that you can be authentic, truly yourself, helping coming from a place of caring compassion to build others naturally will then create a company of very powerful people that have so much loyalty that they, they're never going to go anywhere else or if they do, you've impacted their life so much that it's going to be a very great step for them.

So I agree with that. I think the other point of that, and I had this discussion with someone last week, was that leaders don't always have to be the actual leader. So like the leader of the company, right. There should be other leaders within. And leaders is the loose term of that. You might not be the broker owner, you might not be the CEO, but you're a leader within your company by the way that you do things right. So like if you are an agent and you see another agent being mistreated, or you're an agent and you're staying after hours to help with things at the office, right? Like those are leader type qualities that then you would hope that other people see and start to pick up and start to do those little things too. So I always encourage people like, you don't have to be the leader. To be a leader, absolutely. You have to do the right thing.

It's a ripple effect, right. And, and I definitely, you know, you saying that like maybe it's not said enough like my goal is to create other leaders and within, you know, our organization, our company and anybody that you know is around and the expectation is for you to help others build them up as well. And you know, I, there's so many different scenarios and stories that are popping my head now that you, you've said that. But we all are in different journeys in all, all of our lives and we may experience some things and maybe not on others, but once you learn, I feel like it's your job to turn around and help the next person pull, pull them up from where you once were and I'll get them where you are now. So, yeah, leadership is not a title at all. There's people out there that I know that have titles. I'm like, definitely not a leader. Not doing it right.

Actions speak louder than words 100%. So.

Well, if you were to give yourself advice now know, knowing it's okay to be blunt, it's okay to be honest, it's okay not to dim your light. So talk to Ashley 10 years ago, what would be one piece of advice that you would give her wow.

I mean, I was a completely different person 10 years ago. I think if I had to think and all the things that have happened was to probably not be afraid to speak your mind. Because, you know, someone said it to me the other day and I kind of sat on it for a while. But they said you're normally quiet in meetings. Like these are like board meetings or etc, but when you do speak, everyone listens. And I did take that to heart because again, I think it's more of that fluff. Like I'm not going to have these extra side conversations. But it is meaningful that then when I do speak, people know that it's serious, it's been thoughtful or whatnot. And I used to just hold all those thoughts back and keep them to myself. But I didn't get to where I am today by not speaking my mind or not standing up for things when I thought that there was injustices or things that needed to change. So I think that would have been probably the biggest thing was to not be afraid to speak up.

No, I think that's great.

What about you? 10 years ago?

10 years ago. I think that mine would be that don't hold back, right? Like don't dim your light. Don't hold back the more loud vocal that you are. And, and I mean that in not like a showboaty way. The. The same as you. Like when you speak, you know that you're bringing true, factual things to the table. So make sure that you are still coming again from that place of heart. But don't hold back. It's going to attract more people than it is going to push away those that are pushing away and get them away from you sooner and don't try to evolve to them. Have them evolve to you.

Ideal.

So good. Good topic. Love it. Always so blunt. That's okay though. Well, thank you for listening to today's podcast. As always, if you have a topic or would like to be a guest on our podcast, reach out to us. We'd love to have you.

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