Boundaries, Notifications, and Value | LeadingLane Podcast | Ep 41

Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast for Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Stephen Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic and raw perspective, you found it.

Thanks for tuning in today. For today's podcast we're going to talk about some good little boundary settings. And I think for me at least, boundaries was always something that was like, oh, that's kind of woo, woo. Like that's really not important, right? Like that's, that's something that I don't need. That's for everybody else. But in reality, boundaries, if you don't set boundaries, I've learned if you don't set boundaries and personal life, business life, you're gonna allow other people to run your personal life and allow them to run your business life too. So we're talking about like notifications and constantly being on your phone. You want to share your story, Ashley, about what, what that looked like for you?

Yeah, a couple of things. I mean, I also thought that it would be great to have notifications on my watch because right, we're in real estate so we're supposed to be readily available, in case you didn't know. And I think it got to a point where I felt like I wasn't in really engaging with someone. I also started to feel it on the back end. So like I'd be in a one to one meeting with someone and I would be talking to them and then they'd be like, like scrolling through like whatever message just came through. And then I, sometimes I'd stop talking and then I, and then I don't even think they realized I stopped talking. And then I'd say like, are you done? Are you ready? Oh yeah, yeah. Got a message or whatnot. So I think it was about five years ago I turned notifications off on my watch. I know whenever I tell someone that they're like, how, how like you have to have those. And I think back, like there was a time that we didn't have those and we did just fine. And it was a mental health awareness. Reality check for me is that I was addicted to my watch more or less to see every single text message, see everything, you know, every phone call. And it's just not healthy. And I think it's not fair to the other party either that you're having a conversation with. And I can't stand it when I'm with people or at conferences and you're having conversations and people are acknowledging or responding on their phone. I just think that it's actually really disrespectful. And I think that you're not engaging because you're literally not like you're reading the message so you're obviously not taking in what the person is saying. And I guess again I'm more in the aspect of like someone will, it's going to be okay. If it's 10 minutes before I respond to your text message, it's going to be okay. I don't even get like emails. I don't want to know anything. Like same thing. It goes back to being present for your email. So if I got the email on my watch, I probably read it. I'll get back to that later. Likely forgot to get back to it where now I just have like dedicated time that I'm okay, I'm going to be in my emails for the next 15 minutes and then I can actually respond to people with my full attention versus half assed on my watch. So I think that.

Sorry.

No, go ahead.

What do you, what do you think the reason is that we like, we shifted Like, I mean in this, not just industry, just maybe in the society in general. Like we shifted all of a sudden to having to do everything right now. What do you think is the cause for that?

I think twofold, probably a little bit of fomo. Like what am I missing, you know, by not having readily available or, you know, I know some people also have their like Facebook notifications set up to notify them on their watch, which would literally put me over the edge, I think, you know, fear of missing out. But then I also think it goes back to the instant gratification that we didn't used to be a society that needed that and what are a little bit more of a society that needs that. But I think that it's, I don't know, it's, it's almost like a sickness of having to be like readily available. It's. I mean, and I, I do think it is a little bit of a. Addiction. There's phone addiction. I, I think that it's very true. You know, I was, I think it was Friday. It wouldn't, it was the most random thing. Someone text messaged me like one and they asked if I could go to Happy hour at 3 and like, oddly enough my calendar was open so I was like sure. And I remember I told the girls I'd be back in an hour. I mean I didn't come back until seven and you know, I didn't have my, I kept my phone like off to the side and I didn't check it and I obviously had no notifications on my watch. And it was like the best four hours of conversation. You know, there were parts of me, like, slight anxiety, like, like, I wonder if anyone's trying to get a hold of me. But I was like, yeah, like, no. Like, no houses are going to be burning down or anything like that, right. Got to the end of the dinner and I think I had like two text messages when it was Ben, which was like, when are you coming home? You know, So I think that it, it is just we get in this panic of. I, I mean, actually I think it's anxiety of like I missed a call and someone's going to call someone else or I missed a call and, you know, they're gonna be mad that I didn't answer. And I think it comes back to preparing our clients ahead of time as to expectations.

And I, I think too, like, it's a scarcity mindset, at least for me. Like, you know, when I asked you that question, I was trying to think of like, what it was that like, really made me switch over. Like, I remember, like when emails first can come on your phone, like, and just on BlackBerry, right? Like how we wanted everything right there at our fingertips and you're constantly glued to it. But then it comes into the scarcity mindset because if they're calling you or reaching out to you then, and you don't get to them quick enough or respond quick enough, like, they're going to go down to the next person down the line and then you're missing out on that paycheck now. And so like making sure that you are there, you answer your phone, right? But I mean, we said this before, like, but you know, back in the day when my grandma, you know, like, they, people would call the office, like they would call or walk into the office and they wouldn't have, they don't have cells of there. They didn't have cell phones back then. And I even remember my grandma, you know, putting not only her office phone number but her home phone number on all of her marketing and everything. So she legit either had to be at the office or at home to be taking these phone calls. But then you have, then the cell phone come into play and then you have the smartphone, right? Like, and it's funny to see how quickly technology has advanced and how we are so reliant upon, upon that technology. But we're in a relationship business and we're in relationship world and the people that are in front of you not on the technology face to Face. Those are opportunities that, you know, you could be missing out on because you're focusing on something that is not even remotely important in the moment whatsoever.

Yeah, I was talking with a client, and not a client, an agent. And he said that he had been at a wedding a couple weekends ago, and he stepped out of the reception like, three or four times to answer a phone call. And I was just, nope. Yeah, you know, I. I literally said, that cannot happen in the future. And I was like, that's not fair to the people that you're with now. If it was something dire, great. And that's what I asked, like, were these your current clients? Is it a transaction that you're under? And he's like, no, they just, you know, there are new phone calls, and I figured that they're a lead and I should take it. And I just said, I just personally doing great. And I just don't think that that, that is real life. And if it's really important, then they will call you back or they'll leave a message. And I just said, you know, I think I used to be that way. And then I also just found, like, the people that are just going to go down a list and call whoever answers first probably isn't the client that I want to work with anyway, because then it's going to be like that the whole entire transaction, right? So, like, if you call them immediately, I think it was a little bit of a light bulb moment for him that it's okay to not. And I just said, you know, put your phone on silent. And, you know, the other thing you can do, which I've tried to do is, you know, touch base with all your clients before the weekend. So buyers, sellers, you know, here. Here's where we at. Shouldn't have to hear from me for another week. And then that should really limit. If a new phone call comes in, most people will leave a message. And again, if not, then it's okay. There's someone right behind them that's going to be a really good client.

Right. And, you know, there's difference of personalities of, you know, the different clients that you work with. I remember Shani, our property manager, she was getting frustrated that this owner would call in constantly, right, like, and take it would interrupt what she was doing, and she had to stop and have the conversation and, you know, provide the update. And so I challenged her. I said, I mean, kind of like what you were just saying, Peter to the punch. Like, you reach out then. And if she's calling every single day, wanting an Update you then make it your priority first thing in the morning to call her and change the position of the conversation instead of you having, allowing her to interrupt. And that's not what she was obviously trying to do. She wanted additional information, so beat her to the punch. And that's kind of where like I think when you figure out those systems and figure out who you're working with on the other side, you can then put a process in play to be able to make it that you're not constantly married or connected to your freaking phone. My favorite feature on my phone is the text message. Like you can customize it, right? Like when somebody's calling, I can ignore the call and it says, hey, sorry, I'm with somebody currently, I'll call you, you know, when I'm done, or I do this when I'm on vacation. Hey, I'm currently out of the office. Please reach out and put the information for the office phone number, the email that they can email as well. And I'll contact you when I get back. Right. So it's already pre written. All I have to do is press two buttons and typically people are like, oh, you know, no big deal, you know, just get me, get back with me whenever you can. But it's, I'm still acknowledging them, I'm replying back to them but, but I'm giving them a little bit more of a directive of when or expectation of when I'm going to be able to reach out to them.

Yeah, you know, the other thing that came up in that conversation was just taking phone calls when you're not in a good, in a good place to take a phone call, like whether you're in the car or whatnot. And I think he said he was with, you know, his daughters and then thought it was going to be a five minute phone call and it turned into a 20 minute phone call. And that was like last time with his daughters. Then he also said, right, like this person gave him a whole bunch of information while he was driving at the time. So it's not like he was able to write down all of the information. So then you have to call that person back and you're kind of missing half of what they told you. So I said, you know, like, right, wouldn't that have been great just to let the phone call come through because you weren't in a good space to take it and then you could have actually set the time, had paper in front of you, had your computer in front of you so you could have answered all their questions. Could have made their notes right away, which would have, you know, made you look more professional to start with. I think that where that comes from is, you know, all these real estate mastermind groups and everything, which those groups have gotten, like, off the deep end lately. But, you know, it always says, like, answer your damn phone. And it is. I think I've said this before, but it just really frustrates me because I don't think that I get it. Like, I get you need to call people back. I think I saw someone that yesterday they said there should be a requirement for how many listings you can have. That agent had five listings and she hasn't returned my call in an hour. And I was just like, okay, I've got 30 some. So no. And here's the other thing. Like, if I'm in a meeting, like, sometimes I'm in a board meeting that's two hours long, you know, or I'm out showing houses for an hour and a half, Like, I'm not gonna call or interrupt that client. So just leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can. I don't know how we got into this. You're a horrible agent if you didn't pick up the phone because you're in a meeting.

We legit, like, have this conversation all the time. Now. Do I think that people should answer? Absolutely. But I don't think that answering, answering and acknowledging are two totally different things. I think that there you should have some sort of method to be able to say, hey, you know, kind of like I said with the text message, whatever it's going to be acknowledge that you, you hear them or, you know, send them a text afterwards, whatever. But it does not mean you have to get somebody on the phone right then and there. We had an agent in a transaction that legit through a bitch fit with one of our agents. And she's one of our top performing agents. And she was busy on other appointments. And so then she called the office and she made this big scene about how this, our agent doesn't ever answer, how unprofessional, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like all of these different things. And then come to find out the agent sent 14 emails back to back to back to back in this time. And then so like, when our agent finally was like, hey, I, I'm in other meetings, like, I, I have a business to run. Like, I can't be at your beck and call. Like, that agent lost her every living shit called Ryan went on to this whole thing about how we're unprofessional and all of this stuff and just like went on this rant. But like, I kind of want to flip this around. The people that maybe aren't answering their phones, like, they're actually running and doing business. And maybe the people that are fixated that, you know, they're not answering your phone, maybe you need to pick up and do more business or get out of the industry. Like toodaloo. It's insane.

Well, and sometimes I think the crazy part is, is it'll. You'll call them back, you know, after they've left you five voicemails in one hour. And it's like, normally a stupid question or like something that was on the MLS or something that, like, you couldn't have just text me that. Because here's the thing, like, sometimes in meetings, right, we're trying not to get distracted, but I could respond to a text message. I can't necessarily, like, pop out of the meeting and take a phone call. But if it were dire, I could be like, yep, like, call the office or, you know, whatever that is. But I think it comes back to just like a respect thing and also trying to put yourself in their shoes. Like, if you were maybe that agent is with, you know, write an offer right now. I wouldn't answer the phone if I was writing an offer with a client right now. So I think that that's where we just have to get away from again, like, the immediate gratification. And if, if you're not, if you don't have it, it means something's. Somebody's doing something wrong. So we have to be able to put on in those boundaries of expectations of we are all busy and you might not get a call back in 20 minutes and it is not the end of the world.

Right? Your lack of preparation does not constitute an emergency on my side, right? Not at all. Like, you need to do your research and education. And so this last week, like, since all of this was happening, one of the things I told everybody in our sales meeting, if you have an iPhone, right, like, you know, those Android users need to change your phone. But anyways, on your. On your iPhone, on the new update, we now have to. Where we can record the phone call. Like, we press the button. And I said my best, like the way that I'm going to start doing this, a, I don't like talking on the phone anyway. But when another agent calls, I would be pressing that record button and it says the call is now being recorded. I bet you that their tone is going to change completely with you because now there's. They're being recorded and now they're going to have accountability because if they act a fool like that, like I would love to be able to pull the call when that other agent called our office because all of our office calls are recorded. Just to be able to see and then be able to provide that back to her and say like you, you think that this is actually professional the way that you're handling it, just because you're throwing a bitch fit. But lean into technology, use technology. And I'm going to be pushing all of my agents to be recording all of those phone calls because I think it's unacceptable how agents treat other people. And not just other agents, but people out there in general. Like, it's insane how people talk to one another.

Yeah. And I think that that's kind of like the world that we live in right now too. Right. Like not just real estate related, but people are just rude all the time. And I don't, I don't necessarily understand and I try not to be. And you know, sometimes people catch you at a heart, you know, at a bad time, but you try to just like take a deep breath and 1, 2, 3, 4, in, hold out, right. I mean, again, you never know what someone's experiencing. But I think that that can tie back to like value, which we talked about was the other piece of what we wanted to talk about. And I think it's like one valuing yourself, your mental space, your own energy, your time with loved ones. Like, we have to be able to learn how to value those times so that we're not at everyone's backing call or they were not walking out of weddings to take a phone call about something that didn't, you know, could have been addressed later. But I mean, as far as value, I know you kind of had another idea with that. People that are giving value and you know, it's not always about monetary returns. Right.

And the point that I also want to make here too is that intentionality, right? You like, whoever you're in front of being extremely intentional. And um, my coach, she said you need, need to focus on your potency. And I was like, what, what do you mean by that? Like, when you're in front of somebody, like, you need to make sure that you are being extremely potent, you're being extremely intentional. So that conversation is impactful and meaningful. Then, then you can focus on whatever you need to thereafter. So. But yeah, as far as the value, and I, I think the, the transition in here you, you made it perfect. Is valuing, valuing yourself first and making sure that you're, you're setting the boundaries for yourself. Like boundaries are for you, not for everybody else. Right. It's to protect yourself and your mental state. And when we, when we talk about value and what we're doing more. So this conversation was on the marketing side of things, like how do I, how do I get somebody to use me? How do I get somebody to want to work with me? And I think it's a showing value. But that value starts with your self reflection first, but it's providing the, the education, it's providing the communication, it's providing all of these different aspects and it does not need to be tied directly with monetary incentives. And I think that we focus, hyper focus on the bullseye of trying to make sure that we get this transaction, we answer this phone right now. Everything is always going to have to be like straight for the jugular for everything that we're doing. But when we step back and we can share our knowledge, try to impact other people. You shared a great quote, you know, with a little bit ago about essentially making sure that you're there for everybody else. Right. Like when you put those things out there into the world, naturally people are going to be drawn to you. Naturally people are going to start working with you. I always say be their broker before you're actually their broker. Educate. And people will then come and then the monetary will come afterwards. But you can't do all of that without the, the boundaries and the value being intentional with what you're doing and not having that commission breath constantly.

Like it's, well, and I think it's not, you know, just not even the be your, you know, broker or you're the broker. I mean, it's be their, you know, realtor before you're their realtor. Absolutely. Because when you're just providing knowledge. Right. And no one else is, you get to be seen as the expert because you're free, freely giving that advice, not expecting anything in return. And then they start to be like, oh, like, yep, she's the only one that's sharing this. Like, I think that it's almost like you want them to feel like you are their realtor even though you're not. And then when it becomes time, you're just the automatic thought because you've been sharing value all along.

Absolutely. I mean, you don't, you can relate this to anything. Be their friend before you're actually their friend. Right. Be kind.

I think you and I both can Relate to that and that, you know, we'll share things and then somebody will send a Facebook message about, like, oh, I needed to hear that today. And Right. Like, y. I didn't post that thinking I needed to, you know, that it was going to affect so and so today, but they sent a message that it meant a lot to them, and that's what they needed to hear. So, you know, we were a bit of inspiration for them that day, and they'll remember that.

And I think it's. It goes back. It's funny that everything goes back to vulnerability and being open. Right. And with. With this, too. Like, I think I shared with you, and maybe I didn't. After our summit that we had in Cleveland, there was somebody that I said in passing, I was like, this person has never even spoken to me before. Like, I've known of her for or, you know, five years, six years. However she long. She's been a part of the company. And then I had a mutual friend. She was like, well, she said the same exact thing about you. I was like, well, holy. Like, that's a chin check. Like, let me look in the mirror. And that's where, like, I need to. Instead of making the assumption that this person doesn't want to speak to me or anything else, like, I need to be their friend before I'm actually their friend. So I sent an apology to this other person, and I was like, hey, like, I just wanted to let you know that I said this. This other person said that. You said something very similar. And it's my fault. Like, I'm sorry that I did not look in the mirror. And you know what? She turned around and she's like, you know, I did the same exact thing. We are our own worst critics. We need to step into not allowing these stories to stop us. But I think it's being vulnerable. And even if we don't have a friendship or even if we don't have a relationship, like, we now have a. The guard is down. We don't have to have this, like, oh, she doesn't like me, mean girls aspect of things. Like, we can move forward and help each other out and build each other up. And that's what it's all about.

Yeah. And I think it's like, when you're in those rooms, too, and right there might be, like, this uncomfortable feeling. Like, I've just tried to focus on just going on, like, introducing myself, even if. Right. Like, we. You run the same spheres, so you think that people might know who you are, but people are Intimidated or people, you know, oh, she has an rbf. I can't approach her. Right. Like, but if you make that, like, mad dash for them and be like, I don't think you've ever met, you know, and, like, it can open up this whole theory of, like, fun stuff that would have never have happened had you not have just tried to break the ice.

Yep, absolutely. And so value is all the way around. Right. Like, and in. We were talking about your culture and how to do these different things. And how do you. How do you explain somebody to create culture? Like, it's difficult. Same thing with value. Like, how do you. How do you tell somebody to go and provide value? And I think at the end of the day, like, all of it boils back down to is, is you and what is your true intentions? And because you have that, your value of what you provide is different value than mine. Not that it's better or worse or anything else, but, like, we are our own superheroes. And so therefore, when we step into our own, like, then our value is going to come naturally. Right? Like, our. Our intentionality is going to come naturally. Like, all of these things are going to be overflowing. But until we actually become our own, we're not ever going to really experience that. And to be able to share that with the world, I think it also.

Goes back to being authentic. Right. Because you can try to put on this front of someone that you are, which that's hard to hold up to. Plus it'll come out that that's not actually you. So, I mean, I literally just tell people, like, either you like me or you don't, and that's okay. And the people that do, like, get to have a lot of fun and we have a great time. The ones that don't, like, well, missing out, you know? And we have to get to that point where we're okay with people that are intimidated or don't like us or just will never like people because maybe they're miserable human beings. Right. There are those. But we have to get to that point where, yeah, we're quirky and this is the way we are, and some people will attract, and some people we won't, and it's okay.

Yep. And I'm a okay with that. It's taken me a long time to be able to get where I am now. And I think also we've said this before too. Is that, like, it's forever evolving. It's something that I don't think that is just an on switch, off switch. Like, this is something that we constantly have to work on ourselves, and then we'll then overflow naturally from there, too. But I'm okay if you don't like me. That's great. There's more people in the world, and, you know, I want to make sure that I'm living in my true skin and having happiness and joy with myself. And my. My goal is to be able to bring people with me that want to go on with that journey with me.

Yeah. Whether it's a yacht or a jet.

Or both, I'm here for it, man. Let's make it happen. Cool. Well, thanks for tuning in for today's podcast. Please, like, subscribe and share. And as always, if there's any topics or if you want to be a guest on our podcast, please reach out to us. We would love to have you.

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