https://www.listennotes.com/e/386242939c604320a3bb4cfe1c77fcf3

You'Re always on vacation and they say that it must be nice type of thing. And it is, you have to go through the suck constantly. And I think that as life evolves, the definition of whatever the suck is at the time is going to evolve with it too. There's going to be things that when we first started in real estate, at least for me, like those are so minute now that like, that's easy. It's almost laughable.

Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast. For Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros with your hosts Ashley Frederick and Stephen Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic and raw perspective, you found it.

All right, everyone, welcome back to the Leading Lane podcast. Thank you for joining us this week. We are back from a lovely and much needed week off and vacation away and per usual, stuff tends to come up while we're on vacation about some good topics or things that we can talk about when we get back. So this is actually brought to you by my lovely husband, Ben, who just had a birthday yesterday, so happy birthday to him. But it was, you can't skip the suck, is what he said. And as soon as he said it, Steven said, oh, write that down. So, we're going to talk a little bit about today where, where that came from and what that means as far as not skipping the suck. So, Stephen, tell us what you, why that came to you or why that was so resonated with you.

You know, it might have been the margaritas. I don't remember how we got there, but no, frivolously, it was funny because first off, I didn't even take my cell phone to, I think it was at dinner that night, and that's. wild. That's kind of one of the first times, even out of all the times that we go on trips and whatnot, that I always have my cell phone. And that's why I was like, somebody has to write that down because I typically would put that in my notes and so we can come back to it. So kudos to Ben for saying that. If I recall, it was something to the effect of, like, you know, there, there's always these shitty times that we have to experience because we without going through the hard turbulence, the hard-knock life, so of what life throws at you, it doesn't make the enjoyable part of the of life even more enjoyable. You have to have the second order for to have the enjoyable side of life and be able to look at things a little bit differently. Is that kind of what it was?

Yeah, I think, yes, that is a good synopsis. I think that also it was you know, everyone just kind of sees the successes and sees you maybe at that, like, higher point of where you're at in your career or in your life, but everyone forgot or didn't see all of the sacrifices that you took to get to that part. I mean, like, some real sucky times, some real shitty times that, you know, you didn't know if you had money to get groceries that week or pay certain bills. And I think that that gets lost in the shuffle. And so I think that there's this hard comparison and people like want to get here. And I think that that's, they think it's so easy to get there that then it actually, I think might take them even longer to get there because they maybe get, well, why didn't this happen overnight? Or why isn't this happening fast enough? Or I've been in real estate for a year and I should be closing 25 transactions. And I think that people, there's just this misnomer of you start a career and you're successful the next day. And I think that that's why, again, like kind of what we talked about too, is people are getting their own way, if you will.

And I think really to one of the stories that Ben shared, and obviously you were there as well, but was about how you guys, you know, paid your bills and then you would have to go to the grocery store afterwards. And there were times that it would be that you get four different flavors of ramen noodles.

That's why I can't eat ramen today. Yeah.

But, you know, like, people don't know that. Like, they don't realize that the, the reason why I like to cook and I can cook really well and throw just random ingredients together is because to have the money to have all the ingredients on hand, so I had to be become really creative and understand what tastes good together and what not. So they don't see the struggle at the grocery store or the struggle of not what's not in your refrigerator at times. And they see that you are in carousel and having, you know, the best time and they see that you're always on vacation and they say that it must be nice type of thing. And it is, you you have to go through the suck constantly. And I think that as life evolves, the, the definition of whatever the suck is at the time is going to evolve with it, too. There's going to be things that when we first started in real estate, at least for me, like, those are so minute now that, like, that's easy. It's almost laughable of that we thought that that was a sucking moment. And then we deal with bigger and and more difficult problems and more challenges. And I don't think that people share enough about all of the different struggles that go through. And I also think that going, it's funny that the other thing we're going to talk about is the people not even seeing and recognizing that they're holding themselves back. And I think that you have to recognize those struggles and those sucking moments. but not be stuck in them. I think that you have to be able to celebrate when you get out of it and continue to celebrate your wins and your, your positive times as well. Because another thing that I, what I told you when I, we were laying out was on my birthday, you know, Instagram, she showed me a, a year and a review type of thing. And I was like, man, we really did accomplish. We did to do a lot of things very quickly in just a year. And I'm one of those people that feel that, why isn't it happening quicker? Why aren't things done faster?

Right?

Like, I'm a quick start. I want things done now. And I just had to have a conversation with Brandon this morning that I need to slow down. I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself and realize that what we are putting into play is working. It's doesn't need to be bigger and better every single day.

The same thing applies. It doesn't happen overnight, right? I mean, and even when you look at the history of like leading lane, next home unlimited, next home city, like if you look at ad on such a large scale, like a 20 year scale, like it's not, we're not even there. I mean, you're just, I don't even know, are you, what are you for next home unlimited? How many years?

Nine years, 10 years.

You're not even to 10, I mean, right? So like, and you think it, all that you've accomplished, all that we've accomplished, all that Lee and Lane's accomplished in a three year timeframe. I mean, like, I think you're right though, you have to take the time to actually sit down and reflect a little bit and be like, oh wow, we did all of that. We've made this progress. We've hired this many agents. We've had this many locations. Like, I think that you just get so caught up in the everyday and what's the next big thing that you forget about all the big things you've already accomplished.

And, and it doesn't matter if it's business or, or what is, I mean, life in general. Right? Like, you know, well, I mean, look.

At the picture that you sent me of Ryan, right? Yeah.

I mean, like, losing, I know what you sent a picture of Ryan, and that was from when we were actually in the Dominican with Brandon and Danny and, you know, sent it over, and you didn't recognize him sitting in on the pool, on your poolside because he's lost so much weight. But you may not recognize them, but I mean, the struggle of even losing weight or the struggle of mental health and working on yourself and personal development, those are all internal things. I mean, we look at external a lot, but we definitely don't look at internal and celebrate the internal successes either because I think and I think looking back at our vacation is that we joked all the time of island life. Well, like we're so used to everything right now and so quick and, you know, we should have it right at our fingertips type of thing. That's not life. Like we're, let's get on island life in America. Let's get on island life for ourselves and understand it's okay to move a little bit slower and enjoy the finer things in life and And the finer things of life does not mean necessarily popping bottles of champagne, but it's the quality of those who surround yourself with and the quality of yourself and how you're working on yourself and building yourself and doing just 1% better day over day in each day. I mean, you're going to compound in that year of reflection, you're going to be a totally different person each year.

I think you make a good point as far as island life. And I mean, it is a different lifestyle. You know, and we have to joke like as soon as we walked in, like we have to remember, We are on island time, which means whenever you get to something.

And so it is always like just.

A stark reminder of how fast we move in a normal day, you know, and how like you're like, we even like look at my like my schedule today, like, right, it's a, like an eight o'clock at nine o'clock at 10 and 11. Right? Like there's no time for a slowdown. There is no time to be late. Right. And so it's almost I, and, you know, I struggle with it is like when we go on vacation, like it is, very hard for me to not be like, what are we doing at nine o'clock? Like, what are we doing at 10 o'clock? You know, or you go in the pool for a couple hours and you're like, how did three hours pass by? And, you know, that was one nice thing about some people brought their phone in the pool. Not, not for me, but, right? Like, you, it was a good three hours without your phone. And same thing, I think you realize how much you, we've talked about it are on your phone or on your electronics or in your email. And, like, when you really do get that chance to step away, it's a little bit about wake-up call of what you're doing at home and maybe you shouldn't be doing that as much. It's okay to have some island time baked in.

Yeah. And in just how much anxiety maybe that I used to have with being attached to my phone, I didn't even open my computer the entire week until we got to the airport coming home.

That's amazing. I mean, same thing, like, would Stephen four years ago have done that?

Oh, I would have. I mean, I remember when we went to Cancun for your guys' anniversary and I took my computer to the pool and I was like, I remember that. Like, and everybody's like, what are you doing? You're supposed to be on vacation. Well, I mean, I had to work. Um, you know, there's gonna be times I get that, but like, I felt guilty for not working. And so I felt that if I would be working on my computer while next to the pool in Cancun, like it's gonna be better. But in reality, what is it that really needs to be done that quick? And can an email truly wait 24 hours? Or my autoresponder saying, you know, I'll get back to you when I'm available or, you know, putting people in place, you know, there's so much more that, like, I think that the more and more that we travel and experience these types of, of things, it gets easier. I was actually on a call with somebody yesterday and I was like, you know, you just have to let go and you have to be able to trust the process. And she's like, but how? But how? And it's funny because I was like, I know that you're wanting an easy answer, a this is exactly how you do it, but it's repetition and it's practice and it's constantly pushing yourself outside of that comfort zone that you can let go of that control and then it gets easier and you're empowering other people. And really that is when the beauty starts to happen.

I think you learn like each time like things to do differently or maybe that you don't have to be readily available. And it comes with time. It comes, but I think it also comes with having the right team in place, right? So, and I think, you know, we started a standard of practice for vacation. I think two years ago and you know it as hard as it is right like the whole week before I send every single client that I am either in a contract with or working with here's the contact for the agent that will be helping you while I am away, you know and I think the most I think the I don't know the word but the best part for me was the amount of people that responded and said good for you, you deserve it Don't worry about us while you're gone. Take care of yourself. I mean, like, I think that that's the part that I enjoy the most is that I used to, I used to think that people were going to be mad that I was on vacation because there have been people that were really upset that I wasn't there for them or whatnot. And, you know, same thing though, but there was like one couple and it's because they're an elderly couple and I've been working with them for three years. Right. And what are the odds that the week I leave, we get an offer on their property? It's the way that it always works. So, you know, an agent here was like, I'm happy to call him. And I was like, you know, I just that one I can't like three year relationship older couple throwing someone else in like, let me just take the half hour to address them. And it was completely fine. And I mean, not literally had it taken care of in a half hour. But I am extremely thankful that, you know, was able to leave for a week and everyone, I mean, people took care of amendments. People went to home inspections for me, drafted home inspection amendments for me. And I think even that's maybe, it's like kudos to myself as well in that, you know, I think I saw a post the other day. I think I screenshotted it. I was gonna send it to you, but that's part of like leadership is that you've set the people in place to be able to do those types of things. You know, and I also wanna lead from the front, if you will, right? So that when other people are taking vacation, like they saw that Ashley had them cover that this is how she did it. These are how our spreadsheets were. Here are the exact emails she used. so that when they want to leave for vacation, they can be like, well, I actually did the same thing. I can do that and I can leave and enjoy it.

And I think really it's not that you're looking for the validation or, I mean, you're not looking for others to give you the validation. It's giving yourself that reassurance that everything that you have been working towards and for, it is actually panning out properly, right? Like it is coming to fruition. and I think that's where even in some of my growth of, you know, changing positions here within the last year, you know, letting go of some of this stuff is that this is exactly that's been a part of my plan. And I have to trust the process that I have been working towards this. And even though it's uncomfortable, it's weird, I feel, you know, kind of out there and that guilt that I should be doing something differently, like, this is what I've been building this entire time, so. what is the reason that I'm telling myself some bullshit story that I had to feel guilty? Like I should be, you know, giving myself kudos as well. And even saying kudos to myself, like just like when you said that, I was like, yes, we have to say that out loud and we have to make sure we give ourselves the pat on the back and it's all learning. And if we're never, if we're not changing, we're not adapting, And we're not feeling that uncomfortable. We're never going to change and we're going to be complacent. And for some people that may be okay. For me, that's not okay. I don't ever want to be complacent. I want to make sure that we're striving to be better and constantly growing and not only growing just as far as financial well-being, but also growing and growing other people and making them successful as well.

I think it's a growth opportunity when we do leave. for people to know that they don't want to bother me. Obviously they know that they can at any point in time, but they want me to be able to enjoy vacations. So then now becomes a little bit more of a problem-solving game for them of like, well, we may have originally asked Ashley, but can we figure this out ourselves? I mean, and they know that there are some fine lines where Ashley gets involved and there was twice that Ashley needed to know what was going on and not taken care of very quickly, but that's also the point of growing them to think better on their feet, think better on their own. So that sometimes I do think that we do have to step away so that not just always readily right here and they can just ask questions and they can start to be like, yeah, we got this. Or give me a summary when they got back. I'm like, great, that song, you did the right thing.

So it's really funny that we go into this and it is leading from the front and it's recognizing that you need to change. first. And I have a, somebody that came to the broker fast track retreat this last time and she, we were going back and forth just the other day and she sent me a message and she was just like, I cannot tell you how much going to the retreat meant to me and changed my, my business. She said she's not had a vacation like this in over 10 years and she's found herself checking her email just to be in the know and not be a part of the process. and it all just makes sense. And it's so funny that like didn't resonate with me, like until other people share those stories with me of what we are really showing people or what we do at the retreat and what we work with our one-on-one clients is to be able to have the flexibility not be in the weeds so much into the trenches that you can't take a vacation for 10 years. You can't do these different things like We feel for some reason that because we're high performers or we're in sales or we're in real estate, I don't even care what industry it is, self-employed, even a W2 employee, right? Like that we have to be there and nobody can do it like me and nobody can do these things. But in reality, I think it's our job and it's our, you know, our gift to the world to be able to help others and empower others. And for somebody to be able to go on vacation and actually enjoy it. and not being, you know, sitting there constantly struggling. Like, that's what it's all about, helping other people in that manner, too. So I totally agree with you on the fact that you're empowering not only your immediate surrounding, but you're empowering other leaders to be able to step up and take the self-care, take the time to reflect. And it does, even, I think each time it's that recharge and it is the, the band or excuse me, the rubber band effect that you stretch yourself so far and then you take and relax and you're able to relax that band a little bit. But if there's going to be a coming to a point where that rubber band is going to bust and break, if you don't take that time to relax and reflect.

I think that's kind of where that suck part comes back in, right? So I think you make a really good point that the sucks changed significantly as you progress through your career, right? So something that sucked 15 years ago, like, I can take care of that in two minutes today. Right. But then, like, as you grow, there are way different things. As the industry changes, there are different things that we haven't had to do as your team changes or even, like, your personal things.

Right.

Like, there's just things. And I think that that's the other thing, is that we always have to remember that we don't know what's going on with someone all of the time. I mean, then, you know, there are some people that are very public on Facebook with their lives. There are some that are not, you know, and I think mine is like more or less regarding real estate and a couple trips here and there, but people don't know like if there's medical issues or, you know, at home issues or just mental issues because you are burned out, but you don't want to tell anybody that. And so I think that that's where, you know, the suck part, I think we have to be more open to talking about it and we have to be more open to knowing that that does affect most people. Like there's something going on that's probably not as ideal and people can portray a picture that everything is perfect and that everything's peachy, but you know, living in a perfect world, I don't think is reality. You know, I think that the reality is, is there everyone has some good days, everyone has some bad days, things come up that you were never expecting, that you never saw on your radar and I think it's kind of like we mentioned too, you have to have the ability to talk to other people about it or reach out to someone and say, this is where I'm at. I think I told the story before, been in really bad places and then pick up a friend and be like, I need a pedicure. That was the sign that it just needed a break or something was going off. And sometimes you just need a reset, like you said, you needed to talk to somebody else or you needed to just have someone tell it like it is and be like, okay, you're being dumb. That's not true. We need to work through this. Let's do this instead. So I think encouraging people to just talk about it more often?

Well, I mean, and we all go through it. Everybody goes through it. And even if you don't have the answer for somebody else, just A being there and being a sounding board, a lot of times that will be able to solve the issues right there. I mean, yesterday, for instance, right, like called you, or I said, I mean a little bit, like I'm in my own way. and it's recognizing the fact that, you know, I was in my own way. And I think when we got on the call, I was like, okay, I think this is stupid. I think I already know what I need to do, but I just need somebody to tell me. And I don't know why I need somebody to tell me, but just tell me. And we talked through it, and I think you said, like, five words, and I was like, okay, thanks. That's all I needed. And you went off to golf, right? Like, but, like, it doesn't matter how large or small of it is. Like, I think the more that you bottle those small scenarios up is really when it gets really scary for people because you think it's something, oh, it's something so small, it's not that big of a deal, or I don't want to bother them, or, you know, it's Ben's birthday, so I don't want to intrude. Like, I don't care, right? Like, I don't care now if you're not available. Like, I would much rather ask and you tell me that you're not available versus, you know, making that assumption. So I don't care how small or how large or how you think that somebody else is doing better and you know, you don't want to bother them or whatnot, like reach out, reach out to me.

If they knew that you were feeling that way, right, like they would of course tell you to reach out. Like I always tell people, I am never too busy. Like when somebody needs something, like we can all make time, like there's no reason why we can't. And I think that you're right in just, you have to Know that something's off and then just be like, I need to talk. Like, you have five minutes and sometimes it's just something simple or you just need even just like the 10 minutes to not think about it or think about something else. Or yes, I'm going to be like, am I being dumb? And you're like, yes, just do this. You can move on now.

You know, and I think with that too is like those people that have, let me see if I can put this into the correct words. those people that have raised their hands and said that they're cheering you on and are there. Don't be afraid, like, how do I want to say this? Those that are looking up to you and cheering you on, don't be afraid to be the person. Not that I'm looking down by any means, I don't mean it that way, but don't be afraid to be the person to be able to reach down and pull them up with you too and celebrate their successes. and making sure that you're constantly tapping them on the shoulder and saying, Hey, I see you. I hear you. Keep going, you're doing a great job. I sent a message the other day to an agent and I was like, Hey, just want to let you know, super proud of you. I see what you're doing. You're doing big things, selling a lot. I'm super proud. And she responded, she was like, oh my God, that means the world to me coming from you. like, I can't believe you. You took the time where I'm paraphrasing here, and, like, I kind of got mad at myself of, like, I'm nobody. Like, I'm just telling you a good job. And why are you like, so I'm not. That was not my intent to get a Kudos out of it. My intent was just to tell a peer that you're doing a freaking great job, so.

But it doesn't happen a lot in general. No, like, people don't tell people a good job often, like.

I think in leadership too, like when I look at some leaders, like the only time you hear from some leaders is only when I'm in trouble.

Right?

Like, come on. Like, like, don't be that type of person. Or there's certain people that's only like, well, they want something. I don't want to be that person.

Well, then because like when you do see those people, like it's almost like you kind of start to like stray the other way. Cause they're like, well, the only time I ever see them is when I'm in trouble or they want something versus this, you know, something positive or whatnot. So, like, if you can try to change that so that you're not the person that, you know, it's like, oh, they just want something. They're. They're not wanting any help. But you're right. I think, again, it just goes back to a simple, like, keep up the good work. It can go a really, really long ways with a lot of people.

Words matter, man. Yeah. It's making sure that people know that they're seen and heard and. and that you can try to help them in any situation that you've ever went through or even if you haven't been through it, like being able to be a resource and be able to be a connector to maybe somebody else that they should be speaking to instead of just you know. So, yeah, embrace the suck, but you can't skip the suck, right? And I think that it's also making sure that you don't stay there forever. It's okay to have a little bit of a pity party, if you, if you will, every once in a while. But life is going to go on and it's going to continue and there's going to be bigger hurdles later on. And that's okay. That's kind of, I think that's the, maybe the exciting part of life as well. It keeps things interesting, at least. Maybe not exciting, but interesting. Interesting.

I think it goes back to, you know, to, like, you know, a lot of times we'll just say, like, this two shall pass. Right. Like, it will pass, but also that everything happens for a reason. And sometimes you don't know that. It might be a year past that situation, but, you know, a lot of times, like in real estate, somebody won't get the house that they wanted. And I always tell them, I promise you it happened for a reason. And then lo and behold, the next house that comes out, they loved it 10 times more than the other house, you know, or even people that, you know, have gone through divorces or have lost someone. Like, that happens for a reason. But, I mean, it changed the trajectory in some fashion, or they met someone that I could never imagine meeting beforehand. You know, you just have to embrace that there's a lesson somewhere to be learned.

Always, always learning opportunity for sure. So good talk. I'm glad that I texted Ryan for what that was because I'll thank Ben later. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Ben, and happy birthday. Yeah. So cool. Well, thank you for tuning into the Leading Lane podcast, as always. If you have any topics or would like to be a guest on our podcast, please don't hesitate to reach out to us and listen to the next one.

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