https://www.listennotes.com/e/fa3b4ff3fd254daea8363839cbe4ba02

Like that's the time to protect yourself is truly to make sure that you're not hurting yourself. So that commitment is actually, you know, the challenge for yourself to push you further, that uncomfortable feeling of, Ooh, that's two days a week that I have to, that's two hours a week that I have to be able to give up. You're not giving it up. You already have it. There's not additional time. I mean, we all have the same freaking 24 hours. So you're not giving up anything whatsoever. It's just reallocating your time and being more intentional with your time.

Welcome to the Leading Lane Podcast for real estate pros by real estate pros with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Stephen Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic, and raw perspective, you found it.

Welcome to today's Leading Lane podcast. Thank you for the messages and everything that you guys are sending us. We greatly appreciate it. obviously, we do this for you. And so one of the most recent messages that we got, I'm going to paraphrase it, is essentially, hey, you guys have rise and thrive. I don't really want to commit. I'm resistant to committing to it because it's so many days. And how do I. How do you make yourself just do it? I'm paraphrasing. Ashley, is there anything I missed on that? like that you would add to it?

Yes, basically, like I totally want to do it, but I'm non-committal for that many days. Why can't I just get over the hump and push the button to do it?

So do you want me to give you my real broad answer? Let's do it. Just fucking do it.

Right?

Like, I mean, there's no magic formula to say, and this is for anything. I think our brains automatically are wired to figure out the loophole. Doesn't matter. and, and, you know, I'll use going to the gym for me. I don't have an excuse, really. There's no excuse. There's no limitation. I am in my own way, and I'm really the one that's bottlenecking my own personal growth and health by not just doing the damn thing. And, you know, the saying of just showing up is half the battle. There's nothing else. Let it go to the gym or let it go on to rise and thrive. I mean, on Rise and Thrive, you don't have to have your camera on. You're not talking, you're literally listening. And if you just do that at bare minimum, just listening and not even doing the activities, not even doing the gratitude and the I am statements and the self work and those types of things, at least you showed up. And then when you feel that you can start stepping into it, then advance into it. So showing up is half the battle. Just fucking do it and get over yourself. And sending that with much love. I'm sure Ashley is going to have a much more politically correct way to say all of that, but that's the mood I'm in today.

I mean, I thought it was a good topic because I think it applies to much more than just Rise and Thrive, right? And actually, when I was thinking about the topic, I was like, and then I can tell Steven that he's been saying he's going to go to the gym and he doesn't do it. And you called yourself out, so even better.

I already knew where you were gonna go with it, because I knew how you were gonna stack that.

Yeah, you know, so a couple people have reached out. That was one of 'em. I think the biggest thing is the camera for a lot of people. So I actually changed my posts on Facebook to make sure that people understand that they're not on camera. And when I've talked to people too, like as far as Rise and Thrive, sometimes I'll do it on the treadmill, sometimes I'll do it in bed. I know Haley and Colton are popular for listening in bed. and other times, you know, I'll be in the home office and it's most beneficial to me when I'm in the home office for sure. But I also wrote them back and was like, also though, like I've been sick and there were times where sleep was more important to me than, you know, sure pouring into myself, but I needed to pour myself so I could function throughout the day. I think that's the thing is, you know, yes, it's a commitment issue, but again, that no one's perfect and things come up and sometimes meetings come up and you just pick up where you left off. you know, but I, it is amazing when I actually do those days. That's what I was telling people to is those days for me are that much more clear cut and clean because I got up, I put the time into myself, you know, that I really like, there's like 20 minutes of intentional work time. Sometimes that's cleaning off the island for me because I can't leave the house without the island cleaned up, right? Writing checks, writing emails, you know, it's like we talk about too, a lot of those emails are text messages. I'll schedule them to send. So it's just taken care of. But it was weighing on me. So I just started reading unleash the power within, which is the Tony Robbins. And, like, went back and forth because sometimes I feel like Tony Robbins is Cult like, you know what I mean? Like, you'll see these festivals and people are all, you know. Rah, Rah, and that's just not me. But I'm sure he has great messages. So I was like, you know what? I'm just going to listen to it. And I actually started listening to it on Monday night. And it was actually really funny because I was going to text message Sabrina, which I need to do because, like, the first chapter, I was like, oh, this applies to Sabrina. And so he talks about us always using the terms like I should do this. I should do that. I should go to the gym. I should make time to make my speaking schedule. I should do rise and thrive. I should eat healthy. And then he kind of jokes because it's like, you know, you just should have all over yourself. And so what he encouraged people to do was replace the word should with must. So I must go to the gym.

I must.

Eat healthy. I must go on rise and Thrive. And he just talks about how, like, truly, if you're getting want to go to the next level, you have to be willing to do those things. Otherwise, you're going to be status quo. So worked on that this week. Like, last night, I was like, I mean, I should be working on a listing, but I just want to have some quiet time. And I was like, nope, I'm gonna just work on a listing, and I Got it done and I don't have to worry about it today. So I think that you're right that we just get in our own way, like nine times out of ten. And I think it's just so funny because like once you actually do it, it's not nearly as bad, right? Like the thought of getting up at 5:30, like most people are like, oh, it's horrible. But then there's other times when like you have to be able to travel at four and I'm fine. I think we get on our own way of thinking what that looks like, thinking that I'll be tired, where like once I get up and go to the gym or do it, I just feel 100 times better. And what is it like 21 days to create a habit or something like that? Right. You just have to do it.

Absolutely. And it's really, it's funny that when anytime we have these types of topics, how other things start resonating as we start talking. And Stephanie Jones, up in the UP, Right, the mitten or whatever. It's up at the top. The other mitten, whatever. But anyways, Stephanie Jones was texting me the other day and she was interviewing at TC. She was on one of my webinars and when she was here at the broker Fast Track retreat, one of the things that I stopped when she was talking to me was she was like, I'm lazy. I'm lazy. Do you remember that? I believe you were here at that one. Yeah, you were here. and I was like, wait, no, stop. We have to stop this. Are you really lazy or is this just the term that you've had stick with you for so long? Like when I look at Stephanie and even now and then, like she's so involved, right? When in the local association, state and national, she's so involved in educating herself in professional development for not just herself, but her brokerage and other people that are around her. She's so involved. I know that she does Red Fridays, right? Like she still shows support for the church. Like she is so freaking all over active high performer and that is my image of her. But here she is saying that she's lazy. So I gave her a challenge and I said, you need to remove lazy out of your terminology. You have to remove that. You're giving yourself this blame shame game of, calling yourself a name and allowing for when something doesn't go right or you don't feel like doing it, the acceptance of, oh, I'm already lazy. I already call myself lazy. So there's my easy out on the loophole. So fast forward yesterday, she, she messaged me and she was like, you know, I removed lazy out of my, my terminology. And again, I'm paraphrasing here. She's hired a personal trainer. She's getting things together as far as health wise, focusing on herself. She's looking at getting a transaction coordinator so she can get that off off of her plate. She knows that she needs to get an assistant or some sort of additional help on top of the transaction so that she can continue to grow. And I was like, that isn't it amazing how one word can change the whole future self of you of you are not lazy, you're getting shit done now, you're performing at a whole different level. So the thoughts that you have for yourself, those actually go into action. Right? Thoughts that create the action. So whatever you're thinking or calling yourself, you're compounding it to actually create and allow yourself to not want to get up for rise and thrive or not want to go to the gym. And you know, it's anytime that we talk about these things, anytime we coach, just like we've talked about another podcast, it's the mirror looking at myself. I know. I know I need to go to the gym. I know that I'm not consistent myself on Rise and Thrive. I know these things as well and it's great to recognize it. But if without any action, you're just continuing to spin your wheels and I think subconsciously what is happening is you're creating that guilt, constant build up. Because imagine if you didn't do that listing presentation later, you would have been thinking about it. Now I feel guilty. now I should have done that and something else is going to pop up. And now it's now here's a whole fire, dumpster fire that I'm trying to put out. And if I would have just done that listing appointment when it came to me or the, the listing contract, whatever, how things might have been totally different. And, you know, it's a snowball effect of something so small of not wanting or shooting and, and to actually now the guilt and whatever, whatever direction you're gonna go with that. So very interesting that, you know, we, we got that message. It's tough to get up early. I, I actually like getting up early at a decent time, not like 3am, but getting up at 5, 5 30 and getting those things done. And I think once you can actually start seeing and feeling the results from it, it almost becomes a little bit more addicting, no different than going to the gym.

I would agree. I mean, I think that especially, like, I don't know what you guys's mornings are like here, but ours are still dark. That's always a struggle for me. Like, when the sun's up at five, like, it's way easier, I think. Like, when you're telling the Stephanie story, too, I think that what the word lazy, I think it's because it goes back to being, like, the death by comparison, because we're just comparing ourselves to. what other people are doing, but, like, we only see a glimpse of what someone's doing. Like, we don't know what their struggles are before or. Because, you know, like, obviously, perhaps to Neva, because, like, she's got to be on at 5 30 every Monday and Wednesday, you know, even if. Even if she didn't want to. Right. Like, there are people that are waiting for. So I think that actually, like, even just saying that there. So, like, for Neva, right? Like, there are people that are. depending on her to be there, you know, every Monday and Wednesday. And I think that we need to remember, too, that there are people that are depending on us for us to show up for them every single day. And in the 5 a.m. club book, like, it talks about how setting up your morning sets up your successes for the rest of the day. And it's just such a, such a true statement, like what you said, like, when I don't do that, the rest of my day is just a show, like. not as prepared for the things that come through or that I should have done this last night and now I have a dumpster fire and I don't have time for that. And so I think it's just, it's this mind game that we play with ourselves and I think sometimes we just need someone to call us out on it. I'm literally going to text her back and be like, so my response to you is just can do it. We'll see how that goes. But I think who I would encourage people you know, if they know someone that is struggling or, or whatnot, just to try to reach out. Um, one of my clients, and I like, we've really been trying to work out and I think I've shared, like, I've had a really hard time sleeping for the last, couple months and that obviously affects everything else. Um, but like, we'll text each other in the morning, a picture of our weights like that we've done it and sometimes I'll get one from her and I didn't do it and then I feel guilty. So then the next morning I'll, I'll do it. So I think just like little, 'cause, you know, we're not competitive people. Maybe that's what we need to tie to it. All these people that I know that like are saying that they're struggling are all super competitive people. I feel like we need to tie something. Maybe I should tell Neva that, like, if there's, you know, so many in a row, you get entered into a prize. You know what? I'm going to tell her that for next week.

I love it. Yeah. And it's at the end of the day, like the real reward. is actually just doing it and showing up. It doesn't matter. I mean, no, like, I don't know, I am super competitive. Imagine that. But also like those types of things and maybe talking out loud with that is like, it almost makes you veer away from it and steer away from it because you know that you're not even meeting your own expectations. So it's easier not to do it. and completely not even start, then get into it and slip off and feel that animosity or resentment or guilt or whatever we want to call it of, I'm not competing well enough and I don't like that. So I'm trying to maybe even trick myself of thinking, oh, by me not even entering it, I'm not even going to have that feeling. So, you know, and I shared this to you before, like, I used to call myself lazy. I used to say that I was the laziest person in the world. And when I was working with Rebecca Mountain, she was like, Whoa, kind of very similar to what I did with Stephanie. She was like, you are not lazy. And I was like, but I really don't like to work. I really want to find the, and I, it's not that I don't like to work. I love to work. But I want to find the most efficient way to be able to get to A to B.

Right?

Like, I don't want, all of this stuff, and I don't want the repetitive, redundant shit. Like that stuff irritates me. So I want to find systems and processes. And she was like, yeah, by you finding systems and processes and automations, that's not lazy. That's highly efficient and effective. So why don't we change that? And so when you feel like you're going to call yourself lazy, why don't you say, I'm really efficient and effective. And when it's not efficient and effective, that's when it irritates me. I'm like, huh, yeah. And so I remember distinctly after that conversation with Rebecca, I was flying somewhere and there was a lady that was sitting next to me and she's, we had a conversation. She was talking about her son and how, you know, he's super smart. He, she doesn't feel that he's applying himself well enough. And, you know, he, and we went into the really deep conversation about maybe he's just not feeling challenged enough. maybe it's something that's so easy and I feel like this is how it was for school for me. It's too easy, there wasn't a challenge, so therefore I would just completely resist it and then I'll get bad grades. But I shared my story about how I'm no longer identify as lazy, but now I'm efficient and effective and maybe empowering him in a different way to be able to think differently and it's okay to think differently than everybody else. Maybe that will strike something. within them. And I said, I would much rather hire somebody that gets shit done extremely effective and wants to sit there the rest of the day to have their free time because they already got my stuff done. They like, I want that. I don't want the person that doesn't can't think critically. You can't move efficiently. Like, I want the person, let's be able to figure it out as quickly as we possibly can. Quickest way, make sure that we're not having the bumps in the road. So what else can we compound onto it after that? then we can have a full team around us. So it was a, you know, she really thanked me for that conversation and different perspective. And it's even funny that my brother texted me this morning at TikTok about how people with ADHD and ADD, right? Like we are type of people that have constantly had to think outside of the box on how to get things done. So we know no different other than trying to think critically and figuring out how to do it. And if there's a will, there's a way. And we're very good at strategic thinking and thinking outside of the box. And I don't think, especially school growing up, that we talk about this enough. And especially in business, we don't talk about it at all. I don't think of how it's okay to have a different thinking of a mind. It's okay to be competitive. It's okay to have ADHD. It doesn't matter what it is. It's okay to be resistant to doing different things, but how can you trick yourself or understand yourself to get you to that finish line that you're trying to go after.

I think that's a good point too. And I think, you know, even with like the thinking you're lazy, I think it's just funny too, like how we view ourselves because when you get, I feel like if you look back, like when you started, right? Like you had to work really hard to work night, weekends around the clock in order to try to get where you were going. and I think that that's where I struggle is that, you know, back in the day, we worked every weekend, whether it was on flip homes, spec houses, whatever. And then. So Ben hates it, like, on a weekend. And, like, I don't have anything planned. And then, like, we're sitting on the couch for an hour, and I'll be like, oh, my God. Like, I. We just wasted an hour, like, doing nothing. This is horrible. And he's like, Ashley, it's fine. I was like, nope, nope. I could totally be doing. So I think that there's always, like, that. trade-off of, like, you have set yourself, like, to be able to go on vacations and whatnot. But then there's, like, this overwhelming dark cloud of, like, well, you're. You're always busy. Like, shouldn't you be busy? And, like, I think I was telling you that I had a full week, and then I drank myself, which is fine. But, you know, you're always like, did I do something? What should I be doing differently? Because I just don't feel like our society knows how to be still.

And I think that that is solid.

It gets related to laziness when it's really just like, it's okay for downtime. Like, you know that like downtime for me after work is important. And when I, when I don't get it, like, it's just like you're, you're up here the whole time. So I think it's funny, like how lazy can be so misconstrued. But in all reality, like, if I took a Saturday and didn't do anything, like, sure it might appear lazy, but I know that I worked my tail off that whole entire weekend. It's actually funny we have that conversation. Um, this week has been strange. There's a lot of people that aren't from the area that are in, like, touring houses. So it's been, like, 48 hours of, you know, I don't know. I think I figured out. I've showed, like, 16 houses in the last 48 hours, like, a little bit of a marathon. And I remember I said to Ben last night, I can't believe this is what we did. Like, all of 2022 was. That was normal, like. I remember like showing like 20 houses a day and I was like, how did we do that? You know, like it's amazing what your body will like, will let you do. And then like when you try to compare, I was like, man, I haven't done that in a long time like that. And I don't think I enjoy, I mean, cause then like right your day gets, now I remember like, now I remember where I worked till midnight because your day was stacked and you had to catch up. So there's always that fine line of like, we've been in real estate where like you've seen it where you had to work all of that and then it slowed down and Right. It's just trying to figure out like your bottom line is the same at the end of the day and the same thing like you and I talk about, you have to be able to take time away because really the way you get burned out and that's when you start making mistakes and then maybe the rise and thrive isn't such a good option because you're like, I don't need it when in all reality, like we all need things to make us a 1% better.

Right. And you know, I think the challenge here is, is if you know that you should be doing it or you want to do it, you have a desire to do it. Again, if there's a will, there's a way. But I think it kind of goes back to when I think about when we hire a coach and we said this a couple podcasts ago about how getting that sticker shock, but I knew if I made that commitment, if I knew I had to make that payment, what do I have to go and get in order to offset that expense now? So it's not putting me into the red. So that pushed me, that challenged me. I looked at it to where instead of, oh, this is a huge investment, I shouldn't do it. I'm afraid of the commitment. To, wow, this commitment actually is going to take me where I need to be able to go or where I want to be able to go. And the repercussions, if I don't utilize the time and utilize my investment, it actually is going to hurt me. later on, and I don't want that. That's the time to protect yourself is truly to make sure that you're not hurting yourself. So that commitment is actually the challenge for yourself to push you further. That uncomfortable feeling of, Ooh, that's two days a week that I have to, that's two hours a week that I have to be able to give up. You're not giving it up. You already have it. There's not additional time. We all have the same freaking 24 hours. So you're not giving up anything whatsoever. It's just reallocating your time and being more intentional with your time. so I think that making yourself look at it differently and challenge yourself differently. And at the end of the day, when you do it, what is the worst thing that's going to happen by you showing up?

Well, I think the other point you make is when we were talking about coaching, right? Like the sticker shock of it. Right. And if you were to imagine if you were going to actually hire a coach and they met with you twice a week, because let's be honest, like my coach I meet with once a week, my clients I meet with twice a month. Imagine what that investment actually would be if you were meeting with a coach eight times a month and Rise and Thrive is free. This is a free investment to get to the next level. And I think that that's what some people like, imagine if there was a price tag tied to that. I mean, it would be a nice large sum. I think that we need to remember too, like this is an opportunity to improve yourself.

For free.

It's all on you, someone leading the way.

That is a great perspective that you just put it in. The investment is not monetary. Not monetary at all, it's free. So really you don't even have that excuse to say that it's too much of an investment. It's a time, right? Like that's what you're investing into and you're not even giving somebody else your time. what actually somebody else is doing. And maybe that's the rewire is that this is somebody willing. Neva is willing to give you an hour of her time for free to help you so you can help yourself. Maybe that rewire right there will help you show up because somebody else is showing up there to expect you to meet them for free.

I think the other thing is, you know what? There isn't a camera. Neva's the only one that's on camera, right? So, like, she is portraying a message to a I think screen. You know what I mean? Like, and it's, the chat helps, I think, because people can, you know, chat in and, you know, obviously you get to know each other, like, become Facebook friends, all that other stuff. But I actually really appreciate that because I think sometimes when I'm not feeling it, I need to remember that, like, Neva is willing to pour hers, you know, her heart and soul out into an hour, for free. Um, and I should be able to, for myself, for an hour and what that will do for me daily, weekly on the compound.

Absolutely. Well, I think that this is a great topic and obviously we jumped around, but all of it is extremely relevant in business and life and your own health and own wealth. And it's really bottom line is what are the stories? What are the bullshit stories you're telling yourself? Recognizing those, reframing your story to a position to where it's a positive outcome so you can start seeing those positive outcomes truly happen in your everyday life. I can contest to this that the more positivity, the more that I give the universe, right, the more gratitude that I put out there, it almost it's like a woo-woo type of thing, if you will, but more of it comes back to me. And I think that's really where, and I want to speak for Neva, but that's really where she is at. Her return of investment is she's out here giving herself and sometimes in her robe, right? Sometimes, you know, just rolling out of bed, barely making it to depressed play, and that's okay. And, you know, she is actually putting so much good into the world and helping so many different people. She knows that the positivity is rolling back in back to her, and it's opening up more opportunities, it's opening up more gratitude for herself. And, you know, I think, I know it means the world to all of the people that have shown up for her. It means the world to the consistent people and even the people that have only popped on to, you know, out of curiosity that you're showing up to be able to better yourself and take a little bit of part of what Neva is there to be able to provide.

Well, I think that you made a good point as far as givers gain, right? I mean, like, there's books about it. There's, that's what BNI is based off of is givers gain. So I think that that's where NEVA thrives. And I think if we then take that a step further, that if we're giving into ourselves, right, like then throughout the day, we can continue to pour into other people and impact other people throughout the day.

Love that. Love that. Great topic. Love it. And please, again, as always, if you guys have any topics, any ideas, suggestions, reach out to us. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for continuing to listen to our podcast and being supporters of us. We're here to make an impact in the world, and if it's just one person at a time, that's what makes us happy. So thank you for everything and looking forward to the next conversation.

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